slightlyoffchilt: (Inchoate.)
[personal profile] slightlyoffchilt
[There is a brief camera pan, angled generously to evoke the gold and black accents of the clinically pale blue room. The Greco-Roman aesthetic speaks strongly of Frederick Chilton’s office, and those who have already graced the room might recognize it immediately.]

We wanted to discuss this for no particular reason -- no specific catalyst in mind. Just that, well, it ought to be discussed.

[Clearly Chilton’s voice. Without further ado, the camera is pointed quite suddenly and squarely at Will Graham’s face. He definitely didn’t get anywhere close to a full night of sleep and looks past the camera long enough to show that he wasn’t ready for a close up, Mr. Demille. He takes a breath and blinks and in the split second he does his eyes seem ready to roll into the back of his head, fantastic.]

Dorian’s absence has already been. Noted. For those of you who don’t know, Dorian took his own life to be rid of those mirages. He’d come back from the dead before. Assumed he would this time. He hasn’t. And this is not the first time an imPort never made that particular return trip.

[He looks past the camera expectantly. E tu, Frede.]

Walter White.

Freddie Lounds.

Abel Gideon. [A deadened beat follows.] I think, I mean. Actually I do not know for sure, but we suspect. Probably.

It’s the most likely explanation. [Super casual about all this.] Yuri Petrov, too — though he returned several months later. There may be others no one is aware of.

Our point being, one should not take death so lightly, even while we stand in our elevated state as imPorts. [Another, more strained beat.] Anything else, Will?

[He takes a moment to think, lips out in a somewhat comical shape considering the...context.]
We’ve had something of a rash of murders reported, only natives as far as we know. We’d like to encourage everyone to be careful and, if you see something suspicious, don’t act unless you know what you’re doing. We don’t always come back. If things go badly, there is no promise of return. Just some...food for thought.

[He smiles, finally, for the first time since Chilton began filming, though it doesn’t look especially happy.]
maskormods: (⒍)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2017
Beware the Ides of March! That day is coming up, and with the sudden imPlosion of guilt and regret, you can't tell what someone under duress is bound to do to you just to clean their own soul.

WHAT IS TREND CANNOT DIE
As seen in high fashion magazines, seen on TMI and imPort! Entertainment:
The world of American fashion has turned its eyes to Florida-based design house, House of De Marq, upon announcing a new design label STORMBORN X MARQ in collaboration with imPort, Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. "We are very excited and honored to be working creatively with Queen Daenerys," was reported in the House of De Marq's official press release this morning. "We shall navigate the liminal spaces of unreality through fashion, and seek inspiration beyond the parameters of the mundane. We shall create a storm of fantasy and fabulousity." Notoriously elusive head designer De Marq, who could not be reached for further comment, has taken to Bwitter, posting blurry images of model fittings, landscapes, and obscure selfies with the hashtags such as #EYEOFTHESTORM, #FASHIONANDBLOOD, #UNBURNTUNTAMED.

The label will contain high end evening wear and jewelry, along with ready-to-wear fashion for professional women, inspired by De Marq's Westerosi muse.

Daenerys, most noted for her social media presence and fashion commentary in imPort entertainment, spoke enthusiastically for the label's future. "There will be a launch announced later this month, I believe, previewing collections to come. Proceeds will go towards Through The Glass, a nonprofit organisation that provides low-income women with professional attire and other career advancement services. Donations towards such a noble endeavour are most welcome."

EAT THE WOO'D
As seen on TMI, THEMport Weekly, and imTV:
Sources are reporting that long-time imPort couple Frederick Chilton and Raina are engaged. Post-Valentine's pictures of Raina reveal her wearing what is definitely a diamond ring. After nearly two years of waiting, fans of the couple can only speculate how truly romantic the proposal was.

"Chilton's had years now to plan it out. I bet he serenaded her with a song written by Rincewind. Because Rincewind's like a bard or something, isn't he? Like, a really sad bard?" One such fan wrote on Bwitter. Others responded that in fact Rincewind was flutist.

And while the fan response to this news was overwhelmingly positive and supportive of the couple, there were a few outcries from disappointed Marchill and Raintess fans. It's no secret the two couples are close, and during the rocky period, Raina was reportedly staying at the Hotel Castile. This led fans to draw their own (often lascivious) conclusions. Both pairings have a small, but highly devoted fanbase.

But no matter which ship you sail, one thing can be certain. Raina has changed her FaceLook status from 'It's Complicated' to 'In a loving relationship.' And we certainly wish Raina and Frederick Chilton all the best. Perhaps we will end 2017 with yet another imPort wedding!

HEARTS AND RECREATION
As seen in entertainment news magazines:
MULTIVERSAL PICTURES' first movie based on imPorts, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH, which revolves around the romantic story of married imPorts April Ludgate and Will Graham, held a stern lead at the box office for the first two weeks of its release. Critics are torn, some reporting it's good popcorn-eating fun, others calling it "too focused on the romance, not enough using super cool powers."

The usage of animals in this film has caused minor controversy as well, surprising no one. FORTY SHADES OF OCHER, the highly anticipated sequel to THIRTY HUES OF BLOOD ORANGE proved the only other movie audiences cared to see enough to knock it down to second. It's now performing in third, just below FUNIONS, the kid's film about Funyuns who function in a minion-like role.
Due to this success, MULTIVERSAL PICTURES has announced they are looking into more imPorts with stories worth putting on screen, and there has been talk of adapting events and imPort tales for the small screen as well. Keep an eye out!

THE RED SETTING
As seen in local news:
It's here, it's there, it's everywhere: "bElish". That's the name you will see scrawled across the roads and sidewalks of Maurtia Falls, spray-painted in vibrant maroon and brick hues. Looks like there's a new vandal in town, and he (or she) is going to paint the town red. Is this an homage to Ambassador Baelish? A challenge? Is there a deeper meaning?

WEATHER OR NOT
As seen on the Weather Channel:
Hold onto your hats, De Chima! On Saturday, March 11th you were be witness to a totally bizarre tornado just outside the city limits. This has literally never happened before in recorded history.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MAROON to GLITTER because Mabel Pines would have wanted it that way.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Video

Mar. 10th, 2017 11:55 am
stretchy_girl: (blonde guise: rearranging)
[personal profile] stretchy_girl

[Before hitting the button to broadcast Gemini takes a moment to rearrange her face, sculpting it into someone a little more innocent. Glasses, check, nervous smile, check, and she's ready to go.]

Um hi everyone! I uh...I'm Sarah Rainsford and I've just arrived here, here being Maurtia Falls specifically. It's a little overwhelming to suddenly be in a whole new world all alone without any friends, but I guess I'll manage. I've been given a nice job and a home so it can't be all bad right? [A weak smile, blah blah blah, there's nothing else she needs to say to establish her pseudo-character, so on to the important stuff, finding out who here might be a threat to her.]

I just wanted to know if there's anyone out there from my own world. I'm from a city called Metropolis, has anyone heard of that? Maybe Gotham? Although that's not a very nice place, but it would be kinda nice to talk to anyone from home.

[Now to see which fishes come and bite at the bait she's dangled for them.]
pyrogue: (suits are for squares)
[personal profile] pyrogue
[ On screen is a very shirtless Mick wearing nothing but a pair of tight black yoga pants with red stripes down the side with the letters "BODY HEAT" running up one side and a towel around his neck. He's gotten an assistant to hold the comm. He's feeling very cold right now, actually, so he speaks just a bit faster than he normally would to get this over with. ]

Dunno how many of you know who I am, but I'm Mick Rory. I do a workout show called "BODY HEAT!" as a yoga instructor -- [ He smiles wryly in a "yeah, I know" sort of way. ] -- and we're doing something special starting in a coupla days. We want some guest stars to come on board and film a few episodes with me.

No yoga experience required either. Think of it as a free lesson -- that you get paid for. Just make sure to bring water. Gotta keep hydrated 'cause it's gonna get pretty warm. But that ain't so bad in February, right?

[ Mick is fine with it all year round, but he's aware that not everybody's into it. ]

On top of that, it's being tied into a charity drive to raise money for the Heropa General Hospital's Burn Ward. And since September we've gotta whole lot of new folks who have fire-breathing on us, it kinda needs it.

[ And a particular pet cause of Mick's, considering his background. But he's not advertising that part. He smiles again. ]

Any imPort's free to sign up, unless their name is Leonard Snart.

((OOC: This is more of an informal thing but def let me know if your character would get involved and if so if you'd prefer to handwave or log something about it, I'm totally good either way.))

02 | video

Feb. 13th, 2017 07:43 pm
lovestoys: (i am perfect)
[personal profile] lovestoys
Yo, whauppppp party people!

[Axel is currently chilling out on his bed in just his undies because that's how he rolls. Truly he's a sight to admire. Or he thinks he is, given he's bare chesting it on the network. He's been working on his chest lately so behold the slow beginnings of muscle definition.

He might be an awful person but at least his undies are cute? Little duckies are totally manly pant-wise. Fight him.]


While I got an audience, I think it's time we all talked shop a little. Cause it's that time of the year for love and making connections so let's. Man to man. And, I guess, man to woman too. Now, I ain't saying I have any trouble in this area but I'm a little curious, just for arguments sake, what kinda techniques do you guys like to pull hot chicks? I'm talking A grade babes.

[Yes, hot chicks. He knows how to score 'below his belt', that's easy! He uses a wonderful mix of gently breaking them down and implying he's the best they can do.

He wants to get model level here. It's what a terrible dumpster goblin like him deserves - a sexy babe.]


That isn't all neither. Cause I'm like a total a feminist so I wanna hear from hot chicks too. Their side of things. [Cause he totally thinks this is a great way to bait them all out. Yes, yes, come to him, hot chicks. Admire how forward thinking and not at all gross and awful he is.] Like how'd you like a guy to romance you? What's your favourite move? How best can I get you horny? You know, the important stuff. Just how firm should a slap on the ass be cause, you know, guys don't know that kind of thing. We rarely get to experience that side of things unless we're like, you know, flaming or something.

[He shrugs his shoulders and leans back, grinning brightly.] Gimme something good and I'll share some of my moves. I got some good ones. I got a move called 'The Piper' that'll blow your mind.

( text )

Feb. 10th, 2017 02:55 pm
quickasever: (094)
[personal profile] quickasever
[ Miraculously, Wally had managed to keep a relatively low profile since he had arrived in this strange world the other day. But with it looking more and more like his stay was going to be a potentially lengthy one, he decided it was finally time to address the network. ]

this is some world they have here. it wouldnt exactly be my first choice for where id want to spend an indefinite vacation, but i have been to worse parallel universes and dimensions before. though i could have done without the freaky tattoo and the creepy file. i also dont think im really qualified to be a time management consultant even if i do appreciate the humor behind it.

anyway, i was wondering if anyone could help a new guy out? like, is there any sights i need to see? any hip places i need to check out? anywhere i need to avoid at all costs? and, more importantly, who makes the best burger and iced mocha around here? if im going to be stuck in this world, then i might as well get the full experience.

also, i dont suppose anyone knows what a green lantern is? they are a pretty big deal where im from.

whatever help i could get would be great. thanks.
canaria: punk4life1315 @ lj (Sara; thinking and half smiling)
[personal profile] canaria
[Sara (who does not remember her previous time here, and has only been here this time for just under 48 hours by now) is, quite literally, hanging out. The image on this video transmission to the network shows Sara's head and neck. She's obviously hanging upside down, because of the way her hair is being blown in the breeze outside, and the way the hair is positioned since it's being pulled by gravity.

Though it can't be seen, she's on a tree branch, her legs wrapped around it and one hand holding onto the branch while the other hand holds her device. She's also wearing jeans, black boots, a black t-shirt, and a white jacket.]


After being here for going on forty-eight hours now, I have to ask -- how many people who have heard of Star City are also here? I have apparently found myself world-hopping now, which ... okay, before I got here, I was about to start going time travelling.

[She says that last part in a tone that could be mistaken for sarcasm if someone wanted to interpret it that way instead of taking it seriously.]

Secondly, despite being new here, I'm already well into my mission to find the best pizza in this place, with no luck so far, so please help a woman out and advise me.

[Pizza is important, okay? She has priorities.]

video;

Feb. 7th, 2017 07:53 pm
marriedmedium: (feather hat)
[personal profile] marriedmedium
[For those who know her, Sadie's natural sparkle is slightly dimmer as she appears on the network today, just a touch. For those who don't, it might well go unnoticed, as her smile is as broad as ever.]

Hello, darlings. For those of you who watch my show—and I'm sure it's many of you, as you all have such excellent taste—my producers have decided to do a special edition to celebrate Valentine's Day, celebrating the wonderful thing called love and ways we celebrate it through time and distance!

[Just for a moment, Sadie glances down to her wedding ring.]

Now, thanks to my vast experience speaking to ghosts, I have the time covered, but what about distance? I can't think of any distance greater than different worlds, so tell me, how do my dear fellow imPorts celebrate love?

text;

Feb. 5th, 2017 05:04 pm
picksthenames: (are you sure about this?)
[personal profile] picksthenames
at the risk of being That Guy, i gotta ask: whats the deal with the job assignments for new imports? are they all jokes or is the universe just messing with me?

either way, im definitely in the market for something better. the government wasnt helpful enough to kidnap me with a resume or references on hand, so i guess youll just have to take my word for it, but here goes:

names Cisco Ramon, techspert extraordinaire. masters in engineering, second best coder on my earth. app writer, gear inventor, whatever you need. i can weld, i can solder, i can sew (leather, which let me tell you, is a bitch to work with). new to this earth so help a brother out and tell me where to look, or just offer me a job, thatd be great either way. shacked up in heropa but commutings easy with these porter things right?

so yeah. call me. been a while since i had to look for a new job, but im pretty sure my interview game is still on point.

LLAP. 🖖
infomodder: actual murder messiah will graham (jesus was also a fisherman)
[personal profile] infomodder
[The video opens on Will, in his usual plaid, with a stupid fishing hat (REEL WOMEN FISH) sat atop his head. It's old and worn enough to show he favors it, wrapped about his head with a fishing hook tucked along the bill. He's propped against a stool with a line of fake bait and various fish-y bits and bobs behind him...and a sign that says NOW HIRING INQUIRE WITHIN hung just so it's easy to see from the window outside and inside as well.]

It's been brought to my attention some of you might've been getting unasked for messages. About fish, or the ocean...anything alone those lines. [ha ha ha like fishing lines o man] Should be fixed by now. If it keeps up, just...give it a few days and it should stop.

[He makes a "what can you do" face and then looks to the sign like he forgot it was there. A nudge of his elbow makes it a more prominent focus.]

Getting ready to retire. I'll still own the shop, but I won't be working here any more. Looking for some people who need a steady paycheck and don't mind bugs. ImPorts get priority. If you want something from time to time, that's doable, too. Just let me know.

[As he goes to sign off, a furry head comes into view and gives the screen a big, tongues-out smile. Fantastic.]
socialactivillain: (084)
[personal profile] socialactivillain
[ The video feed ticks on to Piper in what looks to be his bedroom. There's a sleepy grey chinchilla loafing on his bed in the background, and a large brown rat perched on his shoulder. For once, he doesn't look like he's ready to start a fight. In fact, his hair is down and he might even be wearing pajamas? He looks comfy, at any rate. ]

Ever since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with sound. All sound, really, but especially music. And now, here I am in a different universe, with people from all different worlds with all different histories, and it's only just occurred to me that I'd never asked this before, but I'm curious about music from other worlds.

What do you like to listen to? What kind of music is popular where and when you're from? Do you play any instruments yourself? Do you play music professionally here, or even just for fun?

[text]

Dec. 12th, 2016 07:38 pm
glitterateur: aces (Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat?)
[personal profile] glitterateur
hi everybody!! do YOU know what day it is??

it's december 12th!! which means you have basically no time left to do your xmas shopping or to go pick up the perfect sweater for that holiday party or to get something soft and fuzzy to wear during hanukkah

SOLUTION: order a custom sweater from me, mabel pines!!

I'm basically a sweater wizard and I can make them out of whatever material you want with whatever design you could ever want ever!! I work SUPER fast and my prices are VERY reasonable and every sweater is made with love

and sometimes cat and pig hair!!

so hit me up if you're interested and just tell me the size and the design and BAM you'll get the coolest warmest thing possible this winter

winky face ;)
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 10TH, 2016

THIS WEEK IN GRIME WATCH
As seen from video recordings from nearby customers and security footage from the store.:
A local arts and crafts stir has dealt with a small stir as fangirls attempted to swarm a certain Carl Grimes while glaring at fellow imPort Enid, who was rumored to be Grimes' girlfriend as they are frequently seen together. He was seen grabbing a skein of yarn and yelling at his fangirls to go support businesses. When the fangirls scramble to get the yarn and nearly created a fight, Carl Grimes and Enid was seen running out of the store, without buying anything. So much for supporting local businesses!

HOLY (ROCK AND) ROLLERS
As seen on TMI and various imPort and music news blogs:
The acclaimed Goddess, Persephone, has been making quite a name for herself over the past months thanks to her riotous performances across Maurtia Falls, but the concert she held last month with her fellow deity, Inanna, really took our breath away. Persephone kicked off the night with her signature riotous anthems, though thankfully this time not literally. True to description, the music was almost hard to listen to, raw in expression, and utterly incomprehensible in lyric.

And let's not forget our divine queen of the morning and evening stars, Inanna! Why this imPort held out on performing during their first visit here is a mystery, but we're all blessed that they've decided to grace us with their song this time around. It's hard to find the words to describe a song that touches you so intimately (and can lead to intimate touching!), and it doesn't help that the lyrics make no sense, but trust us when we say you've got to hear it. Whether or not you believe their story about divinity, we can all agree it's one hell of a divine experience.

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
As seen on BlueTube, and then exploding on Bwitter:
Having pet-related problems? Thumper getting out of control? Easter all day, every day at your house? Well, look no further than BlueTube's current trending video, showing two imPorts building what looks to be a giant rabbit-sized bunker in their backyard. The video shows imPorts Jacob Taylor and Junpei Iori constructing an intricately-designed contraption of thick metal and solid wood to house some kind of monstrous pet. To address any doubts on whether this kind of fortification is really necessary for a rabbit, the video also features footage of an enormous rabbit named ‘Sugar Ray’ terrorizing the household, gnawing on furniture and cords, biting at people, and making Junpei cower in a corner for his life.

The video is currently at over ten thousand views and still trending. Fans of DIY construction projects are applauding, while owners of ill-tempered rabbits across the country are sitting up and taking note of the potentially life-saving techniques this video demonstrates.

YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD
As seen on Rumblr and tabloid magazines:
Shocking! News that the imPort communication Network has sprung a leak! ImPorts are reported to have caused themselves EMBARRASSING and confusing conflict! No direct evidence of this has yet been published, just a lot of she-said-he-said -- but nevertheless! Speculation is heating up! Will this cause any divorces? Any tell-alls? Will Mick Rory and Len Snart elope to an ice rink located in an Hawaiian island?

(Rumblr user hawtNc0ld theorizes that this is the ideal compromise between two diametrically opposed imPorts).

Newspapers are reaching out for imPort confessions about this new technological issue. Will you be one of them?

OH SAY CAN YOU CONSPIRACY
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has taken credit for accurately predicting the imPort communication Network failures. Some argue that "technological blackouts" is a bit of a stretch, but his ardent following won't be dissuaded of Da Vinci's foresight. His next prediction? That imPorts will start spying for other countries.

A pretty serious accusation.

YOU ARE THE FASHION QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET
As seen in fashion magazines, Bwitter, or other fan related import/fashion blogs:
Some unexpected holiday magic was witnessed earlier this week at Hot Tropic! The quiet but fashionable imPort, Enid, was reported to have been seen signing an exclusive contract with the retail chain to sell her own line of jewelry. So far, no confirmation has been made as to when her line will hit shelves. Fortunately for her fans and notable fashionistas, a few exciting images of her first wave of designs have been leaked online - creating quite the buzz! Hopefully, they'll hit the market before Christmas so we can fill our stockings with some of these fabulous designs. Keep an eye out for that release date, folks, and get them while they last!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FADED CHEETO ORANGE to PEPPERMINT because peppermint is superior to eggnog as a festive flavor. Disagree? Discuss in the comments!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
airshow: (Wear something slutty to my funeral.)
[personal profile] airshow
[Scene: a shaky too-close video of one James Jesse's obnoxiously grinning face. He's addressing the network in a loud stage whisper and a genuinely terrible accent that's either going for the Crocodile Hunter or David Attenborough — it's anyone's guess, because it's just the worst.]

What you're about to witness here today is truly a rare sight. Two hardened men — grizzled, some might say — in their natural habitat. Here, behind closed doors... they gussy up their plumage. Behold!

[Will Graham stands near a bed with a few dark skirts tossed over it, wearing a dark skirt himself. Fear not. He’s still got the usual plaid on top, so it’s not too obscene. He’s looking down at his bare shins as though seeing them for the first time.]

I see why you have skirts. Kinda tempting to walk home like this.

[He wouldn’t, of course. But still…]

Tend to wear them with pants.

[Case in point, the jeans - on the skinny side - he’s wearing right now. He’s not one to show much skin. He’s very much one for wearing skirts whenever he feels like it though, hence the selection on the bed.]

You gotta find the right fishy socks to go with this.

[Will cuts Len a sharp look — the sort that isn’t truly offended because he’s doing his best not to laugh. Or, like, chuckle a little. Which James figures is his cue to cut in.]

I've got about a dozen stripey pairs, if you're into that kind of thing. Ooh, or the ones with little capes on the back? Or there's always fishnet.

[Will’s eyes go wide in response, more to the camera than James. But what’s done is done. No hiding it now. He crosses his arms and looks down at his bared legs again before looking over to Len and asking:]

What do you think? Yes or no fishnets?

[Len keeps a steady gaze on Will’s legs as he considers, finally lifting his shoulders in a shrug. If being filmed bothers him it doesn’t show, he always looks like he’s posing anyway.]

Only with heels.

Then man, are you in luck.
maskormods: (⒎)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 20TH, 2016

AMAZING DISGRACE
As seen in all major newspapers, Business iNsider, the Wall Street Diary, and other financial newspapers:
A small but particularly scummy debt-collection agency was just purchased by what is obviously a fake shell company called Vialux. What's surprising and newsworthy about this is that the debt-collection agency was immediately shut down and all the debt forgiven. This is something of a happy ending - except, of course, where the scummy ex-owners of the debt collection companies got richer as a result.

COURT-SHIP
As seen on national television and major newspapers:
The lawsuit against Ronald Chump over copyright infringement on behalf of Daryl Dixon in regards to the Weeta-Dixon cereal of Chumps' imPort Cereal line, has been settled out of court this month. The settlement is reported to be half a million dollars accompanied by a cease and desist order on the production of the cereal.

A BIGLY RAGEQUIT
As seen on national television and TMI:
In response to Dixon's successful lawsuit, Ronald Chump has disavowed the "rigged judicial system" of the United States. Taking his remaining millions, probably not billions, he has sworn off social media and left this county for another. It is likely, if granted citizenship elsewhere, that he will then forgo his US citizenship permanently. Do not expect to see The Ronald around these parts.

((This wraps up the Chump arc, he will not be playable as an NPC henceforth!))

TWO OF A COIN'D
As seen in newspapers, fashionable magazines, and Rumblr posts:
On November 18, the citizens of Heropa and denizens of anywhere on the internet that posts memes and amusing pictures were treated to an unusual sight when they discovered that the World's Biggest Coin had been mysteriously transported from its home in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, right to the heart of the city. Even more mysteriously: the coin had vanished the next day, only to be discovered right back where it came from. While conspiracy theories and wild mass guessing were just getting into full swing, one man stepped forward to claim sole responsibility, only to be greeted by a resounding: What.

Leonard Snart, self-proclaimed robber of ATMs, career criminal and (sort of) living legend, said that he has pulled the prank off without any accomplices, a feat that is especially puzzling since he has revealed that the only power he has is the power of puns. When asked why he did it, Snart said that he "just wanted some change", and explained the need to "coin a phrase". Given that authorities can neither figure out how any of this happened nor what kind of crime to classify temporary misplacement of a single coin - whatever the size - he has been released without any charges.

Since then he has been further questioned - mostly by the internet - and when asked how he pulled this off he cited "girl power" and also mentioned that it had been "super easy". Finally he made at least one concession, hinting that he might not have been entirely without help: "I may or may not have had the help of illegal aliens."

THE XOXO FILES
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has a very special message to his ardent followers:

CHEMTRAILS! The Fed has been stuffing them in your sky for YEARS! Chemtrails are hazardous to us natives, deadly brainwashing crap that's been treated with nuclear reaction. You know where the ashes of the first imPorts go? Do you know what the government has done to the bodies? CHEMTRAILS. Just like with Tony Stark's manhandling of our DNA, the government wants us to be experiments in a petri dish. We're being tested on! Washington is not on your side, citizens.

Watch for the technological blackouts to come. First sign of the new, imPorted apocalypse.

And keep your eyes on the skies.
xoxo


A NIGHT TO REMEOWMBER
As seen on the tabloid circuit, TMI, and WHEE! News:
Director Ben Trooper, acclaimed director of Less Miserable and The Monarch's Monologue is hosting a red carpet gala for his new film Felines! Felines is the tale of...well, felines, as they all show off their talents to see who ascends to cat heaven, aka the Upperside Balcony. The show's best known for being highly choreographed, not having much plot, and the character of Haggarina, the Hollywood Cat, who sings the hit song "Remembering." Because Felines features imPort Mint Aizawa, Trooper's decided to host the film's December 2nd premiere in Heropa, opening it up for all imPorts to attend. Wear nice dresses! Mingle with celebrities! Sit through a two and a half hour long movie musical about singing and dancing cats! What's not to love?

There's also a trailer for the film that doesn't really tell you anything about the plot. But cartwheels! Dancing! People in lots of make-up! See if you can spot Mint in the coveted role of "that all-white cat who's in the chorus but gets a ballet solo."

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from VIOLET DRIZZLE to FADED CHEETO ORANGE because this country is now one chump short.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

001: TEXT

Nov. 20th, 2016 02:05 am
onhold: (excited ▶ it was the best of times)
[personal profile] onhold
hi everyone! i'm karina and i'm pretty new here

won't take up too much of your time, sooo... quick question!

if you could design your own superhero costume, what would it like? function over form or a combination of both? what matters most to you when you're out and about and helping people out?

or what DOES your costume look like, if you've already made one and you're in a position to tell

thanks in advance everyone ♥
catchacold: -.- (running hot)
[personal profile] catchacold
I'm a thief. I'm a crook.

[As Len talks he counts the points off on his fingers, one by one.]

I'm a liar. I'm a criminal. I'm a bad person.

[Five fingers and he holds his hand up for another second before pulling his fingers back in until he's holding up a fist. The glare on his face is promising a punch.

Lowering his hand, he puts it down on the bed he's sitting on and leans forward.]


But whatever they're saying I've done to get me in here? Wasn't me.

[To illustrate what 'in here' means, he turns the device, showing what is very clearly a jail cell. Then the camera is back on his face, which hasn't gotten any happier.]

Sorry for any appointments I might be missing because of this. Also, I could use a lawyer.

[He moves the device a bit closer, blue eyes narrowed. For someone so cold, that's a lot of hot anger.]

To the coward who framed me? I'll be coming for you.


[ooc: This is a result of Jonathan Crane impersonating Leonard and robbing Bruce Wayne. Leonard doesn't know that Crane did that yet. He just knows it wasn't him.]

video!

Oct. 5th, 2016 11:32 pm
eatsnutsandkicksbutts: (Default)
[personal profile] eatsnutsandkicksbutts
[ Squirrel Girl is giving the camera a friendly, buck-toothed grin and a little wave. There's some kind of muffled commotion coming from behind her, but whatever it is isn't visible in the frame yet. She's in a park, though, that much is obvious. ]

Hi! I'm Squirrel Girl, nice to meet everybody. I have a question for y'all! I ran into a bit of trouble, here: some fire-breathing dingus kinda jumped me in the middle of the park and wouldn't back off, so after a brief (if slightly physical) discussion about anger management skills and not being a total jerk, I'm... well, long story short, does anybody know where I can find the nearest police station in--

[ The commotion intensifies, and SG frowns, glancing over to one side. One of those newbie native supervillains is just visible in the corner of the screen, buried underneath a pile of squirrels. He's trying in vain to shake them off, but it isn't going very well. ]

I'm kind of in the middle of something, dude, can you keep it down? Trying to find out where I can dump your butt.

[ 'Heartburn'! the guy says from underneath the squirrel-pile. 'My name is Heartburn, and I'll make you regret the day you--!'

Heartburn is interrupted by three squirrels piling onto his head, effectively pressing his jaw shut. ]


Ok, first off, I'd rethink naming yourself after indigestion symptoms, and... wait, wait, ohmygosh.

Would you call that... a sick burn?
arsiento: (prepared to light him on fire in protest)
[personal profile] arsiento
[ The feed turns on shakily and abruptly, showing at first a view of mostly sky, but then it catches more blurry glimpses of scenery -- what might be recognizable as downtown Nonah, if someone were to squint or was just very familiar with the area by now -- as it moves again, as if being wrestled from someone. Voices can be heard above the fainter sounds of traffic, although there's the steady pulse of a nearby car stereo playing loudly and, occasionally, an engine revving.

Then the communicator steadies, being held at its owner's side; the camera now gives an un-aimed view the street, though at a somewhat diagonal, catching about half of the car in question in the shot. A guy's voice, about a foot away, says: "--the sickest shit I ever seen, man! Orale, show the guy, Angie!" And then the communicator moves again, the man holding it taking a step back as Angie breathes fire about five feet into the air. Only the fire and not Angie herself is visible on the screen, although within moments the speaker is stepping close again.

"You see that? It's legit, right? Just one selfie, man! Just one, come on!"
]


Then what, you'll finally beat it? [ Diablo's not speaking into the communicator, obviously, so his voice is muted, though still audible. ] I got nothing to say about no heroes, kid. Whatever you want? It ain't got nothing to do with me.

[ "Yeah, yeah, whatever! Damn, why you got to be such a bummer, dude?" The communicator raises again, rotating around to show two people: #1, a heavily tattooed man in a letterman-style jacket, "Diablo" embroidered on it like a nametag, looking impatiently at #2, who appears to be a teenager with slicked back hair ("AA" shaved into the sides), a lightning bolt tattoo on his neck, and large mirrored sunglasses. ]

Okay, how--

[ But, smiling delightedly, the boy waves into the camera, declaring: "Heeeey, imPorts! Que onda, stay crazy, guys -- we still believe in you! We got your backs now, so take it easy! Ride or die, man!" before he laughs and runs out of frame to join his off-screen friends; the car motor revs again. Diablo, still holding the communicator, does nothing for a moment except flick his eyes irritably and skeptically in that direction, then turns the camera around to capture the kids driving away. The car's plate reads "DOUBLE A". ]

Man, the hell was that. [ And now the camera once again rotates, his skeptical gaze gracing the screen. ] If that's what you all got around here, then no wonder they be importing in heroes like furniture.

[ Well... "heroes," as the still-dubious expression on his face may go on to suggest. He shrugs, then shakes his head. ]

But hey, y'know-- it's whatever. Anyone know where's a good shoe place around here?

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