cigarbribery: (my love is alive way down in my heart)
[personal profile] cigarbribery
[It's a nice autumn day, right, folks? Time to jump into a pile of leaves, have a pumpkin spice latte, pick out costumes for the spookiest time of year, and, apparently, egg someone's house.

That's Maurtia Falls #008 on your screens right now, folks. It's seen better days, clearly, judging from the overabundance of eggs decorating it right now. Behind the camera, someone exhales a long, tired sigh. Then it switches to text:]

I was expecting this to happen on Halloween, not three weeks earlier. I know we're all antsy for Halloween, but could we please save the eggs for when we actually have candy to hand out?

Also, who thought it would be a good idea to decorate the place with eggs, anyway?

[This is absolutely Theon's fault.]
fuckalligators: (7)
[personal profile] fuckalligators
Alright, listen up, I've got two things to say.

[Here's Hermes, holding the phone a little too close to her face, helpfully holding up two fingers.]

First: if anyone sees a shitty, sketchy priest running around, especially if he's lurking around Cape Canaveral, tell me so I can beat the shit out of him. Actually, tell me if any sort of weird shit starts happening around there, I probably want to know about it. Don't fucking approach him or fall for his bullshit, just tell me where he went and I'll take it from there. [she ticks down her pointer finger instead of her middle finger, to really emphasize this point.] Also I don't want to hear some lecture about not beating the shit out of priests, just take my word for it, this one deserves it.

Second: what the fuck is Disney World doing in bumblefuck Alabama in this universe? What sort of shitty version of Florida doesn't even have Disney?

Oh, and third-- I lied, I have three things-- yo, Jolyne. [She pauses, weighs what she wants to say with the possibility that the priest was here, and ultimately decides not to give him the satisfaction. Instead, she just says] Kid? Hell, any of you guys, you here yet or what?
shadowglitter: <user name=livebites> (𝚇𝙸𝙸.)
[personal profile] shadowglitter
What's up? This is Odin. Odin Dark! Haha. Today I learned about "vlogs", so I decided I'm going to start hosting a series of my own on the network. It's going to be great! I'll talk about EVERYTHING. I'll talk about the latest trends in fashion, and about how they're all wrong, because we live in a stupid society where people have yet to understand that mesh bodysuits free up your spiritual chakra and cause your emotional and magical energy to flow through your fleshy prison bodies unencumbered by human shame. I'll talk about sports! We have those, right? I don't watch sport, so I dunno yet. Food reviews! Book reviews! Every kind of review you can think of. Maybe I'll even delve into a little bit of sexy, sexy gossip about some hot, hot imPorts? I GUESS WE WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT THE CARRIER PIGEON BRINGS US. Carrier raven.

Well, anyway. Today I thought I'd cook you all some breakfast! If you want to be on my show in the future, let me know, and I'll interview you about your life or whatever. Otherwise, like, comment and subscribe for more!

[ And then Odin cooks you all some breakfast. that fire? that comes from his hands. he's using magic. what is control over destructive elemental magic for, if not for this.

content warning terrible food that is (hopefully not actually) eaten, content warning loud audio content warning screaming content warning really gross coughing content warning bad video bad post bad bad bad bad bad ]
earnedmystripes: (pic#8070815)
[personal profile] earnedmystripes
whats a meem
how do you even spell that

some kids at work were saying something about me being one?? i asked them about it and they laughed and said i should look under my hashtag but when i asked them about THAT they laughed more

rude :(

what even is a hashtag either, that sounds like something you would order for breakfast

[ALL THIS NEWFANGLED SOCIAL MEDIA STUFF. in his day you had to walk uphill both ways in the snow to talk to someone fACE TO FACE!!!111 ok no he's not that old. but still.]
nastygram: (C:\doprotocol)
[personal profile] nastygram
hi guys!

ok my name is kitty. i'm a total newbie. pls be nice, no hate. soooo i need help. i have a part time job working at this magazine which is super cool and i want to do a good job. don't worry haters i'm in school still lol

the magazine is like fashion tips and brand reviews and advice and stuff and i reeeeeeally really really want to do a good job so i can keep it. i'm the first imPort working there and my editor (!!!) said we can do a whole thing about imPorts to celelbrate

soooooo i made this survey. please help a girl out and take it bc i would SUPER appreciate it. u don't have to say ur name if u don't want to. if u want to skip questions ig that is ok but it would be better if u answered them all pretty please lol

i get to pick 5 people who get featured in the magazine :) so be as cool as possible please if u want that follow up interview and photospread lol


thanks soooo much lol

survey questions )

[IMPORTANT NOTE: Darlene is using a burner phone for this so it will not be traceable back to her. anyone trying to dig for info will find that the phone is registered to KITTY and that it became active just this month. REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE: this is a phishing scheme! Darlene's intention is to leak personal/secure information on imPorts to the network - so if your character answers these questions, there's a potential for followup and fall out later next month. I will contact people privately on this, but if you have any concerns now, please let me know via PM or plurk (@ Ceeeeee) and we can talk it out. thanks!]
versusseeker: (Eh...)
[personal profile] versusseeker
hey guys

[You might not be able to tell this from the text alone - but it's a nervous one. Red isn't used to talking much, even when it's not out loud - it's just plain hard for him. And that's made it pretty hard for him to make friends - and not just in this world. It's something that Red has always struggled with. Forming connections with Pokémon - animals, even? That's always been easy - even more so now that he can actually talk to them. The problem is is that he still can't talk to just regular old people.]

looking 4 frnds

[No, that's not enough. He knows that's not enough. He has to say more or they're not gonna get it - deep breaths, Red.

[Alright. Here it goes.]

i dnt tlk much
can b hard 2 make them
but i have pkmn

[Spell it out, Red.]

theyre cool if u wnt 2 see them

i thnk i am p nice
try 2 b

[With that, he lets the post go - but, a moment later, an edit appears:]

i don't have to type that way if you don't like it.


Sep. 7th, 2017 08:24 pm
14words: (via dolorosa)
[personal profile] 14words
[When the video comes on it's pointed to the ground, then turns to a dog. A little dog, like some sort of fluffy little thing that just pants as it stares at the camera.

It inches forward. A voice is heard, extremely level and composed.]
Do not.

[The dog inches forward again. The voice behind the camera remains the same.] I am taping your crimes, do you really have no shame?

[Apparently not, because the dog yaps once then starts chewing on the fairly expensive looking shoe of the camera man. The camera man sighs as a weird, distorted snort is heard behind him. He reaches down and lifts up the dog, who seems extremely pleased and starts licking his fingers.]

'So he brought the people down to the water. And the Lord said to Gideon, "You shall separate everyone who laps the water with his tongue as a dog laps, as well as everyone who kneels to drink."' [The dog keeps licking. The camera man sighs.] You don't care, I see. Very well. It isn't your place in the tapestry of fate to care.

But for the time being it is mine to make sure you do not cause harm to yourself or my shoes. [The dog wiggles out of his grip and fucks off. He sighs and shuts off the camera before giving any useful information.]

1. video

Sep. 6th, 2017 01:13 pm
shadowglitter: <user name=livebites> (𝚇𝙸.)
[personal profile] shadowglitter
[ The feed flickers on, and all you see is a softly rolling white mist in an empty bedroom. There are... footsteps, you can hear them, but only if you lean into your communicator and listen closely. The footsteps grow louder, and louder, and louder, and then soon, there's a figure. This figure walks into the fog, keeping his back to the camera, and then he waves his hands around in an attempt to make the mist swirl like a tornado around him. Sadly, physics don't work that way, so he gives up.

He spins dramatically on the spot and points at the camera, but then he tries it again in an attempt to look even cooler and trips on the wire for the dry ice machine he's got plugged into the wall. It unplugs, he staggers awkwardly to the ground, the smoke stops rolling in as the machine just straight up dies, and, nervously, this guy gets back up on his feet and dusts himself off. He's rather red-faced and sweaty, but he quickly wipes his forehead with the bottom of his cape and then he's back to trying to look cool, pointing at the camera as if nothing happened. When he speaks, it's with forced volume. ]

Hark! I, Odin Dark, Stalwart Guardian of the Night, Devourer of the Ruined Fates, HERO AMONGST HEROES, has travelled across time and tide for you, dear viewer! You, and you alone! [ He poses dramatically, his hand covering his face like he's shielding the world from the BURNING ENERGY that EMANATES FROM HIS DEMONIC EYES. ]

Odin Dark! Known to many as the Reaper's Second Scythe! (For when his first scythe isn't GOOD ENOUGH!) My heart is as black as a crow covered in roasted charcoal, flying through a starless night sky! And the crow's made of obsidian! LIKE MY HEART, WHICH WAS SURGICALLY REPLACED WITH THE HEART OF AN EVEN SCARIER, BLACKER BIRD! [ he throws his hands in the air dramatically. ] Can you hear that? Can you hear that, viewer?! My... blood! It's screaming!

[ He quietly says "noo odin noooo anything but that" out of the corner of his mouth, followed by what are undoubtedly supposed to be explosion noises. ]

Haha. Yes. Plead for your lives, villains. The beast in me... has awoken.


maskormenace: (Default)