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May. 1st, 2017 03:24 am
textualhealing: (066)
[personal profile] textualhealing
Fanfics.

We've all read them, don't even try to deny it. Some of us might have written them in the past (I've dabbled, ngl. They were amazing pieces of art.)

I already know the weird shit that fans can come up with, but what I really wanna know is your favorite ones. Give me the best pairings, the oddest settings and the hella creepy "plots" that are out there.

No fic is too NSFW or too weird for me to read.

I guess now is also the perfect time to mention I'm on the look out for imPort staff. Those familiar with law, paralegals, even just people real good at answering phones tbh. I won't get you to look up creepy fanfics for me, I swear. I might email you the good ones tho, but I don't see any downside in that.
slightlyoffchilt: (Inchoate.)
[personal profile] slightlyoffchilt
[There is a brief camera pan, angled generously to evoke the gold and black accents of the clinically pale blue room. The Greco-Roman aesthetic speaks strongly of Frederick Chilton’s office, and those who have already graced the room might recognize it immediately.]

We wanted to discuss this for no particular reason -- no specific catalyst in mind. Just that, well, it ought to be discussed.

[Clearly Chilton’s voice. Without further ado, the camera is pointed quite suddenly and squarely at Will Graham’s face. He definitely didn’t get anywhere close to a full night of sleep and looks past the camera long enough to show that he wasn’t ready for a close up, Mr. Demille. He takes a breath and blinks and in the split second he does his eyes seem ready to roll into the back of his head, fantastic.]

Dorian’s absence has already been. Noted. For those of you who don’t know, Dorian took his own life to be rid of those mirages. He’d come back from the dead before. Assumed he would this time. He hasn’t. And this is not the first time an imPort never made that particular return trip.

[He looks past the camera expectantly. E tu, Frede.]

Walter White.

Freddie Lounds.

Abel Gideon. [A deadened beat follows.] I think, I mean. Actually I do not know for sure, but we suspect. Probably.

It’s the most likely explanation. [Super casual about all this.] Yuri Petrov, too — though he returned several months later. There may be others no one is aware of.

Our point being, one should not take death so lightly, even while we stand in our elevated state as imPorts. [Another, more strained beat.] Anything else, Will?

[He takes a moment to think, lips out in a somewhat comical shape considering the...context.]
We’ve had something of a rash of murders reported, only natives as far as we know. We’d like to encourage everyone to be careful and, if you see something suspicious, don’t act unless you know what you’re doing. We don’t always come back. If things go badly, there is no promise of return. Just some...food for thought.

[He smiles, finally, for the first time since Chilton began filming, though it doesn’t look especially happy.]
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2017
Beware the Ides of March! That day is coming up, and with the sudden imPlosion of guilt and regret, you can't tell what someone under duress is bound to do to you just to clean their own soul.

WHAT IS TREND CANNOT DIE
As seen in high fashion magazines, seen on TMI and imPort! Entertainment:
The world of American fashion has turned its eyes to Florida-based design house, House of De Marq, upon announcing a new design label STORMBORN X MARQ in collaboration with imPort, Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. "We are very excited and honored to be working creatively with Queen Daenerys," was reported in the House of De Marq's official press release this morning. "We shall navigate the liminal spaces of unreality through fashion, and seek inspiration beyond the parameters of the mundane. We shall create a storm of fantasy and fabulousity." Notoriously elusive head designer De Marq, who could not be reached for further comment, has taken to Bwitter, posting blurry images of model fittings, landscapes, and obscure selfies with the hashtags such as #EYEOFTHESTORM, #FASHIONANDBLOOD, #UNBURNTUNTAMED.

The label will contain high end evening wear and jewelry, along with ready-to-wear fashion for professional women, inspired by De Marq's Westerosi muse.

Daenerys, most noted for her social media presence and fashion commentary in imPort entertainment, spoke enthusiastically for the label's future. "There will be a launch announced later this month, I believe, previewing collections to come. Proceeds will go towards Through The Glass, a nonprofit organisation that provides low-income women with professional attire and other career advancement services. Donations towards such a noble endeavour are most welcome."

EAT THE WOO'D
As seen on TMI, THEMport Weekly, and imTV:
Sources are reporting that long-time imPort couple Frederick Chilton and Raina are engaged. Post-Valentine's pictures of Raina reveal her wearing what is definitely a diamond ring. After nearly two years of waiting, fans of the couple can only speculate how truly romantic the proposal was.

"Chilton's had years now to plan it out. I bet he serenaded her with a song written by Rincewind. Because Rincewind's like a bard or something, isn't he? Like, a really sad bard?" One such fan wrote on Bwitter. Others responded that in fact Rincewind was flutist.

And while the fan response to this news was overwhelmingly positive and supportive of the couple, there were a few outcries from disappointed Marchill and Raintess fans. It's no secret the two couples are close, and during the rocky period, Raina was reportedly staying at the Hotel Castile. This led fans to draw their own (often lascivious) conclusions. Both pairings have a small, but highly devoted fanbase.

But no matter which ship you sail, one thing can be certain. Raina has changed her FaceLook status from 'It's Complicated' to 'In a loving relationship.' And we certainly wish Raina and Frederick Chilton all the best. Perhaps we will end 2017 with yet another imPort wedding!

HEARTS AND RECREATION
As seen in entertainment news magazines:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES' first movie based on imPorts, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH, which revolves around the romantic story of married imPorts April Ludgate and Will Graham, held a stern lead at the box office for the first two weeks of its release. Critics are torn, some reporting it's good popcorn-eating fun, others calling it "too focused on the romance, not enough using super cool powers."

The usage of animals in this film has caused minor controversy as well, surprising no one. FORTY SHADES OF OCHER, the highly anticipated sequel to THIRTY HUES OF BLOOD ORANGE proved the only other movie audiences cared to see enough to knock it down to second. It's now performing in third, just below FUNIONS, the kid's film about Funyuns who function in a minion-like role.
Due to this success, MULTIVERSAL PICTURES has announced they are looking into more imPorts with stories worth putting on screen, and there has been talk of adapting events and imPort tales for the small screen as well. Keep an eye out!

THE RED SETTING
As seen in local news:
It's here, it's there, it's everywhere: "bElish". That's the name you will see scrawled across the roads and sidewalks of Maurtia Falls, spray-painted in vibrant maroon and brick hues. Looks like there's a new vandal in town, and he (or she) is going to paint the town red. Is this an homage to Ambassador Baelish? A challenge? Is there a deeper meaning?

WEATHER OR NOT
As seen on the Weather Channel:
Hold onto your hats, De Chima! On Saturday, March 11th you were be witness to a totally bizarre tornado just outside the city limits. This has literally never happened before in recorded history.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MAROON to GLITTER because Mabel Pines would have wanted it that way.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 20TH, 2017
The new imPorts have been inspiring fresh fandoms; NEW fanfiction and art can be found FLOODING the internet. Be sure to shield your eyes if finding your person engaged with others in SAUCEY CONTEXT makes you blush!

DUNGEONS AND BRAGGIN' RIGHTS
As seen on THE NERDIERIST, Bwitter, and Rumblr:
The personable RPG tabletop game MAGIC & MAYHEM will create a SPECIAL EDITION that features imPorts as NPCs (players of the game will create their own "imPort" character in gameplay). The parent company WEST COAST BEST COAST will be asking imPorts for their consent for use of their image reimagined to the game's context. No monetary compensation will be paid, but this is a GREAT opportunity for EXPOSURE!

Speculation of which imPorts will be in the game's new edition has already begun on Rumblr.

DESPERATELY SEEKING SEASONS
As seen on the show ImPortainment Tonight!:
ARE YOU AN IMPORT? Do you have your own idea for a reality television show? Would you like to STAR in that show? Casting Call company UCCY INC is taking pitches and audition videos RIGHT NOW. Get it, girl!

VOCAL MOVEMENT
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, particularly music websites and publications:
The world of imPort entertainment received a shakeup this month with the announcement that the heavy metal band COUNTDOWN will be disbanding, effective immediately, due to the sudden departure of its lead signer and frontman Count Dooku.

The Count gave no explanation for his decision to leave the band beyond stating that “I have said all that I wanted to say through this artistic medium. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic.”

Count Dooku also provided no indication of what his next career move would be, but rumours have linked him to a narrator role on the upcoming NBSea television documentary Secrets of the Sea Lions. Meanwhile, devoted Countdown fans have expressed shock and dismay at the unexpected end of the band, and an online campaign is underway to persuade Count Dooku to reconsider breaking up the band.
When asked for comment on her bandmate’s decision, now-former Countdown bassist Cynthia Sin only swore at the reporter before leaving for an important appointment at the local career counseling office.

THE SUN'LL COME UP... ON WEDNESDAY
As seen on the Weather Channel:
We're in for some intense thunderstorms in De Chima this Monday and Tuesday evening. Lots of bizarre lightning predicted! If you're thinking about having a night on the town, you might want to think again! It isn't going to be pleasant, folks.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GRAY to MAROON. FIVE people voted for this code, that's why.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
flowerette: ([ 111 ])
[personal profile] flowerette
[ When the video begins, it's just flowers. A whole room full of flowers. And somewhere in there, is Raina who is wearing floral print which is pretty much like camouflage in this room. And it's not just this room, either. Raina had filled her entire apartment with flowers. The things one does when they're trying to distract themselves from sadness. ]

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I thought I'd devote my time to making up some fresh bouquets.

[ She gestures at just some of those fresh bouquets before turning the camera toward the kitchen to show....even more flowers. It's like she's a hoarder. Or if not a hoarder, then definitely obsessed! There are a freakishly large number of flowers. ]

I can make any sort of flower, any color you want. [ The camera is back on her and she holds out her palm to display her ability. A warm pink glow starts at the center of her skin before a light white and gold rose grows from it, fully formed. Raina picks it up and adds it to a bouquet she's currently working on, tying it together with a pretty, gold ribbon. ] And if you can get me a good enough description, I can even make flowers that you might find in your own worlds and not here. Unfortunately, you won't be able to plant them and grow them in this world. But I could keep them alive for you.

[ She sets the bouquet aside and glances toward the camera, plastering on the best smile she can muster -- but even she can't hide the tinges of her depression. ]

So, I'm offering customized bouquets starting at five dollars and going up from there depending on how complicated or elaborate you want them. All proceeds will go toward ImPort Cellular Research, so you're donating to a good cause.

[ And then, maybe a bit more of a pointed comment. ]

It's always good to show the ones you care about how much you care every now and then. Our time together in this world can be so fleeting.

video;

Nov. 21st, 2016 06:55 pm
wizzardly: I think it's called being human or something. (Been completely at a loss my whole life)
[personal profile] wizzardly
Right, so it's been brought to my attention that those bloody awful reports have been floating certain rumors around about me, and I'd rather just end those before they even get going all right?

[because even Rincewind's starved sense of self-respect has to draw the line at people thinking he fancies dishware.]

So, to be clear: I'm pansexual.

[which is an admittedly backwards linguistic for declaring one's lack of attraction to tea cups and related sundry, but there's just no accounting for etymological taste.]

There? [he arches a pointed brow.] Shall I assume that just about does it? All questions answered? Jolly good.

[honestly, the people in this place really will believe anything, won't they? Lucky that Snart fellow pointed this out when he did - things really could have gotten out of hand.]
maskormods: (⒋)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2016

A MAYA-NOVEMBER ROMANCE
As seen in local newspaper, magazine, and radio ads in the Nonah area:
Knights, Knaves, and Knives will take advantage of those sweet, sweet imPort fandom dollars (and their imPort employee's connection to other imPorts) and do a specially themed show/crossover with the Pink Princess TV show, running from November 14th to the 23rd!

In the TV show's plotline, Maya has traveled back in time to seal some past ghosties, and in the restaurant show she's transported herself to King Arthur's court to get some magical backup. Maya enters a tournament by mistake (as you do), and finds herself going against Morgan la Fey and her champion, Mordred (who, for the sake of being more kid friendly, is now a spooky ghost in spooky armor instead of Arthur and Morgan's bastard). If Maya wins the tournament, she'll win a magical artifact to help her on her journey and save Camelot. If Mordred wins, Morgan gains the power to destroy King Arthur and Camelot for good. Oh no! The results are determined by audience participation and cheering, and both endings are written with the potential for all characters to come back from their untimely defeat.

THE DIXON CHICKS
As seen on TMI's First Scoop TV segment, website, and magazine article:
Could winter's chill be bringing new couples together? For Daryl Dixon and Mako Mori, all signs point to yes. Daryl appears to have hired Mako as his new manager following several trade show appearances, so this may not seem surprising, but the two have also been spotted spending a lot of time together on the streets of De Chima and Nonah. And acting particularly unbusiness-like.

They were first spotted together last month in Maurtia Falls when Daryl was seen carrying a dazed Mako into a diner near the city's Porter. Fans of Daryl reported they'd seen the two leave the 'Haunted Alley' that stirred up so much imPort interest. No one's sure what happened in there, but whatever it was, it looks like a spark was lit when he acted the part of knight in shining armor. Both have denied any romantic involvement, claiming to be 'just friends', but recent pictures of the two show that they can't seem to keep their hands off each other. Guess we know who'll be cozying up in front of the fire this holiday season!

(A smattering of candid photos of the two, Mako's hand often resting against Daryl's arm or Daryl's hand at the small of Mako's back, accompany the segment.)

META-TEXTUAL IMPLICATION
As seen on local news outlets:
A three-month-old missing persons case was unexpectedly solved when Alice Whitman, 14, was dropped off at her parent's house at four in the morning and an ambulance called by an unknown tipster. Early questioning of Alice about her experience by authorities paint a horrific picture of being held captive in an unknown building. Police responded to questions about how she was found with the statement that Alice wasn't in an emotional state to give specifics, but that she kept repeating an 'angel' saved her and 'flew' her home. Given the propensity of flight powered citizens, imPort involvement is suspected, but it could also be a member of our new Metahuman community. However, no one has come forward to claim credit for the rescue. When asked about the fate of her abductor, Police said that they were already in the process of investigating suspects and seizing evidence.

PORTER POSSE MOUTH
As seen in tabloids and The Evening Sun:
Where are they now? A local rag called imPortant! promises to answer this question and more concerning America's latest craze: metahumans! This five page spread gives up the good on the who, what, and where like no one has tackled before! Read interviews from local metahumans in your very own community! Check out the website for video interviews and all the photos imPortant couldn't fit in its pages.

Let's take a look at just one example of this tantalizing coverage!

"We tracked down one man who has been a regular defendant of imPort rights and their importance within America for several years under the alias PorterPosse. Now, he truly feels part of their struggle after the life-changing effects many natives have experienced. This man may not know what the future holds, but he seems confident. 'The world is changing for them. America will be a place for imPorts! It's going to real soon. I guarantee it!' "

Sounds confident, doesn't he?

YOU THINK YOU'VE SEN-ATE ALL!
As seen on Politica and The Beltway Press:
A curious story made the rounds this week, regarding the upcoming Senate election in Virginia. A race that’s been looking tighter and tighter by the week was starting to promote some terse relations between fans of both candidates. However, there was a moment of levity, on a local comedy show, when both candidates Hundred and Stankavich were invited onto the Comedy Hour earlier this week. On the same show.

While tensions arose between the candidates on many points -- most that had to do with economic policy, imports, and international relations -- both spoke at length about their positions, but the most memetic moment of the entire interview was when the host, Danny Talon, provided each with a cream pie, and the candidates smushed the pies into each other’s faces -- before the host proclaimed them the “Re-pie-blican” and “Demo-cream” candidates. All while the audience recited pi.

Pictures of the candidates have been plastered online, and in good fun, both have left the images of their pie-covered faces remain part of the Bwitter profile pictures.

APP-LE OF HIS MOTHER'S EYE
As seen on the national news stations, major headline papers, and public radio:
Maurtia Falls Police Department are on high alert and asking for public assistance in their search for Michael "Mika" Covington. Covington was one of the citizens affected by imPort Tony Stark's "4" app, a no longer downloadable nor legal mobile app that activated a complex virus local citizens had been infected with back in early fall, granting them superpowers. Covington is 5 feet and 10 inches, of average build, has short brown hair and blue eyes. Friends and family say he can be often seen wearing his favourite red hoodie and he has a mole on his chin. Covington gained the ability of flight; something, his family says, he was keen on mastering.

He was last seen in Maurtia Falls at approximately 10:28 PM on October 28th, only three blocks away from where he lived. He was seen at a 24 hour convenience store picking up snacks, however his shopping bag was found in the alleyway behind the store.

His family is begging anyone with any information on his whereabouts to speak up to the police. An inside source says police are also under much pressure from the government to locate Covington due to his status as a meta. They are also cautioning other metas, imPorts included, to stay vigilant when they are by themselves, especially in the night.

WE'RE ALL MADE HERE
As seen on TMI, Rumblr content, Maurtia Falls tabloids:
The first of November sparkled with the celebration of a new psychiatric hospital opening in Maurtia Falls! Doctor Frederick Chilton, newly-minted Head Administrator of the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for the ImPorted and Empowered, was the guest of honor among a celebrity list of scintillating imPorts and personalities. Reported among that number was aging heartthrob Jeff Winger and the stunning Raina. Fan-favorites like hotel magnate James Patrick March, underground rock star Persephone, the newly married Dorian Gray, and the lovely Bela Talbot. For a full list of the glamorous guests, check out the TMI STAR GAZING! You can alpha-bet that these A-listers have gossip going on.

The event was organized by Rincewind, reported to be Doctor Chilton's closest platonic companion. Dispute on that claim is welcomed in the comments on TMI's linked site! The choice of venue, Ambassador Petyr Baelish's Iron Throne, inspired some raised eyebrows. TMI hopes to follow-up with Ambassador Baelish on his extracurricular activities and growing influence.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from to MODERATELY SKEPTICAL PINK to VIOLET DRIZZLE because PURPLE RAIN was too expensive and the government is hitting a fiscal budget tightening.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

video;

Oct. 27th, 2016 09:25 pm
shifting: (Hangdogging)
[personal profile] shifting
Hey. [it's going to be hard to keep the grin from his face tonight, so Sam doesn't put in too much effort, boyish and excited.]

So I'm not gonna bury the lede here - I'll be officially openin' Merlotte's on November 11th. It's a bar and grill in beautiful De Chima, and I'm hopin' I can recruit some talent to help me get it up and runnin'. Those of you who know me should know I've been workin' on this one for a while, and with a little help it's finally come together. I don't want to spoil the surprise just yet, but the buildin' looks beautiful and I had some help puttin' the menu together by a very talented chef and friend of mine, Six, who's since Ported back home.

Nothin' too fancy, just good food and well-mixed drinks, with occasional specials featurin' foods and shots meant to sort of... bridge the gap between us and the natives. But no gimmicks, I promise - just a place people can feel comfortable to enjoy themselves, wind down after some of the shit this world can put us through. Bring us together.

[seriously, his eyes are practically sparkling with joy here. Finally - everything's coming together. Finally it's going to feel like he's got a foothold here.]

I hope I'll see a lot of you openin' night, I'll have specials and live music. And feel free to talk to me here or call me if you're interested in work; I'm hirin' across the board.

...And it's a little off-topic, but while I've got you here - I also wanted to hear from some of you on what you think an Ambassador ought to be. What you want to see out of the people you elect, what you feel needs to be brought to the table. Seein' as how they're meant to be representatives, I figured it'd be a good idea to get a handle on just what the community feels they should represent.

video;

Oct. 5th, 2016 06:35 pm
wizzardly: of Cruel and Unusual Geography (Egregious Professor)
[personal profile] wizzardly
...Dear gods, have I understood the news right? [is today's stricken query from Heropa's resident, weary wizzard.]

We've only just gotten over that business with people fighting suits and new idiots getting powers, I don't think it's asking too much for a small break. I mean, honestly, can't we go a single month without suffering a new damned disaster?

Are we really about to have to go through those bloody 'imPort elections' all over again?
textualhealing: (120)
[personal profile] textualhealing
I’m going to be honest with you here network, I’ve been avoiding you.

It’s not you, it’s me. I just needed some time apart from all the self-congratulating, needy social media bullcrap that this network breeds. I mean, it’s no Rumblr, but sometimes it comes a close second.

Pro tip: if it’s not about me I’m just not interested. [Hopefully that’s a joke, but there’s a big possibility it isn’t.]

But I’m here to extend the olive branch of apology for depriving you of my company for a long ass amount of time, and also remind you that the second season of my show finished airing not so long ago, so buy that shit when it’s on DVD so I can get your money. Or… a very small percentage of it.

[Best salesman ever.]

text

Sep. 15th, 2016 10:49 pm
aggressiveapathy: (pic#2868504)
[personal profile] aggressiveapathy
hello network
i'm looking for someone with magical matchmaking powers
it happens every year
someone makes other people fall in love/hate/bromance
so
get in touch with me
we'll make it better this time around
don't leave these things to fate
she's a jerk
valentines is cliche
sorry not sorry CM

hit me up
heroforhobby: (They will behold our majesty)
[personal profile] heroforhobby
[He's still not too comfortable with English, so the translator is still translating what he's saying. However, instead of translating audibly it translates with text, putting it at the bottom of the viewer's screen like subtitles on a foreign movie.]

I have an announcement. I guess.

[Whatever it is, he has no excitement about it. Even if it was something he would like he probably wouldn't be anymore excited than he is now. This i likes a 1 on the excitement scale.]

For some reason the band hasn't kicked me out yet. [Government bonuses for having an imPort in the band perhaps?] And they "booked a gig." I was supposed to hang up fliers but. [He holds up a stack of papers with a shrug. But he just didn't.] Sooo...figured I'd say something on here at least.

It's . . . [He holds up a flier to read off the info; he doesn't even know this off the top of his head.] It's at a place called Tipsy Bird in Maurtia Falls. Starts at 7PM. All ages but it has a bar. [Puts down the flier.] That's important to know, I suppose. So come. If you want.

[He moves to turn off the feed and post but stops as he remembers something else to say.] Oh, and I'm the singer.

[THEN he posts. Anyone paying attention to this video will note that he is not very charismatic at all and has a dull, not-melodic voice. Plus the fact he doesn't appear to know English. And he's saying he's the singer. Have fun with that.]

((OOC: Open log for the gig here!))
sciencestyle: (gadgetry)
[personal profile] sciencestyle
What's happening, people?

I'm at my wit's frazzled end here, and I am hoping against hope that one of y'all can help.

When you've screwed up seriously with a friend, and you're being iced out, how do you break the silence? I'm losing my grip here, and the thought that we'll never again be tight hurts worse than hell.

[Not seen over text: Doc's scrunched-up face, both from the personal turmoil he's dug for himself and the furious rifling through modern reference books as he desperately tries to disguise his 'voice'.]

VIDEO | 01

Aug. 5th, 2016 08:33 pm
musclemothers: (permanently annoyed)
[personal profile] musclemothers
[Welcome, imPorts, to a face a sight less pretty than the shounen heroes and superheroes you've grown accustomed to. Instead of a bright, youthful face, you get the dour face of a man who has comfortably hit middle age, skin pale, nose hooked, and brows furrowed behind those thick rimmed glasses of his.

He clears his throat. Once he speaks, his voice is predictably nasal, and not at all happy.]
All right, so let me get this straight. They drag us in here to be super-heroes - [he uses airquotes for that, as you do] - and they don't even have a proper set of rules?! Look, I'm no stranger to the whole superhero-supervillain, blah blah blah game, but if you don't get held by a set of standards, there's no telling what will happen.

Oh, wait. There is telling what will happen, and I'd tell you, but instead I have a more immediate, pressing complaint. I am a superscientist. And according to this form, I'm supposed to be... a sex therapist? How the hell am I even supposed to begin with what's wrong with--

[Sorry, anyone who wanted to listen to Doc moan and groan any more than he already has, because a bright blue robot enters the frame, crowding Doc half off of his chair, beeping wildly and flailing his limbs, one of them knocking Doc's glasses off.]

Helper, no, Helper, down. You're not helping! No! You don't know anything about sex!

[Helper beeps very insistently. Doc stares at the screen.]

Well, apparently Helper's going to do my job for me. Come say hi if you want sex advice from a robot. [Helper thrusts his arms up in the air and lets out a high-pitched, ebullient series of beeps that could be accurately translated to yay!]

Oh, for the love of -- I wasn't being seriou--

[And the video cuts off there.]
nastygram: (C:\bogosity)
[personal profile] nastygram
ok
so since c l e a r l y this network/glorified message board isn't used for anything actually important i'll ask it here

free cute phones (not sketchy at all btw). a file full of info on us (again: SO not sketchy). crappy apartments. roommates. big government. inter dimensional travel or w/e.
~superpowers~
this is all some special kind of bs but has anyone addressed the bs fact that the jobs we get assigned are like some kind of freaking joke
it's a little too insulting imo


has anyone gotten a job that they can take seriously
wizzardly: (Mr. Suspicious)
[personal profile] wizzardly
This - !

[is an angry wizard, actually, in a lovely little hotel room. A wizard who is only on his second glass of wine. But he seems to be referencing the movie he's waving angrily at his communicator.

It's "The Wizard of Oz".
]

- This is terrible! An absolute mockery, is what it is! I've had so many people bringing this up, and I think to watch it for myself, and I find - I find - right, so, the wizard is a fake. Let's address that first of all, shall we? They all go on this big quest to get to the wizard, and he's fake, but how did the people not realize that in the first place, that's what I want to know.

He doesn't even have a pointy hat.

[Rincewind waves a hand.]

It's all a bad message, is what it is! Making wizards look bad! And look, the whole thing about witches being green - I mean honestly, witches are scary enough on their own without all that. That's obviously added. And the flying monkeys -

[he shudders. Never mind, not addressing those. Those were terrifying.]

But I've certainly never heard anything about them melting with a bit of water. Even trained hydrophobes don't do that. Bloody ridiculous.

The whole thing is ridiculous, is what I'm really getting at. We're supposed to believe a scarecrow which can talk and walk about is brainless? Or what about it trying to get everyone to buy that the strange man with ribbons in his hair is "a lion"? And ignoring that whole bit about how this Dorothy person could have just clicked her heels the whole time, enchanted shoes aren't what they're cracked up to be in the first place, the University can tell you. Half of her would have probably been teleported back to Kansas faster than the other half, and that would have certainly been a bloody mess. Very gruesome.

Anyway, it was hideous and I don't understand why so many of you reference it in the first place.

[two thumbs down, says newly self-appointed movie critic Rincewind; only one and a half poorly-sequined stars.]
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[Daryl has yet to use this for actually posting to the network. Until now. And it's only because he doesn't know where else to turn.]

I think I need a lawyer. Not for defense. For contracts.

[And that was all he was going to put up. Hopefully one of the other imPorts would be a lawyer or could point him in the right direction.]

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