05 | voice

[oceanthief]

When Homeworld started investigating this system, we checked all the stars near potential colonies for stability. Everyone was really excited about this planet because its sun had a pretty decent lifespan, so we wouldn't have to do any shielding for a while.

[or. something. Lapis never really paid any particular attention to the reports that came in about earth, because why would she? it was just a little mudball in some podunk galaxy.]

Is that not how it works on this earth? I can't really think of why else you'd be trying to ration sunlight, but...it's kind of stupid. Unless you're storing it somewhere to use later it's not going to make any difference, and I really don't think humans have that kind of technology yet.

[at least not on this version of the planet, anyway. she really has no idea what 'daylight savings time' could mean aside from this, and it's got her completely mystified. that at least is a familiar feeling when it comes to humanity, even if it's not all that pleasant.]

You guys don't even have that much time to start with. Do you really need to complicate it this much?

[and if the sun is dying...why bother squabbling between insubstantial nationstates when there was such a big problem looming over them all? it was all so dumb.]

Comments

[valuemeal]

[ ...

He might be growing a little pale. ]

Colonize?

[ That.. doesn't sound fun... He doesn't want a whole bunch of Lapis-like territorial overlords!! The teasing is an absolute success, at least. ]

[oceanthief]

Yeah. [this is dangerous, allowing Lapis to have fun. even more than assuming she's a murderer.] But don't worry, we're really efficient. It won't take that long.

[valuemeal]

[ That's exactly the kind of stuff the dentist tells you before he puts you through terrible trials. Hyunsoo won't be fooled by that kind of talk!! ]

W-what kind of stuff do you guys do to people?! [ Because in his mind Lapis is already perfectly capable of mass murder.. so who knows how much worse it could get. His mind certainly is already drifting off to nightmare scenarios. ]

[oceanthief]

We don't do anything to people; when we colonize, we're looking for what the planet can offer, not what's on top of it.

[more reassuring? less reassuring? she makes no attempt to discern the answer.]

[valuemeal]

[ He'll take it as slig.. htly more assuring? At least it means no weird alien experiments like you always see in the movies.

It's enough to calm him down a little bit, at least.. If anything, he sounds a little suspicious. Can't trust that gem folk. ]

What do you guys even need from another planet then? Is the planet you guys come from that boring?

[oceanthief]

Space, mostly. Kindergartens take up a lot of room.

[valuemeal]

[ ...... ]

You gem people have child care problems?

[ This might just be the weirdest thing about them that he's heard from Lapis. Ever. And that's saying a lot, considering he's heard enough weird things. At least this fact doesn't scare the shit out of him, if not just because it feels so oddly.. normal. Domestic. What even. ]

[oceanthief]

No, we come out fully formed.

[oh, here we go again...]

[valuemeal]

[ It's saying something that he isn't even thinking of how dangerous he thinks Lapis is here for a moment. The idea of all this is so weird it just cancels that straight out. ]

So you have fully grown adults running around in kindergarten?! [ That's even worse?? ]

[oceanthief]

There's not really a lot of running. The holes are pretty small.

[valuemeal]

[ H... oles....? ]

I'm slowly starting to understand why you're so messed up.

[ Because gem people are weird and raised in holes??? Like cavemen? ]

[oceanthief]

That doesn't have anything to do with a kindergarten. There wasn't anything wrong with my formation.

[all that shit came later]

[valuemeal]

Being left in a hole by your parents sounds like the kind of history you'd expect a serial killer to have though.

[ And even then it might still be exaggerated. Kind of. ]

[oceanthief]

[oh, oh wait. she knows that word - oh thank god, she can actually respond to this one properly. this is exciting.]

Gems don't have parents.

[valuemeal]

[ There's about ten different creepy scenarios about how gems are born then going through his mind right now.. It might be why he's starting to sound a little more hesitant again. ]

What do you have then...?

[oceanthief]

What do you mean? We don't have anything instead.

[she's assuming he means 'what do you have instead of parents', and this answer is correct. Homeworld creates new gems, but there's nothing that raises them or teaches them. it's all preloaded.]

[valuemeal]

[ That'd also explain a lot...

Still a little hesitant to press on this though. If not just because he really doesn't want to hear details of gem people sex or something, he'll die of embarrassment. He's already blushing a little to himself at the mere thought. ]

No, I mean-- where do you come from?

[oceanthief]

I already told you, we come from kindergartens.

[Hyunsoo you wish the rocks had sex with each other. the actual answer is slightly more disturbing in its own way.]

[valuemeal]

No, that's just where--

[ Oh god. Suddenly a thought that's about equally as horrifying as just about everything else about Lapis shoots through his mind. ]

Are you guys just.. not told about the birds and the bees? [ HE'S NOT GOING TO USE THE ACTUAL NAME FOR IT. He refuses. The embarrassment will kill him on the spot. ]

[oceanthief]

If you're not going to explain it, don't bother bringing it up.

[the flat way her voice cuts through all of Hyunsoo's panic makes it clear that some other poor sap has attempted to broach this subject of conversation and chickened out in the past. she just does not have time for that.]

You guys dig gemstones out of the earth on this planet, right? A kindergarten is the same thing, just bigger.

[valuemeal]

[ At least he's fine with skipping around that one.. it's something he doesn't want to talk about in general, let alone to Lapis of all people. Not that what she continues on to say isn't just.. weird.. either. ]

So you just pop out of the ground the way you are now? [ Weird, but... ] I guess that does explain a lot.

[oceanthief]

There's no popping. They drill a hole for us.

[obviously. why wouldn't they? letting gems just erupt from the ground naturally is super inefficient.]

[valuemeal]

Popping, drilling, that's not the point!

[ Mostly because if he'll linger too long on that thought, he'll just get confused all over again... ]

It just means you never had anyone teach you what's right.

[oceanthief]

[lmao ok wait no hold up here, Lapis has found something for she herself to be completely baffled about]

You need someone to teach you that?

[valuemeal]

Well.. I mean, you see what happens when someone doesn't.

[ You become a weird psychopath gem!! He's pretty sure that's how it works now. ]