worstever: ((impending polka noises))
[personal profile] worstever
[The camera opens on one of those armor guys that are all totally indistinguishable from one another. Wash is standing as straight as humanly possible, but the slight cough and fidget he does still make him look awkward. He’s recording on some nondescript street corner.]

Hi. I’m Agent Washington, a former covert ops marine back home, currently a member of RISE. As recent events have made clear, we may no longer be able to rely on peace. With the amount of imports without formal or informal experience with combat, I felt I should offer my services as an veteran. [Far more interesting than this dry, clearly rehearsed speech is the hotdog-shaped car going by in the background.] Pay would be negotiable, free for kids. [What’s that? The wienermobile is having trouble with that last turn? Something in the road, maybe? What’s that? The wienermobile is spinning out of control?] I have years of experience with hand-to-hand, small arms --

[WHAT’S THAT THE WIENERMOBILE HAS JUST COLLIDED WITH AGENT WASHINGTON AND HIS ATTEMPT TO DODGE WAS FUTILE? What are the chances?

The camera goes flying, cutting out right in the middle of an incredulous cry of “oh, you’ve GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING --”]


Oh fuck. [The camera gets picked up by someone else and focuses first on Wash laying on the ground, then the weinermobile smoking and finally stalled out a few feet away.] Ssssssssssssso basically, short version, wanna learn self defense, talk to Wash, he’ll figure out payment later.

[He looks over at where the weinermobile first lost control at the banana in the road. Then at Wash.] Walk it off, dude! You’ll be fine! Not like getting pounded by a footlong’s gonna kill you!

[Wash, on the ground, rasps:] No, but I’m going to kill you the second I’m up.

video

Mar. 14th, 2016 09:02 pm
missleadingquestions: (Wᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ {ᴛʀʏ})
[personal profile] missleadingquestions
[It would seem this post’s been crossposted to other social media outlets, so if your character’s obsessed with the various brothers and sisters of Twine and MeTube, they might get this on multiple channels.

the camera opens to a wondrous view of a handsome young golden retriever wagging his tail as he sits on the sidewalk next to a bench, and of said handsome young golden’s master beautifully shoving hand-sized pies in his mouth with… multiple fast food bags beside him. They’re probably all full of hand pies. Gorgeous. Stellar. Truly a world-moving portrait.

Behind the camera is one Maya Fey, who along with Ken has been dragged on this pi-day pie collecting plan.]


Goood afternoon, Nonah. We’re here today with your follow up to operation: Kaneda pre-orders a pie. Kaneda, the public would like to know-- how many pies did you pre-order?

[Maya shoots her hand out in front of the camera as though gesturing at Kaneda with an imaginary microphone. This microphone is a paper-packaged straw, mind you.]

[Give Kaneda a moment, he didn’t expect an interview while he was still eating. His eyes cast to that ‘microphone’, his chewing slowing down to a snail’s pace as he finishes up that bite, swallowing hard and looking at the pie (still in box) that he’s holding.] ….One.

And how many pies were you able to buy, in the end?

[Another bite of pie follows, as he sizes up the bags sitting next to him on the bench. Clearly he’s in food-mode right now, and actually using his brain is taking a backseat to munching. Without even swallowing this time, he starts to count inside the first bag, holding it open with one hand while the other still firmly holds the pie.]

Ichi...ni...san… thirty.


Mmmmmhm.

...It’s really damn good.

[This entire video has ‘dog shaming meme’ written all over it, apparently.]

It’s strawberry. [Kaneda seems to have stopped paying attention to the broadcast, focusing more on the pie and talking to...well...Maya, I guess.]

Mmmmmhm. So, yeah. Pre-ordering pies— worth it, or not? You decide.


I want another. [As he goes diving into the first bag, spelunking for another one, practically sticking his whole head inside in the process.]



[The camera swaps over to the view of Capsule nosing at the bare patty of a hamburger, a special treat for pie day, since dog pie is certainly not a fast food staple.]

And now for the real hero of the day, Capsule. You go, pal.
nagachika: (ヾ( ✪ワ✪)ヾ)
[personal profile] nagachika
[The video's going to start with the camera passing over the headlines of several newspaper clippings, the date pretty unclear to how the camera's moving, but the headlines come out pretty clear. 'Russian Kidnapping plots', 'Invaders within the City', 'COMRADE RED', etc.

It looks as if he's showing off a section of wall set up like someone's tracking something--and honestly, it's not far from the truth. After a second of silence, the Camera whips around to show the image of a bright blonde many of you might recognise. Despite the sour headlines, he's grinning madly.]


...Seriously? Brainwashing? Soviets invading?

I've been gone for what, a month, and I come back to this place recovering from Crisis mode?

I knew shit was getting bad when all those propoganda videos and clips hit the air months ago, but now this, all at once?
How long do we got until everything really goes to hell in a handbasket.


Also hey, what's up. Been gone for a while, huh. Sorry about that, guess something just wanted to drag me home for a while or something. My roomate's gone, and so're his pets. If any of you guys know where Maine--or Tank--has gone, give me a ring, yeah?

Hideyoshi, Out.

✁ 002

Feb. 10th, 2016 06:56 pm
bestsword: me (through good times and the homicides)
[personal profile] bestsword
Hey there, imPorts, I’m Captain Tucker. [he’s standing alone in front of the camera, though. the reason becomes apparent when a sallow palm waves in front of it, indicating whoever’s filming.] And I’m… I guess still private? Whatever. It’s just Church.

And we’re here to help you get the most out of your valentine’s this year.

[there’s a displeased grunt; sounds like somebody resents being involved.] Well. He is. I’m here to make sure that his advice doesn’t totally ruin your lives.

Wow, thanks for the endorsement, asshole. [Tucker snorts but does not look fazed in the least.] Everyone knows Valentine’s was created to help singles get laid, so that’s what we’re going to help you do.

Oh, my god. No, it absolutely wasn’t. Doesn’t it usually just make them feel like shit? I thought everybody spent Singles’ Awareness Day in the company of booze and Netflix. [They, Church?? Who do you mean by THEY.]

Sure they do, if they don’t have any of my guaranteed patented pick up lines. [Someone stop him.] Now, when you give one of these lines, it’s all about the delivery. The confidence. Say it knowing you’ll get laid. Jesus christ.

So, here are some lines you can use, free of charge, courtesy me. Jesus christ. [He clears his throat, stands up taller.] Hey, baby, if I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head? Even less than your chances of getting tail. Oh - or: I hear you're looking for a stud, I've got the std, all I need is u. Wh-- How the hell is that a selling point? You might as well just introduce yourself as Jerkoff McCrotchrot.

Better yet! I'm an astro-gynecologist and my next mission is to explore Uranus. [Church’s voice is getting steadily louder and more indignant.] Oh, come on! That’s not even what a gynecologist does! Oh man or: Do you work at Subway? Because you gave me a footlong. That is not how b-- Ugh.

Seriously. Have any of these ever actually worked for you? Any of them. Please. I need to know.


They got me Wash didn’t they? I’d say that guarantees they work.

Pffft, yeah right. You couldn’t-- Sorry, wait, what? Who!? [The feed snaps off suddenly, but not before the microphone catches a second of wordless shrieking.]
followorders: (True Warrior)
[personal profile] followorders
[The underworld of Marutia Falls isn't for the feint of heart. A lesson he knows well which is why when their less upstanding citizens move to attack him Locus is ready for them, yes, but not the sniper in the dark. He should have seen it coming when he started moving into their territory with his own bodyguards but to go this far? There was something else going on, but this wasn't the time for it.

The bullet hits his shoulder and he grunts in pain as he falls back a step or two. Seeing him at a disadvantage the local muscle move to take him out, but he wasn't the best mercenary money could buy if he couldn't handle surprises like this. He kicks his first assailant into a wall and he's out for the count. Seeing this, the rest of the group attack him all at once. He parries their blows and throws his own mindful to keep out of the sniper's shot but with one good arm they grapple at him and manage to dislodge the slotted compartment in his armor where he keeps his communicator.

The device rolls on the ground and comes to a stop five away showing Locus in full armor. A loud shot his heard in the distance but this time he's ready for it and he's out of position before it can tear through him again. Unfortunately, it hits the tail end of his gun and with his main weapon effectively out of commission, Locus instinctively grabs for the handle safely clipped to his leg holster and without preamble turns on the energy sword. For those familiar with a certain aqua soldier and his weapon of choice, the sword will look almost identical to his. Still, he doesn't stay still for long and up ahead there's a commotion from the other men before Locus moves out of the recording's focus to launch his  counterattack. Cries are heard in the distance but the recording times out seconds later before it reaches its conclusion.]

VIDEO

Feb. 7th, 2016 09:51 am
smallmediumatlarge: (people will download this for years!)
[personal profile] smallmediumatlarge
[When it comes on, the video is well-framed and perfectly focused on a small, pudgy boy with neatly coiffed white hair. He takes a moment to adjust his tie, then the little American flag pin on his lapel, and then finally looks up.]

Oh, my! Did this thing start up already? Silly me. Well, this isn't anything formal, anyhow! I just thought I'd introduce my little ol' self. Hello, America! I'm Gideon Gleeful, new in town, just here to help... Where I can, you know, I just do what I can. I'd be real grateful if any of y'all could give me a few tips! It's hard to know what's what with all these darn powers and politics. Awful complicated, real nasty situation. But, oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still pleased as punch to be here! Thanks for havin' me. Truly, I mean that.

Well, I won't waste any more of your time, I know we got some busy folks out there! But do get back to me, I'd love to get to know all y'all. Bye bye now!

[And with a wink and a wave, he reaches out and ends the feed.]

voice;

Feb. 5th, 2016 04:37 pm
runningstart: (ww; i haaaaate school)
[personal profile] runningstart
Ssoooo, I know it’s tacky to use a social media site as a confessional and all, but whatever. Most of us –if not all of us- have been through some really heavy crap and that sort of stuff builds up. A buddy of mine helped me set this up, it’s got a filter on here that you can use when you reply so it’ll strip your ID from your comment. Make you anonymous, for those of you who can’t do that yourselves. You non-hacker types, also known as law-abiding citizens. [lookin at you robin]

Anyway. I figure we can use this post to just talk about the stuff that’s really been getting to us. You can say it with your name attached, or without; whatever you want. Maybe you’ll find somebody who’s going through the same stuff as you.

My thing is that I’m [a beat of hesitation, barely there] gonna die back home in about five years, unless I figure out a way to remember this. Or stop it. And that. Sucks.

But like, your stuff doesn’t have to be something like that, you can talk about that hottie you’re crushing on in math class. Just something you wanna get off your chest. Sometimes all you need is just to know that somebody else saw it.



…if you do talk about that hottie in math class you better have pics though.



((To make a comment anonymous, just place 'anon' in the subject!))
sassguard: (locked and loaded)
[personal profile] sassguard
[ The message is brief and to the point: ]

A member of my team recovered an encrypted data drive during the military operation in Antartica. This was on it:

ONCE FIRST WAVE ACQUISITION HAS BEEN ACHIEVED, BEGIN PROGRAMMING IN PREPARATION FOR PHASE 2
20/01 MOBILIZATION HAS BEGUN
25/01 WEAPONS SHALL BE COMPLETELY WITHIN SOVIET HANDS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE
LAUNCH DATE OCCUPATION 10/02


It's not much, but it's what we've got. Most of the data's either corrupted or still being decrypted. I don't know if it actually means anything, but someone thought it was important enough to hide.

If anyone's got any theories on what it means or has information that matches up to this, I'm all ears.
followorders: (The Devil's Spawn)
[personal profile] followorders
[After searching for him for a week he's finally come to terms with it. He doubts anyone who knows Felix for who he truly is would care but there are those who still believe in the lies he fed them. Either way, Locus knows what he needs to do. However much he'd prefer to remain silent on the matter he turns on the device.]

Felix is gone.

[The recording captures the filtered voice spreading it through the network.]


The deal is off.

[/static]

text

Dec. 20th, 2015 11:09 pm
[personal profile] burnmetwice
ok so, weird question. RANDOM, I mean. Random question. it's not weird.

just a yes or no answer is fine!! no need to go into discussion. This is for research, so let's keep the results clean! That's the reason I'm asking not some kind of weird. Reason. Yeah, anyway i'm just trying to prove a point here so don't read into it

if you DON'T know what I'm talking abut there is
ABSOLUTELY ZERO NEED to look it up. Just be thankful for your pure heart and mind and move along. Shield your eyes.

so




raise your hand if you know what yaoi is



ONCE AGAIN I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMPHASIZE THAT THIS IS A COMPLETELY NORMAL CULTURAL RESEARCH QUESTION
I NEED TO KNOW FOR CLASS.
maskormods: (⒎)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2015


FOSTER THE PEEPLE
As seen in all local imPort city newspapers:
De Chima Animal Shelter seeks imPorts for fostering!
With local animal rescues expecting to reach capacity over the upcoming holiday seasons, the De Chima Animal Shelter is reaching out to members of the imPort population who may be interested in the companionship of a dog or cat, but don't feel that they can commit to long-term ownership due to unstable existences. Even a few months of a loving household can go a long way in finding our shyer shelter residents a permanent home! Some restrictions do apply, as the shelter cannot in good conscience allow imPorts listed as Criminal to volunteer as fosters.

GRUMPY CAT: HUMAN EDITION
As seen on BlueTube, USTube, and the popular clickbait website Fuzzfeed:
Have you seen it? Are you SWAG enough to have seen it? Don't worry potential cool kid, here's the home video from infamously handsome TV host Stan Pines that went viral over the weekend, creating this week's new internet sensation! Find out why this man has 12 PhDs but can't put on a sweater without being stabbed*!
*Video contains no actual stabbing.

NAIAD FOR TV!
NBSea has a BRAND NEW "documentary" airing 10:00 PM EST on November 10th! Following the frenetic fervor of their successful shark endeavors, the sharp teethed executives at NBSea have shifted their usual educational programming to something more of the popular consumption variety -- this means CONSPIRACIES. Or as NBSea will call it: conspiraSEAS! This evening's "documentary" offers the theory that not only do mermaids actually exist and the government KNOWS and is ACTIVELY HIDING MERMAIDS FROM YOU, but that in fact the following imPorts are UNDER THE SEA COVER MERMAID SPIES:
Kitty Jones
April Ludgate(-Graham)
Dipper Pines
Mewtwo
Jang Junseo
Hazel Lockwood
The Iron Bull
Lapis Lazuli
Ripley
Athos
Papyrus
Carl Grimes
Tobias Matthews
Agent Texas

The takeaway from the program is clear: approach these merPorts with caution and make offerings of raw fish to appease the creatures.

VOGUE GONE ROGUE
Nailed it!, the high-end fashion nail polish company wants to produce the first and MOST EXCLUSIVE imPort line OF NAIL POLISH. All proceeds will go to Nailed it! and their stockholders. The company is looking for ONE color suggestion per imPort in order to market that imPort's face over that imPort's personalized and stylish hue! Nailed it! will take any offer, literally just comment with a color and you will have your own thematic nail polish out on the shelves by Friday.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BLOOD ORANGE to EVERGREEN in response to the unusually calm and perfectly normal activity afoot.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

PSA; video

Oct. 25th, 2015 09:58 pm
snackcakes: (Default)
[personal profile] snackcakes

[a video starts of two dumbasses in colorful space armor standing around in downtown de chima]

Hey, everybody. This is Captain Dexter Grif of the popular webseries Red vs. Blue.

And this is Captain Dick Simmons, from the same show, and your local family counselor.

It's almost Halloween, and we here at Red Base want to remind all of you to be safe out there around one of today's most deadly substances.

Candy: the silent killer.

Every year, hundreds of children across the U.S. die in horrible candy related accidents.

Why, when I was a child, I remember my neighbor, little Jimmy Saunders. There he was, with a Bling-Sucker, riding his skateboard. Then, well... I can't even talk about it over the network like this. Poor Jimmy. It's just...too horrible.

If you're a parent, you might be asking yourself what you can do to make sure your kid doesn't end up horrifically maimed or dead or whatever like Jimmy. Well, that's easy.

[pan out to a beautiful cardboard box with a handy opening cut into the side. note the helpful labelling of "candy here" with an arrow pointing up drawn onto the side]

We've gone ahead to do you the favor of collecting the world's resident candy expert and certified candy tester to ensure that the candy you are preparing to give to your children is safe, tasty, and not full of harmful substances, like space-germs or horse meat. So, as this holiday comes around, pre-emptively, empty your bags full of that.. suspicious sugar-monstrosity collection into our convenient treat receptacles, and in 3-5 business days, we'll guarantee a return of the safe and healthy candy you and your children deserve.

Our current locations can be found around De Chima, but we hope to expand to all major cities soon. Be sure to contact us about what you can do to help us expand so that your kids can still have the same trick-or-treat experience they've grown up with, just without the constant worry that that weird old lady down the road laced their chocolate in rat poison or worse.

We appreciate your outreach in making this holiday safe for everyone! Have a good night!

[...there's a brief pause while Simmons goes to cut off the video feed

muffled:]

You so owe me for this, Grif. So much.


[OOC Note: orange is Grif, maroon is Simmons. sorry not sorry.]

voice;

Oct. 24th, 2015 06:14 pm
ursawhiner: (Wiggy wow. Wiggy wiggy wowie wow.)
[personal profile] ursawhiner
[Earlier this evening, people in Heropa might have noticed some fireworks in all colors of the rainbow going off above house #11. Fun! If kind of seasonally inappropriate! Those police sirens that followed were probably totally unrelated.

But now, there’s just a young voice posting this message to the network. In the background you can just make out other people talking about normal things, like paperwork and donuts and suspected robberies.
]

Hey. We only get one call so if Grunkle Stan Pines or Agent Washington could come to the Heropa sheriff's office that would be great. Thanks.

video;

Oct. 23rd, 2015 08:15 pm
buildsfriends: (i will make them tiny clothes)
[personal profile] buildsfriends
Hello everyone. My name is Michael J. Caboose. Today I am going to tell you how to help your friends to stop fighting. I am an expert at it, so this will probably help you out a whole lot. This is a problem a lot of people have; just fighting, all the time. ALL the time. And then people are upset and complain to other people who just want to get some juice already.

First, you need to look at your friend who you are talking to. You should use your eyes. You can look at your friend with another body part but eyes work the best. If you don’t have eyes, then draw some eyes on your helmet and then use those to pretend. [buddy]

Next, you need to talk to your friend. This one is tricky. Sometimes you can use your mouth, and you can use the radio if you need to but try not to be too far away from your friend or they will not hear you or see you or pay attention to you unless you are right there. Within face-grabbing reach. [has...he done that before]

Some people can’t talk using their mouths, and that is okay. You can use signs. If you can’t write very good, get someone nice and smart to write your signs for you. Agent Washington is a very good writer, if you don’t have someone who will write your signs. Church is also good at writing, and he is good at reading too if your friend is not so great at reading.

Last, after you are done looking at and talking to your friend, you should either hug them or tell them to stop being dumb. This all depends on whether or not you want to hug your friend or hit your friend. Do not hit your friend unless they hit you first, or unless they try to hit another friend or unless they have big guns or cars or try to kidnap you or hold you hostage, or try to shoot people on your team because that is not nice. If your friend is being dumb and they don’t think they are being dumb, they will probably need you to tell them that they are being dumb. Usually most people are only dumb sometimes, not all the time. If they know they’re being dumb because someone tells them, they’ll probably stop.

If you want to hug your friend, then hug your friend. Gentle squeezes. Do not break your friend. He will be upset about it probably even if he forgives you because he is your best friend and he loves you.

You are all very welcome for this advice. If you have any questions, my office hours are between ten and two Monday through Thursday.
maskormods: (⒋)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2015
Do you feel it? In the air? Something looking at you? Maybe it's just the SPIRIT of Halloween cascading down your neighborhood, maybe it's just your imagination... But with the brisker weather (something felt more in De Chima and Maurtia Falls, to be sure) comes a change in pace. Are you ready for changes, imPorts?

MEAL TIME
The Department of Agricultural Prosperity has announced a fascinating discovery: they've genetically altered mealworms that grow well beyond the normal scope of the species and will consume styrofoam leaving only biodegradable waste in their wake. Amazing!

ART DECO OR ART NECRO?
As seen in your local newspaper article plus some pictures/video on social media sites from spectators:
Maurtia Falls imPort Wins Decorations Contest!
That was what the residents of Maurtia Falls thought that this grotesque display of bodily horror and inhuman art was probably, anyway. Picture this: from the front walk of a [redacted] imPort residence, there's an extremely brightly lit room with wide open curtains and a body twisted in post mortem agony. It looks to be clawing at the air, with a pillow shoved over its face to smother it to death. Picturesque! Local law enforcement determined the gruesome, HIDEOUS, stuffed display to be the decorative outlet of a particularly disturbed but ultimately harmless individual. Locals have eventually adopted the display as extremely subtle horror art, brilliant in its ingenuity and probably not evidence of a serial killer living next door.

TRICK OR THREAT
As seen on Newspapers. UStube and BlueTube, with watered down coverage on MeTube because children's censorship:
An anonymous terror threat on the afternoon of October 20th sent shockwaves through the city of Nonah. That alleged target: a popular Nonah light rail. Evidence of biochemical weapons are present, a technique publicly associated with imPort criminal Jonathan Crane. The specific public transport line and government offices are shut down immediately. Local businesses in a ten mile radius are closed until further notice. Residents of Nonah have taken to social media criticizing local government for both an insufficient response and a triggered knee-jerk reaction. ImPorts are invited to expose any evidence connected to this threat.

CALLING ALL HOT FELLAS
As seen in newspapers and fliers posted throughout each of the Porter cities:
Three questions: Are you over 18? Are you a man? Are you an imPort that the public just can't get enough of?

If you answered YES to all of these questions, then you may be just the man we need!

We're looking for male imPorts over the age of 18 to model for a series of pinups to be included in calendars and coffee table books, which will be sold to and admired by the adoring public. We know you've got it, so don't be afraid to flaunt it!

All of the proceeds will be donated to charities in each of the Porter cities. Looking good while doing good: what could possibly be better?

Please call Deborah Lannigan at 888-956-4334 if you have any questions or would like to take part!

CRIMSON PEEKS
As seen in local news in Nonah, websites that cover the paranormal:
A group of high school and college students broke into a local cemetery... only to find themselves chased out by angry spirits! The footage of the supposed haunting is incredibly staticky, and sometimes difficult to decipher, but it shows odd lights and multiple figures chasing after the cameraman.

When asked for comment, employees insisted they'd never noticed anything odd around the cemetery, although recently they'd been having some problems with vandals.

What do you think, imPorts? Ghosts or hoax?

IMPORT VICTORY RAISES MAURTIA FALLS MORALE
As seen in ALL major news and online sources:
Natives and Imports attending this month's Halloween themed Swear-In in Maurtia Falls received more of a fright than they likely bargained for. Around midnight, about a dozen masked gunmen crashed the ceremony hosting both ImPorts and local native children, accompanied by their families. What sounds like the beginning of a gruesome story worthy of Halloween quickly turned into a tale of heroism, as the attending ImPorts were described as selflessly throwing themselves between the gunmen and natives to quickly rout the attack. Surprisingly, no casualties were sustained to native or ImPorts attendees, which many in attendance accredit the swift and clean victory to the thorough security measures set in place. Ambassador of Maurtia Falls, Revan, went on record saying "These security features are a result of the dedication and skill of several ImPort minds working in concert for the betterment of all. Now more than ever it is important to protect these events, which are a symbol of our friendship with the natives of this world. Because of this I will be donating several of these security features to the government to be installed at future Swear-Ins to provide them the same protection." Many have speculated that due to the combined might of so many ImPorts in one location banding together, as well as these new security features, people will likely think twice about attacking a Swear-In Ceremony any time soon.

APRIL SHOWERS BRINGS SHARK PROWESS
As seen on NBSea:
Nereus Study Group has reported the female great white shark named April is currently pregnant and making a beeline for the United Kingdom! Researchers have been monitoring the shark's progress in the world since she was caught and tagged last September. Unfortunately, it seems that her male counterpart (also named April) has been defeated or died of natural causes. Researchers noticed his signal had not moved as usual after the two Aprils met, and made a special trip out to check on him. They found a lone shark fin with tracking device still embedded serving as a resting place for a seagull. This takes the total of tagged and tracked great white sharks down to the female April and Lydia. Nereus Study Group only collects the data for these beautiful and misunderstood creatures; the sharks are carefully caught and seen to by the Salty Sea Dogs group near Heropa, started by local imPort Will Graham.

FLORIDA MAN SWIPED A SNATCH OF PUMPKIN SPICES
As seen on an enraged Bwitter and page 9 of The Heropa High Times:
The Great Pumpkin Spice drought continues. So far there are no suspects in who -- or WHAT -- could have snatched away all the pumpkin spice product so familiar to and so deeply beloved by so, so many. The hashtags #pumpkinship and #nutmegrevolution are trending.

WELCOME, AMBASSADOR URQUHART!
As seen in all major network channels, public radio stations, and quite frequently on Rumblr:
Congratulations to the newly elected imPort Ambassador of Nonah, Francis Urquhart! In a exciting neck-and-neck election, Urquhart pulled in just one vote ahead of his political rival Raina. As of October 20th, 2015, Ambassador Urquhart will lead Nonah's imPort community alongside Ambassadors Hundred and Revan.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from TANGERINE to BLOOD ORANGE in response to the mysterious biochemical threat leveled against Nonah.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Video;

Oct. 13th, 2015 07:39 pm
missleadingquestions: (new171)
[personal profile] missleadingquestions
EDIT: Now with zoo trip log!

------

Hey, Heropa! It's Maya. Again. This time, not with a TV crew.

[She says that last bit with a little bit of a grin. Sitting in her room at residence 38, she toys with a pendant on a necklace she's wearing; something new and probably from one of the many toku-esque shows she's discovered from Edgeworth's collection.]

So, I heard about this zoo-- Brevard?-- at Cape Canaveral, and they're doing this Boo at the Zoo thing too, and I really wanna go!

But I've never been to the zoo before, and it doesn't really seem like the kind of place you go alone. Plus, they have a group discount.

So, raise your hands if you wanna go to the zoo with me, and let's all pick a day to go! Maybe we can carpool, or something like that.

[All smiles, she gives the camera a little wave.]

Let me know what you think!

VIDEO

Oct. 9th, 2015 03:30 pm
maime: (]:|)
[personal profile] maime

[Being unused to using the video function, Maine's frowning when the recording starts, still trying to prop his phone up so he can free up his hands. After a moments pause, where you all get to stare at the usually rather intimidating freelancer fumble with a stack of papers, he holds one up, upon which he's written in frankly atrocious handwriting;]

Four cats here, need new homes
Might have to pass inspection with Wash
Being very particular about it


[After holding that up for a solid 30 seconds, he gets up before disappearing from frame entirely, leaving his phone where it's propped. There is nothing to see save the couch for a few seconds before Maine returns, all four cats in hand. Why didn't he gather the animals beforehand? Why does Maine do anything the way he does? They're all deposited on the couch, and when he sits back down, he grabs one of them along with another piece of paper. Both are held up to the viewer. On the paper, someone else (the handwriting is much better better) has written some helpful facts about the cat. After about a minute, both are set down and another pair of cat & paper is collected. Maine repeats the process for the last two. The cats, in order are;

- Black long-hair, "1 year, male. Sweet-tempered. Needs lots of attention. Would do best in a home with lots of people around."
- Short-haired tabby, "3 years, female. Nervous, shy disposition, but a great lap cat. Would need a patient owner."
- Ginger short-hair. "9 months, female. Bossy and demanding, but loving and playful. Would do better as an only pet."
- Tortoiseshell. "5 years, female. Likes ear scratches, laid back. Not very active, would want a more relaxed atmosphere."

After depositing the tortie on the floor, in true Maine fashion, he reaches over to end the feed with no further explanation for the methods used here, who Wash is, or why he has all these cats to give away in the first place.]
missleadingquestions: (new008)
[personal profile] missleadingquestions
[You know what sucks? Being told on one of your first days here that ah, no, you're going to be on a live TV show. When you have no TV experience.

That lack of experience is probably evident on Maya's face when the camera pans in on the tiny recording space, where she's sitting in a chair too big for her and wearing clothes that don't suit her. As the intro jingle ends, the camera zooms slowly in on her.]


Um... Hi.

I'm... Maya Fey, and...

[She freezes up.

It would be one thing if this was something she's excited for. Like, like being an extra in the Steel Samurai Revolution Z special movie that was due next fall. That would be something. But this... this is out of nowhere, after she's been told she's living with an Edgeworth that doesn't remember her and that Phoenix is nowhere to be found.

This sucks.

Past the camera, someone hisses, Read the prompter!

Maya nods.]


I'm Maya Fey, and this is, uh... That's So Maya, Millennial.... Mysticism.

[The same voice hisses, energy!

And Maya's face sours. Well! It's not like they've given her all that much prompting before now, since they rushed her and wouldn't listen to her, but... here goes.]


I'm here to take your questions about love, money, and your fu... what?

[She frowns again at the screen.]

I thought I said, I'm not that kind of--

[The feed flicks off for a minute, reading Technical Difficulties. When it flicks back on, Maya is smiling, sitting more comfortably in her seat, like a cat. Like a cat about to enact some revenge.]

Hello everyone! Sorry for that delay. I'm Maya Fey, your host for Millennial Mysticism! Which, I might add, could have had a better title. Just saying.

I'm here to take your questions about love and money and all of that! So if you're ready to have your privacy spilled out all over public broadcast, just call in!

[And with a grin like a cheshire cat, she puts her hands together.]

Thanks so much for your calls ahead of time! Let's look forward to a bright future together, okay?

[You wanted energy, news team. Here's energy.


OOC: Feel free to call in with a question to have her answer on air... and don't worry, she'll get herself introduced to everyone a bit more properly in the future. Some test drive threads are being used as canon as well, so it's ok if people have recognised her from around the streets of Heropa recently. ]

004; audio

Oct. 4th, 2015 09:44 pm
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[personal profile] bestever
Fucking-- Fuck! The goddam closet? What does a guy have to do to get a little respect around here?

[a few seconds of wordless, irritable grunting.] Okay, fine. Fine!

Either there's something really wrong with my internal clock, or somebody has some fucking explaining to do. Mostly about what the hell happened while I was pulled. [wait, right. that might not have context.] Deactivated. Uninstalled. Whatever!

[the next pause is short, there's a quiet shuffle and a slightly louder grunt that mean that he's crossing his arms and huffing irritably. in other words, the default church response to anything.]

I'm waiting, Private Tucker.

001; AUDIO

Sep. 17th, 2015 08:14 pm
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[personal profile] snackcakes
Captain's log: Date... Grif, what day is it?!-- Anyway. So, we seem to have been drafted for another intergalactic war. It's harrowing, but I think I'm up for the task. Still.

I hope you realize by now that no one is actually going to care about anything you're up to. Also, I'm pretty sure they just want us to fight Russians or something. Intergalactic is way overselling yourself.

Oh, my god, shut up! Anyway, the reason we're here, talking to you, is that there seeeeems to have been a mix-up. See, we've been housed with someone from the Blue team. And our armor is red. So. I mean, it's an easy mistake to make, and I'm not trying to question authority, but, I mean. Maybe you could move Tucker to... a different room?

We deal with their dumb problems enough as it is, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. I tell you what, first person that wants a Tucker of their very own is free to take him. I'm pretty sure he's housebroken, so all you have to do is feed him or whatever. You have to be able to get that on your own, by the way, we already claimed the stuff here.

Is there any of that pizza left?--Should I even ask--No, no, nevermind. I know better. Anyway, yeah, if someone could just drop by, we don't really care who takes him. Blue teeeam, Freeelancer, wild boaaaars. Whatever.



[ooc note: this is a joint post for Grif and Simmons, so replies will come from either/both!!]

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