1⚡ TEXT

Oct. 14th, 2017 09:01 am
accelerate: I'M THE FLASH! ⚡ (pic#10188177)
[personal profile] accelerate
[ in the middle of the night, one barry allen sneaks out from his room and into the kitchen he shares with iris. keeping all the lights off, he uses only his phone light to keep him company. it's useless, though; the speed at which he types produces little flickers of golden light. ]

UN: BEARY


Raise your hand if you've ever been ported out and ported back in? o/

Keep your hand raised if you were ported out for a month and then ported back in? o/

Keep it raised if you were given a free burger because you were ported out and ported back in? o\

I was pretty hopeful with that one. Can we get that one organized? I can set up a petition.org and we can all sign. And get tacos. Spicy sauce, good meat, the lettuce that isn't crap. Anyone know a good taco place?

I'm getting ahead of myself. Midnight is not the perfect time for tacos. 1am is. #tacotime

I'm jw about anyone's experiences with being ported out. Did Beyonce drop another album while I was away? 🍋 Did Taylor finally get her revenge?💃🏻 Does anyone else feel like they've missed absolutely nothing but everything at the same time?


[ one of those questions is not like the other. barry has a very difficult time drilling his thoughts down to be very concise. what he wants to know: has anyone else been ported out and back in, and did they feel completely useless, too? ]

( ooc | fyi, barry is from mid-flashpoint and will be losing his memories if triggered to think back on an event in his life. please feel free to steer the thread to him forgetting something. )

Anon Text

Oct. 12th, 2017 06:14 pm
namesaquestion: (Wash away the dirty layers)
[personal profile] namesaquestion
[Nikolai's put effort into this; no shitty chatspeak, and he's tried to hide who this is. But he'll likely out himself, eventually.]

How would you deal with those from an alternate timeline of your world?
hardboyled: (Default)
[personal profile] hardboyled
[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!
cigarbribery: (my love is alive way down in my heart)
[personal profile] cigarbribery
[It's a nice autumn day, right, folks? Time to jump into a pile of leaves, have a pumpkin spice latte, pick out costumes for the spookiest time of year, and, apparently, egg someone's house.

That's Maurtia Falls #008 on your screens right now, folks. It's seen better days, clearly, judging from the overabundance of eggs decorating it right now. Behind the camera, someone exhales a long, tired sigh. Then it switches to text:]


I was expecting this to happen on Halloween, not three weeks earlier. I know we're all antsy for Halloween, but could we please save the eggs for when we actually have candy to hand out?

Also, who thought it would be a good idea to decorate the place with eggs, anyway?


[This is absolutely Theon's fault.]
anxiogenic: (Calmness)
[personal profile] anxiogenic
[The video feed, active and recording, shows Crane in his study - but not as usual behind his desk. It rolls around and shows him leaning over the mantelpiece with his elbow, without his jacket, still wearing his sweater vest and tie, with his sleeves rolled up in a manner one might consider casual. He doesn't look at the camera as he gets to work removing an inkwell and quill and then sets down a wooden perch.

Without warning, there's a structured burst of cawing followed by a period of quiet.

Crane steps away from the fireplace and looks up at the lighting. Squatting on the lamp's metal arm is a short-billed black bird. It looks much like all the other black birds one can spot around town.]


If you are quite through?

[He ignores the camera a bit longer in order to bench it on its perch, but not for the first time it flies back to where it seems comfortable. He tries again, and not much to his surprise it returns home. Despite the clear camaraderie the two of them share, he leans on one side and directs his eyes at the ceiling. He is not generally fond of opinions from the masses but finally addresses the camera admist another round of cawing.]

I cannot very well invite him to fly around my office anonymously. If you would like to name him, I will take on board your suggestions.

[Trying not to sound too frustrated, he checks his sleeve. His face goes thunderous.]

Excuse me.

[He clicks his nails against the mantlepiece and then, in true fashion, at least to those who know him, preserves his dignity by switching off the video.]

video;

Aug. 13th, 2017 07:07 pm
storyseeker: (pic#10990351)
[personal profile] storyseeker
Okay, non-literal show of hands: who got included in that dating app, and did you date yourself? This is important data collection.

[No it's not.]

Okay, it isn't, but I'm still really curious and want you to tell me. Full disclosure: the Alayne Salmon character is me, and it's...not completely off-base? I do care a lot about my career, and I do like classic video games. But it also says I like bad boys...and girls...so it's not a how-to guide, either.

[Not that they need to be squeaky clean, but thaaaaat is not something she's going to talk about on the network.]

Anyway, I want to know who tried out some self-love and how well it ended. Myself and myself will be very happy together, apparently, but I lost a weekend to this game and got mixed results with Hannu Sololo, James Caligula and Bill Grimm.

Maybe I should be annoyed that the developer used our likenesses this way, but honestly, I had a lot of fun.
maskormods: (⒉)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2017
Native sentiment centralized in the east coast has been growing for a governmental response to the recent imPort-centric chaos. The government, ever protective of imPorts, has been reluctant to set down any new regulations -- but constituents have been calling their congresspeople.

HE KANGED, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
As seen on BlueTube (via cellphone footage), Bwitter, Rumblr, and Heropean local news:
Some of the clone mayhem has been put to a stop in an explosive manner, thanks to the draconian imPort Kang. The amateur footage shows him cornering his own clone in an alley several blocks from a restaurant favored by locals. Kang is heard shouting for others to back away before shooting energy darts out of his hand, killing the double troublemaker on the spot. The body then reduces to bones and explodes as if they were made of dynamite, much to the surprise of the onlookers. No others were hurt, and there was minimal damage to nearby property.

According to Kang, before the video ends, this is completely normal for his race.

There had been reports of this clone starting fights in several bars and espousing imPort and non-human superiority. He has also been linked to three local deaths. No official statements have been made by the police as of yet.

AIN'T NO SNOWFLAKE
As seen in national newspapers and De Chima televised channels:
A new shelter is being opened by former ambassador candidate Jon Snow. While De Chima has a number of shelters in use, Lord Snow has promised that his will not only be located outside of the city, but will provide housing not only for the homeless, but for the imPorts currently without support and between jobs. He's stated in recent interviews that the shelter will provide assistance in finding more permanent housing and jobs, as well as teaching the residents of the shelter valuable tools to help them in various careers. Donations and supplies are requested, delivered to Snow's office between the hours of 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

"We are in this together," Snow has told reporters. "We need to band together, all of us. It's the only way our city will thrive."

ABSOLUTELY SIMFUL
As seen on BlueTube play-by videos, local Heropa news, Rumblr, and in internet ads:
There's a new mobile app that has been causing something of a stir amongst natives. Launched just this week, HEART KAPOW WOW is an app that enables natives to embrace the ImPort experience... via dating sim. The game is available to anyone interested for a small fee, but the most interesting thing is that some of the dating options might seem a little familiar. Players have the option to go with a number of dating routes, and live either a heroic or villainous life. More information on the game and uncanny dating options is available here!

SELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
As seen in entertainment magazines and the official TMI blogosphere:
Reality stars Noah Czerny (of "True Afterlife") and Ronan Lynch (one half of the duo from ETV's "fuckups & tryhards") have taken to BlueTube in a series of videos depicting the boys performing tricks and stunts with novelty toys in the shape of male genitalia. As of this report, the videos have over one million views. Whether the viral performance is a spontaneous act by the boys or a calculated move on the part of UCCY INC Network in an attempt to merge its popular teen imPort franchises remains a point of debate on entertainment news sites and forums. Both boys, who are roommates and make cameo appearances on their respective programs, have a large following on Imstagram and recently toured London as guests of the British government in celebration of a new trade deal between the US and UK.

THELMA AND OH GEEZ
As seen on Rumblr discourse, in Bwitter threads, and watched on on TMI Tonight:
SPOTTED: Daenerys Targaryen giving a statement to police called to the site of her recent fender-bender. Her passenger at the time of the accident was friend and sometime collaborator Gwen Wynne-York, to whom she was overheard remarking, "I think we won that".

Ms Wynne-York could not be reached for comment but was reportedly struggling to contain her laughter.

Ms Targaryen is rumored to have settled with the other party.

ROW ROW ROW AND BOATS
As seen on imPort Message boards, Community Interest News Stories, Boating Enthusiasts Newsletters:
A heated argument has broken out among Boater Enthusiasts the last few weeks. It's not quite an all out battle, but races have been tossed around as a possibility. The Prize? Having imPort Riptide sign off as the mascot of whichever club wins! So far no word has come from Riptide himself as to which club he supports, but Heropa's two largest clubs, Pier Pressure and Schooner or Laker have been making some waves. Only time will tell if the riptides will turn in their favor, or if they'll be washed out to sea.

BAEB IN PLOYLAND?
As seen on all Maurtia Falls news channels:
On July 21st, imPort ambassador Petyr Baelish officially announced he would be running for mayor in an interview with the Maurtia Falls Times. The signs had been there for quite a while what with him running regular town hall meetings and drumming up support in the education and business communities, but up until now he had been rather coy when asked about his ambitions. When prompted about whether this would mean he would step down from his ambassadorial position, Baelish responded he had no plans to step down unless he secures the office and he believes he would be fully capable of devoting his time to his fellow imPorts as well as running his campaign.

Current mayor Tony Cardelli seemed unconcerned about Baelish's announcement. "While I can greatly appreciate the works Ambassador Baelish has put into place during the time he's served this city, I think the people of Maurtia Falls will know better than to appoint an imPort in the role of mayor. And that's nothing against his capabilities, but quite simply being an imPort always runs a risk of them spontaneously vanishing or otherwise leaving the city at risk. Look at what happened to our city just this past week because of imPorts. And I could go on record naming numerous times imPorts have been the cause of our city's problems. Because of this, I am confident I will be reelected for a second term." Cardelli told Channel 7 News in a press conference after the clone catastrophe.

Even so, many cars have been spotted around the city with a single mockingbird bumper sticker in solidarity with Petyr Baelish, his town hall meetings have been seeing a dramatic increase of foot traffic, and whether it's the work of the famed guerrilla artist or copycats -- the message "embElish maurtia falls" has been cropping up in gold spray paint all across the city. It's clear that Ambassador Baelish has drummed up quite a bit of support quicker than anyone realized, and it seems as though Cardelli will be forced to take his campaign seriously.

On August 18th at 7:00pm, Mayor Cardelli and Mayor-Hopeful Baelish will be going head to head in their first town hall debate. The citizens of Maurtia Falls are encouraged to come ask questions or air out their grievances.

POKEDISASTER
As seen on BlueTube, Rumblr:
What appears to be the imPorts Blue and Archie, seen here, having a battle of pocket monsters in the middle of London. IN CONSEQUENCE of this intense one-on-one, a large, poisonous sludge-strewn crater was left in their wake. Disaster!

Dragged off by their respective Pokémon, these brawling trainers might have gotten away with it anonymous -- but imPort Niko recorded it and uploaded it onto BlueTube page. What!

TIME TO MANABU UP
As seen in Nonah local papers:
Seen as a kind of goodwill effort by some (or tasteless infiltration by others), imPort Manabu was interviewed by local journalist Jacknard Pulley regarding his induction into the North Carolina Nonah Division Police Academy. Manabu has stated that, to quote, "he's hoping his actions will speak for themselves; he wants to help everyone, imPort and local alike".

The article itself was published in multiple papers, as Pulley is a freelance journalist. A feel-good piece that has been criticized as imPort propaganda by anonymous users on Bwitter has nevertheless found some support within the Nonah community.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from COQUELICOT to WENGE.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
wonts: (pic#11588805)
[personal profile] wonts
[ The last time he'd done this, he'd been low-key freaking out about remembering absolutely nothing, which also prompted the issue about his powers, but... he's trying to get over that. More importantly, he thinks this is a good way to ask for advice anyway. People seem friendly enough. ]

Hi again. I hope everyone's doing okay after everything that's happened...

I know this isn't as important as asking about powers or how we can help with them, but I was wondering if someone could tell me what makes a good date. Or maybe a place to go? I'm still learning my way around, so I get lost most of the time.
[ Haha... ]

I want it to be nice, but I guess it's like an apology too.

Ah... sorry this isn't really urgent. It's important to me though.
[ He probably shouldn't confess too much since it'd give him away when he's trying to be fairly discreet about making plans. ] Thanks for your time!
eatsnutsandkicksbutts: (SG - that's actually really plausible?)
[personal profile] eatsnutsandkicksbutts
Soooooooo hypothetical question for y'all

What are your thoughts on secret identities??

I mean, we're all pretty recognizable here just because we're imPorts, yeah? If you don't really have the whole 'mild-mannered civilian' thing going for you anymore, and everyone knows that you have powers because of the imPort thing, is it worth the trouble to keep your secret identity and your regular joe identity separate?

AGAIN, I CANNOT STRESS HOW 100% HYPOTHETICAL THIS IS

consider this a thought exercise!!

002. video.

Aug. 8th, 2017 02:16 pm
jalan: (#10393093)
[personal profile] jalan
[ Unlike most instances when Daenerys addresses the network or those on it individually, she is more practical today than pretty. Intricate braids decorate her hair, but they likewise serve a purpose to control silver waves and keep them lashed down. Her face is clear of makeup, and her garments, leather and wool, are better suited for adventuring than high fashion.

Behind her, a late afternoon Virginian landscape from on high, as if she has climbed Whitetop Mountain just to make her pronouncement. ]


In light of recent attacks and violences against our little minority, I'm moved to address the fact that my imPort bodyguard has since been vanished home again. [ Feelings on the subject are mild, or have already been processed, practical in the moment. ] I envy her. And I've yet to determine whether appointing another is necessary, but--

[ The wind swamps her speakers, and she squints against it while it endures, before she starts again. ]

But I would be remiss if I did not learn how to defend myself. If there are those among you both adept at physical defense as well as willing to teach someone who is not, I'd like to come to an arrangement. I've no instinct for weaponry, [ she adds, to fend off the prospect of sword lessons and the like. ] But I would welcome the advice.

I hope you all remain safe. We have but one another.

[ Her message finishes with an understated smile, and an odd sound in the background, an animal, bass-deep purr, that some would recognise as to belonging to a dragon. Most may just think it to be more noise interference. She ends the transmission there. ]

video

Jul. 10th, 2017 08:28 pm
khajidont: (Default)
[personal profile] khajidont
So, first off - hi to all the new people 'round here! I'm Jaime, and I've been here for... gosh, it's gotta be, what, three years now? Longer than most people around here, with a few exceptions. Anyway, if you got any questions about how things work around here, feel free to ask me, and I'll answer if I can. Or if anyone's looking for a job at a garage, we got a position opening up - maybe even two. [ If Erik's successful, that is. With that in mind, Jaime leans back in his seat (he's at his computer desk in his room, a rumpled bed behind him with a stack of textbooks on his bedside table), and gets going on what he really wanted to talk about. ]

What I really wanted to ask you guys, though, is this: did you bother going to school here? You know, college and all that? Getting your GED's good for finding a half-decent job around here, but about a year ago, I didn't really see the point in going to college if we might not be around long enough to even get halfway through a degree. Now, though... I'm starting to reconsider.

[ He brushes a lock of hair out of his face (it's really too long, again), and continues. ]

So. If you decided to go to school, why'd you do it? If you actually made the decision to not go to school, d'you think that was the right call? Just consider this, like, an informal poll. I'm interested in hearing what you guys have got to say.

text; 002

Jun. 18th, 2017 11:34 am
picksthenames: (flashback arms crossed)
[personal profile] picksthenames
[ Cisco is trying his best to put his best foot forward with this advertisement, so he's going out of his way to actually capitalize words and use proper punctuation. Be proud of him. ]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the ImPort community, my name is Cisco Ramon, and I'm here to offer my services to you. The Porter brings us here, gives powers to those of us who don't already have them, and the Government wants us to use those powers to fight crime as heroes. For some people, that's just another Tuesday. But there's a whole subsection of the ImPort community that doesn't come with pre-made costumes or alternate identities.

Ramon Tech is here to help.

Back home, I outfitted Central City's heroes with the clothes and tech they needed to fight criminal metahumans. We're talking the Flash, Kid Flash, Jesse Quick, Vibe, and others. My tech has made it to other cities, times, and alternate Earths. But you don't have to take my word for it. I have examples of my work to show you:
Attachments:

Feel free to contact me here or via my personal line. All client identities are kept confidential. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have, or set up a time for us to meet in person.

Thank you for your time. 🖖

video »

Jun. 12th, 2017 02:31 am
eloquentness: (patient)
[personal profile] eloquentness
[ The feed opens up to a young woman sitting behind the counter of a flower shop. Several flower arrangements are lined up behind her, some more artfully arranged - and frankly, more gorgeous - than others.

(They're works in progress, okay?) On the bright side, she's sticking to safe combinations or single-flower bouquets, rather than branching out. ]


Hey, everyone. [ She beams into the camera; first impressions matter, after all. ] I've gotta ask, especially if you've been here a while: what's one thing you wish you'd known when you first got here?

I'm no stranger to parallel universes - trust me, living in Central City will do that to you - but it's still kind of surreal, you know? This doesn't have to be anything life-changing. It can be something small like, oh... I don't know, your new favorite coffee place?
catchacold: :) (so cool)
[personal profile] catchacold
[The video opens with a turtle on a skateboard. The turtle has an emblem on its shell, a lightning bolt in a white circle. It looks rather unperturbed by the entire situation.

A slight shuffle can be heard and then the turtle's skateboard gets a push. It starts rolling across the room. The turtle looks as nonplussed as a turtle can look. It's not very.

The skateboard isn't moving all that fast, but for a turtle? Pretty damn fast. The camera moves along with it, only slightly shaky. A hand can be seen stopping the skateboard before it hits the sofa. The same hand shortly thereafter produces a lettuce leaf and puts it down on the skateboard, something that gets more of the turtle's interest than the entire adventure so far.

While the turtle eats, the hand holds up a sign that reads: THE FASTEST TURTLE ALIVE!]




[The camera zooms out a little, showing a sleeping Mick Rory, stretched out on the sofa with a sign propped up against him.]



[Finally the camera turns, revealing the face of the mastermind behind all this, angling the shot so he can be seen sitting on the ground, leaning back against the sofa and petting the turtle's shell.]

This turtle needs a name for its secret identity. I take suggestions!

[He moves to turn the feed off, then thinks better of it.]

Rincewind, tell me if you want your turtle back. Just remember that it has the heard of a hero. [Wait, this is Rincewind he's addressing.] Metaphorically.

Also, Flash? You're on. My money's on the turtle.

Anyone else care to make a bet? Fastest Man Alive or the turtle, tell me your odds.
coppelganger: (movement)
[personal profile] coppelganger
[ Wonder of wonders, it's time for a rare as hell Sarah network post. But today is an important day, and for more people than just her, she's sure. When she appears on the network early in the afternoon, she's subdued, but then again, she always kind of is when she's doing something on the network. ]

Anyone else really missing their kid today? Or maybe just missing their mum?

[ That's it. She doesn't have a lot to say. The questions hang in the air for a few seconds, and then she reaches over and shuts the feed off. ]

007 | text;

May. 1st, 2017 03:24 am
textualhealing: (066)
[personal profile] textualhealing
Fanfics.

We've all read them, don't even try to deny it. Some of us might have written them in the past (I've dabbled, ngl. They were amazing pieces of art.)

I already know the weird shit that fans can come up with, but what I really wanna know is your favorite ones. Give me the best pairings, the oddest settings and the hella creepy "plots" that are out there.

No fic is too NSFW or too weird for me to read.

I guess now is also the perfect time to mention I'm on the look out for imPort staff. Those familiar with law, paralegals, even just people real good at answering phones tbh. I won't get you to look up creepy fanfics for me, I swear. I might email you the good ones tho, but I don't see any downside in that.

» video

Apr. 30th, 2017 10:26 pm
clobbers: (pic#11042109)
[personal profile] clobbers
( This has been on her mind for a while; the viewer can tell. Anyone who has met or known Kara Danvers will know that she's more prone to smiling than frowning. But she is, teeth sinking into her lower lip, that telltale crinkle between her furrowed brows as she looks up, regarding her audience solemnly. )

So I... I uh. Said and did some pretty awful things during that dream world. Thing.

( Shaking her head, she glances away. )

And I need to apologize for that, to all of you. That was way out of line. I'm not sure how or if I can make it up to those of you I've hurt or been rude to, but I'd like to try.

( With baby steps. Looking back at the camera, her features ease, and she rubs the bridge of her nose. )

Does anybody want ice cream? My treat. I'll start with that.

[video]

Apr. 30th, 2017 06:14 pm
divaricate: createdamurderbot @ tumblr (civil war [42])
[personal profile] divaricate
It's been a while since I've brought up the topic of food here.

[So here she is today, here to make everyone hungry. You're welcome.]

What are some of your favorite food things? Stuff you would find at a bakery. Bonus points if you can actually send me a recipe.

[She might be ( -- is -- ) looking for ideas for new stuff to make and offer at her bakery. Pretty much 90% of stuff there is of the Eastern-ish European variety, but she does have a smaller selection of other things. Of that smaller selection, she could use more ideas.]

I'm kind of looking for some inspiration for something. Thanks in advance.

[A smile.]
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2017
WAKEY WAKEY,
FOR HEAVENS SAKEY!

GOTT JUSTICE?
As seen televised on local and national news:
April 30th
Import Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler was taken into custody late on April 23rd on charges of willful breach of government security. Details are classified, but it's a blow for the small, yet devout following of fans shocked by the news and arguing on behalf of the newly married doctor. But not only has Dr. Gottlieb pled guilty during his trial, he's offered no defense and shown little remorse for his alleged actions. Whether he's unaware of or simply disinterested in his staunchest fans is unclear.

Deemed guilty by the courts, Dr. Gottlieb is facing a two month sentence in medium-security prison, with the possibility of an early probational release on review. Officials say the De Chima-based imPort has been cooperative, but has threatened legal action against the local police department, citing violations of the ADA and criticizing the lack of official guidelines for the detainment of physically impaired suspects. So far, only a formal complaint has been filed.

"It could have been worse," Officer Reiman says. "We didn't expect to find [the suspect]. His file lists a teleportation ability and could have prompted an international manhunt. He'd had plenty of warning too-- had to get the cruiser buzzed in. Almost seems like he wanted to be arrested."

Meanwhile, imPort critics say that Dr. Gottlieb only let himself be arrested because of the unfair sentencing policies that favor cases like his. Typically, cyber crime has resulted in 2-5 year sentences for the non-imPort population. But whatever his motivations, there's no way to know for sure.

Dr. Gottlieb's evaluation is expected to take place on May 24th. His husband, Dr. Newton Gottlieb-Geiszler, could not be reached for comment.

BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE
As seen in HOT HOT BEAT, TMI Magazine, IMPORTED GOSSIP, and national news:
Fans of the hot yoga show "BODY HEAT!" were shocked this past week to discover the show's popular imPort host, Mick Rory, was arrested for arson. Rory admitted to setting his government-assigned house in Heropa on fire on the 13th of April, just before the holiday weekend. Rory has been sentenced to two months parole and community service, but has not given any public explanation for his actions.

Speculation is running rampant, with many pointing out that Rory had been known to offer his services to various Fire Departments in the Porter Cities, and had only just a few weeks ago had run a charity drive for the Heropa General's burn ward. Some have called attention to his little-used but widely known alternate alias "Heat Wave", and a rumoured criminal past. Fans online are split between those expressing outrage and those arguing it was a simple mistake.

As for BODY HEAT!, the producers made a public statement that they are reviewing his contract for breach of its Moral Clauses, and have since officially retired Rory from the show.

A BET-TER WORLD
As seen in local Maurtia Falls advertisements:
All bets are ON! WHO will be the next imPort arrested for criminal activity? The handsome Sam Merlotte? The incredibly loud Count Dooku? The beautiful Bela Talbot? The coquettish Yuri Plisetsky? Rope in your financial manager and/or gambling broker and put down a name, you could win it big if fate favors your delinquent pick.

(Smart money is on imPorts who are often seen wearing black).

YOU KNOW NOTHING, SPRING SNOW
As seen on the Maurtia Falls weather channel:
Bad news for people who were enjoying the spring weather. An extreme cold front is sweeping the east coast this weekend, producing blizzard like conditions for the state of Pennsylvania. You can expect to see snowfalls of up to two feet with wind gusts of up to 45 MPH. Folks of Maurtia Falls should brace for impact on April 21st. Wind gusts and heavy snow could cause localized power outages and downed trees. The department of transportation has announced that they are armed and ready with plows to clear the roads, and travel should not be adversely affected for long, but advises that drivers stay off the road if it can be avoided.

Just when you thought you were in the clear, it seems that Winter Is Coming back again.

THE DOOK OF HAZARD
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
The newest episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features The Doctor as a special guest star, interviewed by the Count for his take on recent dangerous incidents like the attack by armies of historical mirages that ruined the last weekend of March, and the blight of apple crops rumoured to have been caused by failed biogenetic testing.

The Doctor’s interview mostly involves a lot of rambling about the timeline, attempts to explain temporal paradoxes to the casual listener, and a little bit of grumping at the government for not letting people look at the Porter. Dooku has to get him back on track multiple times but, all in all, it’s a good interview. The most important thing is that the Doctor surmises that some of the problems, such as the historical mirage attack, might be caused by a temporal malfunction in the Porter. After all, the Porter is an impressive machine but it’s just a MACHINE. It’s entirely possible the Porter can’t juggle all these timelines and accidentally slipped up somewhere.

The Count closes this month’s episode by encouraging any listeners who are concerned about political issues to speak out by contacting the imPort community’s elected representatives with any questions or complaints. To this end, he has helpfully shared the following public contact information:

Lord Petyr Baelish, imPort Ambassador for Maurtia Falls
Queen Lucy Pevensie, imPort Ambassador for De Chima
Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, imPort Ambassador for Nonah
United States Senator Mitchell Hundred of Virginia

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OF THE HEART to INDIGO-GO because nothing shakes off the sleepies like an impromptu dance party.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
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[personal profile] helpline
First of all, I hate to say this but Calendar Man's ported out. He didn't show up for work, so I did a bit of prowling around [ aka breaking and entering ] and he's not asleep either.

[ But that involves dealing with feelings and acknowledging friends leave and while the Doctor's trying his hardest to get better at that, he still has some issues. Let's not deal with feelings by talking about things instead. There's a chalkboard behind the Doctor and he writes out what he's saying as he talks through his theory. ]

Speaking of the sleeping thing, a proposition: I think I know who caused this.

A SUMMATION BEHIND THE CUT TEXT FOR THIS IS WORDY AND Y'ALLS FRIENDS LISTS NEED TO BE SPARED )

Tl dr! [ And yes, he said out the letters 't', 'l', 'd', and 'r' like a goddamn grandpa who just learned to text-speak ] Point one, very powerful with powers that are good for mucking with your head. Point two, the Russian occupation. Point three, a repeat offender. Point four, Billy Kalpan. Put them all together and that reveals our culprit to be.....

[ cue a very anticlimactic shrug. ]

Somebody! I know who it is, I just don't know the name. There's a lot of us, after all, I don't know every imPort. Give me some names, let's figure this nonsense out, we've got people's boyfriends to wake up! [ There's a pause, before, ]

Also, it's not Crane. Or Julian, obviously, what with the whole being Ported out thing. We can cross those two off the list. Likewise, if you can help me piece together how fire birds work into this, I'd appreciate it. The little bird was a bit vague on that part.

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