THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019The new year kicked off with a FABULOUS Swear-In!, a real treat for imPorts! Hopefully you had a chance to rub shoulders with your peers at this thrilling location.

OH FOR HUX SAKE
As seen in the official press release circulating throughout the Porter Cities.
PRESS RELEASE FROM AEGIS FORCE: All citizens in the Porter Cities are advised to be on the lookout for the imPort super-criminal, ARMITAGE HUX. Hux is currently wanted for charges including arson, attempted purchase of a biological toxin as a weapon, and assaulting an Aegis agent while resisting arrest. His known powers include the generation of fire from his hands. He is described as a pale ginger-haired man with a loud voice.

Hux was last spotted in Maurtia Falls, and has been working as a freelance business consultant. Anyone encountering him is urged to exercise caution, as he is believed to be extremely dangerous. Take note of the attached file photo and notify the police or contact Aegis Force if you see this man or have any information on his activities that may be helpful to this investigation.

PASS ME THE TAHANI SAUCE
As seen in everything ever:
Have you heard about Tahani Al-Jamil? Of course you have, darling. She is the newest, brightest imPort SUPER NOVA since Tony Stark had his last Elon Muskesque meltdown. Rumor has it that Versace is begging for a modeling contract with her. Have you looked at your local supermarket tabloids recently? She's allegedly had a romantic night with Frederick Chilton, has been proposed to by Danger, and is currently hiding the body of Momo Yaoyorozu, whom she murdered. What a delightful, elegant rascal! Easy to see why Tahani is the toast of Maurtia Falls!

What will she do next?

GOT YOUR NUMBERS CHANNEL
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy in repeat:
"Due to the revealing data of new ears on this channel, we cannot continue to operate under this scrutiny. Wouldn't you agree, Ken Kaneki? Jacob Taylor? Urdr? It is wiser that we stop... On this channel.

May she forgive us all."

I SPYDER WITH MY LITTLE EYE
As seen around Jeopardy:
Little neon, rubber spiders have seemed to infest the city of Jeopardy. Seems like an expensive joke -- all of these spiders have a large, grinning smile carved into what would be their faces. Thousands upon thousands of these bright little, inch-long spiders have been showering the city of Jeopardy since Sunday morning. What a bizarre prank, but it seems harmless enough.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE to TIFFANY BLUE, since she's been talking shit about Tahani probably.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[knaval]

Cybertronian. [he corrects, gently.] It's Riptide.

[he feels so weird being called 'dear' but it's not a bad weird!!!]

[debutaunt]

To Riptide it is. Riptide...

[She says, as she begins to pen her autograph, and continues to speak outloud what she's writing:]

To my large, Cybertronian friend, of whom I love,

Tahani Al-Jamil.

[knaval]

[friend?? friend!! wheezes!!]

Thanks! [this made his day.] You know, I was almost surprised at how famous you were so fast! But that's ridiculous! You're Tahani!

...

Did you get a social media job? Maybe we could collaborate.

[debutaunt]

I am technically an advice columnist, but my blog and video viewership has been bringing in more revenue at the moment.

What is your job?

[knaval]

Ohhh... I thought of advice columnist, but then I realised I don't know shit about this planet or humans.

[and he was only halfway into the interview when he realised it!]

I'm just riding that imPort fame wave, so... social media personality.

[debutaunt]

What about... advice columnist-slash-blogger telling about... Oh! "How to survive Earth, from the perspective of an alien!"

[knaval]

Oh! That's so smart! You're so smart!!

[debutaunt]

Yes, I know, but thank you for saying so!