THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2017 Congress has yet to return from its August recess, but singular interviews indicate that they have heard the woes of their native constituents regarding imPort conflict. There are talks that some action might come of this. But maybe it's all talk? Then again... A lot of natives are questioning why the government allowed for a Swear-Out, especially apparent on Bwitter. The government released a brief memo to the press stating that imPorts have equal rights, to include the right of assembly, but some members of society still seem unconvinced. Limited public pressure might be coming down on Congress and, in turn, specifically Senator Mitchell Hundred.
ARMED TO THE NINES (MINUS ONE)
As seen on Sorbes Business Magazine, De Chima news outlets:
An investigation is underway in De Chima after reports that break-ins at Crake & Orix Tech and Anoxia INC have resulted in the theft of several prototypes and patents the companies were working on. Police are tight-lipped about details, but they have revealed that the perpetrators are currently at large and it's not believed imPorts are involved. It's unclear at this time if these two thefts were linked or coincidental. Businesses in De Chima are advised to review their security in case the thefts continue.
As seen in local Maurtia Falls news and imPort-centric online forums:
Once more into the breach! Infamous street artist bElish has struck again! This time with a fifteen foot mural unveiled in the center of the Maurtia Falls financial district. Macaroni on canvas depicting the beloved Petyr Baelish's face, wearing a disgruntled expression. Because the businesses of the financial district indeed have CCTV in relevant areas, and because this work of guerrilla art seemed to appear out of nowhere, speculation has renewed over bElish's identity. Are they Metahuman? ImPort? Government? A prototype clone??
HEART KAPOW CASH COW
As seen on gamer news blogs and financial publications:
There has been an ungodly amount of chatter over the NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED dating sim game of all time HEART KAPOW WOW, and the usual film industry giants are already salivating over the chance to buy the rights to screen depicting this whimsical (and sometimes dark) app game. The problem? NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE CREATOR IS! Literally, a mystery! Attempts to dox the creator's identity by corporate and individual hackers alike have failed. Multiversal Pictures has put out an open call for the creator to being talking intellectual rights and purchase negotiations.
FIGHT FOR YOUR MIGHT TO PARTY
As seen on Bwitter, BlueTube, and Rumblr via the livestream content, and discussed on Maurtia Falls Tonight, as well as late night news:
This month, imPorts participated in televised charity matches as part of the government Swear-In event. These matches, dubbed Might Club, were intended as a friendly sparring event between imPorts and livestreamed for all those fans who wanted to see their favorite heroes duke it out. However, one fight in particular crossed into sheer brutality not appropriate for young viewers -- or anyone really.
The imPorts, identified as Dio Brando and Jotaro Kujo, got into what could only be described as a brawl to the death in front of the cameras after being matched up to each other. In one brutal moment of their clash, Jotaro Kujo and what could only be described as "a buff purple man" tore off Dio's arm straight off the joint! Dio Brando responded by ripping his claws at the man's face, damaging his left eye to the point of bleed-out, alongside "a buff yellow man." Better names to define these colorful fighters who assisted Jotaro and Dio respectively are still being debated!
Both men kept fighting until Jotaro Kujo collapsed from his injuries, unwilling to tap out or stop fighting until the breaking point. Dio Brando reattached his arm, coming out the clear winner of the brawl, and walked out victorious. He was quickly approached for comments by reporters on the scene about the brutality of the brawl. With a good natured laugh he explained that the two of them have a long-time rivalry, neither willing to back down, but that there was no intention of having it go so far. Ultimately the blame is on Jotaro Kujo for not tapping out when he was clearly losing.
Jotaro Kujo required immediate medical attention following the fight and was taken overnight to the hospital following the conclusion of the brawl. However he discharged himself in the morning, insisting to doctors he was better (despite needing a cane to walk and sporting an eyepatch.) When reached out for comments, he refused and threatened violence against any reporters who tried to bother him. Considering what was witnessed, it should be believed he means it.
Fan communities have now begun to dub the match "imPort Death Brawl: For Charity Edition" and eagerly await the next confrontation these two will have! Needless to say there is some bad blood between them that social media is already speculating on (and writing what can only be described as "hatefic" between them.)
LEPRECHAUN OR LEPRE-CON?
As seen originating on Bwitter, then watched on local Heropan news and TMI Tongiht:
A recent string of news incidents in Heropa, Florida have recently been connected to recent imPort arrival Mad Sweeney. Across social media, eagle-eyed imPort fans have compiled and circulated a likely list of reported events.Mad Sweeney could be reached for comment, but the amount of expletives within said comment cannot be circulated in reputable news outlets.
Florida man discovered sleeping in trunk of Catholic minister's car Florida man challenged pizza delivery boy to fight when refused to provide change for antiquated gold coins Florida man seen being chased by wild dogs through public cemetery Wedding in disarray when unknown Florida man invited himself to public reception to eat cake Drunk and disorderly Florida man removed from zoo for shouting obscenities at flamingos
As seen on national news stations, Maurtia Falls local news, major newspapers and their corresponding news content websites:
This month's government-provided pro-Registration Swear-In for the imPort community faced a rival gathering in the form of an imPort-organized Swear-Out rally, which encouraged the Unsettled path while protesting government policies toward imPorts. This level of imPort protest is unprecedented, and while both proceeded largely peacefully (a relief to many attendees, who recalled attacks and disasters at previous Swear-Ins) there were noted tensions and arguments on the border between the two parties.
Numerous imPorts, Metahumans, and ordinary natives were spotted at both events, including local heroes at the Swear-In and imPort fans at the Swear-Out. Businesses advertising at the Swear-In report a boost in interest in their wares, while the Might Club televised sparring matches garnered an impressive audience for friendly displays of imPort power while raising significant sums for charity. At the Swear-Out, the remarkable catering of Ken Kaneki and Raina caused a stir among attendees, although some complained about the presence of human blood on the menu and some of the more dramatic effects of Raina's genetically-brewed teas. Many of the ordinary citizens at the Swear-Out seemed to be less interested in politics than the chance for a free concert by the divine imPort performers Persephone and Inanna, who provided entertainment at the event.
The Swear-Out's Five-Point Petition has been submitted to the authorities and released to the media, expressing the concerns of dissatisfied imPorts. The petition calls for reform in the issues of Porter research, Registration, imPort justice, nanite injections, and imPort weaponization. Thirteen imPorts signed the document: Count Dooku, Tohru Adachi, Daryl Dixon, Yusuke Kitagawa, Futaba Sakura, Grievous, Utena Tenjou, Maeve Millay, Kaneki Ken, Cad Bane, Munehisa Iwai, Shinigami, and Haen Hithiel.
It should be noted that Shinigami witheld support for the petition's demand for Porter access, and that Daryl Dixon stated "Got no real problem with how Registration is done, but think the city-to-city porter system opened up to anyone's use so long as they aren't a known murderer or the like. UnRegistered don't mean they should have to go through hoops just to visit a friend."
ImPort entertainer and political figure Count Dooku was the principal organizer of the Swear-Out rally, and proclaimed it a 'grand success' when speaking to reporters. "Today, we have sent a clear message to the world that imPorts and their friends want change," he stated. "I offer my deepest gratitude to all who attended and supported this important event. It could not have taken place without the help of many who contributed."
Utena Tenjou was seen attending the Swear-Out and signing the petition. When approached for comment, she fumbled for words, seemingly unused to speaking to the media, before saying: "Look, most of the people I've met here have been nice, but - there's people here who don't really see us as people, you know? They see us as weapons or things or... or guinea pigs. We're more than that, and we aren't going to let them push us around."
While initially declining to comment, after signing the Swear Out petition, Tohru Adachi had this to say: "I'm here for the native population; it's why I decided to be a private investigator. But people are getting pulled in and out of here against their will. Many of us imPorts don't want to stay here, but we have no choice but to accept it, and accept government surveillance. It's oppressive, and we should have the right to choose if we're the ones being dragged out of our normal lives."
ImPort Daryl Dixon was seen in attendance at both events. When asked his thoughts on the protest, he showed some support for it, saying, "Think we should get a choice in the whole nanite thing. Don't know if anyone high enough up'll listen, but ain't nothin' wrong with raising some voices and tryin'." Daryl is still a Registered imPort, however, and when asked if he'd be giving up his registration said he saw no reason to.
When asked her thoughts about the Swear-Out, Kanaya Maryam gave reporters a very flat look before responding. "Are we really doing this nonsense? I thought we'd grown past this level of fearmongering when Kate Bishop graciously [ported out]. Their sense of timing couldn't possibly be worse." Ms. Maryam's comments were edited to remove expletives before publication.
Haen Hithiel was in attendance at both events, and when asked for a comment regarding the petition/protest responded that "ImPorts have had many choices taken from them by being brought here without their consent, being injected with nanites, and being under surveillance and restrictions. I think it would go a long way if the government took steps to give us back what choices they can... it would help make us feel more like we have a legitimate place in this world, rather than feeling like distrusted intruders."
Asked about his thoughts on the Swear-Out, registered imPort Han Solo laughed in the reporter's face and told them, "I'm not here for a revolution, I'm just here for their food. Go ask somebody who cares about this." There are also reports that, under the influence of one of the teas on offer at the Swear-Out, he later ended up challenging multiple people to a race before someone took him up on the offer, resulting in Solo being arrested for disturbing the peace.
(Poe Dameron was the one who took him up on the race, and had perfect hair the whole time.)
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from WENGE to FULVOUS.
WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.