itistolaugh: (I'm the new outbreak monkey!)
[personal profile] itistolaugh
[Harley smiles and waves at the camera. The room is clearly not her own, for anyone that knows her. Too many books and not enough glitter. In fact, it seems rather Jonathan Crane-esque. That's because it is Jonathan Crane's home, where she's been crashing since the floods in Heropa. She has to speak a little louder than normal to be heard over the strange animal noises in the background.]

Hey, I'm back! And now I've got my sweetie pie big smelly babies with me, yes I do! Say hi, babies!

[She turns the camera to where the "babies" — two fully grown spotted hyenas — are intensely focused on something off-camera, with their tails up and teeth bared. One of them turns briefly to whoop at mommy, and then joins his brother to giggle and chitter toward the top of a bookcase.]

Aren't they just the biggest sillies? They can definitely bite your legs off though, so ask before you pet if you see 'em around. And speaking of biting things, uh...

[The view moves up and focuses on a dark lump on top of the bookcase. The lump is a cat, terrified out of his tiny mind.]

That's Wizkers Khalifa. He's a total sweetheart but really skittish, so I think he should be somewhere quiet where he's the only pet, or at least where nobody is trying to eat him. He's been my buddy for two years, so it's really important that I know he's in a good home, and I want to come over and see him from time to time.

Oh, there's Johnny. Hi, J— Nope, there he goes.

[The camera swings for a glimpse of Crane swiftly leaving the room, before moving back to poor Wiz.]

He's embarrassed of me. Anyway, let me know if you want to meet the cat. Sooner the better.
maskormods: (⒉)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2017
Native sentiment centralized in the east coast has been growing for a governmental response to the recent imPort-centric chaos. The government, ever protective of imPorts, has been reluctant to set down any new regulations -- but constituents have been calling their congresspeople.

HE KANGED, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
As seen on BlueTube (via cellphone footage), Bwitter, Rumblr, and Heropean local news:
Some of the clone mayhem has been put to a stop in an explosive manner, thanks to the draconian imPort Kang. The amateur footage shows him cornering his own clone in an alley several blocks from a restaurant favored by locals. Kang is heard shouting for others to back away before shooting energy darts out of his hand, killing the double troublemaker on the spot. The body then reduces to bones and explodes as if they were made of dynamite, much to the surprise of the onlookers. No others were hurt, and there was minimal damage to nearby property.

According to Kang, before the video ends, this is completely normal for his race.

There had been reports of this clone starting fights in several bars and espousing imPort and non-human superiority. He has also been linked to three local deaths. No official statements have been made by the police as of yet.

AIN'T NO SNOWFLAKE
As seen in national newspapers and De Chima televised channels:
A new shelter is being opened by former ambassador candidate Jon Snow. While De Chima has a number of shelters in use, Lord Snow has promised that his will not only be located outside of the city, but will provide housing not only for the homeless, but for the imPorts currently without support and between jobs. He's stated in recent interviews that the shelter will provide assistance in finding more permanent housing and jobs, as well as teaching the residents of the shelter valuable tools to help them in various careers. Donations and supplies are requested, delivered to Snow's office between the hours of 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

"We are in this together," Snow has told reporters. "We need to band together, all of us. It's the only way our city will thrive."

ABSOLUTELY SIMFUL
As seen on BlueTube play-by videos, local Heropa news, Rumblr, and in internet ads:
There's a new mobile app that has been causing something of a stir amongst natives. Launched just this week, HEART KAPOW WOW is an app that enables natives to embrace the ImPort experience... via dating sim. The game is available to anyone interested for a small fee, but the most interesting thing is that some of the dating options might seem a little familiar. Players have the option to go with a number of dating routes, and live either a heroic or villainous life. More information on the game and uncanny dating options is available here!

SELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
As seen in entertainment magazines and the official TMI blogosphere:
Reality stars Noah Czerny (of "True Afterlife") and Ronan Lynch (one half of the duo from ETV's "fuckups & tryhards") have taken to BlueTube in a series of videos depicting the boys performing tricks and stunts with novelty toys in the shape of male genitalia. As of this report, the videos have over one million views. Whether the viral performance is a spontaneous act by the boys or a calculated move on the part of UCCY INC Network in an attempt to merge its popular teen imPort franchises remains a point of debate on entertainment news sites and forums. Both boys, who are roommates and make cameo appearances on their respective programs, have a large following on Imstagram and recently toured London as guests of the British government in celebration of a new trade deal between the US and UK.

THELMA AND OH GEEZ
As seen on Rumblr discourse, in Bwitter threads, and watched on on TMI Tonight:
SPOTTED: Daenerys Targaryen giving a statement to police called to the site of her recent fender-bender. Her passenger at the time of the accident was friend and sometime collaborator Gwen Wynne-York, to whom she was overheard remarking, "I think we won that".

Ms Wynne-York could not be reached for comment but was reportedly struggling to contain her laughter.

Ms Targaryen is rumored to have settled with the other party.

ROW ROW ROW AND BOATS
As seen on imPort Message boards, Community Interest News Stories, Boating Enthusiasts Newsletters:
A heated argument has broken out among Boater Enthusiasts the last few weeks. It's not quite an all out battle, but races have been tossed around as a possibility. The Prize? Having imPort Riptide sign off as the mascot of whichever club wins! So far no word has come from Riptide himself as to which club he supports, but Heropa's two largest clubs, Pier Pressure and Schooner or Laker have been making some waves. Only time will tell if the riptides will turn in their favor, or if they'll be washed out to sea.

BAEB IN PLOYLAND?
As seen on all Maurtia Falls news channels:
On July 21st, imPort ambassador Petyr Baelish officially announced he would be running for mayor in an interview with the Maurtia Falls Times. The signs had been there for quite a while what with him running regular town hall meetings and drumming up support in the education and business communities, but up until now he had been rather coy when asked about his ambitions. When prompted about whether this would mean he would step down from his ambassadorial position, Baelish responded he had no plans to step down unless he secures the office and he believes he would be fully capable of devoting his time to his fellow imPorts as well as running his campaign.

Current mayor Tony Cardelli seemed unconcerned about Baelish's announcement. "While I can greatly appreciate the works Ambassador Baelish has put into place during the time he's served this city, I think the people of Maurtia Falls will know better than to appoint an imPort in the role of mayor. And that's nothing against his capabilities, but quite simply being an imPort always runs a risk of them spontaneously vanishing or otherwise leaving the city at risk. Look at what happened to our city just this past week because of imPorts. And I could go on record naming numerous times imPorts have been the cause of our city's problems. Because of this, I am confident I will be reelected for a second term." Cardelli told Channel 7 News in a press conference after the clone catastrophe.

Even so, many cars have been spotted around the city with a single mockingbird bumper sticker in solidarity with Petyr Baelish, his town hall meetings have been seeing a dramatic increase of foot traffic, and whether it's the work of the famed guerrilla artist or copycats -- the message "embElish maurtia falls" has been cropping up in gold spray paint all across the city. It's clear that Ambassador Baelish has drummed up quite a bit of support quicker than anyone realized, and it seems as though Cardelli will be forced to take his campaign seriously.

On August 18th at 7:00pm, Mayor Cardelli and Mayor-Hopeful Baelish will be going head to head in their first town hall debate. The citizens of Maurtia Falls are encouraged to come ask questions or air out their grievances.

POKEDISASTER
As seen on BlueTube, Rumblr:
What appears to be the imPorts Blue and Archie, seen here, having a battle of pocket monsters in the middle of London. IN CONSEQUENCE of this intense one-on-one, a large, poisonous sludge-strewn crater was left in their wake. Disaster!

Dragged off by their respective Pokémon, these brawling trainers might have gotten away with it anonymous -- but imPort Niko recorded it and uploaded it onto BlueTube page. What!

TIME TO MANABU UP
As seen in Nonah local papers:
Seen as a kind of goodwill effort by some (or tasteless infiltration by others), imPort Manabu was interviewed by local journalist Jacknard Pulley regarding his induction into the North Carolina Nonah Division Police Academy. Manabu has stated that, to quote, "he's hoping his actions will speak for themselves; he wants to help everyone, imPort and local alike".

The article itself was published in multiple papers, as Pulley is a freelance journalist. A feel-good piece that has been criticized as imPort propaganda by anonymous users on Bwitter has nevertheless found some support within the Nonah community.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from COQUELICOT to WENGE.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maevelous: ([ 15 ])
[personal profile] maevelous
For all of you new arrivals and even for some of the older ones, I have a bit of a public service announcement if you will.

[ It's Maeve's voice, but the video is focused on her walking through imPort housing unit Nonah #005. The house is in various states of pet disarray -- shredded furniture, curtains, and carpeting come into view. There is pet fur all over that roombas can only do so much about. And there are a large variety of toys strewn out across the floor. The video focuses on the six cats in the room -- a calico, a white bengal, a munchkin, a havana, and two indeterminable breeds. ]

Think twice about getting a pet in this world. I know it may seem like a fine idea at the time, but this is the sort of thing you leave behind. And what becomes of these poor animals? How many of them wind up displaced because imPorts went back to their homes? We are temporary in this world. These creatures are permanent.

[ Maeve moves on from the room, heading out the sliding glass doors to the koi pond, focusing in on it. The pond is clean and well kept, but it's still more animals that are here that need to be tended to. ]

I had the misfortune of inheriting all of this after the port out of my housemates.

[ Going back inside, Maeve heads upstairs and pushes open a door in order to showcase a fish tank with a red-tailed shark and three imProcreats -- a dragprawn, a lamabama, and a blickablake. These things are essentially pokemon without the demands of having to be fed. ]

If anyone was friends with the Iron Bull, Ken Amada, Kaneda or Tetsuo and wants to adopt any of them, it would be greatly appreciated. Hell, even if you weren't friends and can offer them the attention they deserve, then take them. I'm keeping them fed and cleaning up after them, but I don't have time for much else beyond that. I'm a busy woman, after all.

[ Maeve leaves, heading to her own room and closing the door behind her to turn the video to herself. ]

To end this on a more upbeat note, I work as a manager at the bar Merlotte's in De Chima. As a warm welcome on behalf of new imPort ambassador Sam Merlotte, I'd like to offer any new arrivals a drink on the house. But if you're an older imPort and you sweet talk me well enough, I might consider offering you a drink on me.

text.

Jul. 27th, 2017 03:08 pm
puppydoctor: (✚ i remember how the bedroom looked)
[personal profile] puppydoctor
[You know what's really awesome? A massive clone crisis happening right as you're trying to move. George is exhausted and fed up, but there's been something on his mind, and he types out a brief message.]

what with all the crazy stuff that's gone down, i've been thinking about expanding the services the clinic provides.

show of hands, or just replies i guess - who would be interested in being trained in first aid and emergency field medicine? we need more people on the ground when things like this happen, caring for the casualties. native first responders are clearly overwhelmed, but if we can get some people out there who can deal with the danger and the injured, i think that would be a huge benefit.

VIDEO

Jul. 25th, 2017 04:09 pm
musclemothers: (permanently annoyed)
[personal profile] musclemothers
[ This video post is coming to you TUESDAY NIGHT, LIVE... from jail, not long after the Walking Eye invasion has made itself known. Womp womp. Rusty doesn't look entirely different in an orange uniform than he does in his usual hideous speedsuits, but the expression on his face is a sour one, even for him.

In the background, you can hear a robot wailing. It is a constant, static noise that only seems to increase in intensity as the feed goes on. ]


All right. Here's the skinny - these incompetents have decided to arrest me for all of that madness going on outside despite the fact that we're allllll well aware of the fact that there's a bunch of fucking clones running around. Which, for the record, is both an affront to us all and uncreative. They think I'm behind it all, but let me tell you this much: I don't shit where I eat, and I'm your best bet at programming something to stop them.

So, all you little heroes out there, a task for you: hunt down my clone and turn him in so I can get out and start fixing this mess!

[ God, the prison life is not for him. He's too pretty for this. The screaming, belonging to one Helper, begins to get even louder. ]

And for the love of God, someone, anyone come pick up Helper. [ He rubs at his temple. ] I've got a horrible migraine, and he's going to short-circuit any moment now. He's just outside of the jail. You can't miss him. [ Flatly, he adds on: ] He's the screaming robot.
wordaday: (g081: Sans coffee)
[personal profile] wordaday
[Coming to you live, from some motel parking lot, it's Sookie! She's settled up on the hood of her car, wrapped in a thin blanket despite the heat. She looks tired, worried.]

Hey from Shreveport, y'all. [Sookie smiles weakly, gives the camera a little wave.] I guess I planned my vacation about the right time, huh? I just hope everyone's doing okay back home. Can't even get a flight back into De Chima right now, they turned me away at the ticket counter.

[She sighs then, scrubbing a hand across her eyes like she's fighting sleep.]

I'm sure everyone's distracted right now, but- [A pause]- I came out to Louisiana to, oh, I don't know. I looked it up when I first got here and I knew my hometown wasn't here, but I just had to check, y'know? Can't trust everything you read online.

[Ahem.]

I mean, the parish ain't even here. Looks like there was never any Renard Parish at all, it's all eaten up by the ones that were around it at home. Shreveport is here, at least, but it's all different. This motel here's sitting where my friend's bar is supposed to be. It's all so weird. Is this like this for everyone else, whole towns and counties vanishing into thin air? Has anyone even been able to find their old home?

It's just...weird, is all.

text,

Jul. 10th, 2017 12:12 pm
wingsit: (finding faith you must agree)
[personal profile] wingsit
Hello.

I am looking for help.

Is there anyone in Maurtia Falls who can meet me? I would like to meet some people here. Thank you



I would also like to talk to anyone who doesn't live in Maurtia Falls. It will be nice to learn names and faces. And what you do and where you have come from. My name is Nill and I will show you a picture of my face soon but I can't work out how to do it right now I'm sorry

Thank you


[ ah yes, text. the perfect medium for pretending everything is fine and you haven't been hiding in your room for almost as long as you've been here so far ]
exceptionalthief: (you will be witnesses)
[personal profile] exceptionalthief
Recent arrival here. I'm looking for information - apart from that which the government has so kindly provided [sarcasm ftw] - about this upcoming Swear-In Ceremony. What does it entail and how much coercion is involved? The unofficial version, in other words.

Also, a decent Indian restaurant.
[If there is such a thing in this backwater.]
beautiful_monster: (it's not like I like you or anything >[)
[personal profile] beautiful_monster
[After a series of texts early that day, Yuri spent the rest of his morning trying valiantly to figure out how to hide his name from the network. There was a very serious matter he needed to ask about, and he didn't want to think of the consequences he'd face if anyone knew he was the one asking.]

What the hell are you supposed to do on a date? A first date if that matters. Something like that has to be special, doesn't it? So...what do people expect? Do you have to dress up? How do you know who pays for everything?

I really don't know anything about this junk so I'll take any advice people have got.


[Viktor would never let him hear the end of this if he knew.]
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 20TH, 2017
The Summer Solstice has arrived! Get out your favorite imPort-themed brews and crack open a cold one -- you might need the relief from that gorgeous sun beaming from above. And remember! If your loved ones are acting strange, please report them to the proper authorities for evaluation.

A REGULAR FUNSLINGER
As seen in Maurtia Falls papers and the nightly news:
Investigators are searching for a man in a cowboy hat who has robbed at least ten banks in Virginia over the last five months, six of which were within De Chima city limits. Some eyewitnesses claim to have seen the robber turn to smoke, fueling speculation that he could be an imPort.

He’s been described as a 50-60 year old male with blue eyes and a “country” accent -- and he’s not always alone. In at least two incidents, the suspect was accompanied by accomplices with unidentified super powers, and surveillance footage of the most recent robbery shows him leaving the scene on horseback. Although the suspect is said to carry weapons, no serious injuries have been reported.

Police wouldn’t comment on whether or not they believed similar robberies in other states might be connected.

Anyone with information about these robberies is asked to contact the De Chima police department.

ART THAT MAKES YOU THINK
As seen in The De Chimera, art publications, and Neurology Today!:
Mere months after the Hellish nightmare warscape that swept America, the culprit Joseph Kavinsky has been caught and rehabilitated, and he is now making his amends. His first donation was to the De Chima Museum of Science, a brain scan and livefeed hologram generator! Up to three participants at a time can utilize headsets to show neurological interactions. Pending further safety testing, the exhibit will open to the public in late June under the title, the John Murphy Exhibit. The show will continue for three months until the devices move on to medical retro-engineering. Mr. Kavinsky credits his inspiration to Dr. Frederick Chilton.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BEER BUT BEER ITSELF
As seen in local papers, social media, Bwitter MoMents:
Just in time for Fanport, Blue Man Brewing Co. is back with seven more freshly tapped beers! Check out your favorite imPorts we're honoring this time around:

Rincewind: Wizzard Brown Ale- English Brown Ale made with pecans. Maybe it's a little nutty, but we guarantee it's magically delicious! Our in-house Wiccan insisted on blessing each barrel, so maybe that did something?

Kanaya Maryam: Kanaya Marjoram- A classic saison with a twist, brewed with sweet marjoram. Look, it's not the best beer, but we’re standing by the pun.

Frederick Chilton: Take A Chil-ton Pils- Our classiest creation, this is a German-style pilsner. This is not a chugging beer; it's best served with a good, grilled brat.

Clara Oswald: Oswild Berry Cider- Blackcurrant and blackberry cider. If you're not totally into beer, this is something as sweet and sassy as it's namesake. Also British.

Harley Quinn: Barley Quinn- Golden Ale with strawberries. Great for barbecues, summer parties, or chugging before you go and key your ex boyfriend’s car.

Persephone: The Screamer IPA- A pomegranate infused IPA. Sure it's pink and bitter, but it's also the best thing you've ever heard...uh, tasted!

Count Dooku: Down for the Count- A dark, thick stout with a high ABV, infused with chili powder. Due to public health concerns, we’re legally required to sell this in single bottles only.

Get your six pack or full pour from our brewery, now open all week. And don't forget to come see us at our tent at Fanport, where we’ll be raffling off special edition bottles, merchandise, and even a keg of your own choice!

JUST ALEX JONESIN' YA
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features imPort survivalist celebrity Daryl Dixon and Unsettled (and recently AWOL) goddess superstar Persephone to discuss imPort NANITES. The Count asks his guests whether they think it is fair for imPorts to be injected with machines without their permission, in the name of safety.

The first part of Daryl’s answer is a simple “It’s bullshit.” He’s of the mind that the nanite injection should be a choice and, potentially, a privilege to be ‘earned’ or ‘lost’ by those it benefits the most: namely, murderers. The supposed goal of making sure all those wrongfully brought to this world by the Porter survive to get sent back sounds noble on the surface, but in practice… Between it and the legal system the government has in place for imPorts, too many asshole imPorts get away with literal murder. Along with the invasiveness of being able to track each of them, somehow monitor their actions enough to know if they’re breaking any laws to get one of those non-registration labels (but not do anything to stop them or alert people who can), giving them an unasked for tattoo that glows, and who knows what other changes they could be making? As he said at the start: “bullshit.”

Persephone says that’s not even all the levels of bullshit. No duh the government kidnapping and shooting people up while they’re out is sketch as hell. It’s not just tracking, permanently marking, and even resurrection (like everyone even wants that). Why should anyone trust that’s ALL it does?

Even more than that, it’s a BS patch on The Actual Problem. There’s only imPorts in the first place because the US is messing with power they don’t understand. Basically every story about that ends the same way. Abusing imPort rights now that they’re here doesn’t change that.

The Count closes the episode by thanking his guests for their participation and encouraging concerned listeners to take action on these issues by organizing and lobbying their elected imPort Ambassadors.

DID IT HURT WHEN HEAVEN SCENT YOU
As seen mentioned in imPort-city papers:
ATTENTION IMPORT VOLUNTEERS! For those of you who had WILLINGLY AND WITTINGLY given your consent for a few samples, we have great news for you! As a deep and sincere thank you, HEAVEN SCENT LLC is sending you one of their CUTTING EDGE clone kits (parts one and two, small dark room for growing period not included). Obtain the desired clone DNA sample and follow the simple instructions -- in two weeks the sample you left quietly alone in a dark room will be your NEW cloned organism! Some rules apply:
1) only ONE kit per imPort volunteer
2) only ONE kit can successfully clone ONE organism
3) HUMAN BEINGS cannot be cloned
4) IMPORTS cannot be cloned
5) any attempt to replicate the chemical formulas and the kit's propagated DNA sequencing will render the samples and the trademark chemicals inert. Nothing can be learned from HEAVEN SCENT's technological technique this way.
6) while there is nothing barring you from reselling the kit, the practice would be highly frowned upon and HEAVEN SCENT would put you in their naughty books.
7) Please be cognizant of the responsibility inherent to giving life.

Congratulations, imPort volunteers! Be safe, be with SCIENCE!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BIKINI SAND to GAMBOGE.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

text

May. 27th, 2017 11:49 am
siriusly: (item get)
[personal profile] siriusly
It's weird to think that maybe this Earth could turn out like the one from my universe. Or timeline. Or however it works...
(I'm not really smart about all this, I'm sorry...)

But there's a lot that's similar. Even on the planet I lived on, and all the ones in the galaxy, we all use the same clock system, even though some days are longer or shorter depending on which planet you landed on. Same 24 hour clock. And this Earth uses one, too. And there's baseball and hovercars and the moon landing was about the same time (I think)...

So I wonder how long it will take for this Earth to leave the planet, if it will. Or maybe it won't because it won't make the same mistakes the Earth in my history did. Or maybe they WILL but they'll decide to do something differently. Maybe because people like us are here it's already changed how things will go. Maybe because I'm here the railways from my world can show, and maybe because someone else is here, something from their history will happen? IS that already happening?

It's also weird that I can think about all this without trying when I'm TRYING to study something else...

[ Video ]

May. 25th, 2017 07:12 pm
drivesadesk: (Eager)
[personal profile] drivesadesk
Hello, everyone! You know, I've noticed a lot of crazy things happen around here, and so I was thinking I should start keeping a first aid kit around just in case. Unfortunately...there are a few things I'm having a bit of trouble finding, so I was wondering if you guys could help me out.

So anyway, if anyone could help me out here, I'm looking for Sodium Hydroxide as well as neoprene gloves and thread. The thread should be made of neoprene, too.

[If Jonathan knows that there's anything odd about his 'first aid' kit, he shows no sign of it. Also, if they look, they might see what Jonathan has gathered so far, which includes cellophane, scissors, gauze bandages, a thermometer, aspirin and anti-itch cream, all sitting on the desk behind him.]

[Video]

May. 2nd, 2017 12:22 am
faithfulson: (Soft and simple)
[personal profile] faithfulson
[ Luke doesn't look like he's sure he should be putting up videos on the network. He still has his father to worry about, and then there was that warning about Dooku... but he still needs help, and presenting a friendly face was the best way to get it, right? ]

Um... hello?

[ ...or he could feel like an idiot being camera shy. He let out a sigh at himself, shaking his head. ]

Is there anyone here that's familiar with growing crystals? Or making them grow?

A friend of mine has a crystal I need, but I don't want to take hers. If there's a way for me to duplicate it somehow, or find a way to have part of it grow into a new crystal structure, it would be really helpful.

007 | text;

May. 1st, 2017 03:24 am
textualhealing: (066)
[personal profile] textualhealing
Fanfics.

We've all read them, don't even try to deny it. Some of us might have written them in the past (I've dabbled, ngl. They were amazing pieces of art.)

I already know the weird shit that fans can come up with, but what I really wanna know is your favorite ones. Give me the best pairings, the oddest settings and the hella creepy "plots" that are out there.

No fic is too NSFW or too weird for me to read.

I guess now is also the perfect time to mention I'm on the look out for imPort staff. Those familiar with law, paralegals, even just people real good at answering phones tbh. I won't get you to look up creepy fanfics for me, I swear. I might email you the good ones tho, but I don't see any downside in that.
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2017
WAKEY WAKEY,
FOR HEAVENS SAKEY!

GOTT JUSTICE?
As seen televised on local and national news:
April 30th
Import Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler was taken into custody late on April 23rd on charges of willful breach of government security. Details are classified, but it's a blow for the small, yet devout following of fans shocked by the news and arguing on behalf of the newly married doctor. But not only has Dr. Gottlieb pled guilty during his trial, he's offered no defense and shown little remorse for his alleged actions. Whether he's unaware of or simply disinterested in his staunchest fans is unclear.

Deemed guilty by the courts, Dr. Gottlieb is facing a two month sentence in medium-security prison, with the possibility of an early probational release on review. Officials say the De Chima-based imPort has been cooperative, but has threatened legal action against the local police department, citing violations of the ADA and criticizing the lack of official guidelines for the detainment of physically impaired suspects. So far, only a formal complaint has been filed.

"It could have been worse," Officer Reiman says. "We didn't expect to find [the suspect]. His file lists a teleportation ability and could have prompted an international manhunt. He'd had plenty of warning too-- had to get the cruiser buzzed in. Almost seems like he wanted to be arrested."

Meanwhile, imPort critics say that Dr. Gottlieb only let himself be arrested because of the unfair sentencing policies that favor cases like his. Typically, cyber crime has resulted in 2-5 year sentences for the non-imPort population. But whatever his motivations, there's no way to know for sure.

Dr. Gottlieb's evaluation is expected to take place on May 24th. His husband, Dr. Newton Gottlieb-Geiszler, could not be reached for comment.

BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE
As seen in HOT HOT BEAT, TMI Magazine, IMPORTED GOSSIP, and national news:
Fans of the hot yoga show "BODY HEAT!" were shocked this past week to discover the show's popular imPort host, Mick Rory, was arrested for arson. Rory admitted to setting his government-assigned house in Heropa on fire on the 13th of April, just before the holiday weekend. Rory has been sentenced to two months parole and community service, but has not given any public explanation for his actions.

Speculation is running rampant, with many pointing out that Rory had been known to offer his services to various Fire Departments in the Porter Cities, and had only just a few weeks ago had run a charity drive for the Heropa General's burn ward. Some have called attention to his little-used but widely known alternate alias "Heat Wave", and a rumoured criminal past. Fans online are split between those expressing outrage and those arguing it was a simple mistake.

As for BODY HEAT!, the producers made a public statement that they are reviewing his contract for breach of its Moral Clauses, and have since officially retired Rory from the show.

A BET-TER WORLD
As seen in local Maurtia Falls advertisements:
All bets are ON! WHO will be the next imPort arrested for criminal activity? The handsome Sam Merlotte? The incredibly loud Count Dooku? The beautiful Bela Talbot? The coquettish Yuri Plisetsky? Rope in your financial manager and/or gambling broker and put down a name, you could win it big if fate favors your delinquent pick.

(Smart money is on imPorts who are often seen wearing black).

YOU KNOW NOTHING, SPRING SNOW
As seen on the Maurtia Falls weather channel:
Bad news for people who were enjoying the spring weather. An extreme cold front is sweeping the east coast this weekend, producing blizzard like conditions for the state of Pennsylvania. You can expect to see snowfalls of up to two feet with wind gusts of up to 45 MPH. Folks of Maurtia Falls should brace for impact on April 21st. Wind gusts and heavy snow could cause localized power outages and downed trees. The department of transportation has announced that they are armed and ready with plows to clear the roads, and travel should not be adversely affected for long, but advises that drivers stay off the road if it can be avoided.

Just when you thought you were in the clear, it seems that Winter Is Coming back again.

THE DOOK OF HAZARD
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
The newest episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features The Doctor as a special guest star, interviewed by the Count for his take on recent dangerous incidents like the attack by armies of historical mirages that ruined the last weekend of March, and the blight of apple crops rumoured to have been caused by failed biogenetic testing.

The Doctor’s interview mostly involves a lot of rambling about the timeline, attempts to explain temporal paradoxes to the casual listener, and a little bit of grumping at the government for not letting people look at the Porter. Dooku has to get him back on track multiple times but, all in all, it’s a good interview. The most important thing is that the Doctor surmises that some of the problems, such as the historical mirage attack, might be caused by a temporal malfunction in the Porter. After all, the Porter is an impressive machine but it’s just a MACHINE. It’s entirely possible the Porter can’t juggle all these timelines and accidentally slipped up somewhere.

The Count closes this month’s episode by encouraging any listeners who are concerned about political issues to speak out by contacting the imPort community’s elected representatives with any questions or complaints. To this end, he has helpfully shared the following public contact information:

Lord Petyr Baelish, imPort Ambassador for Maurtia Falls
Queen Lucy Pevensie, imPort Ambassador for De Chima
Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, imPort Ambassador for Nonah
United States Senator Mitchell Hundred of Virginia

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OF THE HEART to INDIGO-GO because nothing shakes off the sleepies like an impromptu dance party.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
helpline: (a shot that was probably in a trailer)
[personal profile] helpline
First of all, I hate to say this but Calendar Man's ported out. He didn't show up for work, so I did a bit of prowling around [ aka breaking and entering ] and he's not asleep either.

[ But that involves dealing with feelings and acknowledging friends leave and while the Doctor's trying his hardest to get better at that, he still has some issues. Let's not deal with feelings by talking about things instead. There's a chalkboard behind the Doctor and he writes out what he's saying as he talks through his theory. ]

Speaking of the sleeping thing, a proposition: I think I know who caused this.

A SUMMATION BEHIND THE CUT TEXT FOR THIS IS WORDY AND Y'ALLS FRIENDS LISTS NEED TO BE SPARED )

Tl dr! [ And yes, he said out the letters 't', 'l', 'd', and 'r' like a goddamn grandpa who just learned to text-speak ] Point one, very powerful with powers that are good for mucking with your head. Point two, the Russian occupation. Point three, a repeat offender. Point four, Billy Kalpan. Put them all together and that reveals our culprit to be.....

[ cue a very anticlimactic shrug. ]

Somebody! I know who it is, I just don't know the name. There's a lot of us, after all, I don't know every imPort. Give me some names, let's figure this nonsense out, we've got people's boyfriends to wake up! [ There's a pause, before, ]

Also, it's not Crane. Or Julian, obviously, what with the whole being Ported out thing. We can cross those two off the list. Likewise, if you can help me piece together how fire birds work into this, I'd appreciate it. The little bird was a bit vague on that part.
wizzardly: (The flaw in the argument)
[personal profile] wizzardly
[Happy Ides, everyone. To celebrate, here's a pale, shaken wizzard on your screen, standing in some nondescript Maurtia Falls allet. If the pallor of his skin makes him look a person who may be ill, that's probably because he is. Or at least was. Barely thirty seconds ago, violently, behind a trash can.]

Once, just once I'd like to go a month without - without the streets flooding with ghosts, or being in ridiculous brawls in bars with bears, or being kidnapped, or - or -

[Rincewind breaks off with a pained, miserable expression, glancing back over his shoulder. As he does so, the video shifts enough to show a dumpster with its lid open, a bag of trash abandoned outside it. The angle makes it impossible to see inside.]

...There's a body in there. Two, er, halves of one. Someone's, um...

[Rincewind swallows thickly, fighting another wave of nausea.]

I don't think she's an imPort. ...Was. Gods.

Look - someone come deal with this, will you? That's what you heroes are meant to do, right? So one of you needs to bloody well get out here. I'm not - I can't - this isn't my responsibility.

4 [Video]

Mar. 14th, 2017 01:00 am
ret2go: (pic#10928311)
[personal profile] ret2go
[Shantae is lounging back in a chair, surrounded by what seems to be... paperwork? Her very long hair is somehow done up in a braid, which even still comes down to the small of her back. She's got a pen in her hand.]

So... hypothetically, if someone wanted to start a business here, how would they do it? 'Cuz back home in Scuttle Town, it's easy. You just need to buy space for it, or a stall, or whatever, and you need to have something to sell, and boom! You've got a business.

But here you have to fill out... forms. And I don't get this stuff at all.

I want to meet the person who invented paperwork and stuff his head in a fish pond. [A pause.] And then let him out, but that dunk would be reaaaaally satisfying...
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2017
Beware the Ides of March! That day is coming up, and with the sudden imPlosion of guilt and regret, you can't tell what someone under duress is bound to do to you just to clean their own soul.

WHAT IS TREND CANNOT DIE
As seen in high fashion magazines, seen on TMI and imPort! Entertainment:
The world of American fashion has turned its eyes to Florida-based design house, House of De Marq, upon announcing a new design label STORMBORN X MARQ in collaboration with imPort, Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. "We are very excited and honored to be working creatively with Queen Daenerys," was reported in the House of De Marq's official press release this morning. "We shall navigate the liminal spaces of unreality through fashion, and seek inspiration beyond the parameters of the mundane. We shall create a storm of fantasy and fabulousity." Notoriously elusive head designer De Marq, who could not be reached for further comment, has taken to Bwitter, posting blurry images of model fittings, landscapes, and obscure selfies with the hashtags such as #EYEOFTHESTORM, #FASHIONANDBLOOD, #UNBURNTUNTAMED.

The label will contain high end evening wear and jewelry, along with ready-to-wear fashion for professional women, inspired by De Marq's Westerosi muse.

Daenerys, most noted for her social media presence and fashion commentary in imPort entertainment, spoke enthusiastically for the label's future. "There will be a launch announced later this month, I believe, previewing collections to come. Proceeds will go towards Through The Glass, a nonprofit organisation that provides low-income women with professional attire and other career advancement services. Donations towards such a noble endeavour are most welcome."

EAT THE WOO'D
As seen on TMI, THEMport Weekly, and imTV:
Sources are reporting that long-time imPort couple Frederick Chilton and Raina are engaged. Post-Valentine's pictures of Raina reveal her wearing what is definitely a diamond ring. After nearly two years of waiting, fans of the couple can only speculate how truly romantic the proposal was.

"Chilton's had years now to plan it out. I bet he serenaded her with a song written by Rincewind. Because Rincewind's like a bard or something, isn't he? Like, a really sad bard?" One such fan wrote on Bwitter. Others responded that in fact Rincewind was flutist.

And while the fan response to this news was overwhelmingly positive and supportive of the couple, there were a few outcries from disappointed Marchill and Raintess fans. It's no secret the two couples are close, and during the rocky period, Raina was reportedly staying at the Hotel Castile. This led fans to draw their own (often lascivious) conclusions. Both pairings have a small, but highly devoted fanbase.

But no matter which ship you sail, one thing can be certain. Raina has changed her FaceLook status from 'It's Complicated' to 'In a loving relationship.' And we certainly wish Raina and Frederick Chilton all the best. Perhaps we will end 2017 with yet another imPort wedding!

HEARTS AND RECREATION
As seen in entertainment news magazines:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES' first movie based on imPorts, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH, which revolves around the romantic story of married imPorts April Ludgate and Will Graham, held a stern lead at the box office for the first two weeks of its release. Critics are torn, some reporting it's good popcorn-eating fun, others calling it "too focused on the romance, not enough using super cool powers."

The usage of animals in this film has caused minor controversy as well, surprising no one. FORTY SHADES OF OCHER, the highly anticipated sequel to THIRTY HUES OF BLOOD ORANGE proved the only other movie audiences cared to see enough to knock it down to second. It's now performing in third, just below FUNIONS, the kid's film about Funyuns who function in a minion-like role.
Due to this success, MULTIVERSAL PICTURES has announced they are looking into more imPorts with stories worth putting on screen, and there has been talk of adapting events and imPort tales for the small screen as well. Keep an eye out!

THE RED SETTING
As seen in local news:
It's here, it's there, it's everywhere: "bElish". That's the name you will see scrawled across the roads and sidewalks of Maurtia Falls, spray-painted in vibrant maroon and brick hues. Looks like there's a new vandal in town, and he (or she) is going to paint the town red. Is this an homage to Ambassador Baelish? A challenge? Is there a deeper meaning?

WEATHER OR NOT
As seen on the Weather Channel:
Hold onto your hats, De Chima! On Saturday, March 11th you were be witness to a totally bizarre tornado just outside the city limits. This has literally never happened before in recorded history.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MAROON to GLITTER because Mabel Pines would have wanted it that way.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

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