Mar. 16th, 2016 04:27 pm
fuckai: (.05)
[personal profile] fuckai
[So you know that armored idiot that got hit by a fuckin' hot dog car the other day? Yeah. Here's another one of them. Only this guy is pure blue and way more awesome.]

Hey everybody. This is Leonard Church, again. And I'm just going to go ahead and preface this by saying I'm right, red sucks, you're all idiots, and anyone who says otherwise can just go ahead and fuck off.

[He pauses, letting that sink in for a good handful of seconds. Let that outrage burn, people.]

Now, while this is just a goddamn fact every other day of the year, it's especially important today. So with my disclaimer still in place -- and uh, just reminding you that I said all of you assholes are wrong first -- I'm letting you idiots in on the fact that it's Everything You Do Is Right Day.

And before any smartasses try to tell me "But Church! It's not Everything You Say Is Right Day!", fuck you. Talking is a goddamn action.

So hey, so long as you don't go against what I already said, you're internationally in the right! Congratulations. Go do stupid shit.

[Church out]
[personal profile] mmnpcs
[A fan of the 5 o'clock news? Tuning into your favourite drama or sitcom? That's too bad, because the Soviets have something in mind. Abruptly, every single channel will go blank, only to be replaced with a single news channel. Some may recognize Tara Lynn Shaw, the All-American sweetheart from Channel 6 News with tastefully dyed red hair, dimples, and a big old smile. Her usual job is to reassure the American people that everything will be all right, from stories about rescued puppies to stories about heroic nurses going above and beyond the call of duty.

Her trademark dimples aren't on display today; her mood is distinctly somber, and the American flags in the background of her news station have been taken down, the backdrop replaced with a solid red. She stares into the camera, then looks down at the place cards in front of her.]

Good evening, citizens of America. This is the Soviet Union speaking. You have been left to run rampant for far too long, and we have seen great irresponsibility and suffering as a direct result of your actions. It is for these reasons that we have chosen to intervene.

We have established control over Nonah, Heropa, De Chima, and Maurtia Falls. You may not enter, nor may you leave, but you needn't worry. This is but the first step towards a more peaceful world. Provided you maintain the peace, no harm will come to you; you are instructed to simply continue going about your daily lives. You may find this change startling, but we assure you, you will feel used to it soon enough. If you do not maintain the peace, however, measures will be taken, measures that your previous government wholly failed to take.

ImPorts, you are to attend a 5-day Seminar at Cape Canaveral's Royal Mansions Resort beginning tomorrow at 10 AM sharp. This is not negotiable. You will not be harmed, but appropriate measures will be taken should you choose to be tardy or absent. The Porters will be available to you all, Registered or not; there are absolutely no excuses for your absence.

You will be weapons of the United States of America no longer.

[With that, the broadcast comes to a halt. No American news stations will be playing, but all non-topical entertainment will continue playing as normal.]

[OOC: While this post takes place on national television, please feel free to use this post to have your characters discuss this exciting new development!]

✁ 002

Feb. 10th, 2016 06:56 pm
bestsword: me (through good times and the homicides)
[personal profile] bestsword
Hey there, imPorts, I’m Captain Tucker. [he’s standing alone in front of the camera, though. the reason becomes apparent when a sallow palm waves in front of it, indicating whoever’s filming.] And I’m… I guess still private? Whatever. It’s just Church.

And we’re here to help you get the most out of your valentine’s this year.

[there’s a displeased grunt; sounds like somebody resents being involved.] Well. He is. I’m here to make sure that his advice doesn’t totally ruin your lives.

Wow, thanks for the endorsement, asshole. [Tucker snorts but does not look fazed in the least.] Everyone knows Valentine’s was created to help singles get laid, so that’s what we’re going to help you do.

Oh, my god. No, it absolutely wasn’t. Doesn’t it usually just make them feel like shit? I thought everybody spent Singles’ Awareness Day in the company of booze and Netflix. [They, Church?? Who do you mean by THEY.]

Sure they do, if they don’t have any of my guaranteed patented pick up lines. [Someone stop him.] Now, when you give one of these lines, it’s all about the delivery. The confidence. Say it knowing you’ll get laid. Jesus christ.

So, here are some lines you can use, free of charge, courtesy me. Jesus christ. [He clears his throat, stands up taller.] Hey, baby, if I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head? Even less than your chances of getting tail. Oh - or: I hear you're looking for a stud, I've got the std, all I need is u. Wh-- How the hell is that a selling point? You might as well just introduce yourself as Jerkoff McCrotchrot.

Better yet! I'm an astro-gynecologist and my next mission is to explore Uranus. [Church’s voice is getting steadily louder and more indignant.] Oh, come on! That’s not even what a gynecologist does! Oh man or: Do you work at Subway? Because you gave me a footlong. That is not how b-- Ugh.

Seriously. Have any of these ever actually worked for you? Any of them. Please. I need to know.

They got me Wash didn’t they? I’d say that guarantees they work.

Pffft, yeah right. You couldn’t-- Sorry, wait, what? Who!? [The feed snaps off suddenly, but not before the microphone catches a second of wordless shrieking.]

2. [audio]

Jan. 27th, 2016 01:20 am
bonely: (♪ prayer)
[personal profile] bonely
[ He doesn't really feel like he has any place in this conflict. He's Russian, but an import - and he doesn't want to fight, either. He's had enough of fighting; being built for such a purpose is what caused him so much pain.

But...there is one thing...One thing that he feels is relevant.

There's silence for a long moment. You could almost be forgiven for thinking this is an empty post. But eventually, he does speak.

That AI.

It was only created for one purpose. It doesn't...know anything else.

If you can...

Don't end its life with it knowing nothing but what it was made for.

[ Another pause. If he was human, this would be the equivalent of him taking a deep breath. ]

Nothing deserves a fate like that. I already-

[ He stops, but the implications of that half-sentence are quite clear. ]


[ He seems to be thinking of something else to say, but then the feed ends. He doesn't know how much of an effect it will have, but he has to try, nevertheless.

No other robot needs to go through...what I've gone through.


Jan. 22nd, 2016 08:03 pm
bindsthedead: (art-breath)
[personal profile] bindsthedead
I've been in contact with one of the hostages. As I'm sure you're aware by now, the Russians intend to 'confiscate' the rest of us- whether by the same method they captured the first group or some other method is unknown. [And there's something tense and angry in Sabriel's voice, but she forces it back.]

However! The hostages are in communication with the Russian AI LACKEY- and only that, since their guards aren't talkative. I'm making this post. There's no guarantee that LACKEY will answer all questions, or answer honestly, but if they keep it talking, they might learn something.

So I'm making this post to compile information about what we've learned about it so far, and questions that the hostages can ask it.

4 | Video

Dec. 4th, 2015 03:04 pm
fastballspeciaaaaal: (It's not the Kitten Holy?)
[personal profile] fastballspeciaaaaal
[This post goes up Friday morning, 9am approximately. Ripley’s sitting cross-legged in a chair, with a backpack over her shoulders and an exaggerated pout on her face. A PA system goes off in the background, a phone rings, y’know, all the stuff you expect of the front office of a school. Her voice is low when she speaks, she doesn’t want the administration to hear her post.]

Uh……… could someone come pretend to be my mom or dad at my school? Jackson followed me to class today and they didn’t like that and now I’m a little bit in trouble for [Yeah, she’s totally gonna mock the principal here:] “bringing a dangerous animal into the classroom environment” and they wanna talk to my parents but they’re not here…

And I think they’re upset about other stuff too? …like my attendance record probably, ‘cause that’s not so great, and how I never have my homework done…

But that’s not my fault! Seventh grade is hard, I need help with my homework and I don’t, have anyone at home to help me!

[Shoot, she’s getting off track.] Um. Anyways, help please!

[And she’s gone.]


Nov. 26th, 2015 12:56 pm
fuckai: (.05)
[personal profile] fuckai
[Oh hey, look. Its another one of those armored guys. Sorry, Mask or Menace.]

Hey. This is Private Leonard Church. You may know me from things such as The Real Meaning of Dibs and The Reason Why Shades of Red on an Emergency Alert System are Fuckin' Stupid.

I'm here today to tell you a thing or two about the good, ol' American holiday you're all celebrating. I know, I know. Why the education after the fact? After all the shit's bought and pies are cooling and giant birds are taking up space in the fridge?

[Pause for effect, aaaaaaaand...]

Because I guarantee not a single one of you assholes know what this day's really about. Sure, there's the crap about settlers and Indians and giant corn being sent to the King-- [N...o... literally none of that is right] --but you know what no one talks about? The truth behind everything. The fact that for one night a year just about every American has come together to lay a slaughtered bird out on the table.

And before you animal right's activists pull your picket signs out of your asses, let me lay out some facts for you:

[He raises a hand, ticking everything out on his fingers] First- Turkeys. Just look at 'em. [A picture appears in the upper corner of the screen.] Ugly assholes, right? Beaks made to peel flesh, skin that's like five different shades, and what the fuck are those ridges? That extra piece of skin just hanging from its face? These things were just made to be pieces of shit.

Second- these things are honest to god douches [A video starts playing in the corner now, replacing the monstrous close-up from before] Pilgrims vs Indians? Yeah, that's just what the government wants you to think happened. Why the hell do you think everyone came together over a burning carcass, huh? These assholes probably kicked the shit out of some kids and-- hey, powdered wigs? They weren't always white. You do not want to see what comes out the other end of those things.

Third- turkeys are those assholes who do half the work and get all the credit. [Church what does that even mean] That feather trick? The one kids color with their hands? The ones on all the fuckin' merchandise? Peacocks got that first, but you don't see them in stores everywhere as soon as November comes rolling around.

[.... even if.... peacocks are dicks, too....]

Anyway, the bottom line is fuck giving thanks! Kill a turkey!

Douchebags deserve it.
shuckit: (pic#8445012)
[personal profile] shuckit
So, Eating Day.

[ this is important. this is the most important post he has ever made, okay? so important that he's making it from the cheeseburger bed he lives in at La Casa Ludgate-Graham. ]

I mean, Thanksgiving, right? The one where everyone makes shuck-tons of food and then spends all day stuffing their face?

[ #amnesiac problems. that, and, no one really had a lot to celebrate in the world he came from, so it wasn't really a topic that came up while, you know, hordes of cranks were swarming. ]

What's that about? Besides eating. If it's just about eating, that's fine, that's great, actually. [ says the kid happily sitting in a giant cheeseburger ] But I keep seeing klunk with turkeys and little people in weird hats and black shorts and I figure I shouldn't just go around stupid to the whole thing.

[ it's been a year. he's only saying this now. ]

Anyway, besides that, is anyone doing something for it? Last year there were a lot of different parties, and the city did a thing too, I think? Seemed like a pretty cool holiday.

[ about to sign off, but something else occurs to him, and he adds on: ] Also, anyone know how to go about getting a name change here?
deadkord: (The environment: Everyone likes it.)
[personal profile] deadkord
[ The video opens to a man in bug goggles and a baby blue cowl sitting in a pretty nondescript living room—no decorations or anything in sight, so he must be really new. ]

Hi there. The name's Blue Beetle. I'm a new arrival, and as I'm sure you can imagine, I have a lot of questions. But there's one really awkward one I'd like to get out of the way right from the start.

So: who else is supposed to be dead right now?
maskormods: (⒎)
[personal profile] maskormods

As seen in all local imPort city newspapers:
De Chima Animal Shelter seeks imPorts for fostering!
With local animal rescues expecting to reach capacity over the upcoming holiday seasons, the De Chima Animal Shelter is reaching out to members of the imPort population who may be interested in the companionship of a dog or cat, but don't feel that they can commit to long-term ownership due to unstable existences. Even a few months of a loving household can go a long way in finding our shyer shelter residents a permanent home! Some restrictions do apply, as the shelter cannot in good conscience allow imPorts listed as Criminal to volunteer as fosters.

As seen on BlueTube, USTube, and the popular clickbait website Fuzzfeed:
Have you seen it? Are you SWAG enough to have seen it? Don't worry potential cool kid, here's the home video from infamously handsome TV host Stan Pines that went viral over the weekend, creating this week's new internet sensation! Find out why this man has 12 PhDs but can't put on a sweater without being stabbed*!
*Video contains no actual stabbing.

NBSea has a BRAND NEW "documentary" airing 10:00 PM EST on November 10th! Following the frenetic fervor of their successful shark endeavors, the sharp teethed executives at NBSea have shifted their usual educational programming to something more of the popular consumption variety -- this means CONSPIRACIES. Or as NBSea will call it: conspiraSEAS! This evening's "documentary" offers the theory that not only do mermaids actually exist and the government KNOWS and is ACTIVELY HIDING MERMAIDS FROM YOU, but that in fact the following imPorts are UNDER THE SEA COVER MERMAID SPIES:
Kitty Jones
April Ludgate(-Graham)
Dipper Pines
Jang Junseo
Hazel Lockwood
The Iron Bull
Lapis Lazuli
Carl Grimes
Tobias Matthews
Agent Texas

The takeaway from the program is clear: approach these merPorts with caution and make offerings of raw fish to appease the creatures.

Nailed it!, the high-end fashion nail polish company wants to produce the first and MOST EXCLUSIVE imPort line OF NAIL POLISH. All proceeds will go to Nailed it! and their stockholders. The company is looking for ONE color suggestion per imPort in order to market that imPort's face over that imPort's personalized and stylish hue! Nailed it! will take any offer, literally just comment with a color and you will have your own thematic nail polish out on the shelves by Friday.

The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BLOOD ORANGE to EVERGREEN in response to the unusually calm and perfectly normal activity afoot.

The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.


Nov. 9th, 2015 07:01 pm
driftsintobuffetline: (dramatic lighting)
[personal profile] driftsintobuffetline
Today--in my world--November 9, 2015 marks the one year anniversary of the birth of the Jaeger program. Happy First Birthday to Mark-1 Brawler Yukon.

And I really did not want to have to make this post on today, of all days, but I've put it off long enough.

Robotics Engineer and Jaeger pilot Mako Mori appears have been ported out.

[Here Newt thinks "I don't know how to do this in a personal sense. I've never been good with this and I've spent too many years with the PPDC. All I know is form letters. 'We regret to inform you...'"]

I hope she's gone home to kick some Kaiju ass.

[He includes a picture of Mako's beautiful model of (ironically the last Jaeger) Gipsy Danger 2.0. Newt and Hermann will be keeping this for her in the hope that she returns. Or to give to Raleigh or Pentecost, should they appear before she does. He's not sure if he selfishly hopes she returns, or is happy for her that she's gotten to go home.]

If there was anything in her possession that belonged to you and you would like it returned, please forward your request to either me or Dr. Gottlieb.

Thank you.

[If Newt has seemed a lot more subdued since the 7th, and in the next few days, this is the reason. It's frightening to think that someone he knows could disappear overnight. He really doesn't like to consider the implications. He's not great at expressing his feelings, nor were he and Mako especially close, but she was a valued member of their team, kind and caring, bright and capable; he respected her abilities. He's going to miss her quiet smiles and her calming presence.]
desequilibre: (cxiv.)
[personal profile] desequilibre
[ The man who first appears on the screen is easily recognisable thanks to the very prominent scowl between his brows. People may have seen it before. Usually it comes about when he’s forced to do something like this. In his hands are varying sheets of paper that he rifles through as though to ignore d’Artagnan and his eager camera.

Athos waits a moment, then two, before he sighs.
] Go on then, I know you’re dying to announce it. Let’s not keep them waiting.

[ That’s all the cue d’Artagnan needs. The camera wheels around to show his face, where he’s looking altogether too pleased with himself. ]

We have something to tell you all. [ The camera lingers on his face for a moment and then shifts up, fixing on a sign bearing a symbol that will be familiar to anyone who’s met the Musketeers. D’Artagnan’s voice accompanies the picture. ] We’d like to welcome you to our new offices.

The thing is, we’re Musketeers. This may not be our world, but we’re still able to work. We’d like to help, in the best way we can. And let’s be honest, I was never going to help anyone at the Renaissance Faire.

So, we’re opening an agency of our own.

[ The camera pans around the office itself, showing a mostly wooden interior, a desk, several chairs, and what looks like a modern coffee machine hidden in one corner. There are several doors, including one that leads out to a yard. A couple of horses can briefly be seen there. ]

We want to do our part, here in De Chima. We’re here to protect you. We’ll be your guards, if you need us. We’ll investigate crimes that you bring to us. You can come to us in confidence, and we’ll do all that we can to help you. This is our work, and we want to get back to it.

[ A large hand grasps to reposition the camera and in looms a set of curls and not much else before the camera settles on a desk and Porthos comes into the frame. ]

Not like we get all the praise and glory, despite it being something that’s been well-deserved by our regiment, in my very humble experience. Only, there’s the bit where we take the best. I mean, I’d accept mediocre if I could train it out of you, but I think Athos might have my head first.

[ Which is actually a good point. Athos makes a noise like clearing his throat and waits until one of his companions angles the device again to get him in it. ] We’re taking anyone who wants to learn and seems as if they’d be capable. Men and women. [ And that’s at least one sign that he’s becoming one with the times. And that he’s not as bad as all that, thank you Porthos. ] We only ask that you be over sixteen and that you are prepared to learn. It is not an easy life, you do not make it without dedication. We would expect much of that. But I can guarantee that it is worthwhile. And if you trust us to teach you then you will not be let down.

[ After all that, d’Artagnan pulls the camera back to himself. All of that seriousness has not gotten rid of his excitement. ]

You can let us know if you’re interested. We open for business two weeks from today. If we can help you, you should get in touch.

( nb: the occ information post is here and sign-ups are here. Athos is black, D’Artagnan is teal and Porthos is purple. )

004; audio

Oct. 4th, 2015 09:44 pm
bestever: (Default)
[personal profile] bestever
Fucking-- Fuck! The goddam closet? What does a guy have to do to get a little respect around here?

[a few seconds of wordless, irritable grunting.] Okay, fine. Fine!

Either there's something really wrong with my internal clock, or somebody has some fucking explaining to do. Mostly about what the hell happened while I was pulled. [wait, right. that might not have context.] Deactivated. Uninstalled. Whatever!

[the next pause is short, there's a quiet shuffle and a slightly louder grunt that mean that he's crossing his arms and huffing irritably. in other words, the default church response to anything.]

I'm waiting, Private Tucker.

001; AUDIO

Sep. 17th, 2015 08:14 pm
snackcakes: (that is the ugliest thing i have ever)
[personal profile] snackcakes
Captain's log: Date... Grif, what day is it?!-- Anyway. So, we seem to have been drafted for another intergalactic war. It's harrowing, but I think I'm up for the task. Still.

I hope you realize by now that no one is actually going to care about anything you're up to. Also, I'm pretty sure they just want us to fight Russians or something. Intergalactic is way overselling yourself.

Oh, my god, shut up! Anyway, the reason we're here, talking to you, is that there seeeeems to have been a mix-up. See, we've been housed with someone from the Blue team. And our armor is red. So. I mean, it's an easy mistake to make, and I'm not trying to question authority, but, I mean. Maybe you could move Tucker to... a different room?

We deal with their dumb problems enough as it is, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. I tell you what, first person that wants a Tucker of their very own is free to take him. I'm pretty sure he's housebroken, so all you have to do is feed him or whatever. You have to be able to get that on your own, by the way, we already claimed the stuff here.

Is there any of that pizza left?--Should I even ask--No, no, nevermind. I know better. Anyway, yeah, if someone could just drop by, we don't really care who takes him. Blue teeeam, Freeelancer, wild boaaaars. Whatever.

[ooc note: this is a joint post for Grif and Simmons, so replies will come from either/both!!]
failureisntachoice: (Armor 03)
[personal profile] failureisntachoice
[ The recording starts and it centers on a black, armored figure. A pissed, armored figure. Even with the visor in her way, she's trying her damnedest for the glare to penetrate through sheer force of will. ]

Is this some kind of joke? I don’t have time to be dealing with-- [ And she interrupts herself because well technically she does have time now that she’s here, oddly enough. She’s not sure if that’s better or worse than her last predicament. ]

Look, this is Freelancer Texas and I need a status report and location on all other agents operating in this area ASAP. And Wash, if you’re out there, save yourself the trouble because I will find you. [ Someone’s a little salty about the last thing they remember. ]

To whoever wrote that little brochure and hauled us all here? If you want my help, we’re going to need to start talking numbers. Real ones, none of this promise for the future crap. I do my job well and I don’t come cheap.
buildsfriends: (Default)
[personal profile] buildsfriends

Deet deet deet, boop boop beep boop. But-tons but-tons...

[The video comes on but it's just a shot of the top half of his helmet and the sky above because he's holding his comm like a walkie-talkie.

He puts on a 'authoritative' voice.]
Hello. Yes. This is Captain General Fourth Class Caboose. I need you to deliver to me at least fourteen new friends, stat. ASAP, and...BYOB. NASDAQ. Over and out and in, amen.

[...the video continues with just a shot of his armored foot on a grubby sidewalk and his voice further off.]

OH MY GOD FRECKLES LOOK! An outside party!

[A grating mechanical voice answers:] Hostiles detected.

✁ 001

Sep. 1st, 2015 07:20 pm
bestsword: awkward @ dw (look the coffee machine died a noble dea)
[personal profile] bestsword
Okay. Public opinion poll because some people don't understand what protocol actually is.

Question one: can you call dibs on a house

[Distantly, in the background:] Yes, but that's not the fucking point!

And question two: do you think it counts when they aren't around for it if you write your damn name on it

[Still distant] No! The whole point of goddamn dibs is that someone is THERE TO HEAR YOU CLAIM IT!

I mean, usually there's the "there is no wrong answer" here but-

There is, and it's yours!

- shut the fuck up, Church - there is TOTALLY a right answer to this and I need to prove I'm right.

003; audio

Aug. 27th, 2015 10:21 pm
bestever: (SULK; not saying that this dude is me)
[personal profile] bestever
Christ, I can't believe our stupid shitty lives managed to get more complicated.

[he clears his throat, for whatever. reason.] Alright, listen up. I can barely keep track of idiots that aren't also paranoid spies, so at this point, I... Kind of have no idea how many agents are bouncing around this trash heap. So, here's what we're going to do. If the words Project Freelancer mean anything to you, or Covenant, or MJOLNIR, or anything like that? I want you to chip in.

And when you do, you're gonna tell me about the last thing you remember happening. I don't care what planet it was on, or... Not on.

Oh, and I reserve the right to make these little reports private. The last thing that happened to you might just so happen to be, uh. Sensitive information.

[a long exhale, and an rhythmless tapping.] Phew. Alright. If none of that applies to you, you might still be useful. I need as much information as I can get on discrepancies in... Time? God, this is such bullshit. Look, I just need to know about people from the same reality or whatever, but different points in time. Like, is that the norm? There's got to be some kind of pattern to it.


Aug. 26th, 2015 03:34 pm
mightthinkthat: Ian Richardson posing in front of parliament. (commanding)
[personal profile] mightthinkthat
[Francis is outside, looking like he's just a bit done. Not a hundred percent, but a bit irked all the same.] If anyone would be so kind as to help remove a rather large reptile? [He adjusts the camera angle to show off the gila monster before returning it to himself.] Better yet, whoever put it there in the first place. 

I wouldn't mind, normally. [Which is perfectly true. Sleeping lizards, albeit giant ones, aren't all that much trouble.] But it's in the way of traffic, which is awkward. [Understatement. He's getting practice of the hypnotism power, but that's a little tiring for everyone.]  

[Private to Ray Kowalski]

Oh, and on another topic, I've investigated into your residency issue. If you have the time to talk?
maskormods: (Default)
[personal profile] maskormods
Pandemonium! HORROR! The brutality of the Swearing-In has provoked extreme suspicion and hostility towards imPorts. If you are an imPort in the De Chima area, REMAIN VIGILANT. If you don't, you might find yourself victim to some local violence. Already businesses have temporarily closed down. And despite some political strategy from Ambassador Hundred, there is plenty of native tension afoot. Tread carefully, imPorts!

The online fundraiser host BUTTKICKER has taken an interest in healer imPorts. If you can heal and you want to help the local community through outreach work, you can contact the charity group HEAL FOR FEELS for your (self-chosen) assignment and $1000 cash in expenses.

Local Nonah and Heropa retailers have recently released special edition action figures that look like one or two or three familiar faces. None are sold in De Chima, they're still angry.

The following will be seen in newspapers and BlueTube:
Looking for love in all the wrong places? Looking in all the right places but finding that you're just the wrong fit? The highly anticipated reality show GHOULFRIENDS may be just what you're looking for! This isn't your every day dating program. GHOULFRIENDS helps partners of a very special variety. Somewhere out there is the right person for you. Let us support you on your mission to find them!

For information, or to sign up for this one in a lifetime opportunity, call: 1-800-XXX-XXXX!

The following will be seen in national newspapers, UStube and BlueTube, with watered down coverage on MeTube:
In the wake of that infamous act of biochemical terrorism against De Chima University, an imPort by the name of GoGo Tomago was reported to have been found, presumably dumped by her assailant. She exhibited signs of severe torture. Additional reports pending.

The following will be seen in local newspapers, UStube, and BlueTube:
What's been going on with the large and in charge superheroine? After her violent outbursts in early June she appeared to have disappeared for some time, resurfacing earlier this month and then again at the recent Swear-In incident. Locals from other Porter cities have mentioned spotting her repeatedly the past couple of weeks in their cities. Rumors have it Power Girl may be establishing a superhero team based on these prolonged visits, although no one can say for sure what she's been looking for or up to in these cities.

The following will be seen in local newspapers, BlueTube, and
Starrware is currently hiring! Do you want to make a lasting, positive impact on the world around you? Starrware might be for you! Our goal is to tackle current environmental problems and provide fresh and efficient solutions to them. Currently seeking: Receptionist, Research Assistant, and Lab Technician. If you are interested, please contact Karen Starr at [ # ] for further information.

The following will be seen in national newspapers circulating Heropa, De Chima, Nonah, and Maurtia Falls:
ARE YOU AN IMPORT WHO has recently been suffering nightmares? Unleashed anxiety? Violent or irrational thoughts? Are you traumatized from recent Swearing-In related events? Then consider how deeply you may need psychiatric treatment.

Call Doctor Frederick Chilton's office at the Downtown Heropa Hospital, before YOU become a ticking time bomb, too.

The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to RED in response to the De Chima attack.

The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.


maskormenace: (Default)