[ A sharp rush of fury surges through him. He knows full well what they all hoped Ben Solo might be. He remembers the endless, exhausting struggle to suppress the darkness, the futile effort to fit himself into the role they laid out for him. He remembers giving everything he had to satisfy them. And he remembers his uncle standing over him, lightsaber drawn and murder in his eyes.
Does he want to be Ben Solo? How can she ask him that, as if it is as simple as wishing something could be so. As if becoming Kylo Ren had been anything other than a necessity. An inevitability. As if Luke hadn't made that decision for him, the night he decided to kill Ben Solo to destroy the monster sleeping under his skin. He hadn't abandoned the Light. No. It had abandoned him.
He types I am what I am. No. He deletes and tries again. You know what I am. No. Again.
I am Kylo Ren.
He breathes out, finger hovering over the send button as if he is back in his fighter, his mother in the sights.
no subject
He remembers giving everything he had to satisfy them.
And he remembers his uncle standing over him, lightsaber drawn and murder in his eyes.
Does he want to be Ben Solo? How can she ask him that, as if it is as simple as wishing something could be so. As if becoming Kylo Ren had been anything other than a necessity. An inevitability.
As if Luke hadn't made that decision for him, the night he decided to kill Ben Solo to destroy the monster sleeping under his skin.
He hadn't abandoned the Light. No. It had abandoned him.
He types I am what I am.
No. He deletes and tries again. You know what I am.
No. Again.
I am Kylo Ren.
He breathes out, finger hovering over the send button as if he is back in his fighter, his mother in the sights.
And again, he can't do it. He can't. ]
I don't know what I am.
Can I see you.