maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2017
WAKEY WAKEY,
FOR HEAVENS SAKEY!

GOTT JUSTICE?
As seen televised on local and national news:
April 30th
Import Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler was taken into custody late on April 23rd on charges of willful breach of government security. Details are classified, but it's a blow for the small, yet devout following of fans shocked by the news and arguing on behalf of the newly married doctor. But not only has Dr. Gottlieb pled guilty during his trial, he's offered no defense and shown little remorse for his alleged actions. Whether he's unaware of or simply disinterested in his staunchest fans is unclear.

Deemed guilty by the courts, Dr. Gottlieb is facing a two month sentence in medium-security prison, with the possibility of an early probational release on review. Officials say the De Chima-based imPort has been cooperative, but has threatened legal action against the local police department, citing violations of the ADA and criticizing the lack of official guidelines for the detainment of physically impaired suspects. So far, only a formal complaint has been filed.

"It could have been worse," Officer Reiman says. "We didn't expect to find [the suspect]. His file lists a teleportation ability and could have prompted an international manhunt. He'd had plenty of warning too-- had to get the cruiser buzzed in. Almost seems like he wanted to be arrested."

Meanwhile, imPort critics say that Dr. Gottlieb only let himself be arrested because of the unfair sentencing policies that favor cases like his. Typically, cyber crime has resulted in 2-5 year sentences for the non-imPort population. But whatever his motivations, there's no way to know for sure.

Dr. Gottlieb's evaluation is expected to take place on May 24th. His husband, Dr. Newton Gottlieb-Geiszler, could not be reached for comment.

BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE
As seen in HOT HOT BEAT, TMI Magazine, IMPORTED GOSSIP, and national news:
Fans of the hot yoga show "BODY HEAT!" were shocked this past week to discover the show's popular imPort host, Mick Rory, was arrested for arson. Rory admitted to setting his government-assigned house in Heropa on fire on the 13th of April, just before the holiday weekend. Rory has been sentenced to two months parole and community service, but has not given any public explanation for his actions.

Speculation is running rampant, with many pointing out that Rory had been known to offer his services to various Fire Departments in the Porter Cities, and had only just a few weeks ago had run a charity drive for the Heropa General's burn ward. Some have called attention to his little-used but widely known alternate alias "Heat Wave", and a rumoured criminal past. Fans online are split between those expressing outrage and those arguing it was a simple mistake.

As for BODY HEAT!, the producers made a public statement that they are reviewing his contract for breach of its Moral Clauses, and have since officially retired Rory from the show.

A BET-TER WORLD
As seen in local Maurtia Falls advertisements:
All bets are ON! WHO will be the next imPort arrested for criminal activity? The handsome Sam Merlotte? The incredibly loud Count Dooku? The beautiful Bela Talbot? The coquettish Yuri Plisetsky? Rope in your financial manager and/or gambling broker and put down a name, you could win it big if fate favors your delinquent pick.

(Smart money is on imPorts who are often seen wearing black).

YOU KNOW NOTHING, SPRING SNOW
As seen on the Maurtia Falls weather channel:
Bad news for people who were enjoying the spring weather. An extreme cold front is sweeping the east coast this weekend, producing blizzard like conditions for the state of Pennsylvania. You can expect to see snowfalls of up to two feet with wind gusts of up to 45 MPH. Folks of Maurtia Falls should brace for impact on April 21st. Wind gusts and heavy snow could cause localized power outages and downed trees. The department of transportation has announced that they are armed and ready with plows to clear the roads, and travel should not be adversely affected for long, but advises that drivers stay off the road if it can be avoided.

Just when you thought you were in the clear, it seems that Winter Is Coming back again.

THE DOOK OF HAZARD
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
The newest episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features The Doctor as a special guest star, interviewed by the Count for his take on recent dangerous incidents like the attack by armies of historical mirages that ruined the last weekend of March, and the blight of apple crops rumoured to have been caused by failed biogenetic testing.

The Doctor’s interview mostly involves a lot of rambling about the timeline, attempts to explain temporal paradoxes to the casual listener, and a little bit of grumping at the government for not letting people look at the Porter. Dooku has to get him back on track multiple times but, all in all, it’s a good interview. The most important thing is that the Doctor surmises that some of the problems, such as the historical mirage attack, might be caused by a temporal malfunction in the Porter. After all, the Porter is an impressive machine but it’s just a MACHINE. It’s entirely possible the Porter can’t juggle all these timelines and accidentally slipped up somewhere.

The Count closes this month’s episode by encouraging any listeners who are concerned about political issues to speak out by contacting the imPort community’s elected representatives with any questions or complaints. To this end, he has helpfully shared the following public contact information:

Lord Petyr Baelish, imPort Ambassador for Maurtia Falls
Queen Lucy Pevensie, imPort Ambassador for De Chima
Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, imPort Ambassador for Nonah
United States Senator Mitchell Hundred of Virginia

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OF THE HEART to INDIGO-GO because nothing shakes off the sleepies like an impromptu dance party.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
matataku: (14)
[personal profile] matataku
Do imPorts get medical benefits?

[It's a strange question to ask the network, but none of his research is really helping, and he figures that if imPorts have been here for at least three years, they've had to have regular medical checkups. After all, he certainly doesn't know where to start when it comes to actually going out and asking doctors.]

I don't mean injuries, but more like...


Vision. Dental.


[A pause.]


Does anyone have recommendations for an eye doctor?

video

Mar. 19th, 2017 08:44 pm
rathercommon: (about to hurl)
[personal profile] rathercommon
[ Kitty's voice is shaky. She's shooting this video from a dark-ish room, something a little spooky - a room with a lot of display drawers in the background. ]

Sorry. I, erm - I suppose this seems almost - copycattish, 'cause Rincewind - just the other day -

[ She takes a shaky breath, and gives a little shake of her head, like she's denying the complete and utter stupidity of her previous statement. ]

I'm in my garage - the apartment Satya used to live in - and I found...Anyway. If you find bad things - like, really bad things - like, bits of...people...You're not supposed to touch them, yeah? Or anything.

[ And then she runs a hand through her hair and bites out: ]

Someone help me with this, please.

video;;

Mar. 13th, 2017 05:19 pm
postcog: (z016)
[personal profile] postcog
[ The feed starts with both Sabriel and Lirael sitting on a couch, the first looking quiet and collected as usual, while the second can’t help but fidget a bit, golden mechanical fingers entwined across fleshy, pale ones. Lirael isn’t entirely sure the device is working, even, but if Sabriel says so… ]

So, is it working? Should I say something?

[ She squints at the camera, not yet convinced. ]

Yes, it’s working. Go on and say hello. [Sabriel nods encouragingly, smiling a little.]

Everyone, this is Lirael, my sister.

[ She’s not quite convinced, but Lirael sighs and waves, once. ] Hello. Yes, my name is Lirael. I have arrived recently to these lands… wherever they are supposed to be.

[ Eventually she’ll have to ask for a map, because nothing makes sense. ] You have my thanks for taking care of Sabriel. I’m glad to find her well.

So make sure you take care of my sister just as well. She didn’t grow up in Ancelstierre, so she’s not as familiar with technology. [Sabriel tosses an arm over Lirael’s shoulder.] And she may not look it, but she’s actually much younger than me. One of the Porter’s odd tricks.

I don't look that much older, I'm only nineteen... [ Lirael is about to complain about how she’s technically the older sister here, but can she really argue with such a Big Sis half hug? No, she can’t. So all Lirael does is nod and smile shyly. ]

A-anyway, that would be all. How do you go turning this th--[ Aaaaaaaaaand she turns it off. ]

((ooc: Lirael and Sabriel will be responding separately.))

(video)

Mar. 12th, 2017 04:59 pm
lightinside: ([30])
[personal profile] lightinside
[When the feed clicks on it shows Laurel holding a small flyer in her hand. She holds it up to the camera for everyone to see. It reads as follows in green cursive with a light yellow background:]

Put your Petal to the Metal with our incredible offers!

25% Off All Floral Arrangements!
Buy One Get One Free on Planters!
2 For 1 Special on Daffodils!

...And so much more!



[Laurel moves the flyer away from the camera and offers everyone a smile.]

Sooo my boss asked me to make these flyers. I like the font and the colour of it, but I'm not sure about the background. Doing something like this is not my forte; in fact, the last time I made flyers it was for my prom back in highschool.

[Heh.]

Any constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated by both me and my boss. Thanks!

[She leans forward, intending to switch the feed off, but stops.]

I did mention this a while back, so I figured I should say it again for those who may have missed it the first time.

Back home, I'm a lawyer. When I first started out I worked in a legal clinic to help those who could not afford big city law firms. I want to offer legal counsel here, on a one to one basis. I may also help businesses, but for now my goal is to help individuals.

My name is Laurel Lance. Feel free to contact me here or here.

Thanks again.

[And the feed ends there.]
brushoff: (i sure did fuck that up)
[personal profile] brushoff
[ this post is forward dated to the night of March 6. The video clicks on to Dorian, sitting on the floor of his apartment leaning up against his wall. He looks...well, absolutely awful. His eyes are rimmed red and his hair's all over the place, but he's managed to pull himself together in order to make the broadcast. ]

So, the mirages are my fault. Sorry? [ He laughs, though it's more of a tired laugh than anything actually jovial. ] I thought I could change myself, erase some actions of the past. Instead, in typical fashion, I seem to have made everything worse. [ he laughs again, though this time there's a bit of actual humor in that laugh. ] I am Dorian Gray, all my faults included, and there's nothing I can do about that.

I know how to fix it though. Don't worry if I vanish for a few days, that's part of the fixing aspect. And...I really am sorry I caused this in the first place. [ He's sorry if only because surprise, guess who's ALSO been dealing with guilt mirages for the past few days and who's been taking it really badly. Dorian looks up at someone offscreen. Before the camera clicks off, you can hear Dorian mutter ] Happy now, Toby?

( ooc: about an ic hour after this post goes up, the guilt mirages vanish, all at once. Dorian's corpsey body'll hang out in his apartment for another hour or so before getting ported out. FEEL FREE TO KEEP TAGGING THE MIRAGE LOG because trauma can always be backdated.

As a note, this will just get rid of the creepy guilt mirages, it will NOT get rid of the anachronistic mirages that are popping up throughout in-game as part of the overall March plot. great job Dorian, you solved about half of it.
)

VIDEO

Mar. 3rd, 2017 08:07 pm
khajidont: Made by me (Jaime - Threw up in the bugsuit again)
[personal profile] khajidont
[ Good evening, Mask or Menace! Jaime's back, and while he doesn't look any older, he certainly looks tired and a little sour to boot, like someone just fed him a nintendo switch cartridge real bitter pill. It was a long month. ]

So, um... hey! I'm back. That was definitely the longest I've been ported out for, but I gotta ask: what happened while I was gone? Because I got back, and all of a sudden, like, half of the people I know are gone. Dick's gone, Tadashi's gone again, Fuu's gone, Sarissa's gone, so's my Mom...

Was this just the Porter, or what?

[ It probably is - people tend to leave in waves - but it's left him feeling a little shellshocked, and it's worth searching for answers at the very least. He raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck, playing a little with the hair at the nape. ]

Um, anyway. Good to see you guys who are still here. And for all the newbies, I'm Jaime. Nice to meet you.
pyrogue: (suits are for squares)
[personal profile] pyrogue
[ On screen is a very shirtless Mick wearing nothing but a pair of tight black yoga pants with red stripes down the side with the letters "BODY HEAT" running up one side and a towel around his neck. He's gotten an assistant to hold the comm. He's feeling very cold right now, actually, so he speaks just a bit faster than he normally would to get this over with. ]

Dunno how many of you know who I am, but I'm Mick Rory. I do a workout show called "BODY HEAT!" as a yoga instructor -- [ He smiles wryly in a "yeah, I know" sort of way. ] -- and we're doing something special starting in a coupla days. We want some guest stars to come on board and film a few episodes with me.

No yoga experience required either. Think of it as a free lesson -- that you get paid for. Just make sure to bring water. Gotta keep hydrated 'cause it's gonna get pretty warm. But that ain't so bad in February, right?

[ Mick is fine with it all year round, but he's aware that not everybody's into it. ]

On top of that, it's being tied into a charity drive to raise money for the Heropa General Hospital's Burn Ward. And since September we've gotta whole lot of new folks who have fire-breathing on us, it kinda needs it.

[ And a particular pet cause of Mick's, considering his background. But he's not advertising that part. He smiles again. ]

Any imPort's free to sign up, unless their name is Leonard Snart.

((OOC: This is more of an informal thing but def let me know if your character would get involved and if so if you'd prefer to handwave or log something about it, I'm totally good either way.))
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2017
With the power back and business resuming as per usual, a palpable relief can be felt throughout the imPort cities. Any grumbling over the excessively generous reward packages distributed to bounty hunter imPorts has been a quietly growing sound as the new month marches on.

GUARDIAN ANGEL
As seen in all major news outlets:
During the power outage last month, the unsavory among us used the confusion to not only attack and loot their fellow Americans, but some took it much further and stole away many a man, woman, and child. Dozens of missing persons cases were filed and only a few have been solved by the police. In this time of need many started looking to the 'Angel' who's been solving the odd case here and there over the last several months and it seems that their prayers were answered. At least ten children, all of whom were reported to the police as having gone missing during the outage, have been returned across the last three weeks since the power came back on. Investigations into another dozen who have been reported as now back home with their parents are currently inconclusive as to who facilitated this miracle.

However, there is a darker cloud over these fortunate reunions than there has been in our past reports. One of the locations the would-be savior left information about in their usual manner was raided by the police. The bodies of several men were found, having been murdered in a gruesome fashion, and left chained to a bed frame. Three of the returned children were reportedly found there.

It appears that the 'Angel' watching over our children is a vengeful one.

We went to the streets to ask for your opinions on the matter with mixed results. Jo Mamuh of Maurtia Falls believes "It's about time someone did something right for a change! These people have been preying on our children long enough. They deserved what they got!". Khold Shoder of Heropa said "Saving children is always a good thing, but this Angel should have left them tied up for the police to find so they could be held accountable in the courts for their actions." Anne Asole of Nonah questioned "Do we even know if the Angel is the one that killed them? They've been leaving information for the police to follow up on. Maybe someone else found those [redacted] and did it. We don't have proof it was the Angel at all!"

YES WE KAN
As seen in the best television news networks:
Thanks to the efforts of the known cannibal imPort, Ken Kaneki aka Haise Sasaki, as well as imPort ambassadors, Petyr Baelish, Lucy Pevensie and Miles Vorkosigan, a new petition presented to the government went through this past month, allowing imPorts who have proven special needs in order to stay alive to be able to receive these resources from the government regardless of their registration status.

Once closely read, this new law contains a series of sub-clauses detailing examples, amounts allowed, and many other specifics, but also partially frees the government from the responsibility of the imPort's needs. Officials have specified that should they be confronted with an imPort who has special needs that they have not yet encountered, they will have to assess it separately at that time.

While Mr. Vorkosigan and Miss Pevensie have refused to talk to the press, Mr. Baelish was ready to speak: "I believe today marks a new milestone in the relationship between imPorts and the government. Ken Kaneki was very brave, very well-spoken, and very concise in his ideas. It was an honor to work with him on this, and I hope others use this as an example of what can be accomplished."
Ken Kaneki himself has accepted answering some questions regarding his nature, but his focus on those who have helped him "Thanks to the government that has so kindly heard my words and reached this decision, we see it is possible for us to understand each other and live together, regardless of how different we are. I'm grateful to all who have helped and supported me, our Ambassadors who so readily extended their helping hand, and my mentor and friend, Count Dooku, who was always by my side during this."

"The Kennibals", Kaneki's now official fangroup, has reacted positively to the news, revamping their whole website with notes of "Victory" and "Fairness", not just for their Hero, but every Hero who finds themselves in a situation like Kaneki's. However, not all response is positive, as some natives claim this was "crossing the line" by allowing cannibals to legally eat.

MONEY MAKES THE (WEST)WORLD GO 'ROUND
As seen in The Fiscal Report, major newspapers, and the Walled Street Journal:
In the days following the dissolution of telecommunications conglomerate TT&T at the hands of the IRS, an enterprising imPort has taken up the reins of a few of the company’s surviving subsidiaries. CEO William Walker has promised to bring focus and integrity to the helm of newly rebranded Sweet Iron Communications (SIC), citing his own civic responsibility to invest in a safer, more secure future for natives and imPorts alike. Walker’s resume has not been made public, and little information about him is available outside of the official press releases regarding this acquisition.

Former TT&T CEO Boyd Dankfein, best known for his recent claim that he must have “accidentally” transferred a few million dollars overseas, could not be reached for comment.

HE'S A KILLER MEAN
As seen on Fuzzfeed, police radio stations, PD feeds, and Bwitter:
The suspected serial killer imPort known only as Sylar murdered imPort Sarissa Theron, sources claim. As this is an open case, no authority could be reached for comment. More to come later.

TIER 1 IMPORTS INCOMING
As seen in TIER 1 IMPORTS MAGAZINE:
Here's the dish! Thanks to the lovely @RISESabriel's intel, a few imPorts got their OWN spreads in FEBRUARY'S TESTIMONIAL edition! Major-General Armstrong is a 10/10 hottie with an iron fist! Kaneda is true blue boyfriend material! And Magicman's kindness as described by @RISESabriel has earned him a fresh cult following! Posters of these imPorts will flood Nonah and De Chima over the next month, as TIER 1 IMPORTS has a lot of distribution in both those cities. People are starving to know about these imPort stars!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from EBONY AS DARK'NESS to GRAY because BABY WE WERE BORN THIS GRAY. We're bureaucrats.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
darkpants_warmfeeling: <user name="iccara"> (Salute)
[personal profile] darkpants_warmfeeling
[Jacob appears in the video wearing off-duty clothes: cargo pants and a tight black t-shirt, with an empty holster at his hip. Judging by the weapons and tactical gear he's surrounded by, he's making this post from Helix's armory. He's got a cloth in his hands, cleaning something that looks an awful lot like an old-fashioned ray gun, courtesy of the setting's retro-50s aesthetic.]

Hey, everyone. The year's off to a hell of a start, isn't it? For you new people out there, I'm Jacob Taylor. I work with RISE: that's a government team that helps keep order around here. I've got an announcement, and I've got a favour to ask.

The announcement is that the RISE Threat Roster is live. It's supposed to be a resource that will keep people informed of who's gunning for imPorts. I'm in charge of updating it, so if you know about any native super-criminals or terrorist groups that should be on there, let me know. No imPorts right now, though- that's a whole different issue.

[He finishes cleaning the ray gun- a reward from the government for recent heroism- and sets it down on the work table in front of him. Then he leans over the table with his palms down, resting his weight on his arms.]

That's the announcement. Here's the favour. I could use some help repairing my house in Maurtia Falls, and upgrading its security. We've had some uninvited guests lately. They made a serious mess. I'm looking to put the place back together, and to make damn sure nothing like this can happen again.

[His piece said, Jacob pushes off from the table and picks the ray gun back up, holstering it at his side.]

That's it for now. If you've got any questions about RISE or the roster, feel free to speak up. Otherwise... stay safe. Stuff like the blackout happens more often than it should.

[An IC link to the Threat Roster is attached to this post.]
infomodder: actual murder messiah will graham (jesus was also a fisherman)
[personal profile] infomodder
[The video opens on Will, in his usual plaid, with a stupid fishing hat (REEL WOMEN FISH) sat atop his head. It's old and worn enough to show he favors it, wrapped about his head with a fishing hook tucked along the bill. He's propped against a stool with a line of fake bait and various fish-y bits and bobs behind him...and a sign that says NOW HIRING INQUIRE WITHIN hung just so it's easy to see from the window outside and inside as well.]

It's been brought to my attention some of you might've been getting unasked for messages. About fish, or the ocean...anything alone those lines. [ha ha ha like fishing lines o man] Should be fixed by now. If it keeps up, just...give it a few days and it should stop.

[He makes a "what can you do" face and then looks to the sign like he forgot it was there. A nudge of his elbow makes it a more prominent focus.]

Getting ready to retire. I'll still own the shop, but I won't be working here any more. Looking for some people who need a steady paycheck and don't mind bugs. ImPorts get priority. If you want something from time to time, that's doable, too. Just let me know.

[As he goes to sign off, a furry head comes into view and gives the screen a big, tongues-out smile. Fantastic.]
rathercommon: (bashful (hahaha no i'm great))
[personal profile] rathercommon
Hullo, all.

So...The days are short, the air is cold (except in Heropa), and all of us are struggling with lingering embarrassment from all those mis-sent texts. So, to give us all a bit of cheer, and in recognition of all the holidays we've constructed to help us deal with winter, I thought we all could give one another a bit of love.

So! How does this work, then? Well -

1. Go ahead and post your name in this post.
2. People respond to you with things they like about you, lovely moments you've shared, et cetera.
3. You go out and respond to others with things you like about them.
4. NO BEING AWFUL. Do NOT give backhanded compliments or secretly troll people or things like that. The point of this is to be good to one another. Go be good to one another!
akito: agito wtf they talkin bout (pic#8980599)
[personal profile] akito
[ agito is both surprised and annoyed that nobody else seems to have brought this up yet because it seems like the sort of thing people would complain about. then again, since agito always runs on 'annoyed' that really isn't saying much. ]

Was anyone able to get past the fucking infinite proxy loop the asshole messing with the network was using?

I can't be the only one who tried to track the fucker down. Assuming it was just one asshole and not a whole group of them.

[text]

Dec. 12th, 2016 07:38 pm
glitterateur: aces (Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat?)
[personal profile] glitterateur
hi everybody!! do YOU know what day it is??

it's december 12th!! which means you have basically no time left to do your xmas shopping or to go pick up the perfect sweater for that holiday party or to get something soft and fuzzy to wear during hanukkah

SOLUTION: order a custom sweater from me, mabel pines!!

I'm basically a sweater wizard and I can make them out of whatever material you want with whatever design you could ever want ever!! I work SUPER fast and my prices are VERY reasonable and every sweater is made with love

and sometimes cat and pig hair!!

so hit me up if you're interested and just tell me the size and the design and BAM you'll get the coolest warmest thing possible this winter

winky face ;)
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 10TH, 2016

THIS WEEK IN GRIME WATCH
As seen from video recordings from nearby customers and security footage from the store.:
A local arts and crafts stir has dealt with a small stir as fangirls attempted to swarm a certain Carl Grimes while glaring at fellow imPort Enid, who was rumored to be Grimes' girlfriend as they are frequently seen together. He was seen grabbing a skein of yarn and yelling at his fangirls to go support businesses. When the fangirls scramble to get the yarn and nearly created a fight, Carl Grimes and Enid was seen running out of the store, without buying anything. So much for supporting local businesses!

HOLY (ROCK AND) ROLLERS
As seen on TMI and various imPort and music news blogs:
The acclaimed Goddess, Persephone, has been making quite a name for herself over the past months thanks to her riotous performances across Maurtia Falls, but the concert she held last month with her fellow deity, Inanna, really took our breath away. Persephone kicked off the night with her signature riotous anthems, though thankfully this time not literally. True to description, the music was almost hard to listen to, raw in expression, and utterly incomprehensible in lyric.

And let's not forget our divine queen of the morning and evening stars, Inanna! Why this imPort held out on performing during their first visit here is a mystery, but we're all blessed that they've decided to grace us with their song this time around. It's hard to find the words to describe a song that touches you so intimately (and can lead to intimate touching!), and it doesn't help that the lyrics make no sense, but trust us when we say you've got to hear it. Whether or not you believe their story about divinity, we can all agree it's one hell of a divine experience.

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
As seen on BlueTube, and then exploding on Bwitter:
Having pet-related problems? Thumper getting out of control? Easter all day, every day at your house? Well, look no further than BlueTube's current trending video, showing two imPorts building what looks to be a giant rabbit-sized bunker in their backyard. The video shows imPorts Jacob Taylor and Junpei Iori constructing an intricately-designed contraption of thick metal and solid wood to house some kind of monstrous pet. To address any doubts on whether this kind of fortification is really necessary for a rabbit, the video also features footage of an enormous rabbit named ‘Sugar Ray’ terrorizing the household, gnawing on furniture and cords, biting at people, and making Junpei cower in a corner for his life.

The video is currently at over ten thousand views and still trending. Fans of DIY construction projects are applauding, while owners of ill-tempered rabbits across the country are sitting up and taking note of the potentially life-saving techniques this video demonstrates.

YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD
As seen on Rumblr and tabloid magazines:
Shocking! News that the imPort communication Network has sprung a leak! ImPorts are reported to have caused themselves EMBARRASSING and confusing conflict! No direct evidence of this has yet been published, just a lot of she-said-he-said -- but nevertheless! Speculation is heating up! Will this cause any divorces? Any tell-alls? Will Mick Rory and Len Snart elope to an ice rink located in an Hawaiian island?

(Rumblr user hawtNc0ld theorizes that this is the ideal compromise between two diametrically opposed imPorts).

Newspapers are reaching out for imPort confessions about this new technological issue. Will you be one of them?

OH SAY CAN YOU CONSPIRACY
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has taken credit for accurately predicting the imPort communication Network failures. Some argue that "technological blackouts" is a bit of a stretch, but his ardent following won't be dissuaded of Da Vinci's foresight. His next prediction? That imPorts will start spying for other countries.

A pretty serious accusation.

YOU ARE THE FASHION QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET
As seen in fashion magazines, Bwitter, or other fan related import/fashion blogs:
Some unexpected holiday magic was witnessed earlier this week at Hot Tropic! The quiet but fashionable imPort, Enid, was reported to have been seen signing an exclusive contract with the retail chain to sell her own line of jewelry. So far, no confirmation has been made as to when her line will hit shelves. Fortunately for her fans and notable fashionistas, a few exciting images of her first wave of designs have been leaked online - creating quite the buzz! Hopefully, they'll hit the market before Christmas so we can fill our stockings with some of these fabulous designs. Keep an eye out for that release date, folks, and get them while they last!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FADED CHEETO ORANGE to PEPPERMINT because peppermint is superior to eggnog as a festive flavor. Disagree? Discuss in the comments!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

TEXT;

Dec. 7th, 2016 11:09 am
blahblahboom: (neutral; i did nothing wrong)
[personal profile] blahblahboom
[Is this the first time Rita has used the network? It seems so. After emerging from her two month long research binge, she had gotten a bit bored and well...

She wouldn't normally ask for help from a bunch of strangers but...this was actually getting a bit out of hand.]


Anyone know how to stop a refrigerator from running without blowing it up?



[ And by running, she means it quite literally. MEANWHILE in Maurtia Falls, someone might notice a rogue fridge has taken to rampaging up and down the streets in the residential area, while a girl flies behind it. sorry housemates, you're going to have to be fridgeless for a few hours]

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Nov. 12th, 2016 11:38 pm
aggressiveapathy: (pic#5041491)
[personal profile] aggressiveapathy
So it's the newest, oh crap where did my ambassador go? day again. Soonish. Whatever, time doesn't matter. Point is, come on internet. Don't fail us.

What's the native government doing wrong you want to complain- discuss with the ambassadors about. Tell me now so we can get your question or sarcasm based t-shirts for the town halls all ready to go. 
homerunning: (Bah)
[personal profile] homerunning
Okay, who knows trees around here?

[Hi, Junpei.]


I've got a situation at my house. Like a monster-sized-rabbit-trying-to-kill-me situation. And I heard from completely reliable sources that they like certain types of wood.

But.


ALL TREES LOOK THE SAME, DUDE!

Just...anyone know where I can find one of--

[Beep. That's a text of a list of trees, right there.]

Apple
Ash
Bamboo (I don't think we have bamboo)
Birch
Blackberry
Cottonwood
Hackberry
Hazel
Hawthorn
Juniper
Maple
Pear
Poplar
Raspberry
Spruce
Willow


I'd really appreciate it ★ [That star right there? That's actually a sound coming out of his mouth. Yes. He knows it's weird.] You know, for the sake of my own life.

[video]

Nov. 7th, 2016 11:07 am
sassguard: (ah HAH)
[personal profile] sassguard
[ The feed opens on an unusual sight -- three of the Normandy's crew (former and current) squeezed together to fit in front of the camera. It's a tough fit since none of the space marines are small men, but they manage. Shepard, in the middle, speaks up first. ]

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Shepard. [ He's unusually formal, posture straight and gaze evenly directed at the camera. ] Some of the Normandy’s crew have been Ported out over the last few months, and it's been long enough that we don't think they're coming back. Justicar Samara, Thane Krios, Garrus Vakarian, and Jeff Moreau.

[Jacob leans forward a bit as he puts in his contribution, short and direct.]

Some of you knew those names. Those of you who didn’t, you can trust me when I tell you this place is a hell of a lot worse off without them.

[ Kaidan is squished to the right, just barely in the screen -- Jacob and Shepard take most of the space up, and he isn’t exactly fighting for screen time, but when he pipes up, he leans a little closer toward Shepard to do it. ]

We’ve been pretty lucky so far, haven’t we? Every time someone’s left -- like Shepard -- they’ve come back, so we wanted to give people time, before we actually said something…

That’s nice, fellas, but--

cut for space nerds embarrassing themselves )
pummelgranite: (more than a superstar)
[personal profile] pummelgranite
[ WELL THE QUEEN OF THE MELODRAMATIC DAMNED IS AT IT AGAIN, lounging on a throne of brilliant autumn foliage and blooming squash vines and listen squash doesnt bloom in the fall thats why you even HAVE decorative gourds in time for winter but OK whatever.

It's all very well staged and impressive for a recording taken via selfie stick.
]


Important public service announcement, part one: if you're going to shorten my name, it's Ne, as in Ye, or Bey. . . . I guess NiNi might be OK too . . .


Second announcement: as always, Dorian Grey can eat shit.


Oh, right. Also, does anyone have any idea how the fuck to convert from an Attic to Modern calendar? Apparently I have a three day party coming up. Seems like a shame to miss it.

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