video; backdated to 10/28

[you_tried]

[ Squint your eyes a little everyone, when the feed opens the camera catches the direct glare of the hot sun. Whoever is holding the communicator has it positioned at an odd angle, so the video captures clear blue skies, though the sound of the ocean can be heard with the occasional tropical bird cawing somewhere in the distance. The camera jolts without warning, dipping low enough to capture what appears to be a boat deck.

Off camera, Karen’s voice can be heard snappishly saying: ]

Are you still trying to take a selfie? Could you put that down for one second?

[ The camera jerks again, capturing an image of a chest that might be familiar to those of you who own the Booster Gold Mancalendar™ (you’re welcome). ]

Is it sooo wrong that I want to document this?

I guess we can document the part where I throw you off the boat.

You wouldn’t. There’s jellyfish in there! Probably. And besides, you never said there was a rule against selfies. It’s an American tradition.

Just try me, and Jesus, would you focus on steering the boat? [ Something splashes up beside the boat, seizing Karen’s attention for a moment. She groans loudly. ] We’re getting too close to those things.

Those things are Hawaiian squeaking sharks, and they’re our friends. Say cheese, guys!

[ The camera’s focus wobbles down off the side of the boat, zooming in on a group of splashing, smiling bottlenose dolphins, which are indeed getting very close. And then: a thump. ]

... oh, God. What was that?

Uh… maybe start guessing what it wasn’t and we’ll narrow it down…

[ The clicks and whistles of dolphins grow louder. If you happen to speak dolphin (or even if you don’t), they sound… pretty pissed. ]

MICHAEL.

WHAT? It was an accident!

[ The camera jerks again, horror movie shaky-cam style, as more dorsal fins rise from the water. Did you know dolphin pods can get really, really huge? Well, now you do. ]

Crap. Does anyone know how to say sorry in dolphin?


( ooc: red is karen and blue is booster! replies from karen will have the ID read as “karen starr”. booster's reads “booster gold,” but who cares. no dolphins were harmed in the making of this post. )

Comments

video.

[glowsferatu]

They aren't sharks until they're trying to eat someone, that's the defining characteristic of sharks.

It doesn't look like they'd be able to fit a person in those mouths.

[you_tried]

They can fit pieces of a person! That's enough!

[glowsferatu]

Then just stay out of the water! [ She frowns, eyes narrowing as something occurs to her. ] You know, it's a funny life you've led when it's actually novel to think of a shark being in the water.

[you_tried]

Oh my god, right? Did you see the sharknado a while back?

[ focus, booster ]

[glowsferatu]

Is that what we're calling it? I thought it was simply some sort of...flying pack-hunting event.

But after robot sharks and land sharks, it seemed par for the course.

[you_tried]

Do you think there's some kind of cosmic shark bingo card out there?

[glowsferatu]

If there is, I wonder which squares we haven't filled yet. Not space sharks, sharks can't survive in space. ...As far as I'm aware. [ Sharks can't survive outside of water, either. And yet. ]

Personally, I suspect we may have discovered imPorts' natural enemy.

[you_tried]

Sharks are everything's natural enemy. I've watched enough Shark Week to know.

[glowsferatu]

But they seem to routinely break their natural limitations in order to target us. Which I suppose would make us their unnatural enemy.

Could our presence have some a undiscovered yet dire effect on the ecosystem?

[you_tried]

Oh crap. You think? Are we breaking the food chain? What happens to the fish if the sharks are trying to eat us instead of them?

[glowsferatu]

Overpopulation, I suppose. Which means to compensate, we'll need to focus all of our diets on seafood.

Fish have blood, don't they?

[you_tried]

I... think so? But I'm not a doctor.

[glowsferatu]

Their blood is probably awful anyway, so I won't be any help. It will have to all be on you, I'm afraid!

[boobwindow]

Honestly, sometimes things go in one ear and out the other with him.

[glowsferatu]

And it looks like it's got you in the middle of a traffic crime. Should I give your lawyer a call, do you think the dolphins will press charges?

[ It's delivered very seriously, unclear whether or not she's joking. ]

[boobwindow]

It's not dead!

[ This is why you don't selfie and drive, kids. ]

[glowsferatu]

[ Karen's response catches her by surprise, and she furrows her brows into the camera. ]

Would it...have to be?

[boobwindow]

No, it's—

[ She drags a hand down her exasperated face. ]

You know, just in case, I might need a lawyer's number. Who knows if Booster broke some kind of law just now.

[glowsferatu]

Well, maybe I regret making the joke now. Can dolphins press charges?

[ Her video starts moving, to where Karen might recognize she's still at the office. ]

Let me check your rolodex.

[boobwindow]

More like I don't want people thinking we harmed an animal and ran away.

[ She listened closely to the dolphin they had accidentally smacked with the boat and to her relief it's alive and kicking.

It seems kind of angry, though. ]

And— hang on. Why are you still at the office?

[glowsferatu]

Ah. I... [ Am totally busted. ] I had to check your rolodex, didn't I? For the lawyer's number.

[ You're on video, Kanaya. They'd see you use a portal. ]

[boobwindow]

[ Was someone working late and needed Kanaya? No, her co-CEO doesn't work late often and she's doubtful he would keep Kanaya. ]

What time is it there?

[glowsferatu]

[ She stops, looking at her watch and holding it a minute, narrowing her eyes. Finally, she looks back up at the camera with a frown, she knows what's coming. ]

Not quite ten-thirty?

[boobwindow]

[ Her eyes widen at the response. ]

What on earth are you so working late for?

[glowsferatu]

There was just some filing I thought could stand to be done! It's not a big deal, I haven't been here the whole day.

[ Which means...she actually came back, this late. ]