Jan. 20th, 2017

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THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2017
Due to the eastern-side blackout of imPort cities (and areas surrounding them), many of these stories will be reported in national newspapers that can still be physically delivered into the affected areas. News spread viral by the internet or television will eventually be accessible -- especially if you happen to be situated in an unaffected area.

BANKS, SEE
As seen in local papers:
Reports of bank robberies have spiked in the past couple of days. Maurtia Falls and Heropa banking establishments had been notably targeted, which provoked suspicion of imPort involvement. Authorities will not address these claims, but the rumor alone is enough to spark tensions. Heropean locals in particular have concentrated efforts to coalesce in temporary vigilante groups to better protect vulnerable businesses.

LIKE A KICK IN THE TABLOINS
As seen in TMI Magazine:
Blackout? BUST OUT. If you have any photos shot of ImPorts being naughty in the dark of the night (or otherwise), send them TMI's way! You could earn up to $3,000 per picture depending on the quality of your photo and what imPorts are depicted within! Note to all you amateur paparazzi: the more candid, the better! Catch an Ambassador with their pants down, and you're sure to hit jackpot! All images sold to TMI are henceforth property of TMI Inc. upon contractual signature.

GIVE ME A BREAK
As seen on national television, and written about in national newspapers:
A RECORD NUMBER of criminally incarcerated prisoners escaped from their respective federal and state prisons during the first 48 hours of the power blackout that hit multiple cities. Some of these criminals are rumored to have been metahumans, a rumor that remains unconfirmed. When reporters pushed the matter, they were silenced on matters of "national security" and ridiculed for "slanting the news". No word yet on what could have caused the unprecedented blackout -- but unnamed sources claim even the imPort communication Network suffered a power loss. Despite this technological difficulty, anecdotal reports cite imPorts in aiding the capture of the escaped criminals.

Citizens are advised to remain indoors and safe, unless absolutely necessary to go outside. This is not a time for "vigilante antics".

NOT THE NIGHT NURSE
As seen on national news networks:
The already encumbered hospitals in the main imPort cities have suffered a deeper blow with the mysterious, and unaccounted for, power blackout. Patients in critical conditions have been coding more than average and with an severe understaffing issue afoot, hospitalized survival rates are suffering incredible lows. Maurtia Falls hospitals are reaching out to imPorts of any healing capacity to help save lives, if they can.

ROM COM-MUNICATION
As seen in BNZ syndication, then turns internet viral on BlueTube with the #1 most watched trailer trending. Posters are soon to follow, and only one of them features a raccoon:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES, leading makers of romantic films such as LOVE NATURALLY, THE FEDERAL HOLIDAY, and I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BUCK AND GARY has announced its Valentine's Day feature, and it's a SHOCKER! BNZ has breaking news that this year's is an IMPORTED FEST. Revolving around imPorts APRIL LUDGATE and WILL GRAHAM, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH promises to deliver drama, sizzling romance, action, and plenty of cameos to keep audiences delighted for two and half hours! Take a look at the trailer below and give us YOUR thoughts in the comments.

((The trailer is fairly typical of a romance; both April and Will are more well-groomed than usual, and everything is way more dramatic than it has any right to be. It's also quite obviously shot in Canada even as characters reference Florida. Baltimore's finest are represented, both Freds, their housemates, and then there's a great shot of a swear-in where they went All Out. The entire room is filled with imPort lookalikes. They can go nuts spotting themselves provided they were in game two years ago. Of course there is dramatic running and emotion shouting in the rain, as well as buildings and cars exploding because that's obviously just part of imPort romance. And dogs. So many dogs. The trailer song is this, and the tag line at the end is THIRD WORLD'S THE CHARM. Happy Valentine's Day!))

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MELLOW to EBONY AS DARK'NESS because no light, no light.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

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