[That is one hell of a question, and the way she says it is... odd. What crimes might his counterpart have committed, that this is the personal question Sookie would lead with, as opposed to, say, "How do you feel about being alive," or "Do you miss being human?"
He has to take a moment to gather himself and figure out where to even begin.]
I am unsure I can speak for... Godfrey in this. That he phrased it in that way to you implies that there may have been specific crimes he felt guilty for, while my own guilt is not so distinct.
For a long time, I lived by the philosophy that there was no right or wrong, only survival or death.
[He laughs quietly, humorlessly.]
Even then I must have known it was a lie. There were things I held to be wrong, principles I abided by. Some had a practical purpose, but not all. Some things I didn't do simply because I found them repugnant.
Nonetheless, I told myself that lie so that I could justify my own heartlessness. I've killed more humans than I could possibly count. For most of my life, I held no regard for their age or circumstances, whether they were loved or would be missed, save in how it might affect my own safety. I saw humans as lesser beings, and did not care.
[His voice, already quiet, softens and becomes more distant for a moment.]
In retrospect, I realize that I was, in many ways, exorcising my own demons by taking my pain out on those who could not fight back.
[Gathering himself, he continues.]
And then, after so many centuries of unrepentant slaughter, we integrated further and further into human society, and eventually I could no longer ignore the obvious. Humans are no less deserving of respect, and never had been.
However my kind came to exist, I believe now it must have been a mistake. There is right and wrong, and creatures that prey on the very people they used to be must be wrong. I must be wrong, and I felt it. I still feel it. That is why I went into the sun.
no subject
He has to take a moment to gather himself and figure out where to even begin.]
I am unsure I can speak for... Godfrey in this. That he phrased it in that way to you implies that there may have been specific crimes he felt guilty for, while my own guilt is not so distinct.
For a long time, I lived by the philosophy that there was no right or wrong, only survival or death.
[He laughs quietly, humorlessly.]
Even then I must have known it was a lie. There were things I held to be wrong, principles I abided by. Some had a practical purpose, but not all. Some things I didn't do simply because I found them repugnant.
Nonetheless, I told myself that lie so that I could justify my own heartlessness. I've killed more humans than I could possibly count. For most of my life, I held no regard for their age or circumstances, whether they were loved or would be missed, save in how it might affect my own safety. I saw humans as lesser beings, and did not care.
[His voice, already quiet, softens and becomes more distant for a moment.]
In retrospect, I realize that I was, in many ways, exorcising my own demons by taking my pain out on those who could not fight back.
[Gathering himself, he continues.]
And then, after so many centuries of unrepentant slaughter, we integrated further and further into human society, and eventually I could no longer ignore the obvious. Humans are no less deserving of respect, and never had been.
However my kind came to exist, I believe now it must have been a mistake. There is right and wrong, and creatures that prey on the very people they used to be must be wrong. I must be wrong, and I felt it. I still feel it. That is why I went into the sun.