✚ 001. [voice]

[puppydoctor]

[It would be really, really nice to just go one day without a reminder that none of this is normal. Like a patient noticing the glowing tattoo and looking uncomfortable. Or having a full-blown panic attack on the way to work, just because a bus passed him by.

Or a bedpan filling itself up with hot coffee on his last day of work as a nurse.]

It turns out "infinite coffee" is somehow the actual most annoying superpower ever.

[There's a shuffle and the sound of water running. He's attempting to get the worst of the coffee off of the stain, while the scalded skin underneath quickly heals itself. Another reminder.]

What's the policy on disappearing into anonymity here? 'Cause I just wanted to rest in peace, not live out a comic book. I don't even want Heaven after all this, Purgatory would be fine. I was a good Catholic kid.

[Until he stopped believing in God, committed adultery, and got divorced.]

I lived - live - to help people. I joined the army back home to help people, and that's all I want to do here, with my afterlife. But I'm tired. Death is tiring, and I just want to be Mr. Nobody who goes to work and comes home from work and gets a couple of drinks with his friends. I don't want to be a hero to anybody's world.

... But if I'm going to be, I need to know what the hell you tell yourself to keep going. I don't have anywhere to get back to. This is my only world now, and I don't know if that makes me part of it, or if I'll be an outsider forever, but I need to hear it. I know I'm not the only undead guy walking around without a purpose.

Comments

[puppydoctor]

[This answer almost makes George smile - it's a lot more cheerful than the rest, though it disturbs him that the voice seems so young.]

I guess I never thought too much about that. Most of my life was work, up until I died.

[mirroredmemory]

[You have no idea just how young, O'Malley.]

So was mine, that's why I can't think that life here is too bad. It's life, and it's more my own than it ever was before. You just have to take something good out of every day you get here and start from there.

[puppydoctor]

... Thank you.

[He can't help but feel a tiny bit better hearing it put that way. It doesn't fix anything, but it sounds like something Izzie would tell him and that warms his heart just a little.]

I'm not really an optimist, but... I mean, this would be the time to start, huh?

[mirroredmemory]

It's better than looking at all the bad things that happen. And I think... I think you're already a hero if you did something like joining the army to help people. That's a really brave thing to do.

[And then, after a moment, she asks almost hesitantly.]

Is that how you died? Being in the army?

[puppydoctor]

[A pretty ironic thought, because if George had never joined the army he would have been safe inside the hospital that day, instead of going home.]

No. I, uh. There was an accident, before I shipped out. This girl was about to get hit by a bus, so I... Well.

[mirroredmemory]

See, you really are a hero already.

[Even if that's kind of not really what someone should say to someone who was hit by a bus. Commiserations or something like that would be more appropriate.]

So you don't have anything to worry about! Just be yourself, and be the happiest you that you can be with your second chance... but maybe try and stay away from buses.

[puppydoctor]

Oh, I already am. I've been walking everywhere.

But, um. Thanks. I don't want to think I was being hero, I was just being a decent human being, you know?

[mirroredmemory]

I know.

Sometimes... you have to decide if it's better to do nothing and be ok, or do something to keep someone else safe when it means you might not be.

But I still think what you did was very brave, and I bet that girl you helped thinks you're a hero.

[puppydoctor]

I hope so, I hope it didn't...

[Mess her up, to see it happen. Which it very much did, but he doesn't know that.]

... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just pile all this stuff on you like this. I don't even know you.

[mirroredmemory]

Well, my name's Xion so now you know me, if it helps!

[Again, perhaps a little too perky but hey.]

It's okay though, I know how it feels. Kind of.

If you're worried about things being messed up, at least you didn't trick your best friend into killing you George.]

If you can't share with another undead guy, who can you share with, right?

[puppydoctor]

[And suddenly George feels bad - he'd gotten so caught up in all of the responses to his little outburst, he'd almost forgotten that this kid was just like him. Dead. Oh god...]

... Do you mind being asked... what happened? To you, I mean.

[mirroredmemory]

[There's a little sigh on her end to go with hesitation before she answers.]

No, I don't mind. It was... Well, I used to work for some not very nice people. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have done and I think I managed to make up for some of it, but in the end...

[She waits a moment, trying to find the words.]

In the end, the only way to stop them from using me was for there to be no me.

[puppydoctor]

[His eyes go wide. That's... that's heavy. Really heavy.]

Oh god. I'm... I'm really sorry. That's awful, I'm-

[He winces at his own stupid-sounding consolations.]

[mirroredmemory]

No, it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but there were a lot of things I needed to make right and that was the only way I could. And...

[It is getting easier to talk about it, but it still makes her stomach clench up uncomfortably and brings a lump to her throat sometimes.]

In the end, even though I was gone, I was able to protect the people I care about by doing what I did. So... it was okay. I know it was the right thing.

[puppydoctor]

That's a bit like how I feel, too. It isn't okay, but it is, sort of, even though I didn't know her.

[He hates that this girl experienced what she did, but it is a little nice to talk to someone else who can relate.]

Really awful things can bring good to someone, and that's what matters.