[There is a boy on screen. A teenage boy. A small teenage boy. His hair spikes straight up in the air, but he somehow has also crammed a baseball cap on it. He has various electronic devices clipped to lanyards he is wearing, or simply strapped to his body. He is wearing finger-less gloves. He is obviously extremely cool. You can tell by how bored he looks.]
Hey. Hello-o. Whoever you are?
[He is also standing in front of a police car. And a police officer, who looks mildly annoyed and slightly confused. Even as the boy broadcasts on his communicator, his fingers tap tap tap on another one of his devices. He doesn't even have to look at it.]
This game, or whatever? Sucks. One: it's totally boring. I took this cop car, and I didn't even get any bonus points, I just got this guy-
[He jerks his head in the cop's direction.]
-telling me I can't take a cop car. Uh. Obviously I can, duh, and if I wasn't supposed to, why did you program it in? Two: if I'm playing army hero, where's my gun, huh? All I got was this iPhone knock off that doesn't shoot squat, and some boring car cutscene. Two: kidnapping people for your immersive gaming experience is stupid, and if you thought you'd get publicity by using me, the joke's on you. Mike Teavee is nobody's click-bait, and I can't even log onto twitter and live tweet about how dumb this is. Hashtag: fail. Hashtag: you. Hashtag: you fail. And if my mom said you could do this to me... If it was after 5pm, her consent is dubious, at best. And two: I'm over it, so send me home. Not through your fake-news teleporter. That's not what they feel like. I would know. Just call my mom...and...have her...th-...
[His eyes have wandered to his tablet screen. His voice trails off, his attention on whatever game he's playing there, oblivious to the fact that his communicator is still on, and that there is an actual world around him. And then, without looking up:]
But I'll take more fake tattoos if you have any better ones.