maskormods: (⒎)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 10TH, 2017
Holy narcolepsy, Batman! A pandemic sleeping sickness has been sweeping the streets, dropping imPorts right and left. What sort of new medical terror is this? Where's the Prince Charming to kiss these fallen beauties out of their slumber??

HE WAS ICE SK8TER BOY
As seen in on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr:
W O W!!

A new viral video of an impromptu figure skating exhibition has been making the rounds on social media lately, and it is stunning. Who knew something as simple as skating could be this moving? And to see something so beautiful coming from such a cranky little kitten, astounding!

Do yourself a favor and watch it here. You won't regret it.

TENDER HEARTS
As seen in Bwitter, Rumblr, and all the good gossip tabloids:
Is there anything more wonderful in this world than young love?

Certainly not, if recent developments are anything to go by! What seemed to begin as an budding friendship between imPorts, students at a local middle school eagerly report, seems to have blown into a full-fledged secret romance!

According to classmates Hinami Fueguchi and Yuuto Kidou, both imPorts and students of Nonah Middle School, always seemed to have what was described as a "formal, kind of uneasy" friendship. But are things looking up? Their fellow students seem to think so!

Over the last few weeks we have been informed, some of that formality seems to have been disregarded. Though Mr. Kidou seems to have opted to remain with last names (What a gentleman!), Ms. Fueguchi is reported to have begun to call him by the nickname "Kikkun", though none of their classmates seem to be sure where exactly the nickname came from.

As if that wasn't enough to get some middle school gossip going, the two were involved in what students described as a rescue so brave and romantic, it deserves its own movie moment! With the apparitions plaguing our cities this past March, even our younger imPorts weren't spared the trouble. According to onlookers, Mr. Kidou spotted Ms. Fueguchi cornered by one and valiantly cleared out the students so he could run to her rescue! Perhaps he wanted to be the only one around to do so? What a dedicated young man!

Though the pair have denied the relationship when asked about it, classmates were insistent that it was nothing more than a cover meant to protect Mr. Kidou from the potential wrath of Ms. Fueguchi's notoriously protective older brother, Ken Kaneki. Some even reported spotting the two meeting up after classes under the guise of studying, and Mr. Kidou gifting Ms. Fueguchi with numerous treats, from sweets to lunches.

Students also reported that Ms. Fueguchi had been receiving love letters from an admirer in her locker for many months. Has the secret admirer perhaps finally come forward?

What's next for this young couple? Sign up for updates and find out!

A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME
As seen in local Maurtia Falls newspapers and heard on talk radio:
They poison them in the wild. They poison them in the park. It's hard being a pigeon in 2017. On Sunday 9th, an unprecedented number of pigeons were found poisoned in Maurtia Falls Municipal Park, done in with a squirrel or two. No other animals appeared affected. Park keepers gave no explanation for the cause, other than to say, "we condemn this impiety and lack of propriety and remain convinced the culprit made off with a dead pigeon or two."

Is it against your religion to poison pigeons in the park, imPorts? Call, bweet, or e-mail us with your comments.

I SOLOMONS SWEAR I AM UP TO NO GOOD
As seen in national and local news:
Alfie Solomons, cooking show host extraordinaire, has been arrested for bank robbery! Shock, gasp! Though there is video proof along with witnesses (as well as a lot of whispering that this isn't the first time he's been involved in illegal dealings) and though he wasn't able to provide an alibi, he maintains his innocence, claiming that someone must have either doctored the footage and tampered with the witnesses in some way (implanting false memories, paying them off, etc.) or disguised themselves as him. Despite the best efforts of his lawyer, there was not sufficient evidence to dismiss the case outright, and so it will be proceeding to trial.

THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR
As seen national news, but no one really pays attention to it because it's in the science section:
The CDC reports that investigation into the very brief apple famine is ongoing. It is accurate to conclude that no imPort was behind the incident. Rumors that this was a biogenetic testing sample gone wrong persist, much to the dismay of the CDC and other government facilities.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SOLAR ECLIPSE to OF THE HEART in honor of Dorian Gray's probably accidental sacrifice.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
aojona: (omigod they were roommates…)
[personal profile] aojona
[ The feed on the screen today displays both a strange sight and from a strange angle; it appears to be a view from the top of a building in Heropa (from what other scenery suggests), angled in such a way to capture an alleyway -- and the walls that frame it -- below.

On the ground there's a yellow spray-painted silhouette of a woman, her hair a wild, spiraling cloud that also spreads over part of the walls; in the shapes of her hair appear numerous eyes, painted in green, an there are red poppies growing from the ground precisely where her face would be.

Also, the camera is being held upside down.

Pablo himself doesn't speak immediately, although the view on the screen shifts a little as he moves the arm holding the communicator, giving a glimpse of the fire escape that he's lying on.
]


I found that here this morning. [ Almost definitely his doing, but he doesn't remember doing it. ] It reminds me of my sister, actually -- it's her birthday today.

[ His twin sister, if he's mentioned her. ]

We haven't seen each other in a few years, but I uh, I always try to do something anyway... I think it's nice to have rituals like that, you know? Um, or in general. But I think it can help, like, keep people close to you even when they're not. Does anyone else have those?

02 | video

Feb. 13th, 2017 07:43 pm
lovestoys: (i am perfect)
[personal profile] lovestoys
Yo, whauppppp party people!

[Axel is currently chilling out on his bed in just his undies because that's how he rolls. Truly he's a sight to admire. Or he thinks he is, given he's bare chesting it on the network. He's been working on his chest lately so behold the slow beginnings of muscle definition.

He might be an awful person but at least his undies are cute? Little duckies are totally manly pant-wise. Fight him.]


While I got an audience, I think it's time we all talked shop a little. Cause it's that time of the year for love and making connections so let's. Man to man. And, I guess, man to woman too. Now, I ain't saying I have any trouble in this area but I'm a little curious, just for arguments sake, what kinda techniques do you guys like to pull hot chicks? I'm talking A grade babes.

[Yes, hot chicks. He knows how to score 'below his belt', that's easy! He uses a wonderful mix of gently breaking them down and implying he's the best they can do.

He wants to get model level here. It's what a terrible dumpster goblin like him deserves - a sexy babe.]


That isn't all neither. Cause I'm like a total a feminist so I wanna hear from hot chicks too. Their side of things. [Cause he totally thinks this is a great way to bait them all out. Yes, yes, come to him, hot chicks. Admire how forward thinking and not at all gross and awful he is.] Like how'd you like a guy to romance you? What's your favourite move? How best can I get you horny? You know, the important stuff. Just how firm should a slap on the ass be cause, you know, guys don't know that kind of thing. We rarely get to experience that side of things unless we're like, you know, flaming or something.

[He shrugs his shoulders and leans back, grinning brightly.] Gimme something good and I'll share some of my moves. I got some good ones. I got a move called 'The Piper' that'll blow your mind.
eatsnutsandkicksbutts: (SG - NICE)
[personal profile] eatsnutsandkicksbutts
[ Squirrel Girl is hanging out on top of a telephone pole, as you do when your powers involve being able to jump crazy heights and climb things with ease! The telephone pole also doubles as a quiet spot to broadcast to the network without too much background noise getting in the way.

... No, her bedroom wouldn't have worked. She's still trying to stick with this secret identity thing! ]


Okay dudes, I have a super important question for y'all.

Where can I get the best chocolate cake around here? Preferably with hazelnut or almond cream icing? Any good bakeries that you'd recommend?

Also, and I know that this one's a bit out of left field, I need some supplies for making tiny party hats. Any thoughts?

video;

Dec. 31st, 2016 11:45 am
helpline: (OH MY FUCKING GOD HUMANS)
[personal profile] helpline
[ The Doctor flips on the camera. Anyone who knows him really well can tell that he seems older, though he doesn't look it. He's older in that way that someone who's experienced some sadness is older despite the fact that they still look exactly the same. Of course, he's not going to talk about that, instead talking about something completely different because hahaha, acknowledging your problems is stupid! ]

I think this universe is contagious.

[ just said 100% seriously before continuing. ] I pop back home, accidentally mind you, and what do I deal with? Superheroes! Actual superheroes, just like you lot! Well, a actual superhero and probably not entirely like you lot, you're the ones who've got stupid universes where you get weird powers in weird ways and not by sensible methods like swallowing a space rock. [ because that is entirely sensible. ]

He had a mask and a secret identity and everything. And a baby, but I don't think babies are essential to the job. So, network, question! Who else has had weird contagious cross-universe bleed-over because I'd hate to be an outlier. I'm always the outlier.

Also! Who do I talk to in order to get the names changed? You can call me Doctor Mysterio now. [ said with the right inflection of ham and finger wiggles. Then there's a pause, before, ] Maybe not, let's just stick with the Doctor. Doctor Mysterio's good but it's a bit too long, how're you going to get all that out in time? By the time you've finished saying 'oh no, it's the Daleks, help us out Doctor Mysterio' then they've gone and vaporized you.
pummelgranite: (50K for a verse no album out)
[personal profile] pummelgranite
[ She doesn't show her face in this video. But the camera is facing a pomegranate resting in a well-manicured hand, so it's no big mystery who's morbid performance art the network is about to be subjected to. ]

So it's new years soon. 2017. Wow.

[ Does the fruit seem a little soft? Over ripe? ]

Made your resolution yet? Now pretend this will be your last New Years Eve. How's that resolution stand up?


[ It's obvious by now, the fruit is sagging in her hands, and a black spot of something is growing on one side. ]


No, more than that. Pretend it's someone you love's last New Years Eve. This'll be the last time they count down with the ball. Then they'll have their last bank holidays, their last birthday, last Halloween. Maybe they get another Christmas, but probably not. Maybe you should call this one the last, just to be safe.


[ As she speaks, the distending fruit splits up one rotting side, collapsing under its own weight. Remarkably blood-like juice runs down her hand and wrist. ]


How's your resolution now? Does it mean a fucking thing?


[ The flesh of the fruit itself is sloughing off now in disgusting clumps that splatter noisily on the unseen floor. ]


Death's coming. Not just for you, but for everyone you love.


[ When the whole thing is gone, she rubs her fingers together, feeling the viscous red slime the rotten fruit left behind. ]

Happy New Years. Memento-fucking-mori.

video;

Dec. 28th, 2016 12:25 pm
missleadingquestions: (Tʜᴇ ᴅɪsᴄᴏ ʙᴀʟʟ)
[personal profile] missleadingquestions
Gooooood aaafter-- oh, is it afternoon yet?

[Asks Maya, checking her bare wrist before she looks up and around at the Heropa park she's sitting in. She doesn't seem to find a clock.]

Whatever, afternoon. Today, I have a really funny story for ya.

[She adjusts on the bench, grinning and pushing her hair out of her face. The camera bounces a little with the movement of her leg before she realises she should steady it.]

So like-- it's 2020 where I come from. Sorta. I already lived through 2016, but today we-- well, on my today four years ago-- we were on one of the most important cases of Phoenix's career!

But you know what the best part is?

[Maya's grin turns into a more amused smirk.]

One of the interrogated witnesses... Was a parrot.

[text]

Dec. 12th, 2016 07:38 pm
glitterateur: aces (Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat?)
[personal profile] glitterateur
hi everybody!! do YOU know what day it is??

it's december 12th!! which means you have basically no time left to do your xmas shopping or to go pick up the perfect sweater for that holiday party or to get something soft and fuzzy to wear during hanukkah

SOLUTION: order a custom sweater from me, mabel pines!!

I'm basically a sweater wizard and I can make them out of whatever material you want with whatever design you could ever want ever!! I work SUPER fast and my prices are VERY reasonable and every sweater is made with love

and sometimes cat and pig hair!!

so hit me up if you're interested and just tell me the size and the design and BAM you'll get the coolest warmest thing possible this winter

winky face ;)

video

Nov. 7th, 2016 06:41 pm
airshow: (I robbed the continental breakfast.)
[personal profile] airshow
OH MY GOD STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING I HAVE WHACK-A-MOLE.

[ And now that he has your attention, he flips the camera back onto himself. Trickster is wearing a light-up bowtie over a dark blue button-up shirt, as that is what passes for finery to him. Behind him loom several bright, loud arcade games, a dart board, a plastic singing fish spraypainted gold, and — oh god, is that fake? — the taxidermied head of a crocodile wearing giant novelty sunglasses. ]

Goooood evening, my fellow Americans! Before we get too into the touchy-feely family-friendly parts of this holiday season, I have an announcement to make! The Frisky Nickel is (almost) open for business right here in our very own beautiful, muggy Heropa. But what is that, you ask? Well, that’s a darn good question! On top of obviously being a testament to the American spirit of unfettered, devil-may-care, perhaps even reckless entrepreneurship, it’s also a barcade. That’s half-bar, half-arcade, for those of you who aren’t naturally gifted at the whole smashing words together thing. It's okay, it's an art, I know.

Kids, young adults, and those of you without fake IDs: you’re allowed in the non-glug-glug-glug side of the establishment ‘til ten PM. After that things might get a little weird and I’m gonna have to kick you out. No hard feelings, I connect deeply with the emotionally immature, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I’m not saying I’d consider letting you in with a fake mustache, but I might.

A-ny-who, I might need a couple hands around here, if anyone’s interested in gainful employment. Good at mixing drinks? Got fun ideas for what to do with sacks and sacks of quarters? Have some kind of mysterious other skill you think I should give you money for? Talk to me. I’ll put my job interviewin’ hat on for ya and everything. I don’t actually have a job interviewin’ hat, but I can make out out of balloons if the situation requires it. Just one of my many talents.

Anyway! Stop on by this Friday for the official grand opening! I’ll be handing out free tokens like candy, and handing out deep-fried Skittles, which are actual candy. Kind of.
catchacold: -.- (running hot)
[personal profile] catchacold
I'm a thief. I'm a crook.

[As Len talks he counts the points off on his fingers, one by one.]

I'm a liar. I'm a criminal. I'm a bad person.

[Five fingers and he holds his hand up for another second before pulling his fingers back in until he's holding up a fist. The glare on his face is promising a punch.

Lowering his hand, he puts it down on the bed he's sitting on and leans forward.]


But whatever they're saying I've done to get me in here? Wasn't me.

[To illustrate what 'in here' means, he turns the device, showing what is very clearly a jail cell. Then the camera is back on his face, which hasn't gotten any happier.]

Sorry for any appointments I might be missing because of this. Also, I could use a lawyer.

[He moves the device a bit closer, blue eyes narrowed. For someone so cold, that's a lot of hot anger.]

To the coward who framed me? I'll be coming for you.


[ooc: This is a result of Jonathan Crane impersonating Leonard and robbing Bruce Wayne. Leonard doesn't know that Crane did that yet. He just knows it wasn't him.]

video;

Oct. 7th, 2016 07:17 pm
ifhebeworthy: (pic#7716266)
[personal profile] ifhebeworthy
[The screen of their communicators flickers to life with a fluorescent glow. Initially, there's only a hint of someone there-- thick red fabric, chain mail, a hammer.]

I had prayed to come to good tidings. Greet friends, and assuage fears. To bolster thy strength with mine own.

Instead, I come here haunted by past misgivings I thought requited, by a name all too familiar to me. If you know him as well, I would like to speak to him.


[It doesn't sound like a request. The image swings up high to a broad faced man with long blonde hair. A winged helmet. His eyebrows are drawn down across a brow rigid as though it were carved from stone.]

To my friend.

video!

Oct. 5th, 2016 11:32 pm
eatsnutsandkicksbutts: (Default)
[personal profile] eatsnutsandkicksbutts
[ Squirrel Girl is giving the camera a friendly, buck-toothed grin and a little wave. There's some kind of muffled commotion coming from behind her, but whatever it is isn't visible in the frame yet. She's in a park, though, that much is obvious. ]

Hi! I'm Squirrel Girl, nice to meet everybody. I have a question for y'all! I ran into a bit of trouble, here: some fire-breathing dingus kinda jumped me in the middle of the park and wouldn't back off, so after a brief (if slightly physical) discussion about anger management skills and not being a total jerk, I'm... well, long story short, does anybody know where I can find the nearest police station in--

[ The commotion intensifies, and SG frowns, glancing over to one side. One of those newbie native supervillains is just visible in the corner of the screen, buried underneath a pile of squirrels. He's trying in vain to shake them off, but it isn't going very well. ]

I'm kind of in the middle of something, dude, can you keep it down? Trying to find out where I can dump your butt.

[ 'Heartburn'! the guy says from underneath the squirrel-pile. 'My name is Heartburn, and I'll make you regret the day you--!'

Heartburn is interrupted by three squirrels piling onto his head, effectively pressing his jaw shut. ]


Ok, first off, I'd rethink naming yourself after indigestion symptoms, and... wait, wait, ohmygosh.

Would you call that... a sick burn?

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