005; video

Dec. 25th, 2015 11:19 pm
bestever: tinymintywolf@tumblr (STARTLE;)
[personal profile] bestever
[epsilon is, for the first time ever, too lazy to go through the rigamarole of trying to convey his annoyance through voice and hologram. he made carolina dump him back in the android so that he could enjoy the spread if he had to sit through dinner, but it seems like the novelty has worn off (read: the tank is full) and he's retreated to a corner to whine at the network. he is also wearing one of his hanukkah gifts.] Alright, listen. I know y'all've got better things to worry about, but I need to put my foot down. [he stringently ignores a distant kerfuffle behind him; though there's an orange and black blur that JINGLES its way past him, the deepening in his frown is probably just subconscious. or maybe in response to the sudden screeching coming from the kitchen. that tinkly little blur DID almost seem to have a drumstick shape near the front, didn't it? might explain the clamor coming from the other room.]

Christmas is officially over as of... [he glances offscreen briefly, checking the timestamp in the corner of his field of vision. this doesn't mean much, since... he can never remember which date is actually the important one and which is 'eve' or whatever.] Whatever. Whenever. Soon. The point is, the time for holiday cheer has officially come to an end. That means no more decorations, no more forced friendliness, and most importantly!

No more carols. If I have to listen to one more bubblegum trash ballad about giving hearts away or wanting somebody as a present, I'm gonna die. Just spontaneously expire. Seriously, how anybody makes it through two solid fucking months of the same chirpy songs is completely beyond my compre--

[the helmet that flies in from the other room is... pretty recognizable. also? pretty heavy. and pretty accurately dead center in the back of his skull. church responds to this quite eloquently, by tipping over and bringing the frame with him, cursing loudly for a moment before he shuts the feed off. replies will probably be after things at H003 have calmed down slightly. um. relatively, rather.]
pastdoesntdefine: (Agent Carolina)
[personal profile] pastdoesntdefine
[ When the video switches on, there's a woman dressed in black and dark green army gear, divested of weapons but clearly comfortable in uniform. Sharp viewers may recognise the outer facility area of one of the army bases, and there's a table next to her with obscured objects.

There's evidently someone else behind the camera, because there's an obvious pause as she waits for a signal to begin, before focusing directly ahead of her. Still wearing the protective helmet borrowed from the army, protective shades cover her eyes and the fabric of her balaclava is pulled up over her mouth. Someone doesn't want to be recognised on the network today - not her real face, anyway - and when she speaks, surprisingly clear, those who've had a chance to meet Agent Carolina in person will recognise her voice.

(Just don't ask about the power armor..)
]

I'm Agent Carolina. I believe some of you are already acquainted with some of my former colleagues from the UNSC space corp. The Government approached me with some intel that a few of our fellow Imports managed to dig up, intel that they wanted verified - and I did.

Congratulations. Thanks to you, we now know exactly where our neighbourhood party crashers came from.

[ She nods to the camera, and for a moment the screen goes black - followed by a series of black and white photographs of an island; first approaching from the sea, followed by a sequence of images leading off the shore, including a shot of a dead lemur spattered with poisoned darts, half collapsed over a device concealed in the sand.

Carolina doesn't speak again until there's a shot of a patrol group: an armored troop of humanoids, wearing a very familiar set of skullmasks, accompanying a heavy duty armored jeep as it trundled along a very well travelled path through jungle scrub.
]

They call the island 'Enoch'. It's just off the coast of Florida. [why is it always Florida?] I was under orders to keep my visit brief.

[ The image flickers again; this time? Video, initially shakey and lit up as though showing the world through night-vision goggles. Behold: the main enemy complex at the center of the island, the central building formed of a huge round dome, with the exterior formed out of an unusual-looking composite. The entire thing gives off the appearance of a huge human skull -- someone was paid well to emphasis a very specific aesthetic. ]

I couldn't see any aerial sweeps being done, but I don't think they were particularly worried about eyes in the sky. [The camera stops panning, instead zooming in on the local anti-aircraft artillery. Then the footage ends, and Carolina returns to the screen] There was a lot of troop movement, but how many there are was unclear, I couldn't get close enough for a better reading of numbers.

Either way, this place is well fortified, and they're well armed. They've obviously been here a very long time building a small army off the coast. They mean business. And until now? No one noticed. [...feels almost painfully familiar, actually]

I lacked the tools and time to hack their radio network, so I planted a device to track and decrypt transmissions on and off the island. Also picked up that lemur on my way out, and the trap it set off - might help to know just what kind of poisons they plan on injecting into trespassers. Anyone who's good with either? Get in contact.

If we're going to make a move, we should consider doing it soon. [her arms fold over her chest] I'll answer any questions best I can.

4 | Video

Dec. 4th, 2015 03:04 pm
fastballspeciaaaaal: (It's not the Kitten Holy?)
[personal profile] fastballspeciaaaaal
[This post goes up Friday morning, 9am approximately. Ripley’s sitting cross-legged in a chair, with a backpack over her shoulders and an exaggerated pout on her face. A PA system goes off in the background, a phone rings, y’know, all the stuff you expect of the front office of a school. Her voice is low when she speaks, she doesn’t want the administration to hear her post.]

Uh……… could someone come pretend to be my mom or dad at my school? Jackson followed me to class today and they didn’t like that and now I’m a little bit in trouble for [Yeah, she’s totally gonna mock the principal here:] “bringing a dangerous animal into the classroom environment” and they wanna talk to my parents but they’re not here…

And I think they’re upset about other stuff too? …like my attendance record probably, ‘cause that’s not so great, and how I never have my homework done…

But that’s not my fault! Seventh grade is hard, I need help with my homework and I don’t, have anyone at home to help me!

[Shoot, she’s getting off track.] Um. Anyways, help please!

[And she’s gone.]
timeframes: (pic#9219555)
[personal profile] timeframes
hey its that time again
this special day when a dude turns seventeen and gets fuck all in return for it
seriously though who the fuck decides im somehow arbitrarily just not eligible for shit until our planet flings itself around the goddamn sun one more time
what difference does it
the president peering through his fuckoff huge space telescope or whatever while he decides who can get tatted up or not
turns to the guy writing the constitution and is like yo that SO TIGHT but you gotta see eighteen of those sick tricks before we let you do anything cool
cant be getting a sweet full sleeve of carebears on your arm or BIG DICK BILL directly on your forehead 
until youve supposedly survived a full set of life experiences absolutely every shitbird out there will have somehow before that magic date passes that allows them to make mature and rational decisions
maybe ive got a serious emergency only fireworks or lottery tickets can solve and because some guy whos most definitely dead decided 1000 years ago to pass some sort of moral judgement on me
something to think about

whatever
point is
i dont really have a point guess its just been a while since ive actually DONE something to mark the day my diapered ass got slammed into the earth at ten thousand miles an hour
so you could indulge in that time honored tradition of giving into the lull of modern consumerism which states you have to bestow worthless crap on someone for the great feat of continuing to breathe another year
or i guess more practically you could stop by krakatoa and listen to some of my sweet jams since i work there or something
hey thats some free advertising right there
i should be getting paid for that namedrop
glitterateur: aces (They double ballooned me!)
[personal profile] glitterateur
[Aw, look, it’s a cute little preteen! And she is definitely not in jail. Though she does look very serious (in her very serious sweater) as she addresses the camera.]

Hi! For anybody I don’t know, my name’s Mabel! Mabel Pines. And today I have good news and also bad news that has some good news? The totally good news is that I’m doing sweater commissions! So if anybody needs a last minute Hanukkah gift or something for Christmas or any other holiday, just let me know. All I need is a size and what design you want and you’ve got it! My rates are very reasonable.

Now the bad news! So... people might have seen that video on the network last week? The creepy one where the guy who looks like my brother was all like today I’m gonna walk on glass and freak everybody out? Well-- long story short but that’s actually not Dipper! That’s a demon. His name’s Bill and he’s pretty evil and also he can take over people’s bodies. [She looks off camera for a second before continuing.]

Which is all kinds of freaky, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! There're ways to tell if you're dealing with him or not.

[She holds up a pair of visual aids to the screen. Marvel at this 13 year old's artistic skills.]

And I’ve got these in helpful pamphlet form, too, for anybody who wants. See, I told you there was more good news! So, just to recap-- creepy wrong pupils is bad, triangles are extra bad, and please don’t just punch Dipper or anyone else you might suspect before you check for the warning signs.

--oh and if you’re gonna call us probably don’t call Stan first? It’s bad if his communicator thing goes off during one of his [Airquotes:] “business deals.” It scares the pugs.

[Mabel gives the camera a thumbs up!! Before turning it off.]

002; video

Nov. 30th, 2015 05:36 pm
clownshoes: (09)
[personal profile] clownshoes
[ sora is a good friend. sora is a great friend. sora isn't bothering to find out how to hide this post from riku because he's the best friend ever. ]

So, I know some of you know Riku. He's my best friend.

[ that grin is to not be trusted. ]

And as his best friend, when I found out he decided to keep something reeeeally important from everyone...I had to let everyone know.

[ sora leans into the screen like he's got a big secret, looking for too self-satisfied. ]

Riku's birthday was 17 days ago.

Late birthday presents and wishes are completely acceptable.
moneylogues: (UH HUH HONEY)
[personal profile] moneylogues
[The video feed starts of with Felix holding the camera. He's wearing his armor and helmet, so you can't see his face, but he somehow manages to look bored anyway. It's also not his house. Oh no, this is someone else's place.]

Okay, you know what I'm getting sick and tired off? Giving people advice about their lives. People here have such boring problems and most of them don't really matter. So. I'm going to give you guys some advice that's actually useful.

So today, I'm doing a special edition of Dear Felix. You're all getting some special advice, from the bottom of my heart.


[And then he reaches off camera and- okay that's knives. That's a bunch of throwing knives. Okay. Felix just holds them up to the camera.]

I'm going to show you how to throw these babies, because people just don't appreciate them anymore. Don't get me wrong, guns? Guns are great! But they're so fucking dull sometimes! Plus, hey, it's never a bad thing to be versatile. Alright! [He stands up, pointing the camera at the wall. He has every intention of throwing the knife straight at it.] Now let me just-

[An armoured glove appears from behind gripping Felix’s wrist, stopping him mid-throw.]

Felix.

[A filtered voice echoes through the room as Locus comes into view making their already distinctive height difference more pronounced. At 6’4 he’s more than a foot taller than his partner and broader too. A distinction Locus uses to his advantage when he grabs Felix by the back of the collar and calmly lifts him up off the floor by nearly a foot.]

I warned you.

[Infamous last words with Locus having every intention of throwing the bad kitty out of his house.

And then there's Felix, handling it with all the grace of a- Well, with all the grace of Felix.]


Damn it, Locus, I'm trying to do a thing- You are such an asshole, I swear to god, FUCK-

[And that's when the video cuts off. Enjoy the sight of a grown man being lifted like an angry cat, network.]

video

Nov. 26th, 2015 12:56 pm
fuckai: (.05)
[personal profile] fuckai
[Oh hey, look. Its another one of those armored guys. Sorry, Mask or Menace.]

Hey. This is Private Leonard Church. You may know me from things such as The Real Meaning of Dibs and The Reason Why Shades of Red on an Emergency Alert System are Fuckin' Stupid.

I'm here today to tell you a thing or two about the good, ol' American holiday you're all celebrating. I know, I know. Why the education after the fact? After all the shit's bought and pies are cooling and giant birds are taking up space in the fridge?

[Pause for effect, aaaaaaaand...]

Because I guarantee not a single one of you assholes know what this day's really about. Sure, there's the crap about settlers and Indians and giant corn being sent to the King-- [N...o... literally none of that is right] --but you know what no one talks about? The truth behind everything. The fact that for one night a year just about every American has come together to lay a slaughtered bird out on the table.

And before you animal right's activists pull your picket signs out of your asses, let me lay out some facts for you:

[He raises a hand, ticking everything out on his fingers] First- Turkeys. Just look at 'em. [A picture appears in the upper corner of the screen.] Ugly assholes, right? Beaks made to peel flesh, skin that's like five different shades, and what the fuck are those ridges? That extra piece of skin just hanging from its face? These things were just made to be pieces of shit.

Second- these things are honest to god douches [A video starts playing in the corner now, replacing the monstrous close-up from before] Pilgrims vs Indians? Yeah, that's just what the government wants you to think happened. Why the hell do you think everyone came together over a burning carcass, huh? These assholes probably kicked the shit out of some kids and-- hey, powdered wigs? They weren't always white. You do not want to see what comes out the other end of those things.

Third- turkeys are those assholes who do half the work and get all the credit. [Church what does that even mean] That feather trick? The one kids color with their hands? The ones on all the fuckin' merchandise? Peacocks got that first, but you don't see them in stores everywhere as soon as November comes rolling around.

[.... even if.... peacocks are dicks, too....]

Anyway, the bottom line is fuck giving thanks! Kill a turkey!

Douchebags deserve it.
thinhammer: (let's go already!!!)
[personal profile] thinhammer
Hey! Does anyone know how to set off fireworks?

[ No context, no explanation, that's all you're getting unless you ask. It's early in the morning, but for once Naruto is wide awake; bright eyed and bushy tailed and full to bursting with animated ideas of what he's planning. Luckily for Naruto (unluckily for everyone else) Naruto isn't all that familiar with the community at large and therefore this request may appear quite a normal one.. There's just the small detail of Naruto's reckless personality that might ring alarm bells, and the fact that he hasn't an ounce of common sense. The way he's staring intently and excitedly into the camera might also be a little unsettling. ]

video

Nov. 25th, 2015 08:49 am
dicktate: (pic#9712470)
[personal profile] dicktate
[ This guy, again... He starts the recording with a wave, then reclines in a very practiced way, which is less about getting comfortable and more about showing as much of himself off as possible in the least amount of time. ]

There are fliers and notices and posts around, but what use are those things when instead, you could hear it straight from the mouth of Jinseok Jin? Worth nothing, so I will tell you all there is to know. Sit sit, listen to my handsome voice, be satisfied looking at my handsome face.

This month, the government is looking for imPort volunteers. You haven't signed up because you were waiting to hear more information from your beautiful imPort Spokesperson? Ahh, who can I blame? Nobody, only me for being so irresistible.

My imPorts, you have been invited to participate in a Virtual Reality Training Simulator. Hear it? Inside a computer, so no faces will be harmed if you fight like a broom in mud. Unless you are ugly, and you can probably ask them to hit you with that muddy broom to feel more at home.

They are also looking for people to watch and monitor if you are good at computers or are a voyeur who finds it sexy.

The training is held over two days, but you will be compensated for the time, and all your work places will be willing to let you go to participate. It is your duty as one of Jinseok's handsome and irreplaceable imPorts, right? Aaah, it's hard to be so popular.

There is no reason not to sign up now that you have heard directly from my mouth. Questions? Excuses to hear me talk more?

[ He winks, pointing straight down to where the replies will show up once he's finished recording.

And this is the guy who speaks on behalf of imPorts.
]

video

Nov. 16th, 2015 01:13 pm
logicunlocked: (Default)
[personal profile] logicunlocked
[ York's normally pretty casual when he makes calls on the network, but for this broadcast he makes sure to look a bit more professional and have his remarks prepared in advance. ]

Well, hello. Hope everyone's having a great evening so far. My name is York, and today I want to talk to you about safety and security. I think it's obvious to most of us that not everyone with super powers has the best of intentions. There are a lot of considerations, then, when it comes to securing our property and our own peace of mind. Since I've arrived here I've had the opportunity to see firsthand a lot of situations where an increase in security measures are called for. I'm still researching, but I want to start where I am with things and give clients the option to be part of this process—learning what can be done to secure their property and implementing those measures.

Okay, so, basically what this boils down to is that my first clients to sign up will get free upgrades for the next...however long this process takes, plus discounted rates. I'm in the middle of learning what measures the banks here have in place for these purposes—my service is tailored to residential applications, but the principles will be the same. I'm going to be straightforward with you—I don't do gimmicks. No offers or sales, just honesty.

Here's my credentials: I'm a former military security and infiltration specialist, and in addition to my own knowledge I have an onboard AI consultant. Any solutions we don't learn about based on what the banks and government installations have in place, we'll be able to invent on our own. Just let me know if you have any specific concerns when it comes to securing your own property and we'll work out an answer.
deadkord: (The environment: Everyone likes it.)
[personal profile] deadkord
[ The video opens to a man in bug goggles and a baby blue cowl sitting in a pretty nondescript living room—no decorations or anything in sight, so he must be really new. ]

Hi there. The name's Blue Beetle. I'm a new arrival, and as I'm sure you can imagine, I have a lot of questions. But there's one really awkward one I'd like to get out of the way right from the start.

So: who else is supposed to be dead right now?

Video

Nov. 9th, 2015 01:00 pm
shovelrous: (Say that again knave.)
[personal profile] shovelrous
[This one may be a little different from the others. For starters, it's a man in full armor sitting on the step of a porch, holding a rather large glass of tea. ...Or, rather, either that's a massive glass or he's not the tallest guy on the block. His shovel lay propped against the porch rail, spade still dotted with a couple of stray fallen leaves.]

Greetings, fellow imPorts! I am Shovel Knight of lands far from here, but it appears my services are needed here. 'Tis not often that one can add 'world-jumping' to their list of life accomplishments, yet here I am nevertheless!

I look forward to the tasks that will be placed before us, and will work to the best of my ability to see them through!

...Though, a question: How might I best hone these new skills bestowed upon me? I find myself able to move earth both with and without my shovel. To make stones dance is entertaining, but I feel I can do more with... w-with it.

[He placed a hand over his chest after that small hiccup. Then, he turned his head to address someone off-camera:]

Madam... what is in this sweet tea?

["Oh, just some bourbon, honey! It's my mama's recipe." The knight turned back to his drink, and is contemplatively silent, until-]

Hmh. So I thought. How many of these have I had...?

3 | Video

Nov. 7th, 2015 12:23 am
fastballspeciaaaaal: (I BET --)
[personal profile] fastballspeciaaaaal
[Hey network, enjoy this small smiley child beaming at you when this post goes up in the wee hours of the morning.]

Hi everyone!! I’m Ripley and I am here to make a public service announcement about friendship!

Having friends is super important. You already knew that, right? Seriously, it’s probably like, the most important thing ever. Of all time! ‘Specially here. So I wanna make sure that all the newbies here have friends! Newbies! Do you have friends yet?

If you don’t, I have good news. I’ll be your friend! In fact, even if you’re not a newbie, I’ll still be your friend! I always like making friend and I’m very good at friendship. Come talk to me if you wanna be friends.

That’s all for now, Ripley out! [Her sign off is accompanied by a tiny salute and her best attempt at a serious face before the video ends.

--OR DOES IT. Soon after, she makes an addition.]


Oh, oh, oh. P.S. Does anybody wanna adopt a hermit crab? Or maybe twenty? I’ve got a lotta hermit crabs. [She looks off camera wide eyed, momentarily overwhelmed by her own vast amount of hermit crabs.

But then she’s back.]
Okay, thanks!
dadroid: (papa wolf)
[personal profile] dadroid
[ The man onscreen is well-dressed, though not in any costume to speak of. He's so large, it's possibly because he simply couldn't find one inhis size. ]

Though I don't normally lend my services publicly, I think perhaps given recent events and the nature of tonight's holiday, this may perhaps be the night to do it.

My name is Baymax, and I'm a particularly strong and imposing individual. If anyone feels unsafe on the street tonight, please don't hesitate to contact me and I will escort you safely to your destination.

Depending on what city you're in, there may be a delay in my arrival.

PSA; video

Oct. 25th, 2015 09:58 pm
snackcakes: (Default)
[personal profile] snackcakes

[a video starts of two dumbasses in colorful space armor standing around in downtown de chima]

Hey, everybody. This is Captain Dexter Grif of the popular webseries Red vs. Blue.

And this is Captain Dick Simmons, from the same show, and your local family counselor.

It's almost Halloween, and we here at Red Base want to remind all of you to be safe out there around one of today's most deadly substances.

Candy: the silent killer.

Every year, hundreds of children across the U.S. die in horrible candy related accidents.

Why, when I was a child, I remember my neighbor, little Jimmy Saunders. There he was, with a Bling-Sucker, riding his skateboard. Then, well... I can't even talk about it over the network like this. Poor Jimmy. It's just...too horrible.

If you're a parent, you might be asking yourself what you can do to make sure your kid doesn't end up horrifically maimed or dead or whatever like Jimmy. Well, that's easy.

[pan out to a beautiful cardboard box with a handy opening cut into the side. note the helpful labelling of "candy here" with an arrow pointing up drawn onto the side]

We've gone ahead to do you the favor of collecting the world's resident candy expert and certified candy tester to ensure that the candy you are preparing to give to your children is safe, tasty, and not full of harmful substances, like space-germs or horse meat. So, as this holiday comes around, pre-emptively, empty your bags full of that.. suspicious sugar-monstrosity collection into our convenient treat receptacles, and in 3-5 business days, we'll guarantee a return of the safe and healthy candy you and your children deserve.

Our current locations can be found around De Chima, but we hope to expand to all major cities soon. Be sure to contact us about what you can do to help us expand so that your kids can still have the same trick-or-treat experience they've grown up with, just without the constant worry that that weird old lady down the road laced their chocolate in rat poison or worse.

We appreciate your outreach in making this holiday safe for everyone! Have a good night!

[...there's a brief pause while Simmons goes to cut off the video feed

muffled:]

You so owe me for this, Grif. So much.


[OOC Note: orange is Grif, maroon is Simmons. sorry not sorry.]

voice;

Oct. 24th, 2015 06:14 pm
ursawhiner: (Wiggy wow. Wiggy wiggy wowie wow.)
[personal profile] ursawhiner
[Earlier this evening, people in Heropa might have noticed some fireworks in all colors of the rainbow going off above house #11. Fun! If kind of seasonally inappropriate! Those police sirens that followed were probably totally unrelated.

But now, there’s just a young voice posting this message to the network. In the background you can just make out other people talking about normal things, like paperwork and donuts and suspected robberies.
]

Hey. We only get one call so if Grunkle Stan Pines or Agent Washington could come to the Heropa sheriff's office that would be great. Thanks.

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maskormenace

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