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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2017
WAKEY WAKEY,
FOR HEAVENS SAKEY!

GOTT JUSTICE?
As seen televised on local and national news:
April 30th
Import Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler was taken into custody late on April 23rd on charges of willful breach of government security. Details are classified, but it's a blow for the small, yet devout following of fans shocked by the news and arguing on behalf of the newly married doctor. But not only has Dr. Gottlieb pled guilty during his trial, he's offered no defense and shown little remorse for his alleged actions. Whether he's unaware of or simply disinterested in his staunchest fans is unclear.

Deemed guilty by the courts, Dr. Gottlieb is facing a two month sentence in medium-security prison, with the possibility of an early probational release on review. Officials say the De Chima-based imPort has been cooperative, but has threatened legal action against the local police department, citing violations of the ADA and criticizing the lack of official guidelines for the detainment of physically impaired suspects. So far, only a formal complaint has been filed.

"It could have been worse," Officer Reiman says. "We didn't expect to find [the suspect]. His file lists a teleportation ability and could have prompted an international manhunt. He'd had plenty of warning too-- had to get the cruiser buzzed in. Almost seems like he wanted to be arrested."

Meanwhile, imPort critics say that Dr. Gottlieb only let himself be arrested because of the unfair sentencing policies that favor cases like his. Typically, cyber crime has resulted in 2-5 year sentences for the non-imPort population. But whatever his motivations, there's no way to know for sure.

Dr. Gottlieb's evaluation is expected to take place on May 24th. His husband, Dr. Newton Gottlieb-Geiszler, could not be reached for comment.

BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE
As seen in HOT HOT BEAT, TMI Magazine, IMPORTED GOSSIP, and national news:
Fans of the hot yoga show "BODY HEAT!" were shocked this past week to discover the show's popular imPort host, Mick Rory, was arrested for arson. Rory admitted to setting his government-assigned house in Heropa on fire on the 13th of April, just before the holiday weekend. Rory has been sentenced to two months parole and community service, but has not given any public explanation for his actions.

Speculation is running rampant, with many pointing out that Rory had been known to offer his services to various Fire Departments in the Porter Cities, and had only just a few weeks ago had run a charity drive for the Heropa General's burn ward. Some have called attention to his little-used but widely known alternate alias "Heat Wave", and a rumoured criminal past. Fans online are split between those expressing outrage and those arguing it was a simple mistake.

As for BODY HEAT!, the producers made a public statement that they are reviewing his contract for breach of its Moral Clauses, and have since officially retired Rory from the show.

A BET-TER WORLD
As seen in local Maurtia Falls advertisements:
All bets are ON! WHO will be the next imPort arrested for criminal activity? The handsome Sam Merlotte? The incredibly loud Count Dooku? The beautiful Bela Talbot? The coquettish Yuri Plisetsky? Rope in your financial manager and/or gambling broker and put down a name, you could win it big if fate favors your delinquent pick.

(Smart money is on imPorts who are often seen wearing black).

YOU KNOW NOTHING, SPRING SNOW
As seen on the Maurtia Falls weather channel:
Bad news for people who were enjoying the spring weather. An extreme cold front is sweeping the east coast this weekend, producing blizzard like conditions for the state of Pennsylvania. You can expect to see snowfalls of up to two feet with wind gusts of up to 45 MPH. Folks of Maurtia Falls should brace for impact on April 21st. Wind gusts and heavy snow could cause localized power outages and downed trees. The department of transportation has announced that they are armed and ready with plows to clear the roads, and travel should not be adversely affected for long, but advises that drivers stay off the road if it can be avoided.

Just when you thought you were in the clear, it seems that Winter Is Coming back again.

THE DOOK OF HAZARD
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
The newest episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features The Doctor as a special guest star, interviewed by the Count for his take on recent dangerous incidents like the attack by armies of historical mirages that ruined the last weekend of March, and the blight of apple crops rumoured to have been caused by failed biogenetic testing.

The Doctor’s interview mostly involves a lot of rambling about the timeline, attempts to explain temporal paradoxes to the casual listener, and a little bit of grumping at the government for not letting people look at the Porter. Dooku has to get him back on track multiple times but, all in all, it’s a good interview. The most important thing is that the Doctor surmises that some of the problems, such as the historical mirage attack, might be caused by a temporal malfunction in the Porter. After all, the Porter is an impressive machine but it’s just a MACHINE. It’s entirely possible the Porter can’t juggle all these timelines and accidentally slipped up somewhere.

The Count closes this month’s episode by encouraging any listeners who are concerned about political issues to speak out by contacting the imPort community’s elected representatives with any questions or complaints. To this end, he has helpfully shared the following public contact information:

Lord Petyr Baelish, imPort Ambassador for Maurtia Falls
Queen Lucy Pevensie, imPort Ambassador for De Chima
Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, imPort Ambassador for Nonah
United States Senator Mitchell Hundred of Virginia

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OF THE HEART to INDIGO-GO because nothing shakes off the sleepies like an impromptu dance party.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 10TH, 2017
Holy narcolepsy, Batman! A pandemic sleeping sickness has been sweeping the streets, dropping imPorts right and left. What sort of new medical terror is this? Where's the Prince Charming to kiss these fallen beauties out of their slumber??

HE WAS ICE SK8TER BOY
As seen in on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr:
W O W!!

A new viral video of an impromptu figure skating exhibition has been making the rounds on social media lately, and it is stunning. Who knew something as simple as skating could be this moving? And to see something so beautiful coming from such a cranky little kitten, astounding!

Do yourself a favor and watch it here. You won't regret it.

TENDER HEARTS
As seen in Bwitter, Rumblr, and all the good gossip tabloids:
Is there anything more wonderful in this world than young love?

Certainly not, if recent developments are anything to go by! What seemed to begin as an budding friendship between imPorts, students at a local middle school eagerly report, seems to have blown into a full-fledged secret romance!

According to classmates Hinami Fueguchi and Yuuto Kidou, both imPorts and students of Nonah Middle School, always seemed to have what was described as a "formal, kind of uneasy" friendship. But are things looking up? Their fellow students seem to think so!

Over the last few weeks we have been informed, some of that formality seems to have been disregarded. Though Mr. Kidou seems to have opted to remain with last names (What a gentleman!), Ms. Fueguchi is reported to have begun to call him by the nickname "Kikkun", though none of their classmates seem to be sure where exactly the nickname came from.

As if that wasn't enough to get some middle school gossip going, the two were involved in what students described as a rescue so brave and romantic, it deserves its own movie moment! With the apparitions plaguing our cities this past March, even our younger imPorts weren't spared the trouble. According to onlookers, Mr. Kidou spotted Ms. Fueguchi cornered by one and valiantly cleared out the students so he could run to her rescue! Perhaps he wanted to be the only one around to do so? What a dedicated young man!

Though the pair have denied the relationship when asked about it, classmates were insistent that it was nothing more than a cover meant to protect Mr. Kidou from the potential wrath of Ms. Fueguchi's notoriously protective older brother, Ken Kaneki. Some even reported spotting the two meeting up after classes under the guise of studying, and Mr. Kidou gifting Ms. Fueguchi with numerous treats, from sweets to lunches.

Students also reported that Ms. Fueguchi had been receiving love letters from an admirer in her locker for many months. Has the secret admirer perhaps finally come forward?

What's next for this young couple? Sign up for updates and find out!

A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME
As seen in local Maurtia Falls newspapers and heard on talk radio:
They poison them in the wild. They poison them in the park. It's hard being a pigeon in 2017. On Sunday 9th, an unprecedented number of pigeons were found poisoned in Maurtia Falls Municipal Park, done in with a squirrel or two. No other animals appeared affected. Park keepers gave no explanation for the cause, other than to say, "we condemn this impiety and lack of propriety and remain convinced the culprit made off with a dead pigeon or two."

Is it against your religion to poison pigeons in the park, imPorts? Call, bweet, or e-mail us with your comments.

I SOLOMONS SWEAR I AM UP TO NO GOOD
As seen in national and local news:
Alfie Solomons, cooking show host extraordinaire, has been arrested for bank robbery! Shock, gasp! Though there is video proof along with witnesses (as well as a lot of whispering that this isn't the first time he's been involved in illegal dealings) and though he wasn't able to provide an alibi, he maintains his innocence, claiming that someone must have either doctored the footage and tampered with the witnesses in some way (implanting false memories, paying them off, etc.) or disguised themselves as him. Despite the best efforts of his lawyer, there was not sufficient evidence to dismiss the case outright, and so it will be proceeding to trial.

THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR
As seen national news, but no one really pays attention to it because it's in the science section:
The CDC reports that investigation into the very brief apple famine is ongoing. It is accurate to conclude that no imPort was behind the incident. Rumors that this was a biogenetic testing sample gone wrong persist, much to the dismay of the CDC and other government facilities.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SOLAR ECLIPSE to OF THE HEART in honor of Dorian Gray's probably accidental sacrifice.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 20TH, 2017
Mutilated corpses seem to be all the rage now. Be careful! Take heed! Don't walk down any dark alleyways or look into other people's trash cans, or you might find a dismembered head looking back!

MODERN FART
As seen in the local Maurtia Falls papers:
The unstoppable urban artist "bElish" has slapped down a new project near the Maurtia Falls mayoral residence. In bold, gold lettering is written "improptent" across the asphalt road leading to the residence. A spray of Petyr Baelish's face in light blue can be found alongside the enigmatic word. What is the meaning behind this art? Is it foreshadow? Is it anti-capitalistic outrage? Is the patriarchy now in free fall?

ON A STREAMING SITE FAR, FAR AWAY
As heard on hot and new online podcast sites and gossip blogs only, conspicuously not covered by mainstream media publications:
ImPort entertainer and occasional political figure Count Dooku debuted a controversial new podcast this week under the title of Counting Truths, using his inimitably deep voice to spread his knowledge on the Internet. The first episode, themed Truth and Justice, starts with Dooku stating his intention to spark frank discussion on political topics not covered by the standard American media, which he derided as a "chattering mass of celebrity gossip and frivolous nonsense." He urges his listeners to ask questions and challenge official stories, appealing specifically to America's superhumans, "those with the power to truly create change." Toward that end, he invites imPorts and metahumans to appear on later episodes of the podcast for interviews as guests.

The Count closes the episode by asking listeners to observe a belated moment of silence for what he calls "the Debrecen massacre," an incident roughly one year ago when American warplanes bombed the Soviet-allied city of Debrecen, Hungary to destroy alleged weapons research there, killing thousands of civilians. "No one has ever been held accountable for this war crime," Dooku intones in the podcast. "ImPort protests fell upon deaf ears. But I predict there will one day be justice for this and other acts of corruption. The innocent dead can never be forgotten."

TO THE VIKTOR, THE SPOILS
As seen in imPort tabloids, footage on BlueTube, gifs on Rumblr:
Viktor's powers are a menace and dragged Adachi into something that was a little too intimate looking. Prime material for gossip! Chew on it long and hard. Viktor cheating on Yuuri?? Is prudish Adachi now a homewrecker??

FRUIT OF THE DOOM
As seen national news:
Do you like apples? Do you like eating apples? Do you have any stock invested in Big Produce, with a finger on apple harvest? WELL SUCKS FOR YOU. Between March 20th - March 25th, an unprecedented and seemingly biblical thing happens: 80% of the apple produce in stores ROTS. Millions of dollars are lost in this hit, and it's a thing the CDC has to figure out, ideally along with the EPA, and CERTAINLY the Department of Agriculture. No other food appears affected, and the apparent famine is very, very brief. So what does this mean for YOU? Apples are temporary a scarce and incredibly expensive item, the surviving stock of that remaining 20% is now worth 5000% times its usual asking price.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GLITTER to SOLAR ECLIPSE because it makes you feel just a bit uneasy.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2017
Beware the Ides of March! That day is coming up, and with the sudden imPlosion of guilt and regret, you can't tell what someone under duress is bound to do to you just to clean their own soul.

WHAT IS TREND CANNOT DIE
As seen in high fashion magazines, seen on TMI and imPort! Entertainment:
The world of American fashion has turned its eyes to Florida-based design house, House of De Marq, upon announcing a new design label STORMBORN X MARQ in collaboration with imPort, Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. "We are very excited and honored to be working creatively with Queen Daenerys," was reported in the House of De Marq's official press release this morning. "We shall navigate the liminal spaces of unreality through fashion, and seek inspiration beyond the parameters of the mundane. We shall create a storm of fantasy and fabulousity." Notoriously elusive head designer De Marq, who could not be reached for further comment, has taken to Bwitter, posting blurry images of model fittings, landscapes, and obscure selfies with the hashtags such as #EYEOFTHESTORM, #FASHIONANDBLOOD, #UNBURNTUNTAMED.

The label will contain high end evening wear and jewelry, along with ready-to-wear fashion for professional women, inspired by De Marq's Westerosi muse.

Daenerys, most noted for her social media presence and fashion commentary in imPort entertainment, spoke enthusiastically for the label's future. "There will be a launch announced later this month, I believe, previewing collections to come. Proceeds will go towards Through The Glass, a nonprofit organisation that provides low-income women with professional attire and other career advancement services. Donations towards such a noble endeavour are most welcome."

EAT THE WOO'D
As seen on TMI, THEMport Weekly, and imTV:
Sources are reporting that long-time imPort couple Frederick Chilton and Raina are engaged. Post-Valentine's pictures of Raina reveal her wearing what is definitely a diamond ring. After nearly two years of waiting, fans of the couple can only speculate how truly romantic the proposal was.

"Chilton's had years now to plan it out. I bet he serenaded her with a song written by Rincewind. Because Rincewind's like a bard or something, isn't he? Like, a really sad bard?" One such fan wrote on Bwitter. Others responded that in fact Rincewind was flutist.

And while the fan response to this news was overwhelmingly positive and supportive of the couple, there were a few outcries from disappointed Marchill and Raintess fans. It's no secret the two couples are close, and during the rocky period, Raina was reportedly staying at the Hotel Castile. This led fans to draw their own (often lascivious) conclusions. Both pairings have a small, but highly devoted fanbase.

But no matter which ship you sail, one thing can be certain. Raina has changed her FaceLook status from 'It's Complicated' to 'In a loving relationship.' And we certainly wish Raina and Frederick Chilton all the best. Perhaps we will end 2017 with yet another imPort wedding!

HEARTS AND RECREATION
As seen in entertainment news magazines:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES' first movie based on imPorts, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH, which revolves around the romantic story of married imPorts April Ludgate and Will Graham, held a stern lead at the box office for the first two weeks of its release. Critics are torn, some reporting it's good popcorn-eating fun, others calling it "too focused on the romance, not enough using super cool powers."

The usage of animals in this film has caused minor controversy as well, surprising no one. FORTY SHADES OF OCHER, the highly anticipated sequel to THIRTY HUES OF BLOOD ORANGE proved the only other movie audiences cared to see enough to knock it down to second. It's now performing in third, just below FUNIONS, the kid's film about Funyuns who function in a minion-like role.
Due to this success, MULTIVERSAL PICTURES has announced they are looking into more imPorts with stories worth putting on screen, and there has been talk of adapting events and imPort tales for the small screen as well. Keep an eye out!

THE RED SETTING
As seen in local news:
It's here, it's there, it's everywhere: "bElish". That's the name you will see scrawled across the roads and sidewalks of Maurtia Falls, spray-painted in vibrant maroon and brick hues. Looks like there's a new vandal in town, and he (or she) is going to paint the town red. Is this an homage to Ambassador Baelish? A challenge? Is there a deeper meaning?

WEATHER OR NOT
As seen on the Weather Channel:
Hold onto your hats, De Chima! On Saturday, March 11th you were be witness to a totally bizarre tornado just outside the city limits. This has literally never happened before in recorded history.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MAROON to GLITTER because Mabel Pines would have wanted it that way.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 20TH, 2017
The new imPorts have been inspiring fresh fandoms; NEW fanfiction and art can be found FLOODING the internet. Be sure to shield your eyes if finding your person engaged with others in SAUCEY CONTEXT makes you blush!

DUNGEONS AND BRAGGIN' RIGHTS
As seen on THE NERDIERIST, Bwitter, and Rumblr:
The personable RPG tabletop game MAGIC & MAYHEM will create a SPECIAL EDITION that features imPorts as NPCs (players of the game will create their own "imPort" character in gameplay). The parent company WEST COAST BEST COAST will be asking imPorts for their consent for use of their image reimagined to the game's context. No monetary compensation will be paid, but this is a GREAT opportunity for EXPOSURE!

Speculation of which imPorts will be in the game's new edition has already begun on Rumblr.

DESPERATELY SEEKING SEASONS
As seen on the show ImPortainment Tonight!:
ARE YOU AN IMPORT? Do you have your own idea for a reality television show? Would you like to STAR in that show? Casting Call company UCCY INC is taking pitches and audition videos RIGHT NOW. Get it, girl!

VOCAL MOVEMENT
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, particularly music websites and publications:
The world of imPort entertainment received a shakeup this month with the announcement that the heavy metal band COUNTDOWN will be disbanding, effective immediately, due to the sudden departure of its lead signer and frontman Count Dooku.

The Count gave no explanation for his decision to leave the band beyond stating that “I have said all that I wanted to say through this artistic medium. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic.”

Count Dooku also provided no indication of what his next career move would be, but rumours have linked him to a narrator role on the upcoming NBSea television documentary Secrets of the Sea Lions. Meanwhile, devoted Countdown fans have expressed shock and dismay at the unexpected end of the band, and an online campaign is underway to persuade Count Dooku to reconsider breaking up the band.
When asked for comment on her bandmate’s decision, now-former Countdown bassist Cynthia Sin only swore at the reporter before leaving for an important appointment at the local career counseling office.

THE SUN'LL COME UP... ON WEDNESDAY
As seen on the Weather Channel:
We're in for some intense thunderstorms in De Chima this Monday and Tuesday evening. Lots of bizarre lightning predicted! If you're thinking about having a night on the town, you might want to think again! It isn't going to be pleasant, folks.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GRAY to MAROON. FIVE people voted for this code, that's why.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2017
With the power back and business resuming as per usual, a palpable relief can be felt throughout the imPort cities. Any grumbling over the excessively generous reward packages distributed to bounty hunter imPorts has been a quietly growing sound as the new month marches on.

GUARDIAN ANGEL
As seen in all major news outlets:
During the power outage last month, the unsavory among us used the confusion to not only attack and loot their fellow Americans, but some took it much further and stole away many a man, woman, and child. Dozens of missing persons cases were filed and only a few have been solved by the police. In this time of need many started looking to the 'Angel' who's been solving the odd case here and there over the last several months and it seems that their prayers were answered. At least ten children, all of whom were reported to the police as having gone missing during the outage, have been returned across the last three weeks since the power came back on. Investigations into another dozen who have been reported as now back home with their parents are currently inconclusive as to who facilitated this miracle.

However, there is a darker cloud over these fortunate reunions than there has been in our past reports. One of the locations the would-be savior left information about in their usual manner was raided by the police. The bodies of several men were found, having been murdered in a gruesome fashion, and left chained to a bed frame. Three of the returned children were reportedly found there.

It appears that the 'Angel' watching over our children is a vengeful one.

We went to the streets to ask for your opinions on the matter with mixed results. Jo Mamuh of Maurtia Falls believes "It's about time someone did something right for a change! These people have been preying on our children long enough. They deserved what they got!". Khold Shoder of Heropa said "Saving children is always a good thing, but this Angel should have left them tied up for the police to find so they could be held accountable in the courts for their actions." Anne Asole of Nonah questioned "Do we even know if the Angel is the one that killed them? They've been leaving information for the police to follow up on. Maybe someone else found those [redacted] and did it. We don't have proof it was the Angel at all!"

YES WE KAN
As seen in the best television news networks:
Thanks to the efforts of the known cannibal imPort, Ken Kaneki aka Haise Sasaki, as well as imPort ambassadors, Petyr Baelish, Lucy Pevensie and Miles Vorkosigan, a new petition presented to the government went through this past month, allowing imPorts who have proven special needs in order to stay alive to be able to receive these resources from the government regardless of their registration status.

Once closely read, this new law contains a series of sub-clauses detailing examples, amounts allowed, and many other specifics, but also partially frees the government from the responsibility of the imPort's needs. Officials have specified that should they be confronted with an imPort who has special needs that they have not yet encountered, they will have to assess it separately at that time.

While Mr. Vorkosigan and Miss Pevensie have refused to talk to the press, Mr. Baelish was ready to speak: "I believe today marks a new milestone in the relationship between imPorts and the government. Ken Kaneki was very brave, very well-spoken, and very concise in his ideas. It was an honor to work with him on this, and I hope others use this as an example of what can be accomplished."
Ken Kaneki himself has accepted answering some questions regarding his nature, but his focus on those who have helped him "Thanks to the government that has so kindly heard my words and reached this decision, we see it is possible for us to understand each other and live together, regardless of how different we are. I'm grateful to all who have helped and supported me, our Ambassadors who so readily extended their helping hand, and my mentor and friend, Count Dooku, who was always by my side during this."

"The Kennibals", Kaneki's now official fangroup, has reacted positively to the news, revamping their whole website with notes of "Victory" and "Fairness", not just for their Hero, but every Hero who finds themselves in a situation like Kaneki's. However, not all response is positive, as some natives claim this was "crossing the line" by allowing cannibals to legally eat.

MONEY MAKES THE (WEST)WORLD GO 'ROUND
As seen in The Fiscal Report, major newspapers, and the Walled Street Journal:
In the days following the dissolution of telecommunications conglomerate TT&T at the hands of the IRS, an enterprising imPort has taken up the reins of a few of the company’s surviving subsidiaries. CEO William Walker has promised to bring focus and integrity to the helm of newly rebranded Sweet Iron Communications (SIC), citing his own civic responsibility to invest in a safer, more secure future for natives and imPorts alike. Walker’s resume has not been made public, and little information about him is available outside of the official press releases regarding this acquisition.

Former TT&T CEO Boyd Dankfein, best known for his recent claim that he must have “accidentally” transferred a few million dollars overseas, could not be reached for comment.

HE'S A KILLER MEAN
As seen on Fuzzfeed, police radio stations, PD feeds, and Bwitter:
The suspected serial killer imPort known only as Sylar murdered imPort Sarissa Theron, sources claim. As this is an open case, no authority could be reached for comment. More to come later.

TIER 1 IMPORTS INCOMING
As seen in TIER 1 IMPORTS MAGAZINE:
Here's the dish! Thanks to the lovely @RISESabriel's intel, a few imPorts got their OWN spreads in FEBRUARY'S TESTIMONIAL edition! Major-General Armstrong is a 10/10 hottie with an iron fist! Kaneda is true blue boyfriend material! And Magicman's kindness as described by @RISESabriel has earned him a fresh cult following! Posters of these imPorts will flood Nonah and De Chima over the next month, as TIER 1 IMPORTS has a lot of distribution in both those cities. People are starving to know about these imPort stars!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from EBONY AS DARK'NESS to GRAY because BABY WE WERE BORN THIS GRAY. We're bureaucrats.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
The end was no where near as dramatic as the beginning.

A soft whirl of equipment coming back to life, the brightness of lamps and lights left on and like that, the power was back. There may have been a few surges as the grids stabilized but no ominous messages.

After a few hours, there would be a broadcast from a government official across the television stations, radios and network to all affected cities. A sharply dressed woman, introducing herself as a press secretary, would start by offering the government's sincere gratitude to the imPorts who pitched in and assisted during the trying week.

Likewise she would say there is confirmation that the blackout was due to outside interference, but the government would like to assure the people that their highest intelligence is on the case while emphasizing that if this was a test for the American people, they passed it with aplomb. She would also offer assurance that there were efforts now under way, by the government, to ensure that there would be no repeat of such an event.

With the good news, comes a bit of bad as she would go on to warn the people that while many of the convicts were caught due to the hard work of government officials, volunteers and imPorts alike, many of them remain at large - everyone should practice caution in the upcoming weeks and report any suspicious activity to an official.

Finally she would reiterate the government's gratitude and encourage everybody to rest and recover. The message ends with more gratitude and then shuts off to allow people to get back to the business of clean-up.

[OOC: With this post the blackout event has ICly ended!

Just a reminder that you can still submit event log threads for an OOC follow up next month! We will accept threads logged up through February 1st. ]
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2017
Due to the eastern-side blackout of imPort cities (and areas surrounding them), many of these stories will be reported in national newspapers that can still be physically delivered into the affected areas. News spread viral by the internet or television will eventually be accessible -- especially if you happen to be situated in an unaffected area.

BANKS, SEE
As seen in local papers:
Reports of bank robberies have spiked in the past couple of days. Maurtia Falls and Heropa banking establishments had been notably targeted, which provoked suspicion of imPort involvement. Authorities will not address these claims, but the rumor alone is enough to spark tensions. Heropean locals in particular have concentrated efforts to coalesce in temporary vigilante groups to better protect vulnerable businesses.

LIKE A KICK IN THE TABLOINS
As seen in TMI Magazine:
Blackout? BUST OUT. If you have any photos shot of ImPorts being naughty in the dark of the night (or otherwise), send them TMI's way! You could earn up to $3,000 per picture depending on the quality of your photo and what imPorts are depicted within! Note to all you amateur paparazzi: the more candid, the better! Catch an Ambassador with their pants down, and you're sure to hit jackpot! All images sold to TMI are henceforth property of TMI Inc. upon contractual signature.

GIVE ME A BREAK
As seen on national television, and written about in national newspapers:
A RECORD NUMBER of criminally incarcerated prisoners escaped from their respective federal and state prisons during the first 48 hours of the power blackout that hit multiple cities. Some of these criminals are rumored to have been metahumans, a rumor that remains unconfirmed. When reporters pushed the matter, they were silenced on matters of "national security" and ridiculed for "slanting the news". No word yet on what could have caused the unprecedented blackout -- but unnamed sources claim even the imPort communication Network suffered a power loss. Despite this technological difficulty, anecdotal reports cite imPorts in aiding the capture of the escaped criminals.

Citizens are advised to remain indoors and safe, unless absolutely necessary to go outside. This is not a time for "vigilante antics".

NOT THE NIGHT NURSE
As seen on national news networks:
The already encumbered hospitals in the main imPort cities have suffered a deeper blow with the mysterious, and unaccounted for, power blackout. Patients in critical conditions have been coding more than average and with an severe understaffing issue afoot, hospitalized survival rates are suffering incredible lows. Maurtia Falls hospitals are reaching out to imPorts of any healing capacity to help save lives, if they can.

ROM COM-MUNICATION
As seen in BNZ syndication, then turns internet viral on BlueTube with the #1 most watched trailer trending. Posters are soon to follow, and only one of them features a raccoon:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES, leading makers of romantic films such as LOVE NATURALLY, THE FEDERAL HOLIDAY, and I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BUCK AND GARY has announced its Valentine's Day feature, and it's a SHOCKER! BNZ has breaking news that this year's is an IMPORTED FEST. Revolving around imPorts APRIL LUDGATE and WILL GRAHAM, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH promises to deliver drama, sizzling romance, action, and plenty of cameos to keep audiences delighted for two and half hours! Take a look at the trailer below and give us YOUR thoughts in the comments.

((The trailer is fairly typical of a romance; both April and Will are more well-groomed than usual, and everything is way more dramatic than it has any right to be. It's also quite obviously shot in Canada even as characters reference Florida. Baltimore's finest are represented, both Freds, their housemates, and then there's a great shot of a swear-in where they went All Out. The entire room is filled with imPort lookalikes. They can go nuts spotting themselves provided they were in game two years ago. Of course there is dramatic running and emotion shouting in the rain, as well as buildings and cars exploding because that's obviously just part of imPort romance. And dogs. So many dogs. The trailer song is this, and the tag line at the end is THIRD WORLD'S THE CHARM. Happy Valentine's Day!))

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MELLOW to EBONY AS DARK'NESS because no light, no light.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒋)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 10TH, 2017
Happy 2017, imPorts!


DASHBOARD CONGRESSIONAL
As seen on national television and ZZZ-SPAN:
In this new year, as a fresh session of Congress begins, the honorable body of legislators wishes a positive and prosperous 2017 to all of America's imPorts. Soon after the pomp and circumstance, a new national security budget will be on the queue to pass -- or stall upon. Depending. Some junior members of the House are in favor of security cuts, citing the very fact that imPorts exist as ample security.

STAFF DEFECTION
As seen in big city newspapers:
Recent and critical employment studies indicate that there are unprecedented shortages in medical staffing, especially regarding professional Nursing jobs.

"I won't lie," said Doctor Ana Collins of Maurtia Falls Mercy Hospital. "It's a very troubling trend that has been building over time. Emergency care sectors are usually understaffed, but we are upon a hiring crisis. Just imagine -- it only takes one national disaster for everyone to feel this impact."

COLD SHOULDER
As seen on national news and heavily Discoursed on Rumblr:
The Canadian city Toronto has instituted a temporary prohibition on any imPorts who might attempt to enter the city limits. Why? "Safety issues" were cited. Contextual note: it is not uncommonly believed, especially outside US borders, that imPorts skyrocket the risk of fatality. "Safety issues" as a reasoning, while vague, fundamentally aligns with this belief.

The US Ambassador to Canada is currently negotiating an end to this ban. The US Press Secretary issued this statement as follows: "ImPorts are members of this global community. They are kind, hardworking, and they are not perpetrators of aggression. We sincerely hope to reach an understanding with our Norther neighbors over what we believe to be a simple miscommunication."

TIER IMPORTS IT'S ME, GOSSIP
As seen on social media, Guzzlefeed, and TIER 1 IMPORTS Magazine:
TIER 1 IMPORTS is looking to run a WHO'S WHO issue in February of imPorts, TOLD by imPorts! HOW DO YOU TAKE PART? It's easy! If you are an imPort, logged into your verified Bwitter account and leave a TESTIMONIAL about other imports in our PUBLIC SUBMISSIONS PAGE. You can be as wordy or succinct as you'd like: spill the whole pot of tea, or just throw in an accurate superlative!

But remember, it'll all be published!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from CONSTANTINE LIME to MELLOW, notably an adjective and occasionally a verb, because the future is looking bright and illuminated.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 20TH, 2016

RAISING THE BAR
As seen in newspapers, local news channels, and business insider magazines:
Good news for workers looking for jobs in Maurtia Falls!

Due to rising prosperity within the city and increased tourism, many businesses will be raising their wage pay rates in the new year. The success has been attributed to Ambassador Petyr Baelish by a large number of these business owners, citing him as the sole reason for their decision.

"I don't know how he does it. But he came to me promising to turn my bar around. We had a great spot in the city, but not too many customers, you see." Claims Peter Drinklage of Pour Decisions Bar. "But since Ambassador Baelish made his promise and helped to get the word out, business has been booming! He's done great things for our city, and I can only see it getting better from here. I used to hate imPorts. But now I say, bring them on! Most of them are drunks anyway, so they can always get a discount at my bar."

Maurtia Falls is shining brightly into the new year!

HEARTWARMING
As seen on major news outlets and imPort speculation boards:
In something of a Christmas Miracle, another two children who had gone missing in the last six months were returned to their families. They, too, reported that an 'angel' had saved them from the people that had taken them. Both children were from Nonah, though the polices say one was found in Heropa and the other close to Maurita Falls. A package was left with both of them leaving details about where they were found for investigation. Unfortunately, there was nothing in the package to indicate who might have left it.

Alicia Jefferies, the little girl who had been taken to Heropa following her abduction, said that the 'angel' had a 'friend' helping him. So far the only difference in any of the stories of rescue thus far. As with the first child found by this 'angel', none of the children have given further descriptions of him. And if any of the three know his name so we know who to thank, none seem willing to give it.

BREADWINNER
As seen on Rumblr and Bwitter:
A freshly baked meme has taken the internet by storm! People are posting this image of an imPort with punny hashtags like #MuchKneadedRelief or #PoundingDoughTonight. Super markets have seen an uptick in breaded good sales as individuals mimic the pose and posture of this imPort for their own spin on the phenomena. Will this be the last meme of 2016?

MODEL CITIZENS
As seen on TMI and all major imPort gossip magazines:
Let's hear it for the hottest imPort models this world's stage has to offer! These stunning beauties have inspired fresh and bold make-up lines featuring their signature self! Get engulfed in a sunset palette inspired by Hemali, or beautiful spring lip gloss line that screams Fluttershy! Even Komasan is muse to a neon eyeshadow that is simply out of this world!

KISS AND TELL
As seen on TMI's First Scoop TV segment, website, and magazine article; other celebrity and imPort gossip venues; Heropa's Next Top Model:
'Just Kiss Already!' has officially turned to 'They Kissed!' for imPort couple Daryl Dixon and Mako Mori.

The last month and a half they've been denying any involvement with each other beyond the strictly professional, but we were there -- reporting on Heropa's Next Top Model imPort Contest when the two simply couldn't stop themselves from sharing a lip-lock during the Beauty and Decay photo shoot.

It was one sweet kiss that's sure to keep them warm with or without the fireplace.

(Several shots from the photoshoot in question accompany the segment.)

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from PEPPERMINT to CONSTANTINE LIME because it's both a slant rhyme and a mean joke.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 10TH, 2016

THIS WEEK IN GRIME WATCH
As seen from video recordings from nearby customers and security footage from the store.:
A local arts and crafts stir has dealt with a small stir as fangirls attempted to swarm a certain Carl Grimes while glaring at fellow imPort Enid, who was rumored to be Grimes' girlfriend as they are frequently seen together. He was seen grabbing a skein of yarn and yelling at his fangirls to go support businesses. When the fangirls scramble to get the yarn and nearly created a fight, Carl Grimes and Enid was seen running out of the store, without buying anything. So much for supporting local businesses!

HOLY (ROCK AND) ROLLERS
As seen on TMI and various imPort and music news blogs:
The acclaimed Goddess, Persephone, has been making quite a name for herself over the past months thanks to her riotous performances across Maurtia Falls, but the concert she held last month with her fellow deity, Inanna, really took our breath away. Persephone kicked off the night with her signature riotous anthems, though thankfully this time not literally. True to description, the music was almost hard to listen to, raw in expression, and utterly incomprehensible in lyric.

And let's not forget our divine queen of the morning and evening stars, Inanna! Why this imPort held out on performing during their first visit here is a mystery, but we're all blessed that they've decided to grace us with their song this time around. It's hard to find the words to describe a song that touches you so intimately (and can lead to intimate touching!), and it doesn't help that the lyrics make no sense, but trust us when we say you've got to hear it. Whether or not you believe their story about divinity, we can all agree it's one hell of a divine experience.

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
As seen on BlueTube, and then exploding on Bwitter:
Having pet-related problems? Thumper getting out of control? Easter all day, every day at your house? Well, look no further than BlueTube's current trending video, showing two imPorts building what looks to be a giant rabbit-sized bunker in their backyard. The video shows imPorts Jacob Taylor and Junpei Iori constructing an intricately-designed contraption of thick metal and solid wood to house some kind of monstrous pet. To address any doubts on whether this kind of fortification is really necessary for a rabbit, the video also features footage of an enormous rabbit named ‘Sugar Ray’ terrorizing the household, gnawing on furniture and cords, biting at people, and making Junpei cower in a corner for his life.

The video is currently at over ten thousand views and still trending. Fans of DIY construction projects are applauding, while owners of ill-tempered rabbits across the country are sitting up and taking note of the potentially life-saving techniques this video demonstrates.

YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD
As seen on Rumblr and tabloid magazines:
Shocking! News that the imPort communication Network has sprung a leak! ImPorts are reported to have caused themselves EMBARRASSING and confusing conflict! No direct evidence of this has yet been published, just a lot of she-said-he-said -- but nevertheless! Speculation is heating up! Will this cause any divorces? Any tell-alls? Will Mick Rory and Len Snart elope to an ice rink located in an Hawaiian island?

(Rumblr user hawtNc0ld theorizes that this is the ideal compromise between two diametrically opposed imPorts).

Newspapers are reaching out for imPort confessions about this new technological issue. Will you be one of them?

OH SAY CAN YOU CONSPIRACY
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has taken credit for accurately predicting the imPort communication Network failures. Some argue that "technological blackouts" is a bit of a stretch, but his ardent following won't be dissuaded of Da Vinci's foresight. His next prediction? That imPorts will start spying for other countries.

A pretty serious accusation.

YOU ARE THE FASHION QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET
As seen in fashion magazines, Bwitter, or other fan related import/fashion blogs:
Some unexpected holiday magic was witnessed earlier this week at Hot Tropic! The quiet but fashionable imPort, Enid, was reported to have been seen signing an exclusive contract with the retail chain to sell her own line of jewelry. So far, no confirmation has been made as to when her line will hit shelves. Fortunately for her fans and notable fashionistas, a few exciting images of her first wave of designs have been leaked online - creating quite the buzz! Hopefully, they'll hit the market before Christmas so we can fill our stockings with some of these fabulous designs. Keep an eye out for that release date, folks, and get them while they last!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FADED CHEETO ORANGE to PEPPERMINT because peppermint is superior to eggnog as a festive flavor. Disagree? Discuss in the comments!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒎)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 20TH, 2016

AMAZING DISGRACE
As seen in all major newspapers, Business iNsider, the Wall Street Diary, and other financial newspapers:
A small but particularly scummy debt-collection agency was just purchased by what is obviously a fake shell company called Vialux. What's surprising and newsworthy about this is that the debt-collection agency was immediately shut down and all the debt forgiven. This is something of a happy ending - except, of course, where the scummy ex-owners of the debt collection companies got richer as a result.

COURT-SHIP
As seen on national television and major newspapers:
The lawsuit against Ronald Chump over copyright infringement on behalf of Daryl Dixon in regards to the Weeta-Dixon cereal of Chumps' imPort Cereal line, has been settled out of court this month. The settlement is reported to be half a million dollars accompanied by a cease and desist order on the production of the cereal.

A BIGLY RAGEQUIT
As seen on national television and TMI:
In response to Dixon's successful lawsuit, Ronald Chump has disavowed the "rigged judicial system" of the United States. Taking his remaining millions, probably not billions, he has sworn off social media and left this county for another. It is likely, if granted citizenship elsewhere, that he will then forgo his US citizenship permanently. Do not expect to see The Ronald around these parts.

((This wraps up the Chump arc, he will not be playable as an NPC henceforth!))

TWO OF A COIN'D
As seen in newspapers, fashionable magazines, and Rumblr posts:
On November 18, the citizens of Heropa and denizens of anywhere on the internet that posts memes and amusing pictures were treated to an unusual sight when they discovered that the World's Biggest Coin had been mysteriously transported from its home in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, right to the heart of the city. Even more mysteriously: the coin had vanished the next day, only to be discovered right back where it came from. While conspiracy theories and wild mass guessing were just getting into full swing, one man stepped forward to claim sole responsibility, only to be greeted by a resounding: What.

Leonard Snart, self-proclaimed robber of ATMs, career criminal and (sort of) living legend, said that he has pulled the prank off without any accomplices, a feat that is especially puzzling since he has revealed that the only power he has is the power of puns. When asked why he did it, Snart said that he "just wanted some change", and explained the need to "coin a phrase". Given that authorities can neither figure out how any of this happened nor what kind of crime to classify temporary misplacement of a single coin - whatever the size - he has been released without any charges.

Since then he has been further questioned - mostly by the internet - and when asked how he pulled this off he cited "girl power" and also mentioned that it had been "super easy". Finally he made at least one concession, hinting that he might not have been entirely without help: "I may or may not have had the help of illegal aliens."

THE XOXO FILES
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has a very special message to his ardent followers:

CHEMTRAILS! The Fed has been stuffing them in your sky for YEARS! Chemtrails are hazardous to us natives, deadly brainwashing crap that's been treated with nuclear reaction. You know where the ashes of the first imPorts go? Do you know what the government has done to the bodies? CHEMTRAILS. Just like with Tony Stark's manhandling of our DNA, the government wants us to be experiments in a petri dish. We're being tested on! Washington is not on your side, citizens.

Watch for the technological blackouts to come. First sign of the new, imPorted apocalypse.

And keep your eyes on the skies.
xoxo


A NIGHT TO REMEOWMBER
As seen on the tabloid circuit, TMI, and WHEE! News:
Director Ben Trooper, acclaimed director of Less Miserable and The Monarch's Monologue is hosting a red carpet gala for his new film Felines! Felines is the tale of...well, felines, as they all show off their talents to see who ascends to cat heaven, aka the Upperside Balcony. The show's best known for being highly choreographed, not having much plot, and the character of Haggarina, the Hollywood Cat, who sings the hit song "Remembering." Because Felines features imPort Mint Aizawa, Trooper's decided to host the film's December 2nd premiere in Heropa, opening it up for all imPorts to attend. Wear nice dresses! Mingle with celebrities! Sit through a two and a half hour long movie musical about singing and dancing cats! What's not to love?

There's also a trailer for the film that doesn't really tell you anything about the plot. But cartwheels! Dancing! People in lots of make-up! See if you can spot Mint in the coveted role of "that all-white cat who's in the chorus but gets a ballet solo."

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from VIOLET DRIZZLE to FADED CHEETO ORANGE because this country is now one chump short.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒋)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2016

A MAYA-NOVEMBER ROMANCE
As seen in local newspaper, magazine, and radio ads in the Nonah area:
Knights, Knaves, and Knives will take advantage of those sweet, sweet imPort fandom dollars (and their imPort employee's connection to other imPorts) and do a specially themed show/crossover with the Pink Princess TV show, running from November 14th to the 23rd!

In the TV show's plotline, Maya has traveled back in time to seal some past ghosties, and in the restaurant show she's transported herself to King Arthur's court to get some magical backup. Maya enters a tournament by mistake (as you do), and finds herself going against Morgan la Fey and her champion, Mordred (who, for the sake of being more kid friendly, is now a spooky ghost in spooky armor instead of Arthur and Morgan's bastard). If Maya wins the tournament, she'll win a magical artifact to help her on her journey and save Camelot. If Mordred wins, Morgan gains the power to destroy King Arthur and Camelot for good. Oh no! The results are determined by audience participation and cheering, and both endings are written with the potential for all characters to come back from their untimely defeat.

THE DIXON CHICKS
As seen on TMI's First Scoop TV segment, website, and magazine article:
Could winter's chill be bringing new couples together? For Daryl Dixon and Mako Mori, all signs point to yes. Daryl appears to have hired Mako as his new manager following several trade show appearances, so this may not seem surprising, but the two have also been spotted spending a lot of time together on the streets of De Chima and Nonah. And acting particularly unbusiness-like.

They were first spotted together last month in Maurtia Falls when Daryl was seen carrying a dazed Mako into a diner near the city's Porter. Fans of Daryl reported they'd seen the two leave the 'Haunted Alley' that stirred up so much imPort interest. No one's sure what happened in there, but whatever it was, it looks like a spark was lit when he acted the part of knight in shining armor. Both have denied any romantic involvement, claiming to be 'just friends', but recent pictures of the two show that they can't seem to keep their hands off each other. Guess we know who'll be cozying up in front of the fire this holiday season!

(A smattering of candid photos of the two, Mako's hand often resting against Daryl's arm or Daryl's hand at the small of Mako's back, accompany the segment.)

META-TEXTUAL IMPLICATION
As seen on local news outlets:
A three-month-old missing persons case was unexpectedly solved when Alice Whitman, 14, was dropped off at her parent's house at four in the morning and an ambulance called by an unknown tipster. Early questioning of Alice about her experience by authorities paint a horrific picture of being held captive in an unknown building. Police responded to questions about how she was found with the statement that Alice wasn't in an emotional state to give specifics, but that she kept repeating an 'angel' saved her and 'flew' her home. Given the propensity of flight powered citizens, imPort involvement is suspected, but it could also be a member of our new Metahuman community. However, no one has come forward to claim credit for the rescue. When asked about the fate of her abductor, Police said that they were already in the process of investigating suspects and seizing evidence.

PORTER POSSE MOUTH
As seen in tabloids and The Evening Sun:
Where are they now? A local rag called imPortant! promises to answer this question and more concerning America's latest craze: metahumans! This five page spread gives up the good on the who, what, and where like no one has tackled before! Read interviews from local metahumans in your very own community! Check out the website for video interviews and all the photos imPortant couldn't fit in its pages.

Let's take a look at just one example of this tantalizing coverage!

"We tracked down one man who has been a regular defendant of imPort rights and their importance within America for several years under the alias PorterPosse. Now, he truly feels part of their struggle after the life-changing effects many natives have experienced. This man may not know what the future holds, but he seems confident. 'The world is changing for them. America will be a place for imPorts! It's going to real soon. I guarantee it!' "

Sounds confident, doesn't he?

YOU THINK YOU'VE SEN-ATE ALL!
As seen on Politica and The Beltway Press:
A curious story made the rounds this week, regarding the upcoming Senate election in Virginia. A race that’s been looking tighter and tighter by the week was starting to promote some terse relations between fans of both candidates. However, there was a moment of levity, on a local comedy show, when both candidates Hundred and Stankavich were invited onto the Comedy Hour earlier this week. On the same show.

While tensions arose between the candidates on many points -- most that had to do with economic policy, imports, and international relations -- both spoke at length about their positions, but the most memetic moment of the entire interview was when the host, Danny Talon, provided each with a cream pie, and the candidates smushed the pies into each other’s faces -- before the host proclaimed them the “Re-pie-blican” and “Demo-cream” candidates. All while the audience recited pi.

Pictures of the candidates have been plastered online, and in good fun, both have left the images of their pie-covered faces remain part of the Bwitter profile pictures.

APP-LE OF HIS MOTHER'S EYE
As seen on the national news stations, major headline papers, and public radio:
Maurtia Falls Police Department are on high alert and asking for public assistance in their search for Michael "Mika" Covington. Covington was one of the citizens affected by imPort Tony Stark's "4" app, a no longer downloadable nor legal mobile app that activated a complex virus local citizens had been infected with back in early fall, granting them superpowers. Covington is 5 feet and 10 inches, of average build, has short brown hair and blue eyes. Friends and family say he can be often seen wearing his favourite red hoodie and he has a mole on his chin. Covington gained the ability of flight; something, his family says, he was keen on mastering.

He was last seen in Maurtia Falls at approximately 10:28 PM on October 28th, only three blocks away from where he lived. He was seen at a 24 hour convenience store picking up snacks, however his shopping bag was found in the alleyway behind the store.

His family is begging anyone with any information on his whereabouts to speak up to the police. An inside source says police are also under much pressure from the government to locate Covington due to his status as a meta. They are also cautioning other metas, imPorts included, to stay vigilant when they are by themselves, especially in the night.

WE'RE ALL MADE HERE
As seen on TMI, Rumblr content, Maurtia Falls tabloids:
The first of November sparkled with the celebration of a new psychiatric hospital opening in Maurtia Falls! Doctor Frederick Chilton, newly-minted Head Administrator of the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for the ImPorted and Empowered, was the guest of honor among a celebrity list of scintillating imPorts and personalities. Reported among that number was aging heartthrob Jeff Winger and the stunning Raina. Fan-favorites like hotel magnate James Patrick March, underground rock star Persephone, the newly married Dorian Gray, and the lovely Bela Talbot. For a full list of the glamorous guests, check out the TMI STAR GAZING! You can alpha-bet that these A-listers have gossip going on.

The event was organized by Rincewind, reported to be Doctor Chilton's closest platonic companion. Dispute on that claim is welcomed in the comments on TMI's linked site! The choice of venue, Ambassador Petyr Baelish's Iron Throne, inspired some raised eyebrows. TMI hopes to follow-up with Ambassador Baelish on his extracurricular activities and growing influence.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from to MODERATELY SKEPTICAL PINK to VIOLET DRIZZLE because PURPLE RAIN was too expensive and the government is hitting a fiscal budget tightening.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒉)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2016

COOL STORY, BRO
As seen in weekly newspapers and the De Chima local news:
ImPort Leonard Snart got a chilly shock earlier this month when he was arrested for breaking into Wayne Technologies. The cold-hearted criminal is chilling out after being thrown into the cooler in De Chima. When asked to comment on his criminal activity, Mr. Snart gave us the cold shoulder before announcing that he was "full of beans - cool beans, actually" before frostily announcing he would unearth the coward who framed him.

Leonard Snart has since been released from police custody. He was perhaps glad to have his freedom, since when one reporter asked Snart what killed the dinosaurs, he simply said "the ice age".

TIME TO DO DIS-NAE NAE
As seen in advertisements and articles in newspapers, magazines, online, etc:
The happiest place on Earth is going to be the spookiest place on Earth this Halloween! Disney is offering special rates for its Magical Express between the city of Nonah, North Carolina and Disney World, Alabama. So take a day trip and have fun at Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party!

Disney also announced a special deal for imPorts: agree to take pictures or sign autographs for the park guests and your trip is free.

A-HOLE IN ONE
As seen on national news:
Ronald Chump announced that he will be spending the next two weeks in Toronto, Canada, for the grand opening of his hotel and eight golf courses. The hotel will be one of the largest in the world, expanding to a total of 7,200 suites and intertwining between the corresponding golf courses. Bwitter user kittyjones4pres questioned if this would in fact interrupt the flow of imPorts, citing a popular conspiracy theory that Ronald Chump is the humanoid shell of the mysteriously powered Porter.

PUNCHING DRUNK LOVE
As seen on Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit, and morning news shows:
ImPort-themed Halloween costumes are always flying off the shelves this time of year, but after last month's events, there's one top seller standing out above the rest. Halloween parties are promising to be packed with these Inferior Iron Men, dressed in shoddy and battle damaged costumes that parody the armored Avenger. Many costumers online have been customizing with bruised makeup and "kick me" signs. One poster on Deddit constructed a full facsimile of Tony Stark's armor out of cardboard, and promises to use his new-found flying abilities to bumble drunkenly through the De Chima skies.

This Halloween is proving to be one to keep an eye out for, and Lulzfeed is planning to hold a contest where visitors can vote on the best Inferior Iron Man sighting.

URBAN LEGEND
As seen in local newspapers, along with the usual rumor-mongering online chatter:
Police are investigating the mysterious death of a young woman in downtown Nonah. Eyewitness reports are scattered, but all agree that on October 18, 2:19 PM a truck hit an unidentified female and a tiger, then flew into the air to land on the woman again. She was pronounced dead at the scene. The tiger appeared to be a Blickablake model from the ImPocreat line and emerged relatively unscathed from the accident.

The driver of the truck, Lief Olesen, could not be reached for comment, having suddenly decided to pursue a lifelong dream of going off the grid and living completely secluded from society.

The body was taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital, where it disappeared seemingly of its own accord before an autopsy could be performed. Rumors are already circulating that the residents of the now infamous haunted alleyway are beginning to step past Maurtia Falls' boundaries - or worse, that the rash of bizarre murders has continued unabated. While officials have quashed the outlandish claims, even they are forced to admit that they have no earthly idea how a corpse could remove itself from a morgue with no witnesses.

Authorities believe that the ImPocreat's master may be involved in both incidents, having been seen by many arguing with the woman just before the truck allegedly took to the skies. An anonymous source has provided a photograph of the individual, and anyone with information concerning his identity or that of the victim is encouraged to contact the Nonah police.

HOW STARR-TLING!
As seen on Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit:
Employees at Starrware, co-founded by imPort Karen Starr, were taken by surprise as their co-CEO was seen dragging an older man out of their offices. According to witnesses, the man, known as The Doctor and another imPort, had shown up around noon in the building and begun behaving suspiciously. When asked to cite his reasons for being in the building, the Doctor explained that he did not trust Ms. Starr and wanted to check her research for temporal anomalies as well as “really obvious baddie stuff.”

Ms. Starr had apparently requested he leave, but he remained insistent on examining every inch of the building. The two were reported to have gotten into a heated accident before Ms. Starr was seen punching the Doctor and physically and roughly escorting him out of the building herself.

“I like Karen, she’s smart,” says one employee who wished to remain anonymous. “But she isn’t very… womanly, you know? She should have let security do their job. I think she was rough on the old man.”

NOT A PERSE-PHONY
As seen on Rumblr, Bwitter, Deddit, Photogram, and the nightly news:
An imPort named Persephone (who claims to be THAT Persephone) is putting on concerts that she refers to as "communions." While most attendees just fucking love her music, there have been reports of fans collapsing, suffering panic attacks, having visions, traumatic flashbacks, or even becoming enraptured with religious fervor while she sings. Probably more than a view BlueTube videos of people freaking out- but the audio on the recordings are completely garbled. Kids coming out of her shows are claimed to be more aggressive/likely to cause mischief than before they went in.

Others are claiming that she does not sing and that there is no music, only a girl in tacky clothes standing on stage and chanting in tongues.

In short, reviews are extremely mixed, but tickets are none-the-less selling like hot cakes.

ELECTION DYSFUNCTION
As seen leaked on Bwitter:
Rumor has it that the upcoming imPort Ambassador forums will involve a limited number of imPort-submitted questions. Oh my!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from DESPERATELY WRONG BEIGE to MODERATELY SKEPTICAL PINK because pink makes the eye squint (in a conjunctivitis way).

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒋)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 10TH, 2016

HISSTORY HAS ITS EYES ON YOU
As seen in local newspapers, over radio airwaves, and online:
Essscape from the Maurtia Falls Zoo!

Local authorities in the city are issuing warnings about a recent escape from its zoo in which two pythons were able to break out of their habitats and sneak away from zoo grounds in the middle of the night. Workers at the zoo and police are currently working under the suspicion that someone has tampered with security footage from that night, as all surveillance was shut down some time before zookeepers noticed the pythons' cages were opened. The security guard in charge at the time had been found unconscious and was rushed to the hospital, having to be treated for a snake bite himself, possibly from one of the escaped snakes. Doctors say it was a close call, but he is expected to make a full recovery.

The local police are urging residents to keep children and small pets indoors as they and Animal Control search for these snakes, one an African and the other a Reticulated python. There is also a possibility a third and venomous snake has escaped the zoo, but there is no official word on the matter.

SEE IT ON THE WEB
As seen on BlueTube and major media outlets:
Video on Bluetube emerges of local teens on a graffiti spree in an abandoned warehouse in Heropa finding what appears to be the carapace of a giant spider, roughly the size of an SUV. There's fear in the community as people wonder if this is an elaborate prank or if it's a new breed of spider developed by the Russians, and this is just the first of many. Responses have ranged from burn the warehouse to the ground to test it for DNA to even more violent suggestions but so far it's only been taken by the police and held in evidence. Parents wonder if it's safe to send kids to school with the menace of giant spiders in the neighborhood.

POWER PLAY
As seen on national and international news:
Imagine the world's shock when people with superpowers, here started to manifest. After the effects of the recent change by none other than StarkTech's Tony Stark, the world was shocked when he came clean to the authorities, explaining that it was a nanovirus he'd released into the water supply. Even more shocking was the fact that he didn't outright pull the app -- instead he was caught on national news this week -- where he had this to say:

"I know that this wasn't ideal, and that whatever happened -- whatever spurred this different me to do these things... it wasn't right. That being said, I don't believe people should be forced to either have powers -- or get rid of them now that they've been given the opportunity to try them. Particularly when we are sitting here, with powers of our own.

So I'm offering this, to those of you who want to keep the: don't delete the app. If you want to get rid of them, delete the Four. Anyone who gets a StarkTech phone in the future -- if you get a phone -- it won't have the app anywhere near it.

And, if you do get a phone over the next three months, 100% of the profits will go to rebuilding the damage that I've caused."

Unsurprisingly, the small boost in sales has done nothing to fix the damage done to StarkTech stock since last September.

DOOK IT OUT
As seen on social media outlets, BlueTube, and entertainment news:
The imPort-fronted heavy metal band Countdown released a new single this week taking aim at controversial real estate mogul Ronald Chump. Countdown has spurred contention in the past due to the critical political content of their music, but their new single "LumpenChump" is unusually aggressive in its lyrics. The song attacks Chump for being foolish, cruel, dishonest, prejudiced against superhumans, not as wealthy as he claims, and having unusually sized hands, along with a host of other criticisms. A press release signed by Countdown's lead singer Count Dooku declared that the song represents an "artistic statement in response to the unacceptable remarks Mister Chump has levied at the imPort community, and against all others who share his vile views."

In apparent response to the song, Chump has Bweeted an image of himself standing with his arm around the metahuman costume designer and occasional criminal known as THE CHINCHILLA, with the caption "I love super-people! Just as long as they don't smell like Dookie!" Subsequent Bweets assured the world that there is nothing wrong with Ronald Chump's hands, and that he is indeed very, very wealthy.

PICTURE PERFECT
As seen on Rumblr and local newspapers:
Heropa's very own shrinking violet photographer, Max Caulfield, was spotted taking shots of the sinister Superior Iron Man while a group of our finest ImPorts were taking him down. The genius playboy-turned-supervillain did not appear to take kindly to it, however, knocking the recent Xavier graduate unconscious. Luckily, she was rescued by eccentric watchmaker, The Doctor, and the provocative pictures still made it to the papers - not to mention her Rumblr, which has steadily gained followers since the incident. You just can't stop the press!

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD, LADY
As seen on BlueTube and the back pages of the tabloids:
A Maurtia Falls woman reportedly called in a dead and dismembered ImPort. However, when police arrived on the scene, it was determined that this was a false report, as no body was found despite signs of a shooting. Could it be, the woman cried wolf?

In what might be an ironic wordplay, multiple ImPort corpses were found across the nation days later and informally identified by acquaintances including the "Red." Despite bearing resemblance to known individuals, no official statement has been released about their identities. These bodies have since been taken into police custody.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GEOMEAN OF 60:1 GRAY to DESPERATELY WRONG BEIGE because if being beige is wrong, the system doesn't want to be white.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2016

IT'S A MANDATE
As seen in Hunting Magazines, Newspapers, imPort tabloids, De Chima and Nonah Billboards:
A black and white ad series featuring a dirty, shaggy-haired redneck holding a crossbow and staring at the camera incredulously, has started showing up just in time for the archery hunting season to open. The absurd campaign tagline? Want to be a real man? Get yourself a Bow-Man.

CEREAL KILLER
As seen in grocery stores near you:
Are you HUNGRY? Are you STARVING for some imPort TASTE? Do you want to FREAKING EAT AN IMPORT? Well good news. Due to interested marketing endeavors hinted at in prior news, RONALD CHUMP has stormed his way onto a hankering market: breakfast products! The following are brand new cereal brands and heretofore not yet being litigated in court:

PUMPKIN SPICE SCARCRO-IOS
JORAH THE EXPLORAH GRAPE NUTS
COUNT DOOKULA
AXEL JACKS
CAP'N COLD CRUNCH
HONEY WILL GRAHAM CHEX
TRICKS
WEETA-DIXON
PABL-OH'S
LUCKY PINES
FROSTED VORKS
HEND-TRIX
CINNAMON TOAST HULKS
MULTIGOLD FIBER MIX
MAKO-OIOS
JOHN REESE'S PIECES PEANUT BUTTER CRUNCH

Delicious.

THAT'S JUST YOUR GENRE, MAN
As seen on TMI:
The new imPort-inspired movie, FIFTY SHADES OF BAE, is said to be a salacious romcom turned fiery action flick turned time-traveling period drama. But what imPort personas will be front and center in this script? And who will be playing them? Rumor has it that the typically daring WARN HER BROTHERS PRODUCTION hasn't even decided on the centerfold characters and are presently open to solicitations!

NO, NAH
As seen on national news stations:
With the apparent exportation of another imPort Ambassador, the stir of fresh political antics have come to Nonah's doors. ImPorts with political ambitions are encouraged to start campaigning as soon as possible. Elections for Nonah's vacant position are scheduled for early November. Adjustment in rules for any interested imPort: anyone who is 18 or over and is REGISTERED may run for office this term. You DO NOT have to be a current resident of Nonah to run for Nonah Ambassador. You DO have to win the election by popular vote.

REALLY MILKING IT HERE
As seen on milk cartons:
MISSING: ONE FRANCIS URQUHART. IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO NONAH. OFFER EXPIRES 9/21/2016.

THE SCHOOLS, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'
As seen on national newspapers, local news outlets, Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit:
It would seem the Xavier School for ImPorts might soon need a change of names. Following the recent rash of imPort-esque powers suddenly awakening within local citizens of the Porter cities, Xavier's employee Kotetsu T. Kaburagi has been seen putting up flyers inviting all those who have recently manifested powers to enroll in the Heropa-based school. He also offered the school as temporary lodgings for adults and other non-students who still need a safe place to practice their abilities.

"It's gonna be okay" was the heartfelt, clearly personal message handwritten at the bottom of all of the flyers.

Kaburagi has not responded to any attempts to reach out to him for comment about this unprecedented action regarding the school, done in the absence of the former headmaster, Robert Callaghan, who has since been Ported out. Anti-imPort critics of the school claim the decision is merely a ploy to gather support and firepower for the inevitable imPort rebellion against the U.S. government. Ronald Chump has been seen arguing that the school should be shut down, as it is an obvious den of Soviet sympathizers and terrorists seeking new recruits. "Xavier is exactly the kind of name you'd expect from a secret Russian, you know," he said on Bwitter.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from PUMPKIN SPICE ORANGE to GEOMEAN OF 60:1 GRAY because imPorts be shady.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2016

THIRSTING FOR THAT DICKLE
As seen on BlueTube, general social media, before being picked up by imPort hungry tabloids:
There was a shocking turn of events in Nonah last week when imPort Gabriel Gray, the bachelor of upcoming survival-dating reality TV Show ZomBae, was captured on video apparently delirious and emitting a chaotic explosion of lightning. The video circulated on social media before tabloids reached out for comment. Eye witnesses, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that two assailants in bird masks had fired a weapon at Gray from their car before driving away.

"He threw lightning at them, and then just started losing it," said one witness. "He said something about someone named-- Ellen? Elle? I guess dating shows are really stressful when you put zombies in them." More witnesses confirmed the car's license plate as DICKLE.

Gray could not be reached for comment.

A CASE OF SAME FACE?
As seen on imPort gossip sites and magazines:
Alison Hendrix, Cosima Niehaus, Helena [REDACTED], Rachel Duncan, Sarah Manning, Sarissa Theron—six identical imPorts, all of whom have been spotted multiple times on the Network and in person across the east coast during the past year. These imPorts have been telling the public that they're part of a set of quintuplets who were separated at birth, but anyone who can count to six has discovered a flaw in what seems to be some sort of cover story! Word on the street has suggested everything from superpowers gone haywire to a self-replicating virus to Russian-designed robot spies, but none of the quints—or did we mean sextuplets?—have made an official statement regarding their suspicious behavior.

EX-TRA! EX-TRA!
As seen on TMI:
Cameras were flashing when we saw everyone's favorite power(ed)couple going off somewhere quiet at the monthly Swear-In. However, it seems as though Daisy Johnson and Jesse Pinkman did not come to the Swear-In together. Instead, Daisy Johnson came with a new imPort, Lincoln Campbell. That didn't stop all three of them from talking. Pinkman seemed at ease during the whole conversation while photographs show just how tense Daisy Johnson was. Johnson and Campbell were seen dancing together and were caught holding hands. Later in the evening they left together as well.

With very little information available on Mr. Campbell we are led to believe that there is the possibility he is from Ms. Johnson's home planet.

JUST KISS ALREADY
As seen on the most prominent ad page of every affordable newspaper:
Time After Time
New watches! Under new management!
Now featuring compass watches: it's a watch AND a compass!
Direction watches coming soon.
Buy watches!
One location in Heropa, go to the website for more information.
18'14 19220922 1821 021206 04261307 0712 07261516.

NUCLEAR MOM
As seen on MeTube, Rumblr, BlueTube:
Bianca Reyes verbally GRINDING down a grocery store jerk and embarrassing her son! See her in action! Momtastic action!

IN TRUE AC-KORD-ANCE
As seen on all major national news outlets and major tech and automotive magazines and blogs:
After months of R&D, Starrware's Ted Kord has announced the launch of the company's newest and most innovative tech, Solar Technology Overlay Paneling. The technology combines Starrware's goal for environmentally-friendly technology with the popular hover engine technology, and uses a camouflage honeycomb solar paneling that allows engines to to draw energy from the sun, storing up to 250 hours of driving time per charge. The solar paneling can cover as much or as little of the vehicle as desired, blends in nicely with any color your vehicle comes in, and works on any size hover engine, from motorized bicycles to buses used for public transportation.

At Starrware's press conference this week, Mr. Kord announced that they have already begun production through General Motors and Ford, and expect to launch with Chrysler later in the month, with the first STOP cars expected to feature heavily in the 2017 lines for all three manufacturers. He has assured the press that Starrware will keep the production and distribution American, a move which has already driven Starrware's stock prices up as customer interest has spiked.

When asked for comment, Karen Starr, Starrware founder and CEO, and Ben Goldberg, co-CEO, replied "We at Starrware are exceptionally proud of Mr. Kord's talents and work with us, and are excited to see where this breakthrough will lead as we have no doubts this what will help further our goals and encourage others to look to greener solutions as well."

RENN FAIRE IS COMING
As seen in circulating ads:
Volunteer actors needed for the Renaissance Faire at the Maria-Francis foundation/September swear-in. No experience is necessary, training and costumes will be provided. All applicants considered, minors will need a guardian's signature!

A highlight in September will be a Renaissance festival being held to celebrate the opening of the Marie-Francis Foundation!

This will be an opportunity for the Foundation to express its gratitude to the imPorts and natives who helped construct its new headquarters, as well as an opportunity to welcome new imPorts at their Swearing-in.

The festival organizers are currently looking for any local imPort businesses that would be interested in having a booth at the festival, as well as participants for costume and character contests! There will be food, games, costumes and more at the festival and anyone with questions is welcome to contact the Foundation directly.

Whether people have a booth or choose to participate with a costume, the Foundation hopes everybody will come and enjoy a finally celebration of summer and welcome to fall!

TRULY PIE-OUS IMPORTS!
As seen on local Heropa news sites and papers, as well as pictures and videos from the event itself popping up on all major social media:
Local Heropan charitable organization, Helping Hands, Open Hearts, reports that their recent fundraiser spearheaded by imPorts Hartley Rathaway and M, "imPie an imPort", was a huge success. Over the course of the afternoon, imPorts and native citizens alike raised a shocking $4,254 in pie sales, standalone donations, and pie-in-the-face donations. HHOH founders Franklin and Susanne MacDonald say that the funds raised will do a lot to help with the construction of the new homeless shelter and resource center, but they will continue to accept donations. Their website has more information on how and where to donate, as well as photos and video clips from the event.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from CAUTIOUS PATRIOTISM to PUMPKIN SPICE ORANGE because Moonbux is a proud partner of the NSA and the DHS. Make sure to sign up for a Moonbux card, your tenth coffee is free!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒊)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2016

TAKING STOCK
As seen on Tech Blogs, news outlets, Faux News, Grudge Report, SMN Money:
Stock prices fell today when the official word is in about the new StarkTech app called the "4". After a surge in purchases these past few weeks, surrounding the mysterious new product, but after a few testers released scathing reviews of the app's functionality, it looks as if the surge of new clients may be over for the Import Tech Giant. The testing website StarkWatch reported that the app was "...altogether disappointing..." and "...had no real functionality changes from your average calendar application."

When provided this information, some StarkTech diehards echoed the company line, which was that it's going to be used for futher hardware upgrades later, but we have to ask ourselves: why didn't wait until the inevitable upgrades, then?

SOME LIKE IT HOT
As seen on national news:
As temperature records shatter across the nation in an unusually hot heatwave, certain corners of the internet and talk radio are targeting imPorts as the cause. Ronald Chump has been quoted, from his Bwitter accounts, suggesting that if imPorts are the reason for "hot temps rising then maybe we need to use 'em for energy source. Smart idea! We'd save bigly!"

BASICALLY JUST NERDS FLIRTING
As seen on PAGE SIX ad section of major published newspapers:
.... . .-.. .-.. --- --..-- / -.. --- -.-. - --- .-. .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .. -. / --- ..- .-. / ... .. --. .... - ... .-.-.-

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL
As seen on national news:
General criminal trends have seen a downturn drop in De Chima, Nonah, and Maurtia Falls. The decrease in reported crime has been in part attributed to the successful imPort Ambassadorships of those respective cities. Public opinion among local residents is at an all-time high of 87% (collectively, when polled across the three cities). This may well be a golden era for imPort Ambassadors!

PUSS IN BUCKS
As seen on Rumblr, Deddit, TMI magazine, and celebrity gossip blogs:
Deddit user "kittygalore", who claims to be a disgruntled insider of Ronald Chump's branding circle, has said that Chump has designs on Kitty Jones and her public persona.

"Chump is practically in love," writes kittygalore. "He seeks to market and conquer a new property. That's orgasmic to him."

True or false, the trend of interest in imPort personalities has skyrocketed over the past few weeks. With the apparent exportation of Lucifer, more advertising companies are sweating the reality that imPorts can be a temporary, and highly popular, commodity. The demand is immediate, and market watchers predict that soon companies will start reaching out for individual imPort sponsorships.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from VERY WORRIED BERRY to CAUTIOUS PATRIOTISM because fans have been thrilled over the sporting imPorts of this August Swearing In! But you never know what lies in wait shortly after fun events.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒉)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2016

CODE BLUE
As seen sponsored on the most prominent ad page of every affordable newspaper:
EOJJM!
CMSTMQ EOQO. FT WMUJC IO RM KUSE ODRFOQ FA YMU WOLT DEODC DLC CFC YMUQ SJFSEO IDCCFO RNOOSE.
YMU'JJ QUL MUT MA SFNEOQR OVOLTUDJJY.
-disco

THAT'S WHAT I THOT
As seen on media news blogs and discussed on Threadit's /imPort/legal boards:
THOT TOPIC is being sued by Daryl Dixon for copyright infringement over the life-sized toys they were advertising last month. When asked for comment, his lawyer alleges that the company did not seek out permission from his client to use his name or likeness. A cease and desist order has been issued against THOT TOPIC until the matter has been settled. Disappointment from the several thousand fans who already pre-ordered one of the life-sized toys has been circulating since the announcement. Though his lawyer claims Dixon-themed toys are not off the table should a company make an offer that is more respectful of his client.

Mr. Dixon's Laywer has also announced that as of August 7th, Dixon has signed an exclusive crossbow endorsement contract with Bow-Man Hunting that will last the length of his remainder in our world or two years, whichever comes first, with an option to renew when it ends. A spokesman from Bow-Man Hunting said they were excited to work with such an obvious and knowledgeable crossbow enthusiast.

MABEL IT'S MAYBELLINE
As seen on MeTube and local Heropean newspapers:
Infamous imPort Jonathan Crane was spotted last weekend - participating in a local program to promote children’s literacy - as videos of him reading The Little Mermaid and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to a small group of Heropa schoolchildren circulated on MeTube.

“He’s a totally new person! Completely different from that evil guy who messed with everyone for no reason,” says Mabel Pines, Crane’s spokespublistylist. “He wanted to do this to get kids reading again! It’s a small step towards making up for everything in the past.”

“Yeah I didn’t want to be here,” said one parent when questioned. “But all he did was read stuff. Not even scary stuff? He didn’t do voices or anything but it was still okay, I guess. The short girl gave me twenty bucks and did pig magic tricks for my kid so there would’ve been worse ways to spend last Saturday.”

Mr. Crane was not available for comment.

MAURTIA, MAURTIA, MAURTIA!
As seen in all the best tristate newspapers and the Maurtia Fallin' For You blog:
As of two weeks ago, an expansion of imPort housing in Maurtia Falls has been completed! Many Maurtia Falls residents seem to be treating this expansion with suspicion, and one pillar of the community, Simon Martindale (aged 95, and still trucking albeit retired!) has been reported saying: "They're taking away our jobs! Why do we need any more of them here, anyway?"

A representative from the government has gone on record saying that this expanded housing effort was completed in order to increase the presence of imPorts in the cities that need them most, and not just Heropa. Will this mean more houses in Nonah and De Chima next? We can only speculate from here! But there's little doubt that the exceptional charm of Ambassador Petyr Baelish has helped flushed interest in the city.

SUCH A BIT STANK
As seen in, or presented on, Politica, Faux News, The Last Turd, 358.com:
In a speech this past weekend, Senatorial Candidate Mitchell Hundred launched into an explanation of his positions as opposed to his opponent Patrice Stankavich. Interestingly enough, the speech was lean in terms of Import policy, but instead focused on economics, jobs, defense, and a slew of more "mainline" policies, as opposed to import politics.

The Stankavich campaign fired back, outlining a detailed plan of how they will be pushing the imports toward integration, removing import housing, jobs, and tax breaks, and instead pushing them towards naturalized citizens.

Today, Hundred's campaign fired back with an official statement: "While the Senator's plan is detailed and admirable, as an import, we have specific needs that I want to protect. We're new people in this country, with even less coming with us than your average immigrant. We don't come with our families, our friends, or even any more property than the clothes on our back. We're lucky if we enjoy the job we're given, and free housing is normally temporary for a good portion of us. Some of us are doctors or like me, politicians. I want us to show the world how we can help the community as a whole. Both our own, and the cities we live in -- but I intend to work closely with any panel on import affairs in the Senate, and I hope they'll value my input and my ideas. Removing the safety net is an interesting move from a Democrat, I'll admit, but I hope that my commitment to assisting the import community's newest members get back on their feet will help us do more for the people here as a whole."

RADICAL NEWS!
As seen rebweeted from The Radish's Bwitter Account, making its way to Rumblr:
NONAH --
Porter users expressed sympathy for his his predicament as they told reporters Friday evening about a disgruntled teenager traveling with two loud, obnoxious parents.

"Everyone knows he loves them anyway," Nonah native Fernando Nuñez, who does not use the Porter station and was nowhere near it at the time of the incident, comments about the teenager who was described as being too upset to even look in the direction of his father as he complained loudly about the lecture he received from the teenager that morning.

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING
As seen on only the best technology magazines and blogs, and the most capitalistic consumerist venues:
Several tech, consumer, and entertainment publications, websites, and TV ads have all started to circulate with several ads advertising the latest StarkTech project. The TV ad features a beautiful woman, who is obviously using a StarkTech phone, working away, while a voice over says: "Are you ready to be the best you possible?" The model nods at the disembodied voice, and the screen pans over her phone screen, where she hits an app only titled "4".

"With the 4 app, Starktech will help you become the you that you've always knew you could be," the screen shows a calendar, and the model's schedule comes up, and then an alert pops up, all of it looks very futuristic, with floating displays, there's a couple of very cool sounding pings and an alert for: "date tonight" pops up, before she jumps up with her phone in hand, and runs off screen.

"The '4' app. Available only on StarkTech phones, coming soon."

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL
As seen on national news and prominent news sites:
At 11.30 last night, a murmur of something grim coming out of Maurtia Falls began to hit the local news circuit. By morning, the news had broken nationally that a MF resident named as Hans Gretel, 47, father of five and the owner and operator of a children's arcade in the east of the city, was found brutally murdered in the basement of a youth disco. Reporters warn that the following story will be distressing to those of a weak disposition, then goes on to describe that the man had been partially flayed and partially dismembered while still alive.

A witness for the MFPD, who is not being named by police for reasons of their own protection, claims to have been present at the moment of the man's death, and the MFPD have published two artist's impressions of the suspects.

The suspects are described as being of similar height, with suspect number one having brown hair and green eyes: PHOTO 1; suspect number two is described as being an older man with small pale blue eyes and dirty blonde hair: PHOTO 2.

The MFPD have taken the imPort known as Lucifer in for questioning, after he submitted himself to the investigation this morning. They are still seeking what they claim is his accomplice, who has not yet been IDed by police.

The police department is asking for help, both from imPorts and the native population, soliciting information on either the abduction of Mr. Gretel or the whereabouts of the suspect in PHOTO 1. News sources are reporting on the possibility of this gruesome case being linked to a number of crime scenes and missing person cases sweeping across the city; a suggestion that MFPD spokesmen refuse to comment on at this time.

[ The OOC post for the conclusion of this event is here, and players are encouraged to jump in as they please with regard to the manhunt and investigation! A log for both has been posted to the log community! ]

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SHATTERING BROWN to VERY WORRIED BERRY due to the most recent polling indicating that 67% of residential citizens believe their respective imPort Ambassadors remain in mortal peril.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: JULY 20TH, 2016

BAIL-FUL COUNTENANCE
As seen on local television network:
In the wake of the strange disappearances back in June, the Maurtia Falls Police Department has issued a brief statement claiming that they believe that last month's bailjumpers have indeed been kidnapped and murdered, given evidence collected at crime scenes discovered in the city earlier this month. However, no more criminals who have posted bail have vanished, and although the Maurtia Falls department have yet to find the criminal responsible, they are optimistic that the crime spree, if that was indeed what it was, is over.

That said, reported disappearances in the city have climbed to an all time high this month, although this, a Member of the Court of Drunk Statisticians remarked for the Fall News, is no surprise: "People get jumpy when their loved one goes missing in a situation like this, hic. They might pay more attention to long absences when, hic, they might otherwise have not given half a s#&t about it before."

The accompanying news article seems to back up his claim. Local loan shark Joe "Fingerbreaker" Hammer disappeared on the 12th of June, and two days later was reported at missing, only to be rediscovered by his overwrought ex-wife. "He got drunk and fell asleep in the back of his limo, and ended up in Vegas. He didn't bother to call me back even though I left thirty-seven messages on his phone. He's a douchebag, I wish he was missing."

GOSHDARN KIDS
As seen on the national nightly news:
In related news, a seventeen-year-old boy who reported his parents and younger sister missing on the 7th, the day after his birthday, whom was later discovered to have killed them all, concealing their bodies by throwing them into the cesspit under their house. He has been remanded into custody and charged with three counts of murder.

IMPOTENT PROTECTION ALERT
As seen on international news stations:
Scattered reports from Moscow indicate that the USSR will be staging mass "duck and cover" demonstrations for children ages sixteen and under, in the event of uncontrolled imPort violence committed against the people of the USSR. ImPorts are depicted as extremely aggressive and heartlessly lethal foes, an argument popularized by boogeyman-like propaganda posters featuring the more infamous imPorts (notably Jonathan Crane and Lucifer). These posters flood public areas such as schools.

HONOR CODE
As seen in the Page 6 ads in all newspapers local to imPort cities:
82 101 109 101 109 98 101 114 32 117 115 63 32 87 101 32 104 97 118 101 32 98 101 101 110 32 119 97 116 99 104 105 110 103 46 32 69 110 106 111 121 32 116 104 101 32 115 104 97 107 101 45 117 112 46

THE CAT AND THE CHUMP
As seen featured on Shitebartnews.com:
Ronald Chump fires back at imPort Kitty Jones when asked about her in an interview --

"Who?" Replied Chump, apparently unaware of the name. Shortly followed by: "You mean that miserable anarchist? Whatever."

More undoubtedly to follow.

SHARE THE CARE
As seen on national news:
WeCare, a non-profit charity promoter, would like to celebrate imPort-created charities and foundations this July. If you are a n imPort who has founded either of the above criteria, then contact WeCare at WeCare.org with your information. Everyone who submits a legitimate application will individually receive a 14k plated gold medal of recognition on July 30th! Representatives from WeCare will meet you at your home or business to present your medal and offer a brief interview of your accomplishments and passions.

NOTHING BUT A HUND DOG
As seen on the morning show "Cox & Friends":
Rumors are already swirling about the Senate race heating up in Virginia. Former imPort Ambassador Mitchell Hundred is in the thick of he-said-she-said talk about his bedroom preferences and habits. Most pundits dismiss all this to be nothing more than a whisper smear campaign against the imPort in his bid to unseat a senator.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FIREWORK RED to SHATTERING BROWN because of the rampant earthquake monsters running amok.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

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