maskormenace

[ As always, with Shade, it's Video.

And as always, he looks pretentious as hell, but this time, it's worse. ] Good evening, imports!

[ Says Shade, dressed in a dark smoking jacket, complete with a pipe, although his tophat and shades are still on. In the background, one can see a roaring fire -- in North Carolina no less -- and in the foreground, a small shadow gremlin stumbles around, bringing a both a glass of hazy green liquid (absinthe) and a paper, which Shade takes. ]

I'm the Shade, for those of you whom I haven't met, and I'm quite the fan of the written word.

Most of the time. [ He holds up the paper, labeled with a bold TMI -- the headline an image -- with a headline underneath: TMI EXCLUSIVE: REGGIE MANTLE CONFESSES - SEE WEBSITE FOR DETAILS ]

I thought I'd give this a go, as the reading seemed to hint that it would include too much information, but this may very well be... too much.

[ He cleared his throat, before he started. ]

Import Harleen Quinzel may not be a human import at all! The import was last seen turning into a -- my word, really? -- Harley Davidson motorcycle, and speeding down Formation Boulevard in Nonah this past Saturday. Some followers of imports pointed out that she may be a... Transformer -- [ He sounded bewildered: ] What is a... ah! -- an alien that is known to tranform from a robot into a vehicle.

[ A pause. ] Fascinating!

And the next one says... Saitama, the import known for packing quite the punch... [ He paused, eyes peering over his sunglasses while he read. His face becoming more and more horrified by the moment. ] ...is now starring in a...n.... X-rated video called "Three Fist Man"? [ Muttered under his breath: ] By erebus -- I don't think that's appropriate for the Sundays...

[ Gross. Maybe he should move on. But only after he reaches out to take a sip of his drink. ]

Ah! My friend Dorian! Apparently you've been rather naughty. [ He grinned. ] Caught in the sheets with Power Girl! My! And with an illegitimate child? Kara Danvers? [ A hand to his chest. ] Toby must be devastated, really. It appears that TMI reporters were able to locate an illicit exchange between the two, but there was no footage, but... the similarities between Ms. Danvers and Power Girl are rather striking, aren't they? [ A wave of his hand. ] Or is it coincidence? Who truly knows?

Ah! It appears that an import is to blame for the FBI's incompetence as well? Apparently a one Erik Lensherr was to blame for the FBI's entire database, which found itself wiped. Apparently the man is a living...magnet? Can that affect compuiters? Regardless, the FBI chose not to comment, and instead dismissed the intrepid TMI reporter as insane. Of course tthat's incorrect.

And lastly -- [ He's on the third page -- ] Import Frederick Chilton was found in the arms of his patient! How scandouls. James Patrick Marsh, hotel owner, was found with the Doctor on a sensuos lunch date, where the two were found laughing over... strawberries and créme. [ A thoughtful noise. ] How very romantic -- and clichéd. [ Another sip. ]

Isn't it fascinating, what things we've all been up to so far?

Video

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