maskormenace | 01; Video... sort of.

[The video feed starts with the face of a young man looking... very confused at the phone in front of him. Squinting, almost. Soon followed by a...]

HELLO?

[...He is literally yelling into the communicator, and pressing it to his cheek. Entirely unnecessary, since this is a video post... But whatever. Say hello to Joseph's cheek, fellow users of the Network. This is all you get for the rest of the video.]

There's no receiver end on this thing, how am I supposed to know where to talk into! Or who I'm talking to?

[Yeah. You're getting one of these guys again. Sorry. He's from 1938. This has been a rough journey for the technologically inept.]

Whatever! I have to go back- it's really important. I'm going to be done for in six days if I don't get to Switzerland! It's a really long story but I don't have time for another adventure, I'm already in the middle of one right now. I don't want to hear any of those excuses I've already been told! I'm being really serious here! I should have memorized Lisa Lisa's phone number...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's my first time with a phone like this. There isn't a single rotary phone around here, you can't blame me for not knowing how technology of the future works.

You can't tell me you'd rather have a rotary phone. These are much more convenient.

I'm just saying it's what I'm used to.

You can find them in thrift stores. Maybe. Better to find someone to show you how to actually work the one you have.

Did someone tell you that they're not going to send you back?

I know that much. I'm not going to use something outdated just because it's what I'm used to.

Yeah, a few people. I'm still worried about what I left behind, though. Caesar and Lisa Lisa on their own to fight those vampires...

Vampires?

[ wait that's the wrong thing to focus in on ]

You'll get back to it. That's what people keep saying.

And I'm supposed to just believe that?? Y'know, people used to say the world was flat, too!

...yeah, vampires. Technically, they're called Pillar Men, but no one here knows what I'm talking about when I say that.

Find one of the people who left and came back. They'll tell you the same thing.

[ pillar men??? ]

Do they drink blood?

Until I see it for myself, I can't believe it fully. You understand that, right?

They do a lot more than just drink blood. One of them could send his own veins out of his hands and spray blood that's so hot it could melt skin!

It was pretty fucked up.

[ what. the. fuck. ]

They did what?

That was just one of them. I mean, Esidisi is dead now, so it's not that big a deal.

[Sure, he said Esidisi, but it sure does sound like he said ACDC.]

But I haven't even dealt with Wham and Cars yet!

[Are you a fan of 80's rock, Derek? Because these names might sound somewhat familiar.]

[ this is suddenly the most confusing conversation of his life. ]

Are those real names?

[ aka are you implying that vampires are named after 80s rock bands. ]

[WOULD YOU SAY THIS CONVERSATION WAS... BIZARRE?]

How am I supposed to know? They're over two thousand years old! But that's the names they called themselves by. I don't think they'd lie about that.

[ JUST A SMIDGE ]

Maybe they have a taste for classic rock. [ so dubious. ] They aren't here?

What's "classic rock"?

No, they aren't. Thankfully. I really wouldn't want to go one-on-one with all of those guys if I can help it.

Are you joking?

[ does he know more about pop culture than someone?? ]

What are you going to do about it if they show up?

That'd be a really bad joke, if I was.

Uh... Guess I'd have to kill them.

Edited 2014-08-30 04:22 (UTC)

It's music. With guitars, and drums. Ask in any music store, they'll find you some.

Can you do that?

Music store... Huh, okay.

I don't know, honestly. But I'd have to try! I don't know what kind of messed up murder sprees they'd go on if no one stopped then.

If they show up, ask for help.

[ AND THEN DEREK HANGS UP, like he didn't just offer vaguely hypocritical advice ]

01; Video... sort of.

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