[Sakuma's next reply is delayed compared to the others, Lapis' words doing a little of their own excavation. He feels exposed, even if that wasn't her intent, the way only a space rock or anything affiliated with one could ever make him feel.
Because there is familiarity there, and try as he might to separate himself from those parallels, they're too glaring to ignore. Like looking directly into the sun, they burn.
Kageyama had created Teikoku for one purpose. They were trained to think and act like one, to be a perfect unit, and if they'd stayed with him, they would have remained pawns in his plan to destroy soccer. Rebelling only meant they were cast aside and replaced, for there were always extras standing in the wings, waiting for their chance to stand in the spotlight, unaware of the ways it would chip away at them, reducing them to mere reflections of their former selves.
Without him, they had faltered...
"Why... Why?! Why have you gone back to him?!" Kidou had asked.
And Genda's answer was unwavering and unapologetic, "For power."
"For power? Wanting only power was what the old team under Kageyama wanted!" Of course Endou hadn't understood. He had everything Teikoku had lost. He had Kidou. And he had victory.
"I thought we left that and took a new step forward!" Kidou at least wanted to understand. He was trying. But how could he see? The world looked so different from above...
"You abandoned us to join Raimon, so what would you know?"
Those feelings of resentment and humiliation were what Fudou had been able to manipulate. They hadn't felt special any longer, after so long of their team being undefeated. They were nothing. Less than nothing.
But there'd been a glimmer of something, a spark that lit a dangerous fire that day in the hospital...
"That's it! Get angry! Fill yourself with hate! Rage! You guys have been beaten and tossed aside like an old rag! Doesn't that upset you? Take all of that disappointment you're feeling and carve it into your hearts, until your bloodstream pumps backwards! Then you can get stronger! Can you feel the thumping of my heart? The screaming of my heated blood? I want to be stronger. More. More. More! I know the same kind of blood is flowing through your hearts, too! You want to be stronger, stronger than anyone else in this world! Stronger than even Kidou! In order to get power, you'd do anything. You'd even sell your soul to the devil. Right? Right?!"
He hadn't been wrong and, that memory, more vivid now than ever at Lapis' words, nearly makes Sakuma give up on this conversation. But giving up here would be too much like the way he'd given in back then.
Giving up meant accepting that there was nothing special about him. That who he was didn't matter. And while there is a part of him that questions the reality of Sakuma Jirou as he exists in this world, he can't help but want to actively defy that doubt. For Kidou's sake, and Genda's, and his own. Because he has a right to exist! To have his own opinions! And be his own person!
And not fear being written off or erased for it...
"Are you afraid? Afraid that someone like me will surpass you?"
"No! Don't you get it? At this rate, your body will..." His body would shatter, bones breaking, organs failing, all due to the repetitive use of a technique they'd forbidden the use of. But what did he care? If he could never play soccer again, if he could just stand at the top of the world once and look down on everyone else, that would be worth it, wouldn't it? No longer would he feel the humiliation of defeat.
For once, someone else could rub their face in the dirt!
"There's no value in losing. If it's for the sake of winning, I'll shoot as many times as it takes."
Everything hurts. His chest is tight in a way it hasn't been since he'd first come into contact with the Aliea Meteorite. But one memory in a sea of doubt gives his lungs a much needed breath of fresh air.
Kidou...had kept his promise. He'd said he'd be waiting, and he was. They found each other again, and found soccer.]
Not noticing and not caring are their failures.
That doesn't really mean your opinions and thoughts are worthless.
i'm sorry she kind of hit the ultra trigger on the head
Because there is familiarity there, and try as he might to separate himself from those parallels, they're too glaring to ignore. Like looking directly into the sun, they burn.
Kageyama had created Teikoku for one purpose. They were trained to think and act like one, to be a perfect unit, and if they'd stayed with him, they would have remained pawns in his plan to destroy soccer. Rebelling only meant they were cast aside and replaced, for there were always extras standing in the wings, waiting for their chance to stand in the spotlight, unaware of the ways it would chip away at them, reducing them to mere reflections of their former selves.
Without him, they had faltered...
"Why... Why?! Why have you gone back to him?!" Kidou had asked.
And Genda's answer was unwavering and unapologetic, "For power."
"For power? Wanting only power was what the old team under Kageyama wanted!" Of course Endou hadn't understood. He had everything Teikoku had lost. He had Kidou. And he had victory.
"I thought we left that and took a new step forward!" Kidou at least wanted to understand. He was trying. But how could he see? The world looked so different from above...
"You abandoned us to join Raimon, so what would you know?"
Those feelings of resentment and humiliation were what Fudou had been able to manipulate. They hadn't felt special any longer, after so long of their team being undefeated. They were nothing. Less than nothing.
But there'd been a glimmer of something, a spark that lit a dangerous fire that day in the hospital...
"That's it! Get angry! Fill yourself with hate! Rage! You guys have been beaten and tossed aside like an old rag! Doesn't that upset you? Take all of that disappointment you're feeling and carve it into your hearts, until your bloodstream pumps backwards! Then you can get stronger! Can you feel the thumping of my heart? The screaming of my heated blood? I want to be stronger. More. More. More! I know the same kind of blood is flowing through your hearts, too! You want to be stronger, stronger than anyone else in this world! Stronger than even Kidou! In order to get power, you'd do anything. You'd even sell your soul to the devil. Right? Right?!"
He hadn't been wrong and, that memory, more vivid now than ever at Lapis' words, nearly makes Sakuma give up on this conversation. But giving up here would be too much like the way he'd given in back then.
Giving up meant accepting that there was nothing special about him. That who he was didn't matter. And while there is a part of him that questions the reality of Sakuma Jirou as he exists in this world, he can't help but want to actively defy that doubt. For Kidou's sake, and Genda's, and his own. Because he has a right to exist! To have his own opinions! And be his own person!
And not fear being written off or erased for it...
"Are you afraid? Afraid that someone like me will surpass you?"
"No! Don't you get it? At this rate, your body will..." His body would shatter, bones breaking, organs failing, all due to the repetitive use of a technique they'd forbidden the use of. But what did he care? If he could never play soccer again, if he could just stand at the top of the world once and look down on everyone else, that would be worth it, wouldn't it? No longer would he feel the humiliation of defeat.
For once, someone else could rub their face in the dirt!
"There's no value in losing. If it's for the sake of winning, I'll shoot as many times as it takes."
Everything hurts. His chest is tight in a way it hasn't been since he'd first come into contact with the Aliea Meteorite. But one memory in a sea of doubt gives his lungs a much needed breath of fresh air.
Kidou...had kept his promise. He'd said he'd be waiting, and he was. They found each other again, and found soccer.]
Not noticing and not caring are their failures.
That doesn't really mean your opinions and thoughts are worthless.