The illness that's going around - it's... called the Flare. It effects your mind, and deteriorates it. Makes you go nuts. It was an epidemic, where Newt and I are from. It's airborne, and it's driving humanity into extinction.
[ thomas gets right into business. he's been in the university lab in heropa for who even knows how long and it's not working. anything he tries, it's not working, and he's desperate. taking a deep breath, thomas goes on, and it feels like a confession. something he never wanted to talk about, but, now, they need it. it's admitting failure, something he doesn't often do. but there's no time and he isn't enough. ]
Back home, I worked with a group that was trying to find a cure for it. I... I was someone pretty high up, I think. I don't have any memories of it before then, but, they were close, they kept saying. They went way too far with it, but they were close, and... [ he breathes for a second, his voice taking on a shake that he wants to suppress, but this is more terrifying that he'd ever thought it would be. he's seen his world. he's seen the scorch. he knows what's at stake here. ] Another world like our world... You guys don't understand. It's hell. Humanity's dying, and there's still no cure. I don't know if there'll ever be.
[ why would he have thought of the trials, if he thought there'd be any other way? thomas doesn't want to remember, doesn't want to be the person he used to be, before they took his memories, the one who worked on the flare, who was capable of thinking up something as abhorrent as the trials, to initiate them, watch all that happened to the gladers, to newt. he knows that thomas has all the information on this thing that they desperately need now, but getting that back would mean taking out the swipe; becoming that person again. ]
I've been trying to solve it out here, with what I know, what I can figure out, but it's not enough. ...I can't do this. I can't fix it. [ after how many years researching it obsessively before? making it his whole life? and what does he know about it now - other than that he's immune, that it deteriorates the mind, that it makes you crazy? thomas swallows, pushing himself to go on. ]
This place has stuff our world doesn't, though. Newt's had the virus, the whole time he was here. The reason it's coming out now is that there's something wrong with the nanites. I don't know, maybe the virus advanced too far, maybe the tech wasn't programmed to fix something like this. But...
[ but this is the part he's unsure of, and the reason he blocked newt from this post. not minho, not teresa, because they'll know once it's done, and they deserve to be aware of what he's trying to do. the guilt's eaten at him too much, though, and he knows - he has to do this. at least, it's not WICKED putting their hands in his mind now, and as much as he doesn't want to be the person he was before, he can't let his world destroy this one. not when it's a haven to so many.
not when newt is fading away. ]
If I can get my memories back, I'll be able to help. I worked with this thing all my life, I know everything there we could know about it, it's just... blocked. There's something called the Swipe in my head that keeps me like that - it's a chip. I need-- [ he remembers the masks they used in the WICKED labs, the machines. they were horrifying. there has to be another way, though. maybe even something temporary. just long enought to figure it all out. ]
I need to get it out. To be able to help figure this out, I need it out. But, I need help to do that. [ he shakes his head, looking down at his hands, the last words muttered, thick with guilt. ] We've lost so many people because of this thing already.
[ there's a pause, and thomas's voice has gotten rasped, on the verge of tears. he hates being like this, but, christ, he's so fucking scared. it comes out pleading. ]
Please. My best friend is dying.
ETA: PRIVATE TO NEWT;
we might have something that can help you. newt, tell me where you are, or i'm gonna find you myself. you know i can.
[ considering the 'thing that might help you' is jesse pinkman, and that also means thomas can get the power boost to mentally do a search for him. newt's head probably isn't that quiet right now. ]