doctopussy: (armed and dangerous)
[personal profile] doctopussy
[ The voice that speaks isn't Otto's; it's a Voice-To-Text robot. He then includes a text transcription to reach the widest audience possible. ]

Good evening, imPorts.

There is a significant matter which we need to discuss:

How shall we destroy the Porter?
maskormods: (⒌)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2017
Acts of forgiveness has softened the imPort image -- in no small part because of the recent spats of violence and aggression directed against imPorts. But many are looking towards the future; excitement is beginning to ripple over the next Swearing-In. Rumor has it none other than Daenerys Targaryen is heading the event.

UNDER THE WEATHER
As seen on local Heropan television:
Newcomer imPort Eddison Tollett made his first sensation on the internet, right on his first day on the job at De Chima Channel Six News! His position as a weatherman led to some very interesting forecasts, while wearing some very heavy winter black clothing.

Some choice moments:

"Early morning you will get fog here. Congratulations on not seeing anything, I guess."

"This coming Sunday there will be rain. Then why bother calling it Sunday, are you trying to make things worst?"

And the ever controversial:

"Monday comes the chance of rain. All the gods like to piss on us all."

And piss they did.

KEN U D33G IT
As seen in celebrity gossip blogs and TMI Magazine:
Love is brewing: boss and employee - secret romance?

To everyone's surprise, imPort Ken Kaneki, known ghoul and coffee shop owner, was seen together with one of his employees, D33. Although little is known about the mysterious D33, the idea of a boss-employee relationship (as well as an inter-species relationship) has raised many eyebrows, and fans seem to be both quite amazed and surprised by the idea!

The two were seen at the cinema together viewing the hit movie, "Dusk", which many fans claim to be a sign of its own considering that the movie tells the tale of a forbidden and heated romance between a Vampire and a Human.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen them holding hands!" 16-year-old Vanessa Rogers says enthusiastically on a video uploaded to BlueTube under her account. Many photographs of Kaneki and D33 have been uploaded to the "Kennibals" website reporting this whole event, and they show the two exiting the theater once the movie was over and heading to the beach together.

Fans guarantee romance is in the air and late summer love will prevail!

[ Many pictures of Kaneki and D33 at the movies (while watching Twilight Dusk) and at the beach follow. ]

NAY, WE ARE BUTT MEN
As seen on television, in De Chima newspapers, Bwitter, and on Rumblr:
A larger than life homage to Ambassador Sam Merlotte’s derrière became a social media sensation overnight after it appeared outside of Merlotte’s under mysterious circumstances. The bronze statue, which immortalized the Ambassador’s naked bottom in stunning detail, has since been removed, but not before photos of locals paying tribute to the artwork went viral on bwitter under #ambASSador. Doctored pictures of the statue touring the world and even traveling through time and space have continued to surface long after the original work vanished, fueling wild speculation about its fate.

Will the statue return once its pilgrimage is complete? Only time will tell.

CARTOON NETWERK
As seen on Bwitter:
Rumor has it that a new animated show starring the uncanny likenesses of imPorts will be airing this fall. An alleged cast list has been leaked with the following names:
Don Smurfy
Sad Weeney
Mina Squelcher
Hinders
Juice Dane
Ron Soot
Sandy Bark
Tio Mando
Thrice
Red Ivy
Kaan Cannibal
Ripe Hide

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FULVOUS to EBURNEAN, because all is well if you squint.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

REMINDER: please use the designated text box when writing our your submissions.

[video]

Sep. 5th, 2017 09:17 pm
majorlyugh: (obligatory . pick things ^ put them v)
[personal profile] majorlyugh
[Major comes on screen, wearing a tank top. He flexes both arms, creating a sort of upside-down U-shape.] Yo, bro! Bro, do you even lift, bro?!

God, no, sorry, can you imagine if I really talked like that? Ugh. Anyway, now that I've got your attention, please hold all the rotten fruit you were getting ready to pummel me with (with good reason) to listen to my announcement!

I'm looking to open up a fitness center for all imPorts later this month. I'm still in the stages of setting it all up, but it'll eventually - hopefully - have all sorts of equipment for all kinds of abilities and powers. Like, treadmills that go to inhuman speeds for all you Speedy Gonzalezes out there. Oh geez, was that racist? Sorry. Uh. For all you .. uh ... Flashes out there? And there'll be crazy weights for all of you Hulks who wanna show off how much you can bench to all your buds. If you have other powers that could benefit from going to the gym to workout on the regs, just let me know what kind of accommodations you might need, and I'll see what I can do!

[He starts to turn the video off, but comes back at the last minute.] OH! Wait, duh. The reason I made this was also to ask if there are folks who might be interested in working at said fitness center! We'll need front desk staff, personal trainers (I was one in my last life, so I can totes help you if you want me to!), a maintenance crew, an accountant, and PR folks. If you're interested, hit me up here or using the strange faux-iPhone devices we all have. Thanks!

( video )

Sep. 3rd, 2017 08:54 pm
youresovein: (get ready for a grape in the eye bro.)
[personal profile] youresovein
Well! What a group we all make.

[ Get a load of this guy. Leather jacket. Violet sunglasses. Touch of a French accent. He's not blending in at all, but it's clear that he's not particularly interested in trying to. He's lounging with feline grace (read: like he owns the place) in a corner booth at an all night pancake house, one arm draped casually over the back of the seat, the other holding the communicator. He gives the camera a smile and an elegant little wave. ]

Hi. Lestat here. Author. Rock star. Creature of the night. I introduce myself this way not to be egotistical — although I am, enormously — but because I've been told that it accounts for some of my eccentricities. I'll let you judge that for yourselves.

Now, I could go on about myself all night, and I gladly will if anyone cares to ask, but I have a question! There's no wrong answer. There may not be a right one, either. The question is in regards to a story, and the gist of the story, although significantly and brutally abridged, is this:

The protagonist of this tale isn't a heroic man, or even a particularly good man. Actually, he's mostly awful, when you get right down to it. And he had, quite some time ago, found himself down on his luck for a whole host of reasons, most of which he most certainly deserved. But one day, something changed. The particulars of that change don't matter right now, only that he knew that he, too, had to change; had to undergo what a generous author might call character development. And so this man made a grand if somewhat disastrous gesture of honesty, of love, and perhaps of repentance. Things didn't go as planned, because of course they never do in a good story, do they? Ah, but in any case: rising action, climax, denouement. All the parts were there, and the ending even hints at another volume.

And then— [ Here he waves his hand, as if to indicate the whole of everything: himself, the pancake house, the endless night outside the window where a vinyl poster advertises all you can eat waffles. ] This. And so my question is: what lesson, what kind of meaning do you think our protagonist should take from a plot twist like this? I find myself at a loss, my dear viewers, and it's too farfetched of a sequel hook for my tastes. I wonder whether—

[ He pauses here, something offscreen catching his attention, along with a weary, irritable-sounding customer service voice. ]

—ah! My lovely waitress Ethel is asking whether I intend to sit here vlogging all night or if I'm going to order something. Say bonsoir, Ethel.

[ He turns the camera; the surly waitress does not look amused. Back to Lestat, then. ]

Well, it seems even my charm has its limits. For now, then!

[ And with another wave, he signs off. ]

video!

Aug. 27th, 2017 09:57 pm
beneathbluerafters: (the mystery of the upturned rock)
[personal profile] beneathbluerafters
Listen, I want to make something absolutely clear:

[ Klarion points the camera at something just outside his basement window. It's some kind of bug, maybe a beetle or a cockroach, but it's a bit difficult to tell which, since Klarion kind of sucks at focusing the video. The bug has been flipped over onto its back, and is squirming and flailing with all six legs to the sky. ]

This idiot tried to kick my window in, and came up against my protective wards. He did this to himself, he'll be back to normal in an hour or so. I had nothing to do with it, I'm not going back on probation again!
maskormods: (Default)
[personal profile] maskormods
THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2017
Congress has yet to return from its August recess, but singular interviews indicate that they have heard the woes of their native constituents regarding imPort conflict. There are talks that some action might come of this. But maybe it's all talk? Then again... A lot of natives are questioning why the government allowed for a Swear-Out, especially apparent on Bwitter. The government released a brief memo to the press stating that imPorts have equal rights, to include the right of assembly, but some members of society still seem unconvinced. Limited public pressure might be coming down on Congress and, in turn, specifically Senator Mitchell Hundred.

ARMED TO THE NINES (MINUS ONE)
As seen on Sorbes Business Magazine, De Chima news outlets:
An investigation is underway in De Chima after reports that break-ins at Crake & Orix Tech and Anoxia INC have resulted in the theft of several prototypes and patents the companies were working on. Police are tight-lipped about details, but they have revealed that the perpetrators are currently at large and it's not believed imPorts are involved. It's unclear at this time if these two thefts were linked or coincidental. Businesses in De Chima are advised to review their security in case the thefts continue.

MACA-CRONI
As seen in local Maurtia Falls news and imPort-centric online forums:
Once more into the breach! Infamous street artist bElish has struck again! This time with a fifteen foot mural unveiled in the center of the Maurtia Falls financial district. Macaroni on canvas depicting the beloved Petyr Baelish's face, wearing a disgruntled expression. Because the businesses of the financial district indeed have CCTV in relevant areas, and because this work of guerrilla art seemed to appear out of nowhere, speculation has renewed over bElish's identity. Are they Metahuman? ImPort? Government? A prototype clone??

HEART KAPOW CASH COW
As seen on gamer news blogs and financial publications:
There has been an ungodly amount of chatter over the NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED dating sim game of all time HEART KAPOW WOW, and the usual film industry giants are already salivating over the chance to buy the rights to screen depicting this whimsical (and sometimes dark) app game. The problem? NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE CREATOR IS! Literally, a mystery! Attempts to dox the creator's identity by corporate and individual hackers alike have failed. Multiversal Pictures has put out an open call for the creator to being talking intellectual rights and purchase negotiations.

FIGHT FOR YOUR MIGHT TO PARTY
As seen on Bwitter, BlueTube, and Rumblr via the livestream content, and discussed on Maurtia Falls Tonight, as well as late night news:
This month, imPorts participated in televised charity matches as part of the government Swear-In event. These matches, dubbed Might Club, were intended as a friendly sparring event between imPorts and livestreamed for all those fans who wanted to see their favorite heroes duke it out. However, one fight in particular crossed into sheer brutality not appropriate for young viewers -- or anyone really.

The imPorts, identified as Dio Brando and Jotaro Kujo, got into what could only be described as a brawl to the death in front of the cameras after being matched up to each other. In one brutal moment of their clash, Jotaro Kujo and what could only be described as "a buff purple man" tore off Dio's arm straight off the joint! Dio Brando responded by ripping his claws at the man's face, damaging his left eye to the point of bleed-out, alongside "a buff yellow man." Better names to define these colorful fighters who assisted Jotaro and Dio respectively are still being debated!

Both men kept fighting until Jotaro Kujo collapsed from his injuries, unwilling to tap out or stop fighting until the breaking point. Dio Brando reattached his arm, coming out the clear winner of the brawl, and walked out victorious. He was quickly approached for comments by reporters on the scene about the brutality of the brawl. With a good natured laugh he explained that the two of them have a long-time rivalry, neither willing to back down, but that there was no intention of having it go so far. Ultimately the blame is on Jotaro Kujo for not tapping out when he was clearly losing.

Jotaro Kujo required immediate medical attention following the fight and was taken overnight to the hospital following the conclusion of the brawl. However he discharged himself in the morning, insisting to doctors he was better (despite needing a cane to walk and sporting an eyepatch.) When reached out for comments, he refused and threatened violence against any reporters who tried to bother him. Considering what was witnessed, it should be believed he means it.

Fan communities have now begun to dub the match "imPort Death Brawl: For Charity Edition" and eagerly await the next confrontation these two will have! Needless to say there is some bad blood between them that social media is already speculating on (and writing what can only be described as "hatefic" between them.)

LEPRECHAUN OR LEPRE-CON?
As seen originating on Bwitter, then watched on local Heropan news and TMI Tongiht:
A recent string of news incidents in Heropa, Florida have recently been connected to recent imPort arrival Mad Sweeney. Across social media, eagle-eyed imPort fans have compiled and circulated a likely list of reported events.
  • Florida man discovered sleeping in trunk of Catholic minister's car
  • Florida man challenged pizza delivery boy to fight when refused to provide change for antiquated gold coins
  • Florida man seen being chased by wild dogs through public cemetery
  • Wedding in disarray when unknown Florida man invited himself to public reception to eat cake
  • Drunk and disorderly Florida man removed from zoo for shouting obscenities at flamingos
  • Mad Sweeney could be reached for comment, but the amount of expletives within said comment cannot be circulated in reputable news outlets.

    SWEAR JAR
    As seen on national news stations, Maurtia Falls local news, major newspapers and their corresponding news content websites:
    This month's government-provided pro-Registration Swear-In for the imPort community faced a rival gathering in the form of an imPort-organized Swear-Out rally, which encouraged the Unsettled path while protesting government policies toward imPorts. This level of imPort protest is unprecedented, and while both proceeded largely peacefully (a relief to many attendees, who recalled attacks and disasters at previous Swear-Ins) there were noted tensions and arguments on the border between the two parties.

    Numerous imPorts, Metahumans, and ordinary natives were spotted at both events, including local heroes at the Swear-In and imPort fans at the Swear-Out. Businesses advertising at the Swear-In report a boost in interest in their wares, while the Might Club televised sparring matches garnered an impressive audience for friendly displays of imPort power while raising significant sums for charity. At the Swear-Out, the remarkable catering of Ken Kaneki and Raina caused a stir among attendees, although some complained about the presence of human blood on the menu and some of the more dramatic effects of Raina's genetically-brewed teas. Many of the ordinary citizens at the Swear-Out seemed to be less interested in politics than the chance for a free concert by the divine imPort performers Persephone and Inanna, who provided entertainment at the event.

    The Swear-Out's Five-Point Petition has been submitted to the authorities and released to the media, expressing the concerns of dissatisfied imPorts. The petition calls for reform in the issues of Porter research, Registration, imPort justice, nanite injections, and imPort weaponization. Thirteen imPorts signed the document: Count Dooku, Tohru Adachi, Daryl Dixon, Yusuke Kitagawa, Futaba Sakura, Grievous, Utena Tenjou, Maeve Millay, Kaneki Ken, Cad Bane, Munehisa Iwai, Shinigami, and Haen Hithiel.

    It should be noted that Shinigami witheld support for the petition's demand for Porter access, and that Daryl Dixon stated "Got no real problem with how Registration is done, but think the city-to-city porter system opened up to anyone's use so long as they aren't a known murderer or the like. UnRegistered don't mean they should have to go through hoops just to visit a friend."

    ImPort entertainer and political figure Count Dooku was the principal organizer of the Swear-Out rally, and proclaimed it a 'grand success' when speaking to reporters. "Today, we have sent a clear message to the world that imPorts and their friends want change," he stated. "I offer my deepest gratitude to all who attended and supported this important event. It could not have taken place without the help of many who contributed."

    Utena Tenjou was seen attending the Swear-Out and signing the petition. When approached for comment, she fumbled for words, seemingly unused to speaking to the media, before saying: "Look, most of the people I've met here have been nice, but - there's people here who don't really see us as people, you know? They see us as weapons or things or... or guinea pigs. We're more than that, and we aren't going to let them push us around."

    While initially declining to comment, after signing the Swear Out petition, Tohru Adachi had this to say: "I'm here for the native population; it's why I decided to be a private investigator. But people are getting pulled in and out of here against their will. Many of us imPorts don't want to stay here, but we have no choice but to accept it, and accept government surveillance. It's oppressive, and we should have the right to choose if we're the ones being dragged out of our normal lives."

    ImPort Daryl Dixon was seen in attendance at both events. When asked his thoughts on the protest, he showed some support for it, saying, "Think we should get a choice in the whole nanite thing. Don't know if anyone high enough up'll listen, but ain't nothin' wrong with raising some voices and tryin'." Daryl is still a Registered imPort, however, and when asked if he'd be giving up his registration said he saw no reason to.

    When asked her thoughts about the Swear-Out, Kanaya Maryam gave reporters a very flat look before responding. "Are we really doing this nonsense? I thought we'd grown past this level of fearmongering when Kate Bishop graciously [ported out]. Their sense of timing couldn't possibly be worse." Ms. Maryam's comments were edited to remove expletives before publication.

    Haen Hithiel was in attendance at both events, and when asked for a comment regarding the petition/protest responded that "ImPorts have had many choices taken from them by being brought here without their consent, being injected with nanites, and being under surveillance and restrictions. I think it would go a long way if the government took steps to give us back what choices they can... it would help make us feel more like we have a legitimate place in this world, rather than feeling like distrusted intruders."

    Asked about his thoughts on the Swear-Out, registered imPort Han Solo laughed in the reporter's face and told them, "I'm not here for a revolution, I'm just here for their food. Go ask somebody who cares about this." There are also reports that, under the influence of one of the teas on offer at the Swear-Out, he later ended up challenging multiple people to a race before someone took him up on the offer, resulting in Solo being arrested for disturbing the peace.

    (Poe Dameron was the one who took him up on the race, and had perfect hair the whole time.)

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from WENGE to FULVOUS.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

    [ Audio ]

    Aug. 17th, 2017 10:27 am
    ghoulking: by kanneki.tumblr (Normal - pic#10819099)
    [personal profile] ghoulking
    Since this appears to be necessary- I want to make clear that I'm older than 23. I'm not fourteen, or sixteen, not even twenty. I really am an adult, I have a driver's license and I'm allowed to drink. [ HE REALLY IS please believe him. People always think he is 16 because of his baby face ]

    And since I'm making a public announcement, I'd also like to mention names. I also have many names, so I will try to stick to as few as possible from now on: you can either call me "Ken Kaneki" or you can call me "One Eyed King". Or just "King". [ yes, he is a king. Not many people know that and it's probably the first time Kaneki is actually mentioning it in public ]

    So let's forget all the other names, which include, but not exclusively: Centipede, Eyepatch, Haise Sasaki, Sassan, "Old Ladies' man" [ NIKE, this is for you ] and more recently Kenward Kullen. [ thank you dating SIM, that was fun. ] These are too many names for just one person.

    Thank you-


    [ and he quickly adds ] and one last thing! Does anyone have musical suggestions? I'm not the type to listen to music, but I'm curious to what people enjoy. I liked the 50's music playing the Swear-in. And also Bob Dylan.
    glowsferatu: rude (pic#5048515)
    [personal profile] glowsferatu
    [ Kanaya doesn't look happy. She looks like someone who has spent two days playing a mobile game nonstop, and hated every second of it. But she important things to say about it now. ]

    So, I didn't plan to waste any more of my time thinking about this silly game, but after everyone on Bwitter decided that it was worth blowing up my shouts over, I found that it may be worth looking into further. Frankly, much of the content they related of this "Papaya Delirium" stand-in is rather concerning.

    After spending far longer playing "Heart Kapow Wow" [ Though she stops short of using air-quotes, she says it with as much disdain as possible, what kind of stupid title is that? ] than I ever intended to spend on as pointless an endeavor as this, allow me to make a few disclaimers. And, for the record, I can't believe this shit has somehow become necessary.

    First, stop recommending Hallmark movies to me. I don't care, I don't want to watch them

    Second, no, I am not Jason Vorhees. I don't even know who that is.

    Third, I'm not a wasp, or any kind of bee. Stop sending me jokes about bees.

    Fourth, and perhaps most importantly, no, I do not have an ovipositor. I do not plant eggs in people. I am not seeking a new egg host for my children, I will not lay eggs in you on request, no amount of money you offer me is enough to make me want to roleplay this scenario with you, or even to think about it any more than you've already made me, and thanks so much for that. I don't want to see any art you've made of the event, I don't want to know that you're making art or writing whatever it is you are while stimulating whatever nether-organs your species has evolved. I don't want to know, please stop making me know about these things. You're all disgusting.

    And finally, I. Do not. Date. Men. I don't care what your vexing virtual vespine vixen told you. She isn't me, and she isn't real, and I am seriously considering a call to my lawyer to see if something can't be done about her very existence. If you are trying to hit on me over Bwitter, you've already lost. Please stop.

    [ She lets out a long exhale, rubbing her temples. Her brows furrow as she considers something, then relax for a moment as she screws up her lips and opens her eyes, then furrows her brows again, dropping her hands and looking back into the camera. ]

    Does anyone know how to get my good ending? Do I even have one? It would really figure if I didn't.
    maskormods: (⒉)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2017
    Native sentiment centralized in the east coast has been growing for a governmental response to the recent imPort-centric chaos. The government, ever protective of imPorts, has been reluctant to set down any new regulations -- but constituents have been calling their congresspeople.

    HE KANGED, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
    As seen on BlueTube (via cellphone footage), Bwitter, Rumblr, and Heropean local news:
    Some of the clone mayhem has been put to a stop in an explosive manner, thanks to the draconian imPort Kang. The amateur footage shows him cornering his own clone in an alley several blocks from a restaurant favored by locals. Kang is heard shouting for others to back away before shooting energy darts out of his hand, killing the double troublemaker on the spot. The body then reduces to bones and explodes as if they were made of dynamite, much to the surprise of the onlookers. No others were hurt, and there was minimal damage to nearby property.

    According to Kang, before the video ends, this is completely normal for his race.

    There had been reports of this clone starting fights in several bars and espousing imPort and non-human superiority. He has also been linked to three local deaths. No official statements have been made by the police as of yet.

    AIN'T NO SNOWFLAKE
    As seen in national newspapers and De Chima televised channels:
    A new shelter is being opened by former ambassador candidate Jon Snow. While De Chima has a number of shelters in use, Lord Snow has promised that his will not only be located outside of the city, but will provide housing not only for the homeless, but for the imPorts currently without support and between jobs. He's stated in recent interviews that the shelter will provide assistance in finding more permanent housing and jobs, as well as teaching the residents of the shelter valuable tools to help them in various careers. Donations and supplies are requested, delivered to Snow's office between the hours of 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

    "We are in this together," Snow has told reporters. "We need to band together, all of us. It's the only way our city will thrive."

    ABSOLUTELY SIMFUL
    As seen on BlueTube play-by videos, local Heropa news, Rumblr, and in internet ads:
    There's a new mobile app that has been causing something of a stir amongst natives. Launched just this week, HEART KAPOW WOW is an app that enables natives to embrace the ImPort experience... via dating sim. The game is available to anyone interested for a small fee, but the most interesting thing is that some of the dating options might seem a little familiar. Players have the option to go with a number of dating routes, and live either a heroic or villainous life. More information on the game and uncanny dating options is available here!

    SELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
    As seen in entertainment magazines and the official TMI blogosphere:
    Reality stars Noah Czerny (of "True Afterlife") and Ronan Lynch (one half of the duo from ETV's "fuckups & tryhards") have taken to BlueTube in a series of videos depicting the boys performing tricks and stunts with novelty toys in the shape of male genitalia. As of this report, the videos have over one million views. Whether the viral performance is a spontaneous act by the boys or a calculated move on the part of UCCY INC Network in an attempt to merge its popular teen imPort franchises remains a point of debate on entertainment news sites and forums. Both boys, who are roommates and make cameo appearances on their respective programs, have a large following on Imstagram and recently toured London as guests of the British government in celebration of a new trade deal between the US and UK.

    THELMA AND OH GEEZ
    As seen on Rumblr discourse, in Bwitter threads, and watched on on TMI Tonight:
    SPOTTED: Daenerys Targaryen giving a statement to police called to the site of her recent fender-bender. Her passenger at the time of the accident was friend and sometime collaborator Gwen Wynne-York, to whom she was overheard remarking, "I think we won that".

    Ms Wynne-York could not be reached for comment but was reportedly struggling to contain her laughter.

    Ms Targaryen is rumored to have settled with the other party.

    ROW ROW ROW AND BOATS
    As seen on imPort Message boards, Community Interest News Stories, Boating Enthusiasts Newsletters:
    A heated argument has broken out among Boater Enthusiasts the last few weeks. It's not quite an all out battle, but races have been tossed around as a possibility. The Prize? Having imPort Riptide sign off as the mascot of whichever club wins! So far no word has come from Riptide himself as to which club he supports, but Heropa's two largest clubs, Pier Pressure and Schooner or Laker have been making some waves. Only time will tell if the riptides will turn in their favor, or if they'll be washed out to sea.

    BAEB IN PLOYLAND?
    As seen on all Maurtia Falls news channels:
    On July 21st, imPort ambassador Petyr Baelish officially announced he would be running for mayor in an interview with the Maurtia Falls Times. The signs had been there for quite a while what with him running regular town hall meetings and drumming up support in the education and business communities, but up until now he had been rather coy when asked about his ambitions. When prompted about whether this would mean he would step down from his ambassadorial position, Baelish responded he had no plans to step down unless he secures the office and he believes he would be fully capable of devoting his time to his fellow imPorts as well as running his campaign.

    Current mayor Tony Cardelli seemed unconcerned about Baelish's announcement. "While I can greatly appreciate the works Ambassador Baelish has put into place during the time he's served this city, I think the people of Maurtia Falls will know better than to appoint an imPort in the role of mayor. And that's nothing against his capabilities, but quite simply being an imPort always runs a risk of them spontaneously vanishing or otherwise leaving the city at risk. Look at what happened to our city just this past week because of imPorts. And I could go on record naming numerous times imPorts have been the cause of our city's problems. Because of this, I am confident I will be reelected for a second term." Cardelli told Channel 7 News in a press conference after the clone catastrophe.

    Even so, many cars have been spotted around the city with a single mockingbird bumper sticker in solidarity with Petyr Baelish, his town hall meetings have been seeing a dramatic increase of foot traffic, and whether it's the work of the famed guerrilla artist or copycats -- the message "embElish maurtia falls" has been cropping up in gold spray paint all across the city. It's clear that Ambassador Baelish has drummed up quite a bit of support quicker than anyone realized, and it seems as though Cardelli will be forced to take his campaign seriously.

    On August 18th at 7:00pm, Mayor Cardelli and Mayor-Hopeful Baelish will be going head to head in their first town hall debate. The citizens of Maurtia Falls are encouraged to come ask questions or air out their grievances.

    POKEDISASTER
    As seen on BlueTube, Rumblr:
    What appears to be the imPorts Blue and Archie, seen here, having a battle of pocket monsters in the middle of London. IN CONSEQUENCE of this intense one-on-one, a large, poisonous sludge-strewn crater was left in their wake. Disaster!

    Dragged off by their respective Pokémon, these brawling trainers might have gotten away with it anonymous -- but imPort Niko recorded it and uploaded it onto BlueTube page. What!

    TIME TO MANABU UP
    As seen in Nonah local papers:
    Seen as a kind of goodwill effort by some (or tasteless infiltration by others), imPort Manabu was interviewed by local journalist Jacknard Pulley regarding his induction into the North Carolina Nonah Division Police Academy. Manabu has stated that, to quote, "he's hoping his actions will speak for themselves; he wants to help everyone, imPort and local alike".

    The article itself was published in multiple papers, as Pulley is a freelance journalist. A feel-good piece that has been criticized as imPort propaganda by anonymous users on Bwitter has nevertheless found some support within the Nonah community.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from COQUELICOT to WENGE.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    eatsnutsandkicksbutts: (SG - that's actually really plausible?)
    [personal profile] eatsnutsandkicksbutts
    Soooooooo hypothetical question for y'all

    What are your thoughts on secret identities??

    I mean, we're all pretty recognizable here just because we're imPorts, yeah? If you don't really have the whole 'mild-mannered civilian' thing going for you anymore, and everyone knows that you have powers because of the imPort thing, is it worth the trouble to keep your secret identity and your regular joe identity separate?

    AGAIN, I CANNOT STRESS HOW 100% HYPOTHETICAL THIS IS

    consider this a thought exercise!!
    bricks: (009)
    [personal profile] bricks
    So it's like...August, right?

    ( Ellie is small and vaguely grubby looking even after a shower, a damaged winter jacket sitting next to her shed to deal with the warmer temperatures. Some time has already been spent exploring every nook and cranny of her designated apartment (sorry housemates) and she's already begun hoarding, but that's neither here nor there. Just don't ask about the pile of apparent junk that is haphazardly stuffed under a blanket and comes into shot every now and then. )

    How do birthdays work? Because I was still ages away from mine before here, but now it's like, soon. Do I call that a year older? 'Cause I'm already plenty wise.

    ( Ha Ha Ha et cetera. She's clearly amused enough to grin at that, but she doesn't waste much time in expecting anyone else to find it entertaining. Instead she just shrugs and continues quickly. )

    And the houses. Is this whole place mine? Well not just mine, shared right? But I can use pretty much all of the space?

    ( She gives a wave by way of a sign out, but can be heard saying "that's so fucking cool!" as she fumbles to switch off her feed. )
    nicetouch: (Default)
    [personal profile] nicetouch
    ----> THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT <----

    My name is Spooky Jones, and the United States government has officially assigned me my own sex and relationship advice column called SPOOKY LOVE.

    Turns out there's not much of a need for demonologists in these parts, who knew. Glad to see our tax dollars at work, though, and I'm always happy to lend a helping hand to whoever needs one.

    Now that I think about it, it sort of sounds like the person who gave me this job took the saying “make love, not war” a little too literally. Not that you’ll hear me complaining. Besides, a job’s a job, am I right?

    [Truth be told, Spooky has been fighting monsters for so long that the thought of completely setting that aside hasn't...really sunk in yet. But Spooky is adaptable, he is flexible in more ways than one, and he’ll roll with whatever punches this place throws at him.]

    Anyway, if you guys have any questions about sex, relationships, or anything else you’re usually too embarrassed to talk about, you should totally hit me up at my website here:

    [Insert link that re-directs your character to the aforementioned site]

    You can’t lose, so ask anything you want. It’s completely anonymous, I promise.

    [OOC: If you want your character to anonymously submit a question, reply to this post with “Spooky Love Question” in the subject line. These questions will be submitted through his off-network website, and they will be featured on his next network post.

    Unless otherwise noted, all other comments will be the usual Network stuff!]
    maskormods: (⒍)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 20TH, 2017
    The Summer Solstice has arrived! Get out your favorite imPort-themed brews and crack open a cold one -- you might need the relief from that gorgeous sun beaming from above. And remember! If your loved ones are acting strange, please report them to the proper authorities for evaluation.

    A REGULAR FUNSLINGER
    As seen in Maurtia Falls papers and the nightly news:
    Investigators are searching for a man in a cowboy hat who has robbed at least ten banks in Virginia over the last five months, six of which were within De Chima city limits. Some eyewitnesses claim to have seen the robber turn to smoke, fueling speculation that he could be an imPort.

    He’s been described as a 50-60 year old male with blue eyes and a “country” accent -- and he’s not always alone. In at least two incidents, the suspect was accompanied by accomplices with unidentified super powers, and surveillance footage of the most recent robbery shows him leaving the scene on horseback. Although the suspect is said to carry weapons, no serious injuries have been reported.

    Police wouldn’t comment on whether or not they believed similar robberies in other states might be connected.

    Anyone with information about these robberies is asked to contact the De Chima police department.

    ART THAT MAKES YOU THINK
    As seen in The De Chimera, art publications, and Neurology Today!:
    Mere months after the Hellish nightmare warscape that swept America, the culprit Joseph Kavinsky has been caught and rehabilitated, and he is now making his amends. His first donation was to the De Chima Museum of Science, a brain scan and livefeed hologram generator! Up to three participants at a time can utilize headsets to show neurological interactions. Pending further safety testing, the exhibit will open to the public in late June under the title, the John Murphy Exhibit. The show will continue for three months until the devices move on to medical retro-engineering. Mr. Kavinsky credits his inspiration to Dr. Frederick Chilton.

    YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BEER BUT BEER ITSELF
    As seen in local papers, social media, Bwitter MoMents:
    Just in time for Fanport, Blue Man Brewing Co. is back with seven more freshly tapped beers! Check out your favorite imPorts we're honoring this time around:

    Rincewind: Wizzard Brown Ale- English Brown Ale made with pecans. Maybe it's a little nutty, but we guarantee it's magically delicious! Our in-house Wiccan insisted on blessing each barrel, so maybe that did something?

    Kanaya Maryam: Kanaya Marjoram- A classic saison with a twist, brewed with sweet marjoram. Look, it's not the best beer, but we’re standing by the pun.

    Frederick Chilton: Take A Chil-ton Pils- Our classiest creation, this is a German-style pilsner. This is not a chugging beer; it's best served with a good, grilled brat.

    Clara Oswald: Oswild Berry Cider- Blackcurrant and blackberry cider. If you're not totally into beer, this is something as sweet and sassy as it's namesake. Also British.

    Harley Quinn: Barley Quinn- Golden Ale with strawberries. Great for barbecues, summer parties, or chugging before you go and key your ex boyfriend’s car.

    Persephone: The Screamer IPA- A pomegranate infused IPA. Sure it's pink and bitter, but it's also the best thing you've ever heard...uh, tasted!

    Count Dooku: Down for the Count- A dark, thick stout with a high ABV, infused with chili powder. Due to public health concerns, we’re legally required to sell this in single bottles only.

    Get your six pack or full pour from our brewery, now open all week. And don't forget to come see us at our tent at Fanport, where we’ll be raffling off special edition bottles, merchandise, and even a keg of your own choice!

    JUST ALEX JONESIN' YA
    As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
    This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features imPort survivalist celebrity Daryl Dixon and Unsettled (and recently AWOL) goddess superstar Persephone to discuss imPort NANITES. The Count asks his guests whether they think it is fair for imPorts to be injected with machines without their permission, in the name of safety.

    The first part of Daryl’s answer is a simple “It’s bullshit.” He’s of the mind that the nanite injection should be a choice and, potentially, a privilege to be ‘earned’ or ‘lost’ by those it benefits the most: namely, murderers. The supposed goal of making sure all those wrongfully brought to this world by the Porter survive to get sent back sounds noble on the surface, but in practice… Between it and the legal system the government has in place for imPorts, too many asshole imPorts get away with literal murder. Along with the invasiveness of being able to track each of them, somehow monitor their actions enough to know if they’re breaking any laws to get one of those non-registration labels (but not do anything to stop them or alert people who can), giving them an unasked for tattoo that glows, and who knows what other changes they could be making? As he said at the start: “bullshit.”

    Persephone says that’s not even all the levels of bullshit. No duh the government kidnapping and shooting people up while they’re out is sketch as hell. It’s not just tracking, permanently marking, and even resurrection (like everyone even wants that). Why should anyone trust that’s ALL it does?

    Even more than that, it’s a BS patch on The Actual Problem. There’s only imPorts in the first place because the US is messing with power they don’t understand. Basically every story about that ends the same way. Abusing imPort rights now that they’re here doesn’t change that.

    The Count closes the episode by thanking his guests for their participation and encouraging concerned listeners to take action on these issues by organizing and lobbying their elected imPort Ambassadors.

    DID IT HURT WHEN HEAVEN SCENT YOU
    As seen mentioned in imPort-city papers:
    ATTENTION IMPORT VOLUNTEERS! For those of you who had WILLINGLY AND WITTINGLY given your consent for a few samples, we have great news for you! As a deep and sincere thank you, HEAVEN SCENT LLC is sending you one of their CUTTING EDGE clone kits (parts one and two, small dark room for growing period not included). Obtain the desired clone DNA sample and follow the simple instructions -- in two weeks the sample you left quietly alone in a dark room will be your NEW cloned organism! Some rules apply:
    1) only ONE kit per imPort volunteer
    2) only ONE kit can successfully clone ONE organism
    3) HUMAN BEINGS cannot be cloned
    4) IMPORTS cannot be cloned
    5) any attempt to replicate the chemical formulas and the kit's propagated DNA sequencing will render the samples and the trademark chemicals inert. Nothing can be learned from HEAVEN SCENT's technological technique this way.
    6) while there is nothing barring you from reselling the kit, the practice would be highly frowned upon and HEAVEN SCENT would put you in their naughty books.
    7) Please be cognizant of the responsibility inherent to giving life.

    Congratulations, imPort volunteers! Be safe, be with SCIENCE!

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from BIKINI SAND to GAMBOGE.

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

    video;

    Jun. 15th, 2017 03:44 am
    shutterbugged: (peter: wink)
    [personal profile] shutterbugged
    Hey, Network. I didn’t mean to go so long without posting, but it’s been, uh, a while--

    [ --since shortly before he was unmasked on the network by Tony Stark’s evil alternate universe counterpart, actually. THANKS FOR THAT, BUDDY.

    In deference to the new status quo, Peter is wearing one of his usual button-downs with the sleeves rolled up, but with the collar unbuttoned enough that the red of his costume peeks through. Baby steps! ]


    If we haven’t met, I’m Peter Parker, also known as [ cough ] Spider-Man, and I’ve been here for a few years now, so if you’re new and have questions about how to manage this whole kidnapped-to-another-universe thing, I can try to field them. Not that you can’t ask if you’re not new, but anyway.

    I've got two announcements to make--sort of a good news, bad news kind of thing.

    [ Clasping his hands together: ] First, the good news! As some of you saw on a recent Majority Report, I'm going to be working with Kanaya Maryam, Norman Osborn, and Revan on our new venture to provide costumes and equipment to the superheroic masses. I'm really excited to be working with the team, and I want to thank Kanaya and Normie for bringing me on. Details at the link below, etcetera, etcetera.

    [ There's an attached link which will take the curious onlooker or potential client to the project's website. ]

    For the record, I'm signing on as one of the tech-heads. My job is to do everything in my power to help you use your powers most effectively and then get home safely. I've been advised in the strongest possible terms that I'm not allowed to give fashion advice under the auspices of the company--[ He may be slightly grumpy about this. His costume's a classic, Kanaya!!! ]--so for that you'll have to ask Kanaya.

    cut for spider-man brand motormouthery(tm) )
    maskormods: (⒌)
    [personal profile] maskormods
    THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 10TH, 2017
    It's been a quiet time with one big theme: summertime!
    If you're a fresh-faced imPort, be sure to come by for a relaxing Swear-In. Go have fun, you son of a beach!

    NOT ALL DOGS WEAR CAPES
    As seen on TMI, the Nude Report, Uncensored imPorts, ImPorts IN THE WILD!, and Rumblr:
    Officials who were stumped after a makeshift compound outside Heropa (later uncovered as a dog fighting ring) went up in flames have managed to unearth telling footage from security cameras which weren't burned to a crisp. After reviewing the tapes, they now have enough evidence to put the men involved in the ring away for a long time, and, surprisingly, the identity of the formerly-anonymous saviors who tipped them to the ring's location before its fiery demise. ImPorts Sam Merlotte and Will Graham can be seen in several grainy clips as both dogs and men, including a shot of Graham changing back and robbing one of the ring leaders of his clothes before both imPorts stuffed him into a cage. Other views show the two men sneaking around the compound and freeing the dogs. Curiously, the last clip is of both men's absolutely naked behinds, seen fleeing into the woods just before the compound went up in flames.

    When reached for comment, Mr. Graham mercilessly knocked the camera in his face to the sidewalk, and Mr. Merlotte eventually testily suggested the reporter direct their questions to a nearby lamp post, implying it was equally as likely to offer a quote on the subject.

    GRIN AND BEER IT
    As seen on social media outlets and Nonah newspapers:
    After months of hard work, preparations, and brewing, Blue Man Brewery in Nonah, NC announces its grand opening with a brand new line of beers based on your favorite imPorts! Here are just a few you can expect during their first week of tours and tastings:

    Will Graham
    : Good (Ol) Boy- Our own classic American lager. Light, refreshing, and great to take out for a day of fishing or hunting. Please do not actually share it with your dog.
    Godric: Truly, Blood IPA- A blood orange IPA. He may not drink...beer, but we think Godric would approve of you having a cold glass of our bloody good IPA.
    Theon Greyjoy: Squid?- A porter infused with dried squid that our intern swore would be amazing. So far, it's been described as "not...good?” by brewery employees.
    Daisy Johnson: Crazy Daisy IPA- A very floral IPA, brewed with our very own strain of hops! Don't be fooled, though, this one can knock you on your ass real quick.
    Ronan Lynch: Isn't It Ronan-tic?- Our version of an Irish Stout. Brewed in Virginia whiskey barrels, it's a little dark, a little fun, and a little bit of trouble. Just like it's namesake!
    Jeff Winger: Jeff Zinger- A tequila barrel aged Lime Gose. Sweet and sour with a kick, just like the good lawyer himself. It's like drinking a margarita, but you can chug it! (Don't chug it.)
    Newt Geizler: Kaiju Blue- A Blueberry Wheat Ale. It's crisp, it's refreshing, and you'll turn into a horrifying monster after too many!
    Wanda Maximoff: Scarlet Witch- Our classic Amber Ale. No gimmicks here- this deep red ale might just be the one that saves the day! Currently only available with added red dye 40.

    Every beer has a special label with art of the imPort made for us by fanartists around the world. All beers and ciders will be available on tap and in bottles in Nonah, De Chima, Heropa, and Maurtia Falls starting this month. Get yours today!

    DAFT THUNK
    As seen on Bwitter, from TMI's Bweet Bleed:
    In a sparkling NEW SERIES heralding beneath the reign of celebrity gossip empire TMI, a new kind of polling has taken meme heights with IMPORTS UNMASKED. The christening subject is Woden, as inexplicably seen here, who has a tendency to always hide his face behind a reflective mask. WHY?? Well, we're here to find out!

    Comment with the BASHtag #wodenexposed with any of the following theories:
    1) Only chrome can contain his insecurity
    2) He has kitten ears and is mortally ashamed
    3) He is so beautiful that the world would melt if anyone ever witnessed his visage, so dressing dumbly is his sacrifice for us all
    4) His face is a mash of many faces and this is just easier
    5) It's just part of his look DUH!
    6) Your own theory!

    CALL TO ARMS
    As seen on Rumblr:
    With FANPORT just around the corner, the organizers would like YOU to comment on their RUMBLR BLOG fanportofficial with suggestions of imPort pairings/themes/works to feature during their GALA FILM ROLL, which will be on loop during the ending event. Unleash your hearts' desires!

    YOU MADE THIS bEd
    As seen on fanportofficial updates:
    Bad news, bElish fans! The guerrilla artist and avant garde innovator bElish will not be attending Fanport. Or at least, bElish won't be attending under his bElish persona -- assuming he is a he! Or even just one person! The world may never know.

    CODE SWITCH
    The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GODDESS GREEN to BIKINI SAND because there's something in the back of your mind, something granule, something that doesn't quite feel right -- oh, but who cares? You're at the BEACH! No reasons to worry, right?

    WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
    The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
    deadkord: (Is it possible it just needs salt?)
    [personal profile] deadkord
    Important question:

    Do birthdays still count if you're dead and don't have Calendar Man hanging around reminding you of important dates anymore?





    Asking for a friend.
    devoutish: (your boyfriend's cute and you're in jail)
    [personal profile] devoutish
    ws lukng up infrmatn abt nu splngs usd n txt cmmncatn n fns n cmputrs etc n mst of wut I fnd ws fckng wingng abt kds toda bng lzy n nt noing hw to spl prprly as f ts wr a mdrn fckng invntn

    tr r sum difs n nw tngs hv bn dn wi em tt we ddnt do n t pst wi r telgrfs ex t nos splly r clvr

    inform8ion, 4warned, 2day

    bt t ida ws crtnly nt invntd bi 21st cntry chldrn s py rspct 2 ur eldrs wo wr fr bttr t bng incmprhnsbl tn ur kds toda

    wn i gt trd f mi tny tlfn kybrd im guna rite al mi txts lk ts





    OOC translation for people who don't hate themselves )
    coppelganger: (movement)
    [personal profile] coppelganger
    [ Wonder of wonders, it's time for a rare as hell Sarah network post. But today is an important day, and for more people than just her, she's sure. When she appears on the network early in the afternoon, she's subdued, but then again, she always kind of is when she's doing something on the network. ]

    Anyone else really missing their kid today? Or maybe just missing their mum?

    [ That's it. She doesn't have a lot to say. The questions hang in the air for a few seconds, and then she reaches over and shuts the feed off. ]

    ( text )

    May. 14th, 2017 11:48 am
    pluviae: (39)
    [personal profile] pluviae
    Today is mother's day. I admit that I never knew a holiday like this one existed until yesterday.

    let's talk about our moms )
    acclimatized: (favourite day but favourite waitress.)
    [personal profile] acclimatized
    Did anyone see the news story about the business owner in Maurtia Falls this week? The one about Sally Cunliffe, a 68-year-old woman who died of a heart attack? It got Sherlock excited when he first heard it. He called it a suspicious death, so we decided to do a bit digging around to see what we could find out about her.

    There are a couple of things we've found that the media didn't report on. Firstly, she had no family history of cardiovascular disease. She was actually in good health and relatively fit for her age when she died. Secondly, she died with a look of terror on her face the police can't explain.

    And they still haven't found the person Sally transferred the money to before she died either. Like Sherlock, I found that a bit odd. Most people grab the phone to call for an ambulance when they have chest pain, not send money over.

    So now Sherlock thinks she was murdered. He's sure of it. But I was just wondering, has anyone else heard anything about this?

    Profile

    maskormenace: (Default)
    maskormenace

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