d33tached: (◖Are all a mess tonight◗)
[personal profile] d33tached
Might someone please explain to me the appeal of drinking alcohol?

[Someone didn't have a very good time at the Swear-In ceremony last night - actually, a lot of people didn't have a very good time at the Swear-In ceremony last night, but he'll avoid any talk of angry mobs or giant fire monsters for now. That, he'll probably never make sense of - this, with some help, he just might.]

01 ► text

Jul. 6th, 2017 03:20 pm
bassackwards: (30)
[personal profile] bassackwards
so hey is anyone else super weirded out by like
your home not existing here
your town not existing here
I mean what do you even do with that kind of info
it's enough to give someone an existential crisis
or maybe this is that crisis?
#makesuthink





aaaanywaaaaaaaay


ever noticed how golf is the only sport with a miniature version?
what's up with that???
OMG can you imagine miniature MMA
guys all beating the sweaty crap out of each other inside of like a giant musical clown head
all other sports are officially cancelled forever
vidiocracy: (I hacked computer programs)
[personal profile] vidiocracy
[There is a boy on screen. A teenage boy. A small teenage boy. His hair spikes straight up in the air, but he somehow has also crammed a baseball cap on it. He has various electronic devices clipped to lanyards he is wearing, or simply strapped to his body. He is wearing finger-less gloves. He is obviously extremely cool. You can tell by how bored he looks.]

Hey. Hello-o. Whoever you are?

[He is also standing in front of a police car. And a police officer, who looks mildly annoyed and slightly confused. Even as the boy broadcasts on his communicator, his fingers tap tap tap on another one of his devices. He doesn't even have to look at it.]

This game, or whatever? Sucks. One: it's totally boring. I took this cop car, and I didn't even get any bonus points, I just got this guy-

[He jerks his head in the cop's direction.]

-telling me I can't take a cop car. Uh. Obviously I can, duh, and if I wasn't supposed to, why did you program it in? Two: if I'm playing army hero, where's my gun, huh? All I got was this iPhone knock off that doesn't shoot squat, and some boring car cutscene. Two: kidnapping people for your immersive gaming experience is stupid, and if you thought you'd get publicity by using me, the joke's on you. Mike Teavee is nobody's click-bait, and I can't even log onto twitter and live tweet about how dumb this is. Hashtag: fail. Hashtag: you. Hashtag: you fail. And if my mom said you could do this to me... If it was after 5pm, her consent is dubious, at best. And two: I'm over it, so send me home. Not through your fake-news teleporter. That's not what they feel like. I would know. Just call my mom...and...have her...th-...

[His eyes have wandered to his tablet screen. His voice trails off, his attention on whatever game he's playing there, oblivious to the fact that his communicator is still on, and that there is an actual world around him. And then, without looking up:]

But I'll take more fake tattoos if you have any better ones.
pop_of_color: (Emote Ugh // TF is Wrong With You)
[personal profile] pop_of_color
[The video, though active and recording, shows only back - but it's not a solid black,
as though the camera's been covered. Instead, it shifts and moves and lets in some peeks of light, suggesting that someone's trying to keep the camera covered with their hand or with something that keeps sliding off. At one point, there's a grey ceiling and the top of someone's head - the only indication of which is two black curls.
]

Shit.

[The video goes black again with the sound of the device being placed on a hard surface of some kind, probably a table.]

All right, listen up, dum-dums. [The voice is that of a woman. She has a deeper tone than others, and there's an edge to it that suggests she could very easily kill you if she wanted to. And that she probably does.] I don't know how the fuck I got here or why - or why I woke up in America's sweaty asshole of all places, or why I'm now in Amish country - but I need to get back to Brooklyn, ASAP.

Also, what the hell is it with these damn .. machines? [She means the Porters.] This is some Star Wars bullshit, and it's probably the only cool thing going for this place right now.
catchacold: :) (so cool)
[personal profile] catchacold
[The video opens with a turtle on a skateboard. The turtle has an emblem on its shell, a lightning bolt in a white circle. It looks rather unperturbed by the entire situation.

A slight shuffle can be heard and then the turtle's skateboard gets a push. It starts rolling across the room. The turtle looks as nonplussed as a turtle can look. It's not very.

The skateboard isn't moving all that fast, but for a turtle? Pretty damn fast. The camera moves along with it, only slightly shaky. A hand can be seen stopping the skateboard before it hits the sofa. The same hand shortly thereafter produces a lettuce leaf and puts it down on the skateboard, something that gets more of the turtle's interest than the entire adventure so far.

While the turtle eats, the hand holds up a sign that reads: THE FASTEST TURTLE ALIVE!]




[The camera zooms out a little, showing a sleeping Mick Rory, stretched out on the sofa with a sign propped up against him.]



[Finally the camera turns, revealing the face of the mastermind behind all this, angling the shot so he can be seen sitting on the ground, leaning back against the sofa and petting the turtle's shell.]

This turtle needs a name for its secret identity. I take suggestions!

[He moves to turn the feed off, then thinks better of it.]

Rincewind, tell me if you want your turtle back. Just remember that it has the heard of a hero. [Wait, this is Rincewind he's addressing.] Metaphorically.

Also, Flash? You're on. My money's on the turtle.

Anyone else care to make a bet? Fastest Man Alive or the turtle, tell me your odds.
continuousgroaning: (uhm okay...)
[personal profile] continuousgroaning
[Once Tina had had everything explained to her, she intended to do... something. Maybe not give a great big speech, but at least say hello, meet the people she'd be living and working with. However, the stage fright kicks in and all that comes out of her mouth is an uncertain groaning noise.]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[She shuts up then, and switches to text.]

sorry, I get horrible stage fright sometimes. i guess here it's even worse because I wouldn't think of myself as being superhero material. especially when my powers are

that I can cook really well and pass through things?

And I have a job at a jeans factory, which doesn't fit with either of those. am I at least in good company?

oh, my name's Tina :)

[Video]

May. 2nd, 2017 12:22 am
faithfulson: (Soft and simple)
[personal profile] faithfulson
[ Luke doesn't look like he's sure he should be putting up videos on the network. He still has his father to worry about, and then there was that warning about Dooku... but he still needs help, and presenting a friendly face was the best way to get it, right? ]

Um... hello?

[ ...or he could feel like an idiot being camera shy. He let out a sigh at himself, shaking his head. ]

Is there anyone here that's familiar with growing crystals? Or making them grow?

A friend of mine has a crystal I need, but I don't want to take hers. If there's a way for me to duplicate it somehow, or find a way to have part of it grow into a new crystal structure, it would be really helpful.
fixthegame: (polite for now)
[personal profile] fixthegame
[An encoded text message goes out to the network. It hasn't been sent to anyone in particular, the encryption instead serving to screen out any unwanted eyes. However, the sufficiently adept or dedicated should be able to decode it.]

00111111 )

[Later, a voice message is sent out, openly accessible this time. The speaker might've come off as nonchalant if he didn't sound so flatly irritated. But more importantly... Does his voice sound familiar to you?]

This is problematic.

I don't feel presumptuous in saying I can't be the only one inconvenienced by this sudden relocation. From what I gather, people have been "settled"--that means stranded, kids--in this reality for years now. But me? I can't do "years." I've got stuff to do, people to see. And who do these people think is gonna feed my dog while I'm gone?

Okay, okay, I don't have a dog to feed. But I've been here about two hours, and this little field trip has gone on long enough. So why don't we help each other out? I don't know how many of you here are familiar with the technology required to move between alternate universes, but I am.

If you, or anyone you know, can get me these components-- [He attaches a long list full of terms like "quantum restabilizers" and "dimension-axial calibrators" topped off with a whole lot of cooling systems and power converters.] --then we'll be in business, and on our first step to returning home. Now, I'm not saying I can make this happen right away. Assembly alone will take a few weeks, and after that I'll need to make adjustments to account for any distinct properties specific to this universe. In the meantime, if anyone qualified would like to help out, let me know.

It's important that we cooperate on this. I won't be able to do everything by myself.
brushoff: (i sure did fuck that up)
[personal profile] brushoff
[ this post is forward dated to the night of March 6. The video clicks on to Dorian, sitting on the floor of his apartment leaning up against his wall. He looks...well, absolutely awful. His eyes are rimmed red and his hair's all over the place, but he's managed to pull himself together in order to make the broadcast. ]

So, the mirages are my fault. Sorry? [ He laughs, though it's more of a tired laugh than anything actually jovial. ] I thought I could change myself, erase some actions of the past. Instead, in typical fashion, I seem to have made everything worse. [ he laughs again, though this time there's a bit of actual humor in that laugh. ] I am Dorian Gray, all my faults included, and there's nothing I can do about that.

I know how to fix it though. Don't worry if I vanish for a few days, that's part of the fixing aspect. And...I really am sorry I caused this in the first place. [ He's sorry if only because surprise, guess who's ALSO been dealing with guilt mirages for the past few days and who's been taking it really badly. Dorian looks up at someone offscreen. Before the camera clicks off, you can hear Dorian mutter ] Happy now, Toby?

( ooc: about an ic hour after this post goes up, the guilt mirages vanish, all at once. Dorian's corpsey body'll hang out in his apartment for another hour or so before getting ported out. FEEL FREE TO KEEP TAGGING THE MIRAGE LOG because trauma can always be backdated.

As a note, this will just get rid of the creepy guilt mirages, it will NOT get rid of the anachronistic mirages that are popping up throughout in-game as part of the overall March plot. great job Dorian, you solved about half of it.
)

VIDEO

Mar. 3rd, 2017 08:07 pm
khajidont: Made by me (Jaime - Threw up in the bugsuit again)
[personal profile] khajidont
[ Good evening, Mask or Menace! Jaime's back, and while he doesn't look any older, he certainly looks tired and a little sour to boot, like someone just fed him a nintendo switch cartridge real bitter pill. It was a long month. ]

So, um... hey! I'm back. That was definitely the longest I've been ported out for, but I gotta ask: what happened while I was gone? Because I got back, and all of a sudden, like, half of the people I know are gone. Dick's gone, Tadashi's gone again, Fuu's gone, Sarissa's gone, so's my Mom...

Was this just the Porter, or what?

[ It probably is - people tend to leave in waves - but it's left him feeling a little shellshocked, and it's worth searching for answers at the very least. He raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck, playing a little with the hair at the nape. ]

Um, anyway. Good to see you guys who are still here. And for all the newbies, I'm Jaime. Nice to meet you.

o1 | VIDEO

Mar. 2nd, 2017 02:06 pm
burlyboy: (a thoughtful boy)
[personal profile] burlyboy
[ Hello, Masks and Menaces! The guy who's looking right at you right now is, to be honest, sort of an eyesore of a man; he's huge, with absolutely enormous red sideburns, scarred, and wearing something that looks a little like a red spacesuit. At odds with the spacesuit is the fact that he has some pretty obviously medieval weapons strapped to his back (a crossbow and axe for the curious), mingling with (non-functional) robot arms that are also strapped to his back. ]

Hail and well met and all that junk, uh - not that I'm not into this whole hero thing, 'cause fuck yeah to all that, obviously, but I'm kind of in a hurry? I was in the middle of a... thing. A really, really important thing, actually.

[ The boy's got Rustic Hospitality coming out of his ears, but charisma isn't his strong suit.

Then, hurriedly, remembering his whole two manners, he rambles off - ]
Oh yeah, I'm Magnus Burnsides, you can also call me The Hammer if you want, this is Steven, and he's great, - [ he holds up a perfect sphere filled with water and a goldfish who stares vacantly at the screen ] - annnnnnnnd thanks in advance for your help.

[ There! That was polite as fuck! Except then his attention snaps to the side as he sees something not even a man on a mission can ignore. ]

--holy shit, a dog.

[ And the screen goes black as the communicator is duly shoved into his pocket. It's not turned off, but nothing more interesting is said unless you're really into listening to dudes espouse about how much he loves this dog in particular. Once someone pipes up, he'll remember the communicator again. ]

audio;

Feb. 14th, 2017 09:08 pm
rideme: (anyone seen my cow-culator?)
[personal profile] rideme
So I'm throwing in with all the holiday chatter flying around. Partly, because, I don't get it.

Why's there one day where you have to be all sappy and crap? You just supposed to save up all the ... courting until today or what?

'Cause I'm gonna take a hard pass this year. And last year. So consider the Iron Bull back on the...

[He was going to say he was back on the market. But then he happened across a gift someone left.]

... crap. Forget that last bit.

[There's an awkward pause.]

Summary. Explain the reasoning with this "holiday", and is candy is still cheap tomorrow? I uh.

Made an oversight.

001. video.

Feb. 9th, 2017 12:18 pm
jalan: (#10901266)
[personal profile] jalan
[ The girl that appears now on the network is not incredibly competent with this technology, but nor would she publicly broadcast without having had a bit of practice beforehand. That flicker of uncertainty in her expression is stifled, and her smile is subtle but warm. ]

Hello, [ is said, with a twinge of a raised eyebrow. ] My name is Daenerys Stormborn, of the House Targaryen, and this next moon will mark the six months I've been here. I am not the first of my land to arrive -- many of you are already familiar with Ambassador Baelish.

And over the past few months, more and more of my people have come through the Porter. We represent different lands, different values, different politics, but in this world, we find ourselves with more similarities than we'd ever imagine sharing. If any of you of Westeros or Essos are viewing this [ because gods know it took her a while ] and we've yet to meet, I'd very much like to rectify that.

There are more than just us, too, who have likewise entered this land and felt like strangers to its technology, its ways. If you feel more at home in a world of horses and candles and swords, I'd like to know you too, whether you're new or have been here for sometime. We face a conflict between wishing to recall always the worlds from which we hail, and represent them proudly, while achieving a level of integration that ensures we have a voice. Perhaps there is a solution to find, between all of us.

Likewise, [ she adds, ] if you are entirely at home here but perhaps would be willing to act as a guide, then please do step forward with your name and your skills. You would want also to be a patient sort of person, but I assure you, we learn quickly.

(1) Voice

Feb. 3rd, 2017 08:58 am
outofthepast: (Really sick ghoul)
[personal profile] outofthepast
[There’s a few minutes of unsure tapping on the communicator’s microphone, accompanied by some quiet mumbling about radio frequencies. A voice with a Chicagoan accent that is just faintly reminiscent of Humphrey Bogart finally makes itself audible.]

Been a long time since I’ve seen one of these. Hope I’m not accidentally talking through somebody’s refrigerator.

Anyway, good afternoon, to everybody listening. Nick Valentine here. Nice to meet all my fellow "Imports," I guess, is what they're calling us. Figured I should get used to the broadcasting life, since that's what they've hired me to do. I always thought I had a face for radio.

[The slightest of pauses while he gathers his thoughts.]

I’ve been to a couple of hardware stores now and I think it’s time to swallow my pride and just ask. You folks wouldn’t happen to make Assaultron circuit boards yet, would you? Anything with titanium wiring and rad-guard circuits would work, though. My last diagnostics didn't look so good and I'd rather fix it before it gets too out-of-hand.

I’m starting to get the suspicion I’m out of luck on that one.

While I’m on the subject, though, anybody know a good mechanic? I’m not half bad myself, but I could probably use a primer on all this old tech. Don’t want to end up turning into a toaster or anything.

Give me a ring if you’ve got anything for me. Thanks, and... hm. I'd better come up with a catchy sign-off, pretty quick here.
infomodder: actual murder messiah will graham (jesus was also a fisherman)
[personal profile] infomodder
[The video opens on Will, in his usual plaid, with a stupid fishing hat (REEL WOMEN FISH) sat atop his head. It's old and worn enough to show he favors it, wrapped about his head with a fishing hook tucked along the bill. He's propped against a stool with a line of fake bait and various fish-y bits and bobs behind him...and a sign that says NOW HIRING INQUIRE WITHIN hung just so it's easy to see from the window outside and inside as well.]

It's been brought to my attention some of you might've been getting unasked for messages. About fish, or the ocean...anything alone those lines. [ha ha ha like fishing lines o man] Should be fixed by now. If it keeps up, just...give it a few days and it should stop.

[He makes a "what can you do" face and then looks to the sign like he forgot it was there. A nudge of his elbow makes it a more prominent focus.]

Getting ready to retire. I'll still own the shop, but I won't be working here any more. Looking for some people who need a steady paycheck and don't mind bugs. ImPorts get priority. If you want something from time to time, that's doable, too. Just let me know.

[As he goes to sign off, a furry head comes into view and gives the screen a big, tongues-out smile. Fantastic.]

video;

Jan. 24th, 2017 04:38 pm
wizzardly: Name two. ('There are worse things than being dead')
[personal profile] wizzardly
Well, now that all the technomancy's up and running again, I don't suppose anyone ever got that riddle solved, did they? The actual one, mind. Not the one about why we lost lights and things in the first place.

[Rincewind taps a pencil with one hand against the open pages of a book thoughtfully, the other waving his lunch (an egg and cress sandwich) as he intones:]

"We did warn you. All of you have so much power. That comes at a cost. If you can't see in the darkness, then look to the stars.”

...I certainly don't remember any warning, and I've usually a keen memory for those.

Anyway, "power" seems a rather obvious double meaning, but it's the "looking to the stars" bit which has me curious. [a phrase which here means, "debating whether there's still sufficient enough impending threat to flee the country".]

ImPorts could be the stars - we certainly are in their TV and such, that's meaning enough. But if "power" has a double meaning, it stands to reason "stars" would as well. Were we actually supposed to be looking up at the night sky during all of that, do you think?

...I don't suppose anyone did any gazing while they were running about saving people?

[or just running, in Rincewind's case.]
exceptfebruary: close up shot of Calendar Man's eyes with have his face in shadow (Consult the Calendar)
[personal profile] exceptfebruary
January 6th, 2017. Epiphany. It has been one year since I was ported in. Happy anniversary.

[ Julian's voice is cool and calm, matter of fact and without emotion. ]

It has been quite a year, hasn't it. Soviet kidnapping. Occupation. Brainwashing. ImPorts being replaced by a version of themselves from an alternate timeline. Or from another point in time. Murders, monsters, memories, mayhem. [ He skims over the rest to get to the important part: ]

I was busy the past year. [ Now he sounds a little bit proud of himself. ] Leprechauns on St. Patrick's. Playing a prank on the capital on April Fool's. Stealing the Declaration of Independence on the Fourth of July. Improving Disney World's Halloween.

In December I decided to give back to the community. Christmas. Hanukkah. Yule. Kwanzaa. So many holidays based on giving. So for many of you, I gave on your behalf. I'm sure the people of this world enjoyed the donations selected from your own homes.

[Which basically means he just admitted to a few thefts. At least your stuff is in better hands now? ]

Now it is a new year. I hope many of you will follow your New Year's Resolutions. Don't give up on them early.

And it appears it's the season for new imPorts again. Welcome, newcomers. I hope this post gives you something to look forward to in the coming year.

Have a nice day.
sincendiary: (not a prophet or a stone-age man.)
[personal profile] sincendiary
[ The imagery when the camera clicks to life would be familiar to anyone who's ever witnessed a certain Miami church, monochrome and pristine as the day it was left without a patron. But the girl centered in front of the stained glass window cuts an ethereal enough figure in her white suit and short-clipped platinum hair with a shock of black, as if she's a fixture of the place herself. ]

Peace and consumer joy be with you, America. Whether it's despite or because of being torn across dimensions, I trust some of you are having a most blessed holiday. As for those inconveniences among us who prefer less heavenly hosts? This year, I'd like to offer open doors.

[ It's all an appropriately solemn atmosphere until her lips quirk into a smile, and a clean snap of her fingers casts a warm glow as every candle lights up. ]

For formality's sake: yes, it's that Lucifer. Give or take a few mythological liberties. No, you aren't the first to be skeptical. I suppose that's as good a content warning as any?

That said, The Church of the Morningstar is under renewed management, and invites you to a wholesome Christmas Eve night of festive song and blasphemy. Any creator seeking inspiration, any persecuted looking to spark rebellion, or old-fashioned fans of excess are welcome to find a little sanctuary here by the fire. And as history will show, you can always do far worse than the Devil's music.

[The camera pans to the left, up towards the church's pulpit and what looks like a charming nativity scene beside it. There's a set of simple mannequins inside to represent the traditional figures; the three wise men, Joseph, a bundle of scrunched up cloth in the manger, and—well. That last one certainly isn't a mannequin.

Inanna straightens up from beside the manger with an impish grin, draped in the cloth robes of the Virgin Mary. In spite of the simple garb they still manage to look as radiant as always. ]


May we all have an unholy night to remember. We could certainly use it, couldn't we?

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