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[socialactivillain]

[ Video switches on to show a man with a ginger ponytail in a hideous green v-neck frowning deeply and looking incredibly disappointed and/or frustrated, sitting on a park bench as dusk settles in.]

Okay, I've been here for less than a day, so would someone mind explaining to me how it is that the United States government can allocate all these funds to keep us imPorts in nicely furnished, comfortable homes in several cities, and expect native businesses and companies to provide us with paid employment, yet its own citizens are still facing what seem like absurd rates of homelessness? Like I said, I only just arrived, but it didn't take me long to find people who have lost their jobs and homes to make way for the growing imPort population.

[ Someone spent his whole first day in Heropa in a park, befriending homeless people. Continuing on, he sighs heavily, as though this is personally wronging and inconveniencing him, not people he doesn't even know. ]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we're to blame for this. After all, it's not as though it's our fault some unstable technology yanked us from our worlds and lives. Of course this world's government would have to provide for us until we can return home. But every single one of us has the responsibility to give back.

So, what are you doing to help? I'll be taking donations to start up a charity for natives displaced by our presence, if you can't come up with anything on your own.

Comments

[airshow]

No one else I trust. Well... Shade's okay.

[ He admits it with a shrug, almost begrudgingly, but is distracted as their food arrives. ]

[socialactivillain]

[ He's friendly and polite with the waitress as she brings their food, and waits until she's left again before he turns back to the conversation at hand. ]

He made a point of telling me he's retired, not reformed. Do you think he'd be up for it?

[airshow]

Frankly, I've never found there's much of a difference.

[ omnomnom, coconut shrimp ]

[socialactivillain]

Well, he seems to think so.

[ He eats a forkful of crab cake with a pleased sound. ]

This place is better than I expected from the decor.

[airshow]

Well, that's a little judgmental, Hartley.

[ CLASSISM!!! ]

[socialactivillain]

It's not judgement, it's surprise! I've never had crab cakes this good at somewhere with singing animatronic fish on the wall.

[airshow]

It's slightly judgey surprise. Besides, I can't imagine taking you to a black tie restaurant.

[socialactivillain]

Ugh, and I wouldn't set foot in one anyway. No food is good enough to put up with the attitudes in places like that.

[airshow]

Maybe next time I'll let you pick the joint, then, huh? See what you come up with.

[socialactivillain]

Maybe after I've gotten the chance to explore a little more.

[airshow]

Right, right. Better get settled in first before our whirlwind restaurant tour and old-times-sake teamups.

Let me know if you have any questions. I'll give you only slightly frustratingly vague answers.

[socialactivillain]

I haven't even been by my new place yet. I'm in Heropa, though. Number 20.

[ He picks at his salad a little. ]

I have a lot of questions, honestly. Like how far ahead of me are you?

[airshow]

Couple years.

[ He walks a pair of coconut shrimp over to the dip like they're little feet. ]

So's Mick, too, by the sound of it.

[socialactivillain]

So, how's the future?

[airshow]

Oh, you know, some good stuff, some bad stuff. Internet's fast and full of hilarious cat pictures, but there's a website that lets everyone you've ever met know exactly what you had for breakfast and start fights with you over politics and the correct use of capital letters. Arnold Schwarzennegger is the governor of California, and the president almost died choking on a pretzel. Oh, right, and they made three new Star Wars movies, but they all completely sucked.

[socialactivillain]

[ Piper sighs heavily. ]

Why did I expect a reasonable answer. At least your sense of humor hasn't changed.

[airshow]

I swear on my life it's all true.

[socialactivillain]

There's no way. Arnold Schwarzenegger? Really? You could've tried for someone realistic at least.

[airshow]

They call him the Governator.

[socialactivillain]

James. Come on.

[airshow]

Ask anyone. Ask them about the Governator.

[socialactivillain]

No, because I don't want to sound like a moron.

[airshow]

Please, Hartley, live a little.

[socialactivillain]

Sometimes I really do wonder why I hang out with you.

[airshow]

Is that any way to talk to your oldest friend? And when he's buying you dinner, too.