cigarbribery: (although we are miles apart)
[personal profile] cigarbribery
So, hi!

[The setting: an ice cream parlor, somewhere in Heropa. The scene: Foggy Nelson, eating ice cream, because somebody offered him free ice cream with toppings and he's broke. He gives the camera a little wave and a friendly grin.]

I'm Foggy Nelson—yeah, I know, not my idea, but I'm not changing it now—and I have some questions. Don't worry, I got the "welcome to another world, you have superpowers" speech, I just have some concerns it didn't address.

[Lots and lots of them, actually, but he'll just start with the most pressing.]

First of all, I'm a lawyer back at home. Got a law firm and a partner and even a sign for our office. [A pause, during which he looks quickly away from the camera and lets out a quiet, tired sigh like he's already missing it, then:] Of course, you don't have any reason to believe me, and I don't have any proof to back me up here. Which leads me to my first question: do my qualifications still carry over into an alternate universe? Because, man, being an insurance claim investigator is the only thing that's probably worse than being a lawyer. [He's both, so he gets to be funny about this.]

Second, I might need a crash course on imPort law. I'm pretty sure immigration law doesn't quite cover "forcibly dragged to another universe" that well, and I only got maybe a sketch of the benefits of registration when I tried to ask. [This whole registration thing honestly comes off as a little sketchy to Foggy, but he's going to keep his trap shut on that much.]

Third—does anyone here know what I mean when I say the Avengers? How about the Incident? I—just need to know.
glowsferatu: rude (pic#5048515)
[personal profile] glowsferatu
[ Kanaya doesn't look happy. She looks like someone who has spent two days playing a mobile game nonstop, and hated every second of it. But she important things to say about it now. ]

So, I didn't plan to waste any more of my time thinking about this silly game, but after everyone on Bwitter decided that it was worth blowing up my shouts over, I found that it may be worth looking into further. Frankly, much of the content they related of this "Papaya Delirium" stand-in is rather concerning.

After spending far longer playing "Heart Kapow Wow" [ Though she stops short of using air-quotes, she says it with as much disdain as possible, what kind of stupid title is that? ] than I ever intended to spend on as pointless an endeavor as this, allow me to make a few disclaimers. And, for the record, I can't believe this shit has somehow become necessary.

First, stop recommending Hallmark movies to me. I don't care, I don't want to watch them

Second, no, I am not Jason Vorhees. I don't even know who that is.

Third, I'm not a wasp, or any kind of bee. Stop sending me jokes about bees.

Fourth, and perhaps most importantly, no, I do not have an ovipositor. I do not plant eggs in people. I am not seeking a new egg host for my children, I will not lay eggs in you on request, no amount of money you offer me is enough to make me want to roleplay this scenario with you, or even to think about it any more than you've already made me, and thanks so much for that. I don't want to see any art you've made of the event, I don't want to know that you're making art or writing whatever it is you are while stimulating whatever nether-organs your species has evolved. I don't want to know, please stop making me know about these things. You're all disgusting.

And finally, I. Do not. Date. Men. I don't care what your vexing virtual vespine vixen told you. She isn't me, and she isn't real, and I am seriously considering a call to my lawyer to see if something can't be done about her very existence. If you are trying to hit on me over Bwitter, you've already lost. Please stop.

[ She lets out a long exhale, rubbing her temples. Her brows furrow as she considers something, then relax for a moment as she screws up her lips and opens her eyes, then furrows her brows again, dropping her hands and looking back into the camera. ]

Does anyone know how to get my good ending? Do I even have one? It would really figure if I didn't.

video

Aug. 6th, 2017 07:49 pm
dendarii: (frakkingcylon 234)
[personal profile] dendarii
[ Miles' video feed opens on him in his office in Nonah, which is ... honestly pretty wrecked. Someone had a fight in here - and maybe threw some people through some walls - and so there's some temporary drywall put up to patch things up for now. He's working on it, okay. And fortunately he's got the money to just pay for it without pestering the city about such things.

But perhaps more noticeable to people who know him is the empty sleeve pinned up on his left side. He sure is missing an arm all of a sudden. Whoops. ]


I have two requests. The first is - well, I find myself in need of an interior decorator, if there are any so inclined.

[ He gestures at the drywall in his office, the wrecked furniture. A good reason to replace it with something nicer. ]

And the second is ... perhaps a bit of a stretch. But are there any out there with skill in producing prosthetics? I'm told I'll regenerate my limb eventually, but I'd rather have something now, if possible.

[ And another gesture, this time to the empty sleeve. ]

I would appreciate anyone who can help on either front. You'll be paid, of course, as I expect either would be a considerable task.

video;

Jul. 10th, 2017 10:40 pm
chulk: (pic#10489064)
[personal profile] chulk
[The first view is of a very big and green Hulk squinting at the camera.]

Whoever designed these things needs to be fired. I can barely press anything like this.

[He pulls the communicator away from him and he visibly shrinks down to the form of a skinny Asian teenager.]

Do you know how much less awesome it is when you have to dehulk just to pick up the phone? How am I supposed to show the bad guys that they don't deserve my full attention if I can't call someone while punching them! They're clearly not thinking about their target demographic here.

And I know what some of you are thinking, 'why don't you do it yourself?'. To which I say do I really have to do everything round here? I had a pretty sweet gig back on my Earth being the most popular Hulk ever and now I gotta start from scratch on top of this crappy phone.

Speaking of which, why am I a counsellor on anger management? Bruce is the expert on that. I don't even know any zen techniques!

Profile

maskormenace: (Default)
maskormenace

Tags