THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 10TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: DECEMBER 10TH, 2016

THIS WEEK IN GRIME WATCH
As seen from video recordings from nearby customers and security footage from the store.:
A local arts and crafts stir has dealt with a small stir as fangirls attempted to swarm a certain Carl Grimes while glaring at fellow imPort Enid, who was rumored to be Grimes' girlfriend as they are frequently seen together. He was seen grabbing a skein of yarn and yelling at his fangirls to go support businesses. When the fangirls scramble to get the yarn and nearly created a fight, Carl Grimes and Enid was seen running out of the store, without buying anything. So much for supporting local businesses!

HOLY (ROCK AND) ROLLERS
As seen on TMI and various imPort and music news blogs:
The acclaimed Goddess, Persephone, has been making quite a name for herself over the past months thanks to her riotous performances across Maurtia Falls, but the concert she held last month with her fellow deity, Inanna, really took our breath away. Persephone kicked off the night with her signature riotous anthems, though thankfully this time not literally. True to description, the music was almost hard to listen to, raw in expression, and utterly incomprehensible in lyric.

And let's not forget our divine queen of the morning and evening stars, Inanna! Why this imPort held out on performing during their first visit here is a mystery, but we're all blessed that they've decided to grace us with their song this time around. It's hard to find the words to describe a song that touches you so intimately (and can lead to intimate touching!), and it doesn't help that the lyrics make no sense, but trust us when we say you've got to hear it. Whether or not you believe their story about divinity, we can all agree it's one hell of a divine experience.

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
As seen on BlueTube, and then exploding on Bwitter:
Having pet-related problems? Thumper getting out of control? Easter all day, every day at your house? Well, look no further than BlueTube's current trending video, showing two imPorts building what looks to be a giant rabbit-sized bunker in their backyard. The video shows imPorts Jacob Taylor and Junpei Iori constructing an intricately-designed contraption of thick metal and solid wood to house some kind of monstrous pet. To address any doubts on whether this kind of fortification is really necessary for a rabbit, the video also features footage of an enormous rabbit named ‘Sugar Ray’ terrorizing the household, gnawing on furniture and cords, biting at people, and making Junpei cower in a corner for his life.

The video is currently at over ten thousand views and still trending. Fans of DIY construction projects are applauding, while owners of ill-tempered rabbits across the country are sitting up and taking note of the potentially life-saving techniques this video demonstrates.

YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD
As seen on Rumblr and tabloid magazines:
Shocking! News that the imPort communication Network has sprung a leak! ImPorts are reported to have caused themselves EMBARRASSING and confusing conflict! No direct evidence of this has yet been published, just a lot of she-said-he-said -- but nevertheless! Speculation is heating up! Will this cause any divorces? Any tell-alls? Will Mick Rory and Len Snart elope to an ice rink located in an Hawaiian island?

(Rumblr user hawtNc0ld theorizes that this is the ideal compromise between two diametrically opposed imPorts).

Newspapers are reaching out for imPort confessions about this new technological issue. Will you be one of them?

OH SAY CAN YOU CONSPIRACY
As seen on Deddit and 4tinbras:
Conspiracy theorist Ludwig Da Vinci has taken credit for accurately predicting the imPort communication Network failures. Some argue that "technological blackouts" is a bit of a stretch, but his ardent following won't be dissuaded of Da Vinci's foresight. His next prediction? That imPorts will start spying for other countries.

A pretty serious accusation.

YOU ARE THE FASHION QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET
As seen in fashion magazines, Bwitter, or other fan related import/fashion blogs:
Some unexpected holiday magic was witnessed earlier this week at Hot Tropic! The quiet but fashionable imPort, Enid, was reported to have been seen signing an exclusive contract with the retail chain to sell her own line of jewelry. So far, no confirmation has been made as to when her line will hit shelves. Fortunately for her fans and notable fashionistas, a few exciting images of her first wave of designs have been leaked online - creating quite the buzz! Hopefully, they'll hit the market before Christmas so we can fill our stockings with some of these fabulous designs. Keep an eye out for that release date, folks, and get them while they last!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FADED CHEETO ORANGE to PEPPERMINT because peppermint is superior to eggnog as a festive flavor. Disagree? Discuss in the comments!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[catchacold]

How is that an ideal compromise? I'm already stuck in Florida.

How about Finland, Mick? They got saunas.

[pyrogue]

Don't encourage them!

[catchacold]

Says you.

[How can one syllable hold the words 'Mr Sending-Half-naked-Pictures-to-Harley-Fucking-Quinn? It's a mystery.]

[pyrogue]

I meant on purpose.

[ IE it was totally an accident, see he's not the only one having communication errors it's right there in the majority report!!! ]

VIDEO

[burnseternal]

[There isn't really a response. Just a delighted smile.]

[pyrogue]

...Hi, Walker.

[mischiefsmith]

Hm...well you can get lei'd in Hawaii, frequently? Not that I would encourage straying if you are otherwise entangled.

[catchacold]

It's complicated.

But I still vote for Finland. Wouldn't you be in favour? Norse.

[mischiefsmith]

Complicated can be messy business often times.

As a Frost Giant I'd be comfortable enough. I'd want to see Rovaniemi in winter, I hear you can just reach out and grab the holiday cliches by the handful. I hear the couple skating is choice in Turkey.

video;

[leonized]

I could've just talked to the rabbits.

video;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I appreciate the thought, but I'm pretty sure Sugar Ray does not negotiate. He... isn't like other rabbits.

[Although now Jacob is wondering what a conversation with Sugar Ray would be like. Is there anything within that rabbit's mind besides murder?]

[leonized]

[He snorts.]

I've dealt with dangerous animals before.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Jacob stares into space, the look of a man who has Seen Things.]

I don't know if you've ever handled anything like this before. I'm telling you, this rabbit isn't normal.

[Not Here]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Don't mind Adachi; he'll just be cracking up forever at that rabbit video. He's never letting Junpei live that one down. ]

video

[foreshadower]

What is a Rumblr and why do I agree with this fellow?

video

[catchacold]

Thought it was you.

video

[foreshadower]

You expect me to use one of these...computer things?

video; private

[pyrogue]

[ ...Oh right. ]

About that...

video; private

[foreshadower]

About what? Rumblr?

voice

[itstheirworld]

[Earlier this week misfires started to happen, right? So why not a small glitch that manages to register Enid's small compliant to herself as in fact its cue to open up a voice channel to the first piece on this gossip column. (Or maybe some other (un)forunate hack has taken place here.) A heavy sigh first introduces her on the waves.]

If people would have just left us alone for a minute, maybe we would have been able to shop a little.

[She's acknowledging the first piece about her and Carl obviously, but questions/reactions/etc to the last one about her jewelry are welcome. Her ID for this thread is simply Enid.]

text;

[fridgeflower]

Insert obligatory Holy Grail reference here.

[text]

[wordaday]

peppermint is ABSOLUTELY the best holiday flavor

video;

[brushoff]

You know, it's really quite easy to get all the paperwork filled out when you do decide to elope. Mick, Len, feel free to ask me any questions!

[pyrogue]

We ain't eloping!

[brushoff]

Plan on making things official, then?