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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2017
The serial murders of the past week have seemed to have died down -- no pun intended.
Nevertheless, citizens are once again reevaluating potential imPort involvement, and the inherent risk assessment that must be done during trying times.
Don't be too surprised if your neighbors give you a raised eyebrow or two in passing. In the meanwhile, there's a mayoral matter for Maurtia Falls around the corner -- stay tuned.

STATE OF MIND
As read on the political insider's blog STATE OF DISUNION:
CAPE CANAVERAL DOWNSIZING? It sounds almost unthinkable, given the routine influx of imPorts who immigrate in through the colloquially named "Porter", but an unnamed Washington insider source has anonymously leaked that certain members of Congress have been in unpublicized talks over that very matter.

"The idea is the bottom line. American citizens have suffered funds intended for education, health services be redirected for the exclusive use of imPort security."

No details were given on what that resource redirection might entail. The source also claimed that other ideas were in discussion, namely: reclaiming Heropa as a native citizen zone and allowing imPort Ambassadors more economic control of their respective cities. This reporter was not able to reach Senator Mitchell Hundred for his insight on these so-called discussion.

PORT-O-PARTY
As seen in adverts at imPort city bus stops and newspapers:
Are you an imPort? Do you have loved ones here? Do you fear the random cruelty of EXPORTATION, being ripped away from all your multi-dimensional friends and family?

We might have something to ease your mind a little.

Settle your WILL AND TESTAMENT with FENIX LAW FIRMS. Sign up for our one-time-fee Legendary imPort Package, which includes:

- The delivery of a farewell letter to ten (10) beloved imPorts
- Option of a funeral dirge to be sung
- Accurate distribution of your worldly goods and items, as you have willed explicitly in contract
- Floral delivery
- Service animal rental

ADS TAKE EFFORT
As seen in local ads near your televison:
EFFOS! Buy some EFFOS! Waffles shaped like a FIST and a MIDDLE FINGER sticking up like a RINGER! Effos! Eat them with "effoection"!




EFFOS!

BAELICIOUS
As read in the Maurtia Falls newspapers:
On October 10th, many of the schools around Maurtia Falls had a field trip to the Maurtia Falls Memorial Library. There, current Ambassador and Mayor Hopeful Petyr Baelish and his team (both human staff and mockingbirds alike) handed out school supplies to those in need. Students were then invited to take part in a special virtual reality simulation. The task was to create their ideal Maurtia Falls. Class members would work collaboratively in order to build their own versions, which could then be downloaded and viewed on the school's website.

The end results were astonishing. While some held fantastical elements such as waterfalls of chocolate or candy houses, an overwhelming majority simply wanted a safer place to live -- from more updated and lively housing to friendlier citizens to a vastly increased number of imPorts.

Ambassador Baelish commented: "The sheer number of students who simply wanted to change their own homes and family situations was both astronomical and heartbreaking. These are children. Their ideal place to live should be one of imagination and wonder. They shouldn't have to wish for a normal life because they should already have one. This is the generation I am fighting for in all that I do for the city -- so that they may have a better future."

BANKSY HEIST
As seen as a side story in local papers and republished in imPort-focused blogs:
Two young men turned themselves in to police in Nonah last week, confessing to participating in a wave of anti-imPort vandalism in August. Lucas Mitchell and Jonathan Burns, angry over imPort-related violence this summer after a night of drinking, ransacked an imPort-owned shop in Maurtia Falls before fleeing to Nonah. "We're sorry, and we'll give whatever we have to so we can make this right," Mitchell said in front of cameras, his voice trembling as he read from a statement. The owner of the shop has had their name withheld for privacy reasons, but has accepted their offer of compensation and restitution.

The shadowy imPort criminal organization 'Constellation' has released a statement claiming credit for tracking down the two vandals and convincing them to apologize and confess. "While the government wastes time with empty talk of forgiveness, the Constellation acts to bring justice," the statement reads. "We hunted down these criminals and convinced them to repent. All enemies can expect the same fate if they continue to target imPorts."

DEFENDING HIS THRONE
As seen on the major Maurtia Falls News Networks:
Mayor Tony Cardelli of Maurtia Falls held a press conference on the 18th where he addressed some concerns about a variety of anti-imPort sentiments cropping up across the city.

"We cannot change the fact that imPorts are here in this world. And we cannot change that they are a part of Maurtia Falls. Closing certain businesses to them, leaving unwelcoming signs and posters across the city, and spreading messages of hate isn't going to accomplish anything. I, for one, think we need to accept them. But if I could influence people to behave the way I want them to, I suppose there would be no more crime in the city, would there? So instead, I encourage imPorts themselves to come out and prove themselves. I encourage imPorts to act out of kindness for our citizens and toward each other. These citizens see you as a threat, so it's up to you to prove how nonthreatening you can be.

If I am reelected as your mayor, I promise this term to work more closely with our imPorts and create a stronger relationship. And I hope that my example will pave the way toward further acceptance within this city."

Mayoral Elections for Maurtia Falls will be held November 14th. Polls open at 9am and close at 9pm.

YOUTH UPRISING
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths guest stars Utena, Tina, and Futaba on the topic of imPort youth engagement. The Count prompts discussion by asking his young guests how they think youth can get involved in issues of concern.

Futaba's contribution is marked by a "I'll try not to get too technical". She focuses on how young people should seek out opportunities to get involved in internships, or volunteer with their local campaigns--as well as participating in open forums like town halls. This isn't usually her deal, but someone has obviously talked her into a bit of an excited frenzy. She highlights how governments and people in power can encourage them not to get involved by presenting logical fallacies that play into their hands. Her point is that involvement starts with being educated on what exactly is going on and what rights they have to participate in the government. She ends on the note that imPorts are lacking in equal representation, and that while they have some rights there may still be some they have to argue and fight for--and they can't rely on the adults to do all the work.

This is far from Tina’s area of expertise, but she tries anyway. She feels like involvement is important, but it’s also important to not bite off more than you can chew, and to start small if you’re unsure. Getting to know the Ambassador of her town, Maurtia Falls, helped, and doing whatever she could to help after the damage done by the clone plot- in her case, by cooking meals for cleanup volunteers- helped her feel like she was contributing to society. Tina feels like imPort youth involvement doesn’t have to be huge in scale. Helping a friend or housemate can be valuable in its own way, especially if your powers don’t lend themselves to doing heroics.

Utena mostly agrees with the other girls, but she also mentions something another friend brought up: making connections with the natives. "Native or imPort, we’re all in this together, and it’s important to show the public that we’re people, too," she says.

With that lovely quote, the Count closes the episode by thanking his guests and encouraging concerned listeners to take action by organizing, speaking out in the media or Network, and lobbying their elected imPort Ambassadors.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FALU to OPTIMISM PRIME.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 10TH, 2017
Slight tension as the October month unfurls: weird, monstrous rumors flicker between whispering mouths, sight unseemly have been exposed to public streets. all just as the leaves up north begin to crisp and curl. Corpses have been left for public display -- and panic over a new serial killer is beginning to run thick.

MONSTER MASH
As seen in Maurtia Falls newspapers, heard on local radio, seen on TV:
TERROR IN THE MAURTIA FALLS TUNNELS! ARE THERE MONSTERS LIVING BENEATH OUR FEET?

Just this weekend a group of telecoms workers installing cables in Maurtia Falls' abandoned Blue Subway Line emerged terrified from an access shaft. The workers claimed that they had been attacked by some kind of monstrous creature.

Shift leader Chaz R Tharkelacky III says: 'It came at us out of the dark, HUGE claws, massive teeth, I've never seen anything like it! Me and the lads just dropped our stuff and ran, we ain't going back down there no matter what nobody says. We barely escaped with our lives!'

City officials are sceptical, believing that the men are trying to claim hazard money on top of their pay.

Maurtia Falls Subway system manager Eric Grubelfart says: 'We've had this kind of thing before, it's nearly Halloween, this is probably just some kids in costume who snuck into the tunnels somehow and scared the heck out of these guys. The only monsters in our subway system are our ticket collectors if you haven't paid your fare, get me?'

Work in the Blue Line tunnels has been suspended for now however, until the claims can be properly investigated.

IN BRUTAL FASHION
As seen on national news, widely distributed publication, public radio:
Terror's afoot! When October rang in by way of a desecrated corpse left on display outside of Nonah, officials were hopeful this was a sick, singular instance. Unfortunately, this is not the case! Horror has struck again, seven miles outside of De Chima this time. Another young woman has been found, half-clothed and severed at the waist, left on display. Curiously, there is some variation: this poor soul has scarcely a drop of blood to be found within her. Authorities are working on identifying the victim and have announced the clear potential for a serial killer to be on the loose and at the ready to create a third of these macabre displays for his collection. Young women have been advised to walk in pairs and stay inside past sundown whenever possible until this threat is captured or moves along.

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY BROTHERS
As seen on local ads:
THE COLBALT COLEOPTERA! BLONDE, CIGARETTE CIA GUY! SEXY BIBLICAL ANTAGONIST! ECCENTRIC MAD SCIENTIST/MECHANIC! ANGRY ONLINE TEEN CYBORG DISC JOCKEY!

The Halloween season is here! Time to get your trademark averse and totally legal I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-ImPorted outfit right now!

RATCATCHER MUSIC MAN! KNOW-NOTHING COLD LORD! ICE SKATING CAT PRINCE! NUT-EATER SUPERHEROING LADY! EIGHT-LEGGED RINGO STARR!

Hurry, before they're all sold out! We have over 300 different kinds of empowering costumes! Can't get cheaper than this, folks.

JINGLE HELLS
As heard in shopping conglomerate stores:
With Halloween costumes already on sale, you can bet your candy(cane) tush that the Christmas season is already rearing up in Y'ALL-MART. So this handy dandy jingle might be ringing in the holiday spirit as you stroll down the waxy bright aisles of infinite consumerism:

DOOKU GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER
WALTZING OUT FROM NONAH OR SOME PLACE
YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS KARMA
BUT I JUST SAW A HOOF PRINT ON HIS FACE!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BROWNIE POINTS to FALU. Keep vigilant, imPorts.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2017
ImPort chic is on the rise in the streets thanks to the looks that catwalked out of the Lounge from the recent Swearing-In. The house of STORMBORN X MARQ has become synonymous with otherworldly, powerful fashion (along with an edge on female empowerment). In the more specific streets of De Chima, this eerie poster sign has been plastered on every other streetlight and mail box. Weird.

A-LISTERS
As seen on Bwitter, imPort gossip blogs, and The Daily Snail:
Posters accusing imPorts of attacking government policies appeared around the Porter cities this weekend and were quickly condemned by city authorities.

Pasted overnight by mystery activists, over 200 posters featured the photographs of several named imPorts with the slogan: Where's your justice?

This is believed to be a reference to the Five-Point Petition which the outspoken Count Dooku circulated in protest against the government one month ago. Sources report that the posters name Hans Gruber, Persephone, Utena Tenjou, Yusuke Kitagawa, Daisy Johnson and Count Dooku himself in particular, as well as local supporters, all of whom have voiced criticism of the government.

Now it has been learned that further posters featuring imPorts might be on their way. A local witness could not help but speculate that, "There could be more? I mean, I swear all these names spell Rincewind through the middle like a wordsearch or something."

COUNT ON HIM
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths guest stars Archie and Yusuke being interviewed on imPort safety. Dooku asks his guests how they felt during the recent wave of vandalism and threats imPorts faced in August.

Archie's contribution is prefaced with a very strong "Fuck, bro," mostly to annoy the good Count. He tells about how his rabbits were stolen - adding that if the people responsible are listening, he's gonna kick the shit out of them. (Dooku meaningfully clears his throat here to slow Archie’s roll.) Derailed, Archie moves onto the Forgiveness Ceremony - commenting that it was a nice idea but he's not sure it's a long term solution. His general stance isn't optimistic, but he understands that both sides are complex and it's not as simple as discussing it on one talk show. He doesn't think talking is the way forward; it's action and it always has been. Does this mean he thinks the segment on the show right this moment is pointless?

Yes. Yes he does.

Yusuke begins by explaining that his mural in Nonah, kindly supported by Ambassador Vorkosigan, was vandalized by natives that ostensibly disagree with the message that imPorts are simply people just like they are, doing their best to live the lives of unearned power and fame they didn’t ask for. Rather than be discouraged, he says that it has only strengthened his resolve to spread that message, one that shouldn’t be radical at all, but in the current climate, seems to be. The best revenge is not petty violence like Archie suggests, it is to remain strong despite any threat, as they always do. ImPorts as a whole never will, and should not aim to, please everyone.

The Count closes the episode by thanking his guests and encouraging concerned listeners to take action by organizing, speaking out in the media or Network, and lobbying their elected imPort Ambassadors. He also suggests his listeners stay alert for the opening of the Endeavour Centre in Maurtia Falls, a new community youth initiative from Ambassador Petyr Baelish.

DISCO NEVER DIED
As seen on Welp.com and Nonah newspapers:
Many local businesses in Nonah were hit by clone Mick Rory's arson spree, and the rash of copycat arsonists that followed. Not all these businesses have been able to reopen. But, this October, one Nonah staple is coming back, new and improved and more fabulous than ever before! That's right, folks, Disco Dan's House Of Moves is back, offering fifty percent off on your first five lessons if you sign up before October 7th! And to celebrate their grand reopening, imPort celebrity and Disco Dan's alum Lando Calrissian will be hosting a two-night extravaganza October 6th and 7th. It's a dance marathon, folks, with fifty percent off the proceeds going to help fund the rebuilding of other Nonah businesses affected by the fires. So dust off your dancing shoes, it's time for disco fever!

ARCHANGEL ON YOUR SHOULDER
As seen on imPort-centric news sites and the Maurtia Falls local papers:
A fresh outburst of gang violence rocked Maurtia Falls last week, as five imPorts were ambushed in what authorities are calling 'a well-planned plot for revenge.' Jacob Taylor, Manabu Yuuki, Motoko Kusanagi, Kanaya Maryam, and Sabriel are all former members of the disbanded vigilante team 'Archangel' which launched a renegade campaign against local organized crime two years ago. It seems some people have grudges with long memories, as a gang calling themselves the 'Archdemons' lured the imPorts to a building rigged with power nullifiers before launching an attack from all sides.

A swift response by local police and nearby imPort heroes brought an end to the violence, but not before casualties on both sides. Cyber-hero Motoko Kusanagi was disarmed by a metahuman super-criminal, in the sense that she literally lost an arm. The leader of the Archdemons, metahuman Kyran Rand AKA 'Asmodeus', was killed in the fighting by police trainee Manabu Yuuki. Manabu has been placed on probation pending a review of his actions on this fateful night. At least twenty gang members are also reported to be in custody, many of them with injuries of their own.

No statement to the media has yet been given by any of the former Archangel members involved. It remains to be seen whether this is an isolated incident, or the beginning of a new escalation in crime and anti-imPort violence in Maurtia Falls.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from EBURNEAN to BROWNIE POINTS, because imPorts have been so well-behaved. Even Count Dooku, and you know his deal.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2017
Acts of forgiveness has softened the imPort image -- in no small part because of the recent spats of violence and aggression directed against imPorts. But many are looking towards the future; excitement is beginning to ripple over the next Swearing-In. Rumor has it none other than Daenerys Targaryen is heading the event.

UNDER THE WEATHER
As seen on local Heropan television:
Newcomer imPort Eddison Tollett made his first sensation on the internet, right on his first day on the job at De Chima Channel Six News! His position as a weatherman led to some very interesting forecasts, while wearing some very heavy winter black clothing.

Some choice moments:

"Early morning you will get fog here. Congratulations on not seeing anything, I guess."

"This coming Sunday there will be rain. Then why bother calling it Sunday, are you trying to make things worst?"

And the ever controversial:

"Monday comes the chance of rain. All the gods like to piss on us all."

And piss they did.

KEN U D33G IT
As seen in celebrity gossip blogs and TMI Magazine:
Love is brewing: boss and employee - secret romance?

To everyone's surprise, imPort Ken Kaneki, known ghoul and coffee shop owner, was seen together with one of his employees, D33. Although little is known about the mysterious D33, the idea of a boss-employee relationship (as well as an inter-species relationship) has raised many eyebrows, and fans seem to be both quite amazed and surprised by the idea!

The two were seen at the cinema together viewing the hit movie, "Dusk", which many fans claim to be a sign of its own considering that the movie tells the tale of a forbidden and heated romance between a Vampire and a Human.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen them holding hands!" 16-year-old Vanessa Rogers says enthusiastically on a video uploaded to BlueTube under her account. Many photographs of Kaneki and D33 have been uploaded to the "Kennibals" website reporting this whole event, and they show the two exiting the theater once the movie was over and heading to the beach together.

Fans guarantee romance is in the air and late summer love will prevail!

[ Many pictures of Kaneki and D33 at the movies (while watching Twilight Dusk) and at the beach follow. ]

NAY, WE ARE BUTT MEN
As seen on television, in De Chima newspapers, Bwitter, and on Rumblr:
A larger than life homage to Ambassador Sam Merlotte’s derrière became a social media sensation overnight after it appeared outside of Merlotte’s under mysterious circumstances. The bronze statue, which immortalized the Ambassador’s naked bottom in stunning detail, has since been removed, but not before photos of locals paying tribute to the artwork went viral on bwitter under #ambASSador. Doctored pictures of the statue touring the world and even traveling through time and space have continued to surface long after the original work vanished, fueling wild speculation about its fate.

Will the statue return once its pilgrimage is complete? Only time will tell.

CARTOON NETWERK
As seen on Bwitter:
Rumor has it that a new animated show starring the uncanny likenesses of imPorts will be airing this fall. An alleged cast list has been leaked with the following names:
Don Smurfy
Sad Weeney
Mina Squelcher
Hinders
Juice Dane
Ron Soot
Sandy Bark
Tio Mando
Thrice
Red Ivy
Kaan Cannibal
Ripe Hide

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FULVOUS to EBURNEAN, because all is well if you squint.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

REMINDER: please use the designated text box when writing our your submissions.
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[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2017
Congress has yet to return from its August recess, but singular interviews indicate that they have heard the woes of their native constituents regarding imPort conflict. There are talks that some action might come of this. But maybe it's all talk? Then again... A lot of natives are questioning why the government allowed for a Swear-Out, especially apparent on Bwitter. The government released a brief memo to the press stating that imPorts have equal rights, to include the right of assembly, but some members of society still seem unconvinced. Limited public pressure might be coming down on Congress and, in turn, specifically Senator Mitchell Hundred.

ARMED TO THE NINES (MINUS ONE)
As seen on Sorbes Business Magazine, De Chima news outlets:
An investigation is underway in De Chima after reports that break-ins at Crake & Orix Tech and Anoxia INC have resulted in the theft of several prototypes and patents the companies were working on. Police are tight-lipped about details, but they have revealed that the perpetrators are currently at large and it's not believed imPorts are involved. It's unclear at this time if these two thefts were linked or coincidental. Businesses in De Chima are advised to review their security in case the thefts continue.

MACA-CRONI
As seen in local Maurtia Falls news and imPort-centric online forums:
Once more into the breach! Infamous street artist bElish has struck again! This time with a fifteen foot mural unveiled in the center of the Maurtia Falls financial district. Macaroni on canvas depicting the beloved Petyr Baelish's face, wearing a disgruntled expression. Because the businesses of the financial district indeed have CCTV in relevant areas, and because this work of guerrilla art seemed to appear out of nowhere, speculation has renewed over bElish's identity. Are they Metahuman? ImPort? Government? A prototype clone??

HEART KAPOW CASH COW
As seen on gamer news blogs and financial publications:
There has been an ungodly amount of chatter over the NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED dating sim game of all time HEART KAPOW WOW, and the usual film industry giants are already salivating over the chance to buy the rights to screen depicting this whimsical (and sometimes dark) app game. The problem? NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE CREATOR IS! Literally, a mystery! Attempts to dox the creator's identity by corporate and individual hackers alike have failed. Multiversal Pictures has put out an open call for the creator to being talking intellectual rights and purchase negotiations.

FIGHT FOR YOUR MIGHT TO PARTY
As seen on Bwitter, BlueTube, and Rumblr via the livestream content, and discussed on Maurtia Falls Tonight, as well as late night news:
This month, imPorts participated in televised charity matches as part of the government Swear-In event. These matches, dubbed Might Club, were intended as a friendly sparring event between imPorts and livestreamed for all those fans who wanted to see their favorite heroes duke it out. However, one fight in particular crossed into sheer brutality not appropriate for young viewers -- or anyone really.

The imPorts, identified as Dio Brando and Jotaro Kujo, got into what could only be described as a brawl to the death in front of the cameras after being matched up to each other. In one brutal moment of their clash, Jotaro Kujo and what could only be described as "a buff purple man" tore off Dio's arm straight off the joint! Dio Brando responded by ripping his claws at the man's face, damaging his left eye to the point of bleed-out, alongside "a buff yellow man." Better names to define these colorful fighters who assisted Jotaro and Dio respectively are still being debated!

Both men kept fighting until Jotaro Kujo collapsed from his injuries, unwilling to tap out or stop fighting until the breaking point. Dio Brando reattached his arm, coming out the clear winner of the brawl, and walked out victorious. He was quickly approached for comments by reporters on the scene about the brutality of the brawl. With a good natured laugh he explained that the two of them have a long-time rivalry, neither willing to back down, but that there was no intention of having it go so far. Ultimately the blame is on Jotaro Kujo for not tapping out when he was clearly losing.

Jotaro Kujo required immediate medical attention following the fight and was taken overnight to the hospital following the conclusion of the brawl. However he discharged himself in the morning, insisting to doctors he was better (despite needing a cane to walk and sporting an eyepatch.) When reached out for comments, he refused and threatened violence against any reporters who tried to bother him. Considering what was witnessed, it should be believed he means it.

Fan communities have now begun to dub the match "imPort Death Brawl: For Charity Edition" and eagerly await the next confrontation these two will have! Needless to say there is some bad blood between them that social media is already speculating on (and writing what can only be described as "hatefic" between them.)

LEPRECHAUN OR LEPRE-CON?
As seen originating on Bwitter, then watched on local Heropan news and TMI Tongiht:
A recent string of news incidents in Heropa, Florida have recently been connected to recent imPort arrival Mad Sweeney. Across social media, eagle-eyed imPort fans have compiled and circulated a likely list of reported events.
  • Florida man discovered sleeping in trunk of Catholic minister's car
  • Florida man challenged pizza delivery boy to fight when refused to provide change for antiquated gold coins
  • Florida man seen being chased by wild dogs through public cemetery
  • Wedding in disarray when unknown Florida man invited himself to public reception to eat cake
  • Drunk and disorderly Florida man removed from zoo for shouting obscenities at flamingos
  • Mad Sweeney could be reached for comment, but the amount of expletives within said comment cannot be circulated in reputable news outlets.

    SWEAR JAR
    As seen on national news stations, Maurtia Falls local news, major newspapers and their corresponding news content websites:
    This month's government-provided pro-Registration Swear-In for the imPort community faced a rival gathering in the form of an imPort-organized Swear-Out rally, which encouraged the Unsettled path while protesting government policies toward imPorts. This level of imPort protest is unprecedented, and while both proceeded largely peacefully (a relief to many attendees, who recalled attacks and disasters at previous Swear-Ins) there were noted tensions and arguments on the border between the two parties.

    Numerous imPorts, Metahumans, and ordinary natives were spotted at both events, including local heroes at the Swear-In and imPort fans at the Swear-Out. Businesses advertising at the Swear-In report a boost in interest in their wares, while the Might Club televised sparring matches garnered an impressive audience for friendly displays of imPort power while raising significant sums for charity. At the Swear-Out, the remarkable catering of Ken Kaneki and Raina caused a stir among attendees, although some complained about the presence of human blood on the menu and some of the more dramatic effects of Raina's genetically-brewed teas. Many of the ordinary citizens at the Swear-Out seemed to be less interested in politics than the chance for a free concert by the divine imPort performers Persephone and Inanna, who provided entertainment at the event.

    The Swear-Out's Five-Point Petition has been submitted to the authorities and released to the media, expressing the concerns of dissatisfied imPorts. The petition calls for reform in the issues of Porter research, Registration, imPort justice, nanite injections, and imPort weaponization. Thirteen imPorts signed the document: Count Dooku, Tohru Adachi, Daryl Dixon, Yusuke Kitagawa, Futaba Sakura, Grievous, Utena Tenjou, Maeve Millay, Kaneki Ken, Cad Bane, Munehisa Iwai, Shinigami, and Haen Hithiel.

    It should be noted that Shinigami witheld support for the petition's demand for Porter access, and that Daryl Dixon stated "Got no real problem with how Registration is done, but think the city-to-city porter system opened up to anyone's use so long as they aren't a known murderer or the like. UnRegistered don't mean they should have to go through hoops just to visit a friend."

    ImPort entertainer and political figure Count Dooku was the principal organizer of the Swear-Out rally, and proclaimed it a 'grand success' when speaking to reporters. "Today, we have sent a clear message to the world that imPorts and their friends want change," he stated. "I offer my deepest gratitude to all who attended and supported this important event. It could not have taken place without the help of many who contributed."

    Utena Tenjou was seen attending the Swear-Out and signing the petition. When approached for comment, she fumbled for words, seemingly unused to speaking to the media, before saying: "Look, most of the people I've met here have been nice, but - there's people here who don't really see us as people, you know? They see us as weapons or things or... or guinea pigs. We're more than that, and we aren't going to let them push us around."

    While initially declining to comment, after signing the Swear Out petition, Tohru Adachi had this to say: "I'm here for the native population; it's why I decided to be a private investigator. But people are getting pulled in and out of here against their will. Many of us imPorts don't want to stay here, but we have no choice but to accept it, and accept government surveillance. It's oppressive, and we should have the right to choose if we're the ones being dragged out of our normal lives."

    ImPort Daryl Dixon was seen in attendance at both events. When asked his thoughts on the protest, he showed some support for it, saying, "Think we should get a choice in the whole nanite thing. Don't know if anyone high enough up'll listen, but ain't nothin' wrong with raising some voices and tryin'." Daryl is still a Registered imPort, however, and when asked if he'd be giving up his registration said he saw no reason to.

    When asked her thoughts about the Swear-Out, Kanaya Maryam gave reporters a very flat look before responding. "Are we really doing this nonsense? I thought we'd grown past this level of fearmongering when Kate Bishop graciously [ported out]. Their sense of timing couldn't possibly be worse." Ms. Maryam's comments were edited to remove expletives before publication.

    Haen Hithiel was in attendance at both events, and when asked for a comment regarding the petition/protest responded that "ImPorts have had many choices taken from them by being brought here without their consent, being injected with nanites, and being under surveillance and restrictions. I think it would go a long way if the government took steps to give us back what choices they can... it would help make us feel more like we have a legitimate place in this world, rather than feeling like distrusted intruders."

    Asked about his thoughts on the Swear-Out, registered imPort Han Solo laughed in the reporter's face and told them, "I'm not here for a revolution, I'm just here for their food. Go ask somebody who cares about this." There are also reports that, under the influence of one of the teas on offer at the Swear-Out, he later ended up challenging multiple people to a race before someone took him up on the offer, resulting in Solo being arrested for disturbing the peace.

    (Poe Dameron was the one who took him up on the race, and had perfect hair the whole time.)

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from WENGE to FULVOUS.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒉)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2017
    Native sentiment centralized in the east coast has been growing for a governmental response to the recent imPort-centric chaos. The government, ever protective of imPorts, has been reluctant to set down any new regulations -- but constituents have been calling their congresspeople.

    HE KANGED, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
    As seen on BlueTube (via cellphone footage), Bwitter, Rumblr, and Heropean local news:
    Some of the clone mayhem has been put to a stop in an explosive manner, thanks to the draconian imPort Kang. The amateur footage shows him cornering his own clone in an alley several blocks from a restaurant favored by locals. Kang is heard shouting for others to back away before shooting energy darts out of his hand, killing the double troublemaker on the spot. The body then reduces to bones and explodes as if they were made of dynamite, much to the surprise of the onlookers. No others were hurt, and there was minimal damage to nearby property.

    According to Kang, before the video ends, this is completely normal for his race.

    There had been reports of this clone starting fights in several bars and espousing imPort and non-human superiority. He has also been linked to three local deaths. No official statements have been made by the police as of yet.

    AIN'T NO SNOWFLAKE
    As seen in national newspapers and De Chima televised channels:
    A new shelter is being opened by former ambassador candidate Jon Snow. While De Chima has a number of shelters in use, Lord Snow has promised that his will not only be located outside of the city, but will provide housing not only for the homeless, but for the imPorts currently without support and between jobs. He's stated in recent interviews that the shelter will provide assistance in finding more permanent housing and jobs, as well as teaching the residents of the shelter valuable tools to help them in various careers. Donations and supplies are requested, delivered to Snow's office between the hours of 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

    "We are in this together," Snow has told reporters. "We need to band together, all of us. It's the only way our city will thrive."

    ABSOLUTELY SIMFUL
    As seen on BlueTube play-by videos, local Heropa news, Rumblr, and in internet ads:
    There's a new mobile app that has been causing something of a stir amongst natives. Launched just this week, HEART KAPOW WOW is an app that enables natives to embrace the ImPort experience... via dating sim. The game is available to anyone interested for a small fee, but the most interesting thing is that some of the dating options might seem a little familiar. Players have the option to go with a number of dating routes, and live either a heroic or villainous life. More information on the game and uncanny dating options is available here!

    SELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
    As seen in entertainment magazines and the official TMI blogosphere:
    Reality stars Noah Czerny (of "True Afterlife") and Ronan Lynch (one half of the duo from ETV's "fuckups & tryhards") have taken to BlueTube in a series of videos depicting the boys performing tricks and stunts with novelty toys in the shape of male genitalia. As of this report, the videos have over one million views. Whether the viral performance is a spontaneous act by the boys or a calculated move on the part of UCCY INC Network in an attempt to merge its popular teen imPort franchises remains a point of debate on entertainment news sites and forums. Both boys, who are roommates and make cameo appearances on their respective programs, have a large following on Imstagram and recently toured London as guests of the British government in celebration of a new trade deal between the US and UK.

    THELMA AND OH GEEZ
    As seen on Rumblr discourse, in Bwitter threads, and watched on on TMI Tonight:
    SPOTTED: Daenerys Targaryen giving a statement to police called to the site of her recent fender-bender. Her passenger at the time of the accident was friend and sometime collaborator Gwen Wynne-York, to whom she was overheard remarking, "I think we won that".

    Ms Wynne-York could not be reached for comment but was reportedly struggling to contain her laughter.

    Ms Targaryen is rumored to have settled with the other party.

    ROW ROW ROW AND BOATS
    As seen on imPort Message boards, Community Interest News Stories, Boating Enthusiasts Newsletters:
    A heated argument has broken out among Boater Enthusiasts the last few weeks. It's not quite an all out battle, but races have been tossed around as a possibility. The Prize? Having imPort Riptide sign off as the mascot of whichever club wins! So far no word has come from Riptide himself as to which club he supports, but Heropa's two largest clubs, Pier Pressure and Schooner or Laker have been making some waves. Only time will tell if the riptides will turn in their favor, or if they'll be washed out to sea.

    BAEB IN PLOYLAND?
    As seen on all Maurtia Falls news channels:
    On July 21st, imPort ambassador Petyr Baelish officially announced he would be running for mayor in an interview with the Maurtia Falls Times. The signs had been there for quite a while what with him running regular town hall meetings and drumming up support in the education and business communities, but up until now he had been rather coy when asked about his ambitions. When prompted about whether this would mean he would step down from his ambassadorial position, Baelish responded he had no plans to step down unless he secures the office and he believes he would be fully capable of devoting his time to his fellow imPorts as well as running his campaign.

    Current mayor Tony Cardelli seemed unconcerned about Baelish's announcement. "While I can greatly appreciate the works Ambassador Baelish has put into place during the time he's served this city, I think the people of Maurtia Falls will know better than to appoint an imPort in the role of mayor. And that's nothing against his capabilities, but quite simply being an imPort always runs a risk of them spontaneously vanishing or otherwise leaving the city at risk. Look at what happened to our city just this past week because of imPorts. And I could go on record naming numerous times imPorts have been the cause of our city's problems. Because of this, I am confident I will be reelected for a second term." Cardelli told Channel 7 News in a press conference after the clone catastrophe.

    Even so, many cars have been spotted around the city with a single mockingbird bumper sticker in solidarity with Petyr Baelish, his town hall meetings have been seeing a dramatic increase of foot traffic, and whether it's the work of the famed guerrilla artist or copycats -- the message "embElish maurtia falls" has been cropping up in gold spray paint all across the city. It's clear that Ambassador Baelish has drummed up quite a bit of support quicker than anyone realized, and it seems as though Cardelli will be forced to take his campaign seriously.

    On August 18th at 7:00pm, Mayor Cardelli and Mayor-Hopeful Baelish will be going head to head in their first town hall debate. The citizens of Maurtia Falls are encouraged to come ask questions or air out their grievances.

    POKEDISASTER
    As seen on BlueTube, Rumblr:
    What appears to be the imPorts Blue and Archie, seen here, having a battle of pocket monsters in the middle of London. IN CONSEQUENCE of this intense one-on-one, a large, poisonous sludge-strewn crater was left in their wake. Disaster!

    Dragged off by their respective Pokémon, these brawling trainers might have gotten away with it anonymous -- but imPort Niko recorded it and uploaded it onto BlueTube page. What!

    TIME TO MANABU UP
    As seen in Nonah local papers:
    Seen as a kind of goodwill effort by some (or tasteless infiltration by others), imPort Manabu was interviewed by local journalist Jacknard Pulley regarding his induction into the North Carolina Nonah Division Police Academy. Manabu has stated that, to quote, "he's hoping his actions will speak for themselves; he wants to help everyone, imPort and local alike".

    The article itself was published in multiple papers, as Pulley is a freelance journalist. A feel-good piece that has been criticized as imPort propaganda by anonymous users on Bwitter has nevertheless found some support within the Nonah community.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from COQUELICOT to WENGE.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒌)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JULY 20TH, 2017
    ImPort versus imPort! Instances of death and violence have been reported, to the great mourning of some fans. De Chima welcomes a new Ambassador.

    ANGEL OF REPOSE
    As seen in Major News Websites: Human Interests Stories; imPort Speculation Boards:
    As previously reported, on Mother's Day this year, a combined total of $2000 was donated to the Women's Shelters of the four imPort Cities. Last month, the donation came again. This month, it's been confirmed that a third donation of $500 to each of the Major Shelter networks in each of the four cities. This, combined with the return of another six children across the last two months, has cemented the idea that The Angel is here to stay and we couldn't be happier for it!

    In related news, reports of Angel sightings have increased since the middle of last month. They've become more and more consistent in description and it's difficult to say if that's because The Angel has actually been seen or if people are merely jumping on the bandwagon in an attempt to claim a little fame for themselves. Previous 'sightings' have largely been dismissed, as descriptions from those he's helped have never been consistent beyond him being a man, sometimes flying them out of danger, and protecting them. However, more people are coming forward as witnesses to the aftermath of an Angel rescue. Many saying they've seen a person with colorful wings made of blue and orange light, but otherwise dressed in black, flying near or away from areas that are later reported to have been investigated by the Police after an Angel folder was left with a now-rescued victim.

    Could the The Angel be officially joining the lines of costumed crime-fighters? We wouldn't be upset by that in the least!

    THE JOY FUCK CLUB
    As seen on local television channels and BlueTube via cellphone footage:
    More imPort related mayhem this week as pop idol and Sumerian love goddess Inanna decided to take their beefs off the Network and into the pit. Their rash rampage of retribution tore thought Miami, Heropa, and even into downtown Nonah until it was brought to a bloody end by frequent gal pal Persephone.

    With duplicates of several high profile imPorts allegedly causing their own brand of mischief, rumors have swirled as to what triggered the attack, or even if the attacker was indeed Inanna.

    Representatives of Persephone declined to offer a statement, and she has not appeared publicly or on social media since the incident.

    Failed DJ, Woden, who claims to know the goddess from his own world, was less reticent. "You know, even the best of us can snap. They came asking about things back home, so... I guess I'm not exactly the worst of us anymore. What a good feeling," the reporter noted, however, that immediately after, the god was caught trying to install a spy camera nearby.

    OLD MAN AND THE SCREE
    As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs. Debate in related comment sections is somewhat fiercer this month, due to clone and imPort chaos, and some sites are no longer willing to share Dooku’s critical words:
    This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features the Count speaking solo without any guest stars for once, as he holds forth on recent events.

    Dooku begins by congratulating new Ambassador Sam Merlotte on his election victory in De Chima. He also deplores the recent violence in the Porter cities while wishing for peace. Yet the Count soon turns to the offensive, claiming that a “vast and ruthless conspiracy” is clearly behind the chaos and is seeking to frame imPorts for pointless crimes. He condemns the anti-imPort protesters who attacked the July Swearing-In, and demands to know why local police failed to protect the event. He also questions why the government has been ineffective at providing security for its own citizens without imPort support. “This hatred and fear against us cannot be tolerated,” he intones in his deep voice. “ImPorts defend and heal the people of this nation, despite being abducted, spied upon, and targeted. We deserve far better.”

    Dooku closes this episode as he always does, by encouraging concerned listeners to take action on these issues by speaking to their elected imPort Ambassadors. Yet this month, he also invites listeners to attend a SWEAR-OUT rally at next month’s Swearing-In ceremony, especially calling for imPorts and metahumans to add their support to the demonstration he is organizing. The Swear-Out will encourage new imPorts to be Unsettled just as the Swear-In calls for them to Register, and will offer a platform for all kinds of peaceful dissent. Free food and entertainment will be provided for all attendees. “If you have any grievances with the current state of affairs, come and voice them freely and without fear,” he says. “Together, our voices will be heard, and we will help create the change that is so deeply needed.”

    A FAREWELL TO ALMS
    As seen in local Nonah news:
    Throughout the city of Nonah, little clay statues have been appearing in random places. They seem to take the image of the late Inanna, and each one is inscribed with the words "You feel my scars."

    THE PORTRAIT OF A FARTIST AS A YOUNG MEME
    As seen in De Chima tabloids, InstaSLAM, and Rumblr:
    The imPort Riptide, renowned Meme King, has inspired a new trend simply by his existence. It's what kids ages 14 to 22 seem to be doing all the time now, they call it R.I.Ptiding. They're taking photographs of themselves posing like the Meme King himself -- next to gravestones. Of DEAD PEOPLE.

    "It's very disturbing," said local fifty-nine year old man. "I don't like it. I don't like how things are different. Whatever happened to planking?"

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FELDGRAU to COQUELICOT.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒉)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JULY 10TH, 2017
    Chaos in the streets! Candidates in the bweets! This past week has been a maelstrom of bizarre miracles, rebellion, and political scrutiny.

    VEE FOR VENDETTA
    As seen in tabloids and the TMI blog, with very blurry photos:
    The mysterious Vee, who has a passing resemblance to Veronica Sawyer, has been caught vandalizing buildings nightly. Teenage rebellion, some call it. Her signature seems to be complete with lyrics like "it's only teenage wasteland" and slogans like "fuck the police", all tagged with a V. Suspect is accused of wearing bright eighties outfits and a bandana to cover her identity and protect her nose from the fumes. She carries a croquet mallet and is considered armed.

    Ms. Sawyer herself claims innocence. Leaked Heropan Police Department reports seem to support her numerous alibis.

    A SIGHT FOR STARK EYES
    As seen on literally every important talk show, day and night:
    Spectators were shocked on the talk show "The Sight" this week, when an interview with CEO Tony Stark seemed to take on a life of its own. Stark was promoting a new line of antivirus software when they took a commercial break -- his segment seemingly done. When they returned, however, Stark asked for more time, to talk about, of all things, the legacy left by the Metahumans and the "4" app he'd been responsible for previously.

    While it's common knowledge that Stark had not been himself at the time, his reticence on the subject had led many to believe that the CEO was uncomfortable with the legacy he'd left. But during the interview, he had nothing but positive things to say about it -- mostly the design of the virus, and how it allowed people to find an even playing field with the import community.

    When asked if he would do it again, Stark just smiled, and responded with: "You never know."

    NECROFANCY
    As seen on Bwitter, Rumblr, the major social media sites, local news:
    Many recently deceased individuals in De Chima are now... far less dead! RISE's Commander Sabriel has claimed responsibility in several interviews with local news, citing her actions as proof of the amazing power and benevolence of imPorts, and further proof of the need for RISE, since native authorities are unfit and unworthy of passing judgement on imPorts.

    As for all the recently resurrected? Well, they lack vital signs, don't seem to heal, and are burned by sunlight and refuse to cross running water or any large body of water in general, but almost all of them seem happy to be 'alive' again when interviewed. Now, people from nearby towns and cities have started bringing their loved ones bodies to De Chima in the hope Sabriel will bring them back.

    SKATERS TO THE LEFT
    As seen in BlueTube, Bwitter, various trashy celebrity gossip tabloids:
    Of all the imPort run panels at this year's FanPort, none have caused as much controversy as the skating panel run by imPort figure skaters Viktor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, and newcomer Otabek Altin. While fans were delighted to have their questions answered directly by the trio, it quickly became obvious that Nikiforov was uncharacteristically subdued. One panel attendee commented "It's like he wasn't even there!" Plisetsky appeared to have taken charge, answering any questions directed at his older rinkmate, but the teen also seemed to be struggling throughout the panel. Fans report he appeared sluggish, a fact particularly evident when it came time for the exhibition portion of their panel. Plisetsky, known for his superbly polished choreography, performed a piece that many felt was rushed and sloppy. Some fans speculate that the teen must not have slept the night before; there are numerous reports that Plisetsky was relying on a steady stream of coffee and espresso just to keep himself going.

    Many suspect this was due to the departure of Nikiforov’s fiance, Yuuri Katsuki, earlier in the month, but events after the Q&A session paint a different story. Fans of the skaters witnessed Tohru Adachi, imPort private investigator and notably close to Nikiforov, violently slapping him across the face. While Nikiforov seemed to come out of his depressive slump after the slap, these events seem to indicate something darker. After the attack Nikiforov participated in the skating portion of the panel, performing a program that figure skating experts say was far too long for any skater to safely perform without any endurance super powers. Powers that, to this reporter's knowledge, Nikforov does not possess.

    Could this have simply been a simple argument between friends? Perhaps, if friends were known to viciously strike each other. More likely, this is a red flag of a possible abusive relationship. After the exhibition, Nikiforov and Adachi were seen kissing in front of a group of fans, an event that, along with the brutal slap, has been captured and displayed on BlueTube. (Short no-audio clips available here and here.) Has Nikiforov fallen into a rebound relationship with a violent SO? It could explain his unwillingness to engage with his fans in the first half of the panel. It was only after Adachi's attack that he appeared to come to life, but was it due to being "snapped out of it", or did he fear a more serious assault? Perhaps this is why young Plisetsky harbors such a deep resentment for the detective. The animosity between the two is well documented, but the source of it has never been determined. Maybe this is the answer fans of Plisetsky have been searching for.

    FLORIDA MAN DOESN'T CLEAN UP OWN MESS
    As seen first as amateur video on BlueTube, then on local Heropan news stations:

    2:20AM, July 7th. Amateur footage shot after the fact:
    Property damage evident from what is SUSPECTED TO BE an imPort-related incident. No one could confidently identify the perpetrator, or perpetrators. Local news stations were on the scene thanks to a called-in tip.

    Witnesses at the scene could not offer more concrete details.

    EBB AND FLOW OF THE RIPTIDE
    As seen on Bwitter and Rumblr:
    When political memes started up around the other candidates, someone pointed out that Riptide had no memes about him. The internet and Riptide's fans rose to the occasion, and now, many memes of him exist and they kind of have a theme.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GAMBOGE to FELDGRAU.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒍)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 20TH, 2017
    The Summer Solstice has arrived! Get out your favorite imPort-themed brews and crack open a cold one -- you might need the relief from that gorgeous sun beaming from above. And remember! If your loved ones are acting strange, please report them to the proper authorities for evaluation.

    A REGULAR FUNSLINGER
    As seen in Maurtia Falls papers and the nightly news:
    Investigators are searching for a man in a cowboy hat who has robbed at least ten banks in Virginia over the last five months, six of which were within De Chima city limits. Some eyewitnesses claim to have seen the robber turn to smoke, fueling speculation that he could be an imPort.

    He’s been described as a 50-60 year old male with blue eyes and a “country” accent -- and he’s not always alone. In at least two incidents, the suspect was accompanied by accomplices with unidentified super powers, and surveillance footage of the most recent robbery shows him leaving the scene on horseback. Although the suspect is said to carry weapons, no serious injuries have been reported.

    Police wouldn’t comment on whether or not they believed similar robberies in other states might be connected.

    Anyone with information about these robberies is asked to contact the De Chima police department.

    ART THAT MAKES YOU THINK
    As seen in The De Chimera, art publications, and Neurology Today!:
    Mere months after the Hellish nightmare warscape that swept America, the culprit Joseph Kavinsky has been caught and rehabilitated, and he is now making his amends. His first donation was to the De Chima Museum of Science, a brain scan and livefeed hologram generator! Up to three participants at a time can utilize headsets to show neurological interactions. Pending further safety testing, the exhibit will open to the public in late June under the title, the John Murphy Exhibit. The show will continue for three months until the devices move on to medical retro-engineering. Mr. Kavinsky credits his inspiration to Dr. Frederick Chilton.

    YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BEER BUT BEER ITSELF
    As seen in local papers, social media, Bwitter MoMents:
    Just in time for Fanport, Blue Man Brewing Co. is back with seven more freshly tapped beers! Check out your favorite imPorts we're honoring this time around:

    Rincewind: Wizzard Brown Ale- English Brown Ale made with pecans. Maybe it's a little nutty, but we guarantee it's magically delicious! Our in-house Wiccan insisted on blessing each barrel, so maybe that did something?

    Kanaya Maryam: Kanaya Marjoram- A classic saison with a twist, brewed with sweet marjoram. Look, it's not the best beer, but we’re standing by the pun.

    Frederick Chilton: Take A Chil-ton Pils- Our classiest creation, this is a German-style pilsner. This is not a chugging beer; it's best served with a good, grilled brat.

    Clara Oswald: Oswild Berry Cider- Blackcurrant and blackberry cider. If you're not totally into beer, this is something as sweet and sassy as it's namesake. Also British.

    Harley Quinn: Barley Quinn- Golden Ale with strawberries. Great for barbecues, summer parties, or chugging before you go and key your ex boyfriend’s car.

    Persephone: The Screamer IPA- A pomegranate infused IPA. Sure it's pink and bitter, but it's also the best thing you've ever heard...uh, tasted!

    Count Dooku: Down for the Count- A dark, thick stout with a high ABV, infused with chili powder. Due to public health concerns, we’re legally required to sell this in single bottles only.

    Get your six pack or full pour from our brewery, now open all week. And don't forget to come see us at our tent at Fanport, where we’ll be raffling off special edition bottles, merchandise, and even a keg of your own choice!

    JUST ALEX JONESIN' YA
    As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
    This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features imPort survivalist celebrity Daryl Dixon and Unsettled (and recently AWOL) goddess superstar Persephone to discuss imPort NANITES. The Count asks his guests whether they think it is fair for imPorts to be injected with machines without their permission, in the name of safety.

    The first part of Daryl’s answer is a simple “It’s bullshit.” He’s of the mind that the nanite injection should be a choice and, potentially, a privilege to be ‘earned’ or ‘lost’ by those it benefits the most: namely, murderers. The supposed goal of making sure all those wrongfully brought to this world by the Porter survive to get sent back sounds noble on the surface, but in practice… Between it and the legal system the government has in place for imPorts, too many asshole imPorts get away with literal murder. Along with the invasiveness of being able to track each of them, somehow monitor their actions enough to know if they’re breaking any laws to get one of those non-registration labels (but not do anything to stop them or alert people who can), giving them an unasked for tattoo that glows, and who knows what other changes they could be making? As he said at the start: “bullshit.”

    Persephone says that’s not even all the levels of bullshit. No duh the government kidnapping and shooting people up while they’re out is sketch as hell. It’s not just tracking, permanently marking, and even resurrection (like everyone even wants that). Why should anyone trust that’s ALL it does?

    Even more than that, it’s a BS patch on The Actual Problem. There’s only imPorts in the first place because the US is messing with power they don’t understand. Basically every story about that ends the same way. Abusing imPort rights now that they’re here doesn’t change that.

    The Count closes the episode by thanking his guests for their participation and encouraging concerned listeners to take action on these issues by organizing and lobbying their elected imPort Ambassadors.

    DID IT HURT WHEN HEAVEN SCENT YOU
    As seen mentioned in imPort-city papers:
    ATTENTION IMPORT VOLUNTEERS! For those of you who had WILLINGLY AND WITTINGLY given your consent for a few samples, we have great news for you! As a deep and sincere thank you, HEAVEN SCENT LLC is sending you one of their CUTTING EDGE clone kits (parts one and two, small dark room for growing period not included). Obtain the desired clone DNA sample and follow the simple instructions -- in two weeks the sample you left quietly alone in a dark room will be your NEW cloned organism! Some rules apply:
    1) only ONE kit per imPort volunteer
    2) only ONE kit can successfully clone ONE organism
    3) HUMAN BEINGS cannot be cloned
    4) IMPORTS cannot be cloned
    5) any attempt to replicate the chemical formulas and the kit's propagated DNA sequencing will render the samples and the trademark chemicals inert. Nothing can be learned from HEAVEN SCENT's technological technique this way.
    6) while there is nothing barring you from reselling the kit, the practice would be highly frowned upon and HEAVEN SCENT would put you in their naughty books.
    7) Please be cognizant of the responsibility inherent to giving life.

    Congratulations, imPort volunteers! Be safe, be with SCIENCE!

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BIKINI SAND to GAMBOGE.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒌)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 10TH, 2017
    It's been a quiet time with one big theme: summertime!
    If you're a fresh-faced imPort, be sure to come by for a relaxing Swear-In. Go have fun, you son of a beach!

    NOT ALL DOGS WEAR CAPES
    As seen on TMI, the Nude Report, Uncensored imPorts, ImPorts IN THE WILD!, and Rumblr:
    Officials who were stumped after a makeshift compound outside Heropa (later uncovered as a dog fighting ring) went up in flames have managed to unearth telling footage from security cameras which weren't burned to a crisp. After reviewing the tapes, they now have enough evidence to put the men involved in the ring away for a long time, and, surprisingly, the identity of the formerly-anonymous saviors who tipped them to the ring's location before its fiery demise. ImPorts Sam Merlotte and Will Graham can be seen in several grainy clips as both dogs and men, including a shot of Graham changing back and robbing one of the ring leaders of his clothes before both imPorts stuffed him into a cage. Other views show the two men sneaking around the compound and freeing the dogs. Curiously, the last clip is of both men's absolutely naked behinds, seen fleeing into the woods just before the compound went up in flames.

    When reached for comment, Mr. Graham mercilessly knocked the camera in his face to the sidewalk, and Mr. Merlotte eventually testily suggested the reporter direct their questions to a nearby lamp post, implying it was equally as likely to offer a quote on the subject.

    GRIN AND BEER IT
    As seen on social media outlets and Nonah newspapers:
    After months of hard work, preparations, and brewing, Blue Man Brewery in Nonah, NC announces its grand opening with a brand new line of beers based on your favorite imPorts! Here are just a few you can expect during their first week of tours and tastings:

    Will Graham
    : Good (Ol) Boy- Our own classic American lager. Light, refreshing, and great to take out for a day of fishing or hunting. Please do not actually share it with your dog.
    Godric: Truly, Blood IPA- A blood orange IPA. He may not drink...beer, but we think Godric would approve of you having a cold glass of our bloody good IPA.
    Theon Greyjoy: Squid?- A porter infused with dried squid that our intern swore would be amazing. So far, it's been described as "not...good?” by brewery employees.
    Daisy Johnson: Crazy Daisy IPA- A very floral IPA, brewed with our very own strain of hops! Don't be fooled, though, this one can knock you on your ass real quick.
    Ronan Lynch: Isn't It Ronan-tic?- Our version of an Irish Stout. Brewed in Virginia whiskey barrels, it's a little dark, a little fun, and a little bit of trouble. Just like it's namesake!
    Jeff Winger: Jeff Zinger- A tequila barrel aged Lime Gose. Sweet and sour with a kick, just like the good lawyer himself. It's like drinking a margarita, but you can chug it! (Don't chug it.)
    Newt Geizler: Kaiju Blue- A Blueberry Wheat Ale. It's crisp, it's refreshing, and you'll turn into a horrifying monster after too many!
    Wanda Maximoff: Scarlet Witch- Our classic Amber Ale. No gimmicks here- this deep red ale might just be the one that saves the day! Currently only available with added red dye 40.

    Every beer has a special label with art of the imPort made for us by fanartists around the world. All beers and ciders will be available on tap and in bottles in Nonah, De Chima, Heropa, and Maurtia Falls starting this month. Get yours today!

    DAFT THUNK
    As seen on Bwitter, from TMI's Bweet Bleed:
    In a sparkling NEW SERIES heralding beneath the reign of celebrity gossip empire TMI, a new kind of polling has taken meme heights with IMPORTS UNMASKED. The christening subject is Woden, as inexplicably seen here, who has a tendency to always hide his face behind a reflective mask. WHY?? Well, we're here to find out!

    Comment with the BASHtag #wodenexposed with any of the following theories:
    1) Only chrome can contain his insecurity
    2) He has kitten ears and is mortally ashamed
    3) He is so beautiful that the world would melt if anyone ever witnessed his visage, so dressing dumbly is his sacrifice for us all
    4) His face is a mash of many faces and this is just easier
    5) It's just part of his look DUH!
    6) Your own theory!

    CALL TO ARMS
    As seen on Rumblr:
    With FANPORT just around the corner, the organizers would like YOU to comment on their RUMBLR BLOG fanportofficial with suggestions of imPort pairings/themes/works to feature during their GALA FILM ROLL, which will be on loop during the ending event. Unleash your hearts' desires!

    YOU MADE THIS bEd
    As seen on fanportofficial updates:
    Bad news, bElish fans! The guerrilla artist and avant garde innovator bElish will not be attending Fanport. Or at least, bElish won't be attending under his bElish persona -- assuming he is a he! Or even just one person! The world may never know.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GODDESS GREEN to BIKINI SAND because there's something in the back of your mind, something granule, something that doesn't quite feel right -- oh, but who cares? You're at the BEACH! No reasons to worry, right?

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒌)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 20TH, 2017
    A few notable ImPorts have been causing little disasters this past week -- nothing quite in "demolition" territory, but little kerfluffles here and there. Is your name involved? One of the few exceptions to the problematic trend is Kanaya Maryam,
    who has had a very good week, all things considered.

    LOCAL MAN RUINS CHILDHOOD
    As seen on Deddit, Rumblr, Bwitter, TMI:
    Last week, the Electropunk Kiddie Clubhouse attendees found their smiles turned to frowns, and then tears, and then terror, as the most recent DJ debuted on stage. In what some are calling a freak accident, and others call "a crime against humanity", music was slaughtered in a way that Don McLean could have never predicted. Roiling smoke was caught on camera erupting from the front doors, before hordes of pint-sized ravers were evicted from the Clubhouse, their heavily make-uped faces stained with tears and their glowing bracelets bright in the light. Though the clouds of smoke, the DJ was barely identified as the imPort Woden, who has made several claims on his prowess as a music "producer", but is apparently an abject failure at producing his own music.

    Reports state that he was also fired on the same day, much to the celebration and cheers of the diminutive dancers who want to rave in peace. If such a thing exists.

    THE NATIONAL SOOKIE AGENCY
    As seen initially on imPortastic, then Bwitter, online discourse, and other celebrity blogs:
    Sookie Stackhouse EXPOSED: see what she has been DOING to you with her telepathy!

    "These records reveal ALL," a source told imPortastic. "Sookie has secrets that even her friends don't know. But if they knew about her reading others – they will have a lot of explaining to do."

    EXCLUSIVE. TITILLATING. INVASIVE.

    I CAN BE YOUR ANGEL OR YOUR IMPORT?
    As seen on every respectable imPort conspiracy message board and major news outlets:
    The Angel returns! In the last two months, 'The Angel' had seemed to go quiet and there was speculation that whoever he was had been sent back home by the Porter in that sad way that many of our favorite heroes leave us. However, on Mother's Day a combined donation totaling $2000 was made to the Women's Shelters of the ImPort Cities. $500 to each of the major Shelter networks was donated anonymously, but signed 'From The Angel'. On the same day, two children who had been missing - one for three months and the other for five - were welcomed home by their parents with the now familiar envelopes containing information for the police on who the children had been found with and where.

    Speculation about who 'The Angel' is has renewed as fans scour the news feeds for familiar returning faces among imPorts arriving this month. A popular new theory among fans is that whomever The Angel is, they're hiding their flight power while dressed as a 'civilian' to throw off identification. If this is the case, then figuring out who left and who's returned in the last two months since the sightings of The Angel came to an abrupt end may be the key to cracking their identity!

    When asked about this, the Maurtia Falls Police Department stated that while they'd certainly like to know who to thank for closing so many missing person's files, they would not be able to comment on any such attempts as there is still an ongoing investigation into the deaths of the eight child traffickers who were found murdered when the police followed up on The Angel's lead in January.

    POWER (BUSINESS) COUPLE
    As seen in fashion magazines, Bwitter, and national news:
    ImPort fashion designer Kanaya Maryam announced a new partnership with chemical developer OsCorp this week, with a spectacular new service at its center, in support of costumed crime-fighters nationwide. The venture offers to outfit and equip clients with everything they need to catch crooks effectively and safely, and while looking as stylish as they come! Attached to the project are Peter Parker, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and Revan, former controversial imPort ambassador to Maurtia Falls. Both are known to be engineering geniuses, likely onboard to provide the equipment side.

    No price points were mentioned in the announcement, and questions about whether they would serve Extremis-powered natives or Unsettled imPorts were not addressed. When asked how she feels comfortable working with OsCorp after her history with its previous president, Maryam released a statement:

    "The only thing Norman Osborn has in common with his grandfather is his name. He is a brave, compassionate man who has done everything in his power to elevate the good standing of OsCorp from the horrid legacy that was left to him, both here and on his source world. It is because of Normie, and heroes like Spider-Man and the Blue Beetle, that I'm where I am today, and I trust him completely. There is no one I would more proudly attach my brand to." In January of last year, Osborn's grandfather, who was also named Norman, was found guilty of kidnapping, human experimentation, and multiple counts of assault and attempted murder after it was proven that the crimes committed by Maryam under the guise of "Hobgoblin" were a result of targeted brainwashing.

    THREE PEAS IN A PODCAST
    As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
    This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths guest-stars imPort opinionator Kanaya Maryam and reformed supervillain Doctor Jonathan Crane to discuss imPort crime and punishment. The main issue is the problem of a justice system that consistently grants imPort offenders light probation sentences for even serious crimes.

    Crane's interview involves cold, logical arguments; he asserts that imPort crime should not be individuated when reality is crime existed before they came into being, adding that the problem of a lenient judiciary is hardly unique. imPorts are not the only privileged group to receive a slap on the wrist. He reminds Dooku that Maurtia Falls suffers rampant corruption, and, without naming names, adds that the archetype of the corrupt politician is truism due to prevalence. Dooku questions whether he speaks from experience. He coolly responds that his career was wholly focused on the assessment and treatment of mentally disordered offenders in a secure hospital. He ends by surmising that the issue isn't unique to imPorts per say; it just brings additional environmental factors to consider.

    Kanaya argues that while her fellow guest would obviously find pleasure in considering himself superior, the community has done nothing to deserve that position, and that it is the result of failure within both the ranks of the government and in imPort leadership not to challenge that attitude as it occurs. She cites the example of Nonah ambassador Miles Vorkosigan, who has excused the murder of native strangers because they were committed by an imPort friend, and how the ubiquity of these attitudes coupled with the inadequate response to imPort crime has taught the community that their actions have no consequences. The damage this does is self-evident, and is almost certainly related to the recent flooding in Nonah, whether caused by carelessness or malice, and the government has done nothing to discourage it.

    The Count closes the episode’s discussions by thanking his guests and encouraging concerned listeners to peacefully make their voices heard on this issue by organizing for lobbying and contacting their elected imPort representatives.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SILVER AGE to GODDESS GREEN, because that is the color of success right now.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒉)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 10TH, 2017
    With this new influx of imPorts and the fallout of the mysterious dreamscape, public opinion has never been so mixed. On one hand: intrigue! New imPorts! On the other: potentially dangerous new imPorts! New threats!

    HOSTAGE MEDICATION
    As seen on TMI reporting, online and televised:
    Hostage situation at a new Customer Savings Solutions Pharmacy in Heropa! Male suspect captured twenty people waiting in line for their medications, threatening to repeal their need for health care.

    Strangely, no hostage was harmed and the situation was resolved in mere minutes.

    Two female vigilantes are rumored to have broken down and brutally humiliated a male suspect (Caucasian, 5'11''). Confirmed details remain scarce. These vigilantes are reported to have been Amazon warriors from another planet, very likely imPorts.

    TYGER, TYGER VIRAL BRIGHT
    As seen on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit, and some local news networks and small papers in Heropa:
    A cellphone video of a chase between imPort superhero Wild Tiger and what appeared to be a repainted ImPocreat has now gone viral, after being featured on a popular imPort fanblogger's recent post. The video, following the escaped Blickablake (eventually identified as belonging to Nonah-based imPort Tetsuo Shima) and its valiant pursuer all through the city, has spawned dozens of gifs and macros, with the hashtag #tigervstiger trending on Bwitter.

    Many imPort fans were endeared by the bumbling antics of the superhero known for never using his powers outside of an emergency, but some were less than impressed. Deddit user DownWithImPunks said, "lol look @ dis sad sh!t, our ~heroes~ outsmrted by a machin w/ no brainz. feel rly safe 2day", while others argued the real problem was with Tetsuo for allowing his ImPocreat to run wild in the first place. "It's government property after all," pointed out one noted import critic in his column in a local newspaper, "we can't have that kind of thing falling into the wrong hands. Irresponsibility in this case is a matter of national security."

    Meanwhile, BuckStars, the origin point of the chase, has capitalized on the buzz--offering a limited edition Wild Blickablake Bubble Tea free with any purchase of a large drink* and posting a link to the clip on their official website.

    *while supplies last

    NATURAL CAUSE AND EFFECT
    As seen on BlueTube and limited local newspaper coverage:
    Police in Maurtia Falls have reported the death of Sally Cunliffe, 68. A respected local business owner, Ms. Sally Cunliffe reportedly transferred a large sum of money from her account just prior to her death. The official coroner report indicates that her death was due to a heart attack. Police are not treating the death as suspicious. That being said, authorities would like the recipient of Ms. Cunliffe's funds to come forward to answer a few routine questions, as they have so far been unable to trace them.

    WELL PLAYED, YOUNG SPORT
    As seen on BlueTube and in Nonah newspapers:
    We're midway through this year's national youth soccer championships, and in a surprising turn of events, Nonah Middle School's very own Blue Barracudas are shaping up to be the team to beat!

    Although they had a slow start at the beginning of the season, with the majority of the players' performances being described as lackluster, a marked improvement in their playing — believed to be the result of midfielder Yuuto Kidou's expert instruction — has rocketed the team into the front running.

    The departure of two key players, co-captain and midfielder Ken Amada and defender Hiroto Kiyama, will no doubt have a monumental impact on the team's range of capabilities going forward, but coach Peyton Chamgerlain has stated that she believes their new lineup will be pivotal in crushing their competition. The Barracudas have elected Yuuto to be their new captain, and with Koujirou Genda rumored to be an unrivaled goalkeeper, and newcomer Jirou Sakuma being welcomed late onto the team as their primary striker, it would seem Chamgerlain has managed to successfully cover for the team's losses, and in record time to boot!

    The Blue Barracudas' next match against the Astro Hawks will be held next Friday afternoon. Show your support for these fine youth athletes by sporting the Barracudas' blue and white colors, coming down to Nonah Middle School to watch the game, or by tuning in on BlueTube to watch live coverage brought to you by Nonah Middle School's student body president, Joseph Lee.

    bElieve
    As seen on Maurtia Falls televised news:
    Upon the tallest hill in the city of Maurtia Falls sits a new art installment on the sidewalk. It seems that the guerrilla artiste bElish has struck again! A four foot tall bust made in the likeness of Ambassador Baelish and composed entirely out of synthetic honeycomb has been left on display on top a five-foot tall white podium.

    What is the meaning behind this, the public wonders.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from INDIGO-GO to SILVER AGE because this is an era of second best.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒌)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2017
    WAKEY WAKEY,
    FOR HEAVENS SAKEY!

    GOTT JUSTICE?
    As seen televised on local and national news:
    April 30th
    Import Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler was taken into custody late on April 23rd on charges of willful breach of government security. Details are classified, but it's a blow for the small, yet devout following of fans shocked by the news and arguing on behalf of the newly married doctor. But not only has Dr. Gottlieb pled guilty during his trial, he's offered no defense and shown little remorse for his alleged actions. Whether he's unaware of or simply disinterested in his staunchest fans is unclear.

    Deemed guilty by the courts, Dr. Gottlieb is facing a two month sentence in medium-security prison, with the possibility of an early probational release on review. Officials say the De Chima-based imPort has been cooperative, but has threatened legal action against the local police department, citing violations of the ADA and criticizing the lack of official guidelines for the detainment of physically impaired suspects. So far, only a formal complaint has been filed.

    "It could have been worse," Officer Reiman says. "We didn't expect to find [the suspect]. His file lists a teleportation ability and could have prompted an international manhunt. He'd had plenty of warning too-- had to get the cruiser buzzed in. Almost seems like he wanted to be arrested."

    Meanwhile, imPort critics say that Dr. Gottlieb only let himself be arrested because of the unfair sentencing policies that favor cases like his. Typically, cyber crime has resulted in 2-5 year sentences for the non-imPort population. But whatever his motivations, there's no way to know for sure.

    Dr. Gottlieb's evaluation is expected to take place on May 24th. His husband, Dr. Newton Gottlieb-Geiszler, could not be reached for comment.

    BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE
    As seen in HOT HOT BEAT, TMI Magazine, IMPORTED GOSSIP, and national news:
    Fans of the hot yoga show "BODY HEAT!" were shocked this past week to discover the show's popular imPort host, Mick Rory, was arrested for arson. Rory admitted to setting his government-assigned house in Heropa on fire on the 13th of April, just before the holiday weekend. Rory has been sentenced to two months parole and community service, but has not given any public explanation for his actions.

    Speculation is running rampant, with many pointing out that Rory had been known to offer his services to various Fire Departments in the Porter Cities, and had only just a few weeks ago had run a charity drive for the Heropa General's burn ward. Some have called attention to his little-used but widely known alternate alias "Heat Wave", and a rumoured criminal past. Fans online are split between those expressing outrage and those arguing it was a simple mistake.

    As for BODY HEAT!, the producers made a public statement that they are reviewing his contract for breach of its Moral Clauses, and have since officially retired Rory from the show.

    A BET-TER WORLD
    As seen in local Maurtia Falls advertisements:
    All bets are ON! WHO will be the next imPort arrested for criminal activity? The handsome Sam Merlotte? The incredibly loud Count Dooku? The beautiful Bela Talbot? The coquettish Yuri Plisetsky? Rope in your financial manager and/or gambling broker and put down a name, you could win it big if fate favors your delinquent pick.

    (Smart money is on imPorts who are often seen wearing black).

    YOU KNOW NOTHING, SPRING SNOW
    As seen on the Maurtia Falls weather channel:
    Bad news for people who were enjoying the spring weather. An extreme cold front is sweeping the east coast this weekend, producing blizzard like conditions for the state of Pennsylvania. You can expect to see snowfalls of up to two feet with wind gusts of up to 45 MPH. Folks of Maurtia Falls should brace for impact on April 21st. Wind gusts and heavy snow could cause localized power outages and downed trees. The department of transportation has announced that they are armed and ready with plows to clear the roads, and travel should not be adversely affected for long, but advises that drivers stay off the road if it can be avoided.

    Just when you thought you were in the clear, it seems that Winter Is Coming back again.

    THE DOOK OF HAZARD
    As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
    The newest episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features The Doctor as a special guest star, interviewed by the Count for his take on recent dangerous incidents like the attack by armies of historical mirages that ruined the last weekend of March, and the blight of apple crops rumoured to have been caused by failed biogenetic testing.

    The Doctor’s interview mostly involves a lot of rambling about the timeline, attempts to explain temporal paradoxes to the casual listener, and a little bit of grumping at the government for not letting people look at the Porter. Dooku has to get him back on track multiple times but, all in all, it’s a good interview. The most important thing is that the Doctor surmises that some of the problems, such as the historical mirage attack, might be caused by a temporal malfunction in the Porter. After all, the Porter is an impressive machine but it’s just a MACHINE. It’s entirely possible the Porter can’t juggle all these timelines and accidentally slipped up somewhere.

    The Count closes this month’s episode by encouraging any listeners who are concerned about political issues to speak out by contacting the imPort community’s elected representatives with any questions or complaints. To this end, he has helpfully shared the following public contact information:

    Lord Petyr Baelish, imPort Ambassador for Maurtia Falls
    Queen Lucy Pevensie, imPort Ambassador for De Chima
    Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, imPort Ambassador for Nonah
    United States Senator Mitchell Hundred of Virginia

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OF THE HEART to INDIGO-GO because nothing shakes off the sleepies like an impromptu dance party.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒎)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 10TH, 2017
    Holy narcolepsy, Batman! A pandemic sleeping sickness has been sweeping the streets, dropping imPorts right and left. What sort of new medical terror is this? Where's the Prince Charming to kiss these fallen beauties out of their slumber??

    HE WAS ICE SK8TER BOY
    As seen in on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr:
    W O W!!

    A new viral video of an impromptu figure skating exhibition has been making the rounds on social media lately, and it is stunning. Who knew something as simple as skating could be this moving? And to see something so beautiful coming from such a cranky little kitten, astounding!

    Do yourself a favor and watch it here. You won't regret it.

    TENDER HEARTS
    As seen in Bwitter, Rumblr, and all the good gossip tabloids:
    Is there anything more wonderful in this world than young love?

    Certainly not, if recent developments are anything to go by! What seemed to begin as an budding friendship between imPorts, students at a local middle school eagerly report, seems to have blown into a full-fledged secret romance!

    According to classmates Hinami Fueguchi and Yuuto Kidou, both imPorts and students of Nonah Middle School, always seemed to have what was described as a "formal, kind of uneasy" friendship. But are things looking up? Their fellow students seem to think so!

    Over the last few weeks we have been informed, some of that formality seems to have been disregarded. Though Mr. Kidou seems to have opted to remain with last names (What a gentleman!), Ms. Fueguchi is reported to have begun to call him by the nickname "Kikkun", though none of their classmates seem to be sure where exactly the nickname came from.

    As if that wasn't enough to get some middle school gossip going, the two were involved in what students described as a rescue so brave and romantic, it deserves its own movie moment! With the apparitions plaguing our cities this past March, even our younger imPorts weren't spared the trouble. According to onlookers, Mr. Kidou spotted Ms. Fueguchi cornered by one and valiantly cleared out the students so he could run to her rescue! Perhaps he wanted to be the only one around to do so? What a dedicated young man!

    Though the pair have denied the relationship when asked about it, classmates were insistent that it was nothing more than a cover meant to protect Mr. Kidou from the potential wrath of Ms. Fueguchi's notoriously protective older brother, Ken Kaneki. Some even reported spotting the two meeting up after classes under the guise of studying, and Mr. Kidou gifting Ms. Fueguchi with numerous treats, from sweets to lunches.

    Students also reported that Ms. Fueguchi had been receiving love letters from an admirer in her locker for many months. Has the secret admirer perhaps finally come forward?

    What's next for this young couple? Sign up for updates and find out!

    A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME
    As seen in local Maurtia Falls newspapers and heard on talk radio:
    They poison them in the wild. They poison them in the park. It's hard being a pigeon in 2017. On Sunday 9th, an unprecedented number of pigeons were found poisoned in Maurtia Falls Municipal Park, done in with a squirrel or two. No other animals appeared affected. Park keepers gave no explanation for the cause, other than to say, "we condemn this impiety and lack of propriety and remain convinced the culprit made off with a dead pigeon or two."

    Is it against your religion to poison pigeons in the park, imPorts? Call, bweet, or e-mail us with your comments.

    I SOLOMONS SWEAR I AM UP TO NO GOOD
    As seen in national and local news:
    Alfie Solomons, cooking show host extraordinaire, has been arrested for bank robbery! Shock, gasp! Though there is video proof along with witnesses (as well as a lot of whispering that this isn't the first time he's been involved in illegal dealings) and though he wasn't able to provide an alibi, he maintains his innocence, claiming that someone must have either doctored the footage and tampered with the witnesses in some way (implanting false memories, paying them off, etc.) or disguised themselves as him. Despite the best efforts of his lawyer, there was not sufficient evidence to dismiss the case outright, and so it will be proceeding to trial.

    THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR
    As seen national news, but no one really pays attention to it because it's in the science section:
    The CDC reports that investigation into the very brief apple famine is ongoing. It is accurate to conclude that no imPort was behind the incident. Rumors that this was a biogenetic testing sample gone wrong persist, much to the dismay of the CDC and other government facilities.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SOLAR ECLIPSE to OF THE HEART in honor of Dorian Gray's probably accidental sacrifice.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒈)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 20TH, 2017
    Mutilated corpses seem to be all the rage now. Be careful! Take heed! Don't walk down any dark alleyways or look into other people's trash cans, or you might find a dismembered head looking back!

    MODERN FART
    As seen in the local Maurtia Falls papers:
    The unstoppable urban artist "bElish" has slapped down a new project near the Maurtia Falls mayoral residence. In bold, gold lettering is written "improptent" across the asphalt road leading to the residence. A spray of Petyr Baelish's face in light blue can be found alongside the enigmatic word. What is the meaning behind this art? Is it foreshadow? Is it anti-capitalistic outrage? Is the patriarchy now in free fall?

    ON A STREAMING SITE FAR, FAR AWAY
    As heard on hot and new online podcast sites and gossip blogs only, conspicuously not covered by mainstream media publications:
    ImPort entertainer and occasional political figure Count Dooku debuted a controversial new podcast this week under the title of Counting Truths, using his inimitably deep voice to spread his knowledge on the Internet. The first episode, themed Truth and Justice, starts with Dooku stating his intention to spark frank discussion on political topics not covered by the standard American media, which he derided as a "chattering mass of celebrity gossip and frivolous nonsense." He urges his listeners to ask questions and challenge official stories, appealing specifically to America's superhumans, "those with the power to truly create change." Toward that end, he invites imPorts and metahumans to appear on later episodes of the podcast for interviews as guests.

    The Count closes the episode by asking listeners to observe a belated moment of silence for what he calls "the Debrecen massacre," an incident roughly one year ago when American warplanes bombed the Soviet-allied city of Debrecen, Hungary to destroy alleged weapons research there, killing thousands of civilians. "No one has ever been held accountable for this war crime," Dooku intones in the podcast. "ImPort protests fell upon deaf ears. But I predict there will one day be justice for this and other acts of corruption. The innocent dead can never be forgotten."

    TO THE VIKTOR, THE SPOILS
    As seen in imPort tabloids, footage on BlueTube, gifs on Rumblr:
    Viktor's powers are a menace and dragged Adachi into something that was a little too intimate looking. Prime material for gossip! Chew on it long and hard. Viktor cheating on Yuuri?? Is prudish Adachi now a homewrecker??

    FRUIT OF THE DOOM
    As seen national news:
    Do you like apples? Do you like eating apples? Do you have any stock invested in Big Produce, with a finger on apple harvest? WELL SUCKS FOR YOU. Between March 20th - March 25th, an unprecedented and seemingly biblical thing happens: 80% of the apple produce in stores ROTS. Millions of dollars are lost in this hit, and it's a thing the CDC has to figure out, ideally along with the EPA, and CERTAINLY the Department of Agriculture. No other food appears affected, and the apparent famine is very, very brief. So what does this mean for YOU? Apples are temporary a scarce and incredibly expensive item, the surviving stock of that remaining 20% is now worth 5000% times its usual asking price.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GLITTER to SOLAR ECLIPSE because it makes you feel just a bit uneasy.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒍)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2017
    Beware the Ides of March! That day is coming up, and with the sudden imPlosion of guilt and regret, you can't tell what someone under duress is bound to do to you just to clean their own soul.

    WHAT IS TREND CANNOT DIE
    As seen in high fashion magazines, seen on TMI and imPort! Entertainment:
    The world of American fashion has turned its eyes to Florida-based design house, House of De Marq, upon announcing a new design label STORMBORN X MARQ in collaboration with imPort, Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. "We are very excited and honored to be working creatively with Queen Daenerys," was reported in the House of De Marq's official press release this morning. "We shall navigate the liminal spaces of unreality through fashion, and seek inspiration beyond the parameters of the mundane. We shall create a storm of fantasy and fabulousity." Notoriously elusive head designer De Marq, who could not be reached for further comment, has taken to Bwitter, posting blurry images of model fittings, landscapes, and obscure selfies with the hashtags such as #EYEOFTHESTORM, #FASHIONANDBLOOD, #UNBURNTUNTAMED.

    The label will contain high end evening wear and jewelry, along with ready-to-wear fashion for professional women, inspired by De Marq's Westerosi muse.

    Daenerys, most noted for her social media presence and fashion commentary in imPort entertainment, spoke enthusiastically for the label's future. "There will be a launch announced later this month, I believe, previewing collections to come. Proceeds will go towards Through The Glass, a nonprofit organisation that provides low-income women with professional attire and other career advancement services. Donations towards such a noble endeavour are most welcome."

    EAT THE WOO'D
    As seen on TMI, THEMport Weekly, and imTV:
    Sources are reporting that long-time imPort couple Frederick Chilton and Raina are engaged. Post-Valentine's pictures of Raina reveal her wearing what is definitely a diamond ring. After nearly two years of waiting, fans of the couple can only speculate how truly romantic the proposal was.

    "Chilton's had years now to plan it out. I bet he serenaded her with a song written by Rincewind. Because Rincewind's like a bard or something, isn't he? Like, a really sad bard?" One such fan wrote on Bwitter. Others responded that in fact Rincewind was flutist.

    And while the fan response to this news was overwhelmingly positive and supportive of the couple, there were a few outcries from disappointed Marchill and Raintess fans. It's no secret the two couples are close, and during the rocky period, Raina was reportedly staying at the Hotel Castile. This led fans to draw their own (often lascivious) conclusions. Both pairings have a small, but highly devoted fanbase.

    But no matter which ship you sail, one thing can be certain. Raina has changed her FaceLook status from 'It's Complicated' to 'In a loving relationship.' And we certainly wish Raina and Frederick Chilton all the best. Perhaps we will end 2017 with yet another imPort wedding!

    HEARTS AND RECREATION
    As seen in entertainment news magazines:
    MULTIVERSAL PICTURES' first movie based on imPorts, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH, which revolves around the romantic story of married imPorts April Ludgate and Will Graham, held a stern lead at the box office for the first two weeks of its release. Critics are torn, some reporting it's good popcorn-eating fun, others calling it "too focused on the romance, not enough using super cool powers."

    The usage of animals in this film has caused minor controversy as well, surprising no one. FORTY SHADES OF OCHER, the highly anticipated sequel to THIRTY HUES OF BLOOD ORANGE proved the only other movie audiences cared to see enough to knock it down to second. It's now performing in third, just below FUNIONS, the kid's film about Funyuns who function in a minion-like role.
    Due to this success, MULTIVERSAL PICTURES has announced they are looking into more imPorts with stories worth putting on screen, and there has been talk of adapting events and imPort tales for the small screen as well. Keep an eye out!

    THE RED SETTING
    As seen in local news:
    It's here, it's there, it's everywhere: "bElish". That's the name you will see scrawled across the roads and sidewalks of Maurtia Falls, spray-painted in vibrant maroon and brick hues. Looks like there's a new vandal in town, and he (or she) is going to paint the town red. Is this an homage to Ambassador Baelish? A challenge? Is there a deeper meaning?

    WEATHER OR NOT
    As seen on the Weather Channel:
    Hold onto your hats, De Chima! On Saturday, March 11th you were be witness to a totally bizarre tornado just outside the city limits. This has literally never happened before in recorded history.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MAROON to GLITTER because Mabel Pines would have wanted it that way.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒍)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 20TH, 2017
    The new imPorts have been inspiring fresh fandoms; NEW fanfiction and art can be found FLOODING the internet. Be sure to shield your eyes if finding your person engaged with others in SAUCEY CONTEXT makes you blush!

    DUNGEONS AND BRAGGIN' RIGHTS
    As seen on THE NERDIERIST, Bwitter, and Rumblr:
    The personable RPG tabletop game MAGIC & MAYHEM will create a SPECIAL EDITION that features imPorts as NPCs (players of the game will create their own "imPort" character in gameplay). The parent company WEST COAST BEST COAST will be asking imPorts for their consent for use of their image reimagined to the game's context. No monetary compensation will be paid, but this is a GREAT opportunity for EXPOSURE!

    Speculation of which imPorts will be in the game's new edition has already begun on Rumblr.

    DESPERATELY SEEKING SEASONS
    As seen on the show ImPortainment Tonight!:
    ARE YOU AN IMPORT? Do you have your own idea for a reality television show? Would you like to STAR in that show? Casting Call company UCCY INC is taking pitches and audition videos RIGHT NOW. Get it, girl!

    VOCAL MOVEMENT
    As seen in American entertainment news and social media, particularly music websites and publications:
    The world of imPort entertainment received a shakeup this month with the announcement that the heavy metal band COUNTDOWN will be disbanding, effective immediately, due to the sudden departure of its lead signer and frontman Count Dooku.

    The Count gave no explanation for his decision to leave the band beyond stating that “I have said all that I wanted to say through this artistic medium. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic.”

    Count Dooku also provided no indication of what his next career move would be, but rumours have linked him to a narrator role on the upcoming NBSea television documentary Secrets of the Sea Lions. Meanwhile, devoted Countdown fans have expressed shock and dismay at the unexpected end of the band, and an online campaign is underway to persuade Count Dooku to reconsider breaking up the band.
    When asked for comment on her bandmate’s decision, now-former Countdown bassist Cynthia Sin only swore at the reporter before leaving for an important appointment at the local career counseling office.

    THE SUN'LL COME UP... ON WEDNESDAY
    As seen on the Weather Channel:
    We're in for some intense thunderstorms in De Chima this Monday and Tuesday evening. Lots of bizarre lightning predicted! If you're thinking about having a night on the town, you might want to think again! It isn't going to be pleasant, folks.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GRAY to MAROON. FIVE people voted for this code, that's why.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (⒍)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2017
    With the power back and business resuming as per usual, a palpable relief can be felt throughout the imPort cities. Any grumbling over the excessively generous reward packages distributed to bounty hunter imPorts has been a quietly growing sound as the new month marches on.

    GUARDIAN ANGEL
    As seen in all major news outlets:
    During the power outage last month, the unsavory among us used the confusion to not only attack and loot their fellow Americans, but some took it much further and stole away many a man, woman, and child. Dozens of missing persons cases were filed and only a few have been solved by the police. In this time of need many started looking to the 'Angel' who's been solving the odd case here and there over the last several months and it seems that their prayers were answered. At least ten children, all of whom were reported to the police as having gone missing during the outage, have been returned across the last three weeks since the power came back on. Investigations into another dozen who have been reported as now back home with their parents are currently inconclusive as to who facilitated this miracle.

    However, there is a darker cloud over these fortunate reunions than there has been in our past reports. One of the locations the would-be savior left information about in their usual manner was raided by the police. The bodies of several men were found, having been murdered in a gruesome fashion, and left chained to a bed frame. Three of the returned children were reportedly found there.

    It appears that the 'Angel' watching over our children is a vengeful one.

    We went to the streets to ask for your opinions on the matter with mixed results. Jo Mamuh of Maurtia Falls believes "It's about time someone did something right for a change! These people have been preying on our children long enough. They deserved what they got!". Khold Shoder of Heropa said "Saving children is always a good thing, but this Angel should have left them tied up for the police to find so they could be held accountable in the courts for their actions." Anne Asole of Nonah questioned "Do we even know if the Angel is the one that killed them? They've been leaving information for the police to follow up on. Maybe someone else found those [redacted] and did it. We don't have proof it was the Angel at all!"

    YES WE KAN
    As seen in the best television news networks:
    Thanks to the efforts of the known cannibal imPort, Ken Kaneki aka Haise Sasaki, as well as imPort ambassadors, Petyr Baelish, Lucy Pevensie and Miles Vorkosigan, a new petition presented to the government went through this past month, allowing imPorts who have proven special needs in order to stay alive to be able to receive these resources from the government regardless of their registration status.

    Once closely read, this new law contains a series of sub-clauses detailing examples, amounts allowed, and many other specifics, but also partially frees the government from the responsibility of the imPort's needs. Officials have specified that should they be confronted with an imPort who has special needs that they have not yet encountered, they will have to assess it separately at that time.

    While Mr. Vorkosigan and Miss Pevensie have refused to talk to the press, Mr. Baelish was ready to speak: "I believe today marks a new milestone in the relationship between imPorts and the government. Ken Kaneki was very brave, very well-spoken, and very concise in his ideas. It was an honor to work with him on this, and I hope others use this as an example of what can be accomplished."
    Ken Kaneki himself has accepted answering some questions regarding his nature, but his focus on those who have helped him "Thanks to the government that has so kindly heard my words and reached this decision, we see it is possible for us to understand each other and live together, regardless of how different we are. I'm grateful to all who have helped and supported me, our Ambassadors who so readily extended their helping hand, and my mentor and friend, Count Dooku, who was always by my side during this."

    "The Kennibals", Kaneki's now official fangroup, has reacted positively to the news, revamping their whole website with notes of "Victory" and "Fairness", not just for their Hero, but every Hero who finds themselves in a situation like Kaneki's. However, not all response is positive, as some natives claim this was "crossing the line" by allowing cannibals to legally eat.

    MONEY MAKES THE (WEST)WORLD GO 'ROUND
    As seen in The Fiscal Report, major newspapers, and the Walled Street Journal:
    In the days following the dissolution of telecommunications conglomerate TT&T at the hands of the IRS, an enterprising imPort has taken up the reins of a few of the company’s surviving subsidiaries. CEO William Walker has promised to bring focus and integrity to the helm of newly rebranded Sweet Iron Communications (SIC), citing his own civic responsibility to invest in a safer, more secure future for natives and imPorts alike. Walker’s resume has not been made public, and little information about him is available outside of the official press releases regarding this acquisition.

    Former TT&T CEO Boyd Dankfein, best known for his recent claim that he must have “accidentally” transferred a few million dollars overseas, could not be reached for comment.

    HE'S A KILLER MEAN
    As seen on Fuzzfeed, police radio stations, PD feeds, and Bwitter:
    The suspected serial killer imPort known only as Sylar murdered imPort Sarissa Theron, sources claim. As this is an open case, no authority could be reached for comment. More to come later.

    TIER 1 IMPORTS INCOMING
    As seen in TIER 1 IMPORTS MAGAZINE:
    Here's the dish! Thanks to the lovely @RISESabriel's intel, a few imPorts got their OWN spreads in FEBRUARY'S TESTIMONIAL edition! Major-General Armstrong is a 10/10 hottie with an iron fist! Kaneda is true blue boyfriend material! And Magicman's kindness as described by @RISESabriel has earned him a fresh cult following! Posters of these imPorts will flood Nonah and De Chima over the next month, as TIER 1 IMPORTS has a lot of distribution in both those cities. People are starving to know about these imPort stars!

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from EBONY AS DARK'NESS to GRAY because BABY WE WERE BORN THIS GRAY. We're bureaucrats.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    maskormods: (Default)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    The end was no where near as dramatic as the beginning.

    A soft whirl of equipment coming back to life, the brightness of lamps and lights left on and like that, the power was back. There may have been a few surges as the grids stabilized but no ominous messages.

    After a few hours, there would be a broadcast from a government official across the television stations, radios and network to all affected cities. A sharply dressed woman, introducing herself as a press secretary, would start by offering the government's sincere gratitude to the imPorts who pitched in and assisted during the trying week.

    Likewise she would say there is confirmation that the blackout was due to outside interference, but the government would like to assure the people that their highest intelligence is on the case while emphasizing that if this was a test for the American people, they passed it with aplomb. She would also offer assurance that there were efforts now under way, by the government, to ensure that there would be no repeat of such an event.

    With the good news, comes a bit of bad as she would go on to warn the people that while many of the convicts were caught due to the hard work of government officials, volunteers and imPorts alike, many of them remain at large - everyone should practice caution in the upcoming weeks and report any suspicious activity to an official.

    Finally she would reiterate the government's gratitude and encourage everybody to rest and recover. The message ends with more gratitude and then shuts off to allow people to get back to the business of clean-up.

    [OOC: With this post the blackout event has ICly ended!

    Just a reminder that you can still submit event log threads for an OOC follow up next month! We will accept threads logged up through February 1st. ]
    maskormods: (⒋)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2017
    Due to the eastern-side blackout of imPort cities (and areas surrounding them), many of these stories will be reported in national newspapers that can still be physically delivered into the affected areas. News spread viral by the internet or television will eventually be accessible -- especially if you happen to be situated in an unaffected area.

    BANKS, SEE
    As seen in local papers:
    Reports of bank robberies have spiked in the past couple of days. Maurtia Falls and Heropa banking establishments had been notably targeted, which provoked suspicion of imPort involvement. Authorities will not address these claims, but the rumor alone is enough to spark tensions. Heropean locals in particular have concentrated efforts to coalesce in temporary vigilante groups to better protect vulnerable businesses.

    LIKE A KICK IN THE TABLOINS
    As seen in TMI Magazine:
    Blackout? BUST OUT. If you have any photos shot of ImPorts being naughty in the dark of the night (or otherwise), send them TMI's way! You could earn up to $3,000 per picture depending on the quality of your photo and what imPorts are depicted within! Note to all you amateur paparazzi: the more candid, the better! Catch an Ambassador with their pants down, and you're sure to hit jackpot! All images sold to TMI are henceforth property of TMI Inc. upon contractual signature.

    GIVE ME A BREAK
    As seen on national television, and written about in national newspapers:
    A RECORD NUMBER of criminally incarcerated prisoners escaped from their respective federal and state prisons during the first 48 hours of the power blackout that hit multiple cities. Some of these criminals are rumored to have been metahumans, a rumor that remains unconfirmed. When reporters pushed the matter, they were silenced on matters of "national security" and ridiculed for "slanting the news". No word yet on what could have caused the unprecedented blackout -- but unnamed sources claim even the imPort communication Network suffered a power loss. Despite this technological difficulty, anecdotal reports cite imPorts in aiding the capture of the escaped criminals.

    Citizens are advised to remain indoors and safe, unless absolutely necessary to go outside. This is not a time for "vigilante antics".

    NOT THE NIGHT NURSE
    As seen on national news networks:
    The already encumbered hospitals in the main imPort cities have suffered a deeper blow with the mysterious, and unaccounted for, power blackout. Patients in critical conditions have been coding more than average and with an severe understaffing issue afoot, hospitalized survival rates are suffering incredible lows. Maurtia Falls hospitals are reaching out to imPorts of any healing capacity to help save lives, if they can.

    ROM COM-MUNICATION
    As seen in BNZ syndication, then turns internet viral on BlueTube with the #1 most watched trailer trending. Posters are soon to follow, and only one of them features a raccoon:
    MULTIVERSAL PICTURES, leading makers of romantic films such as LOVE NATURALLY, THE FEDERAL HOLIDAY, and I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BUCK AND GARY has announced its Valentine's Day feature, and it's a SHOCKER! BNZ has breaking news that this year's is an IMPORTED FEST. Revolving around imPorts APRIL LUDGATE and WILL GRAHAM, THE WORLD IS ENOUGH promises to deliver drama, sizzling romance, action, and plenty of cameos to keep audiences delighted for two and half hours! Take a look at the trailer below and give us YOUR thoughts in the comments.

    ((The trailer is fairly typical of a romance; both April and Will are more well-groomed than usual, and everything is way more dramatic than it has any right to be. It's also quite obviously shot in Canada even as characters reference Florida. Baltimore's finest are represented, both Freds, their housemates, and then there's a great shot of a swear-in where they went All Out. The entire room is filled with imPort lookalikes. They can go nuts spotting themselves provided they were in game two years ago. Of course there is dramatic running and emotion shouting in the rain, as well as buildings and cars exploding because that's obviously just part of imPort romance. And dogs. So many dogs. The trailer song is this, and the tag line at the end is THIRD WORLD'S THE CHARM. Happy Valentine's Day!))

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MELLOW to EBONY AS DARK'NESS because no light, no light.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

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