With the power back and business resuming as per usual, a palpable relief can be felt throughout the imPort cities. Any grumbling over the excessively generous reward packages distributed to bounty hunter imPorts has been a quietly growing sound as the new month marches on.
GUARDIAN ANGEL As seen in all major news outlets: During the power outage last month, the unsavory among us used the confusion to not only attack and loot their fellow Americans, but some took it much further and stole away many a man, woman, and child. Dozens of missing persons cases were filed and only a few have been solved by the police. In this time of need many started looking to the 'Angel' who's been solving the odd case here and there over the last several months and it seems that their prayers were answered. At least ten children, all of whom were reported to the police as having gone missing during the outage, have been returned across the last three weeks since the power came back on. Investigations into another dozen who have been reported as now back home with their parents are currently inconclusive as to who facilitated this miracle.
However, there is a darker cloud over these fortunate reunions than there has been in our past reports. One of the locations the would-be savior left information about in their usual manner was raided by the police. The bodies of several men were found, having been murdered in a gruesome fashion, and left chained to a bed frame. Three of the returned children were reportedly found there.
It appears that the 'Angel' watching over our children is a vengeful one.
We went to the streets to ask for your opinions on the matter with mixed results. Jo Mamuh of Maurtia Falls believes "It's about time someone did something right for a change! These people have been preying on our children long enough. They deserved what they got!". Khold Shoder of Heropa said "Saving children is always a good thing, but this Angel should have left them tied up for the police to find so they could be held accountable in the courts for their actions." Anne Asole of Nonah questioned "Do we even know if the Angel is the one that killed them? They've been leaving information for the police to follow up on. Maybe someone else found those [redacted] and did it. We don't have proof it was the Angel at all!"
YES WE KAN As seen in the best television news networks: Thanks to the efforts of the known cannibal imPort, Ken Kaneki aka Haise Sasaki, as well as imPort ambassadors, Petyr Baelish, Lucy Pevensie and Miles Vorkosigan, a new petition presented to the government went through this past month, allowing imPorts who have proven special needs in order to stay alive to be able to receive these resources from the government regardless of their registration status.
Once closely read, this new law contains a series of sub-clauses detailing examples, amounts allowed, and many other specifics, but also partially frees the government from the responsibility of the imPort's needs. Officials have specified that should they be confronted with an imPort who has special needs that they have not yet encountered, they will have to assess it separately at that time.
While Mr. Vorkosigan and Miss Pevensie have refused to talk to the press, Mr. Baelish was ready to speak: "I believe today marks a new milestone in the relationship between imPorts and the government. Ken Kaneki was very brave, very well-spoken, and very concise in his ideas. It was an honor to work with him on this, and I hope others use this as an example of what can be accomplished." Ken Kaneki himself has accepted answering some questions regarding his nature, but his focus on those who have helped him "Thanks to the government that has so kindly heard my words and reached this decision, we see it is possible for us to understand each other and live together, regardless of how different we are. I'm grateful to all who have helped and supported me, our Ambassadors who so readily extended their helping hand, and my mentor and friend, Count Dooku, who was always by my side during this."
"The Kennibals", Kaneki's now official fangroup, has reacted positively to the news, revamping their whole website with notes of "Victory" and "Fairness", not just for their Hero, but every Hero who finds themselves in a situation like Kaneki's. However, not all response is positive, as some natives claim this was "crossing the line" by allowing cannibals to legally eat.
MONEY MAKES THE (WEST)WORLD GO 'ROUND As seen in The Fiscal Report, major newspapers, and the Walled Street Journal: In the days following the dissolution of telecommunications conglomerate TT&T at the hands of the IRS, an enterprising imPort has taken up the reins of a few of the company’s surviving subsidiaries. CEO William Walker has promised to bring focus and integrity to the helm of newly rebranded Sweet Iron Communications (SIC), citing his own civic responsibility to invest in a safer, more secure future for natives and imPorts alike. Walker’s resume has not been made public, and little information about him is available outside of the official press releases regarding this acquisition.
Former TT&T CEO Boyd Dankfein, best known for his recent claim that he must have “accidentally” transferred a few million dollars overseas, could not be reached for comment.
HE'S A KILLER MEAN As seen on Fuzzfeed, police radio stations, PD feeds, and Bwitter: The suspected serial killer imPort known only as Sylar murdered imPort Sarissa Theron, sources claim. As this is an open case, no authority could be reached for comment. More to come later.
TIER 1 IMPORTS INCOMING As seen in TIER 1 IMPORTS MAGAZINE: Here's the dish! Thanks to the lovely @RISESabriel's intel, a few imPorts got their OWN spreads in FEBRUARY'S TESTIMONIAL edition! Major-General Armstrong is a 10/10 hottie with an iron fist! Kaneda is true blue boyfriend material! And Magicman's kindness as described by @RISESabriel has earned him a fresh cult following! Posters of these imPorts will flood Nonah and De Chima over the next month, as TIER 1 IMPORTS has a lot of distribution in both those cities. People are starving to know about these imPort stars!
CODE SWITCH The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from EBONY AS DARK'NESS to GRAY because BABY WE WERE BORN THIS GRAY. We're bureaucrats.
WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT? The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.