005 • audio

[cigarbribery]

Hi, I'm back. [Foggy sounds exhausted when he makes the post, like he's just Seen Some Shit lately and wants a nap. Part of it might be because of the fact that before he got here, he'd been walking away from a crime scene with multiple dead bodies. Part of it might also be because of all the skimming he's been doing of the network to catch up.

...he's starting to think he should probably hold off on catching up right now. But anyway.]

Sorry I left town for a while—although, looking at what's apparently been going on, I think I got lucky with the timing. Jeez, you guys.

[A sigh, then the sound of papers shuffling. Foggy's back in his office, it seems.]

Can someone catch me up on what I missed so far? Besides the Maurtia Falls Ambassador Porting out, I—kind of figured as much just skimming off the network.

[A breath, like he's trying to rally himself for the next part, keep his cheer up.] I know there's going to be a lot of people throwing their hats into the ring to pick up where Padmé left off, so I'm not going to try. Her shoes are way too fashionable for me to fill. But I just want the candidates to know that if they need any help at all with the transition period, especially in the legal department, I'm willing to lend my services.

[That's what she'd want, after all.]

Comments

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[sonofgold]

Welcome back. You're right in that... a lot has happened. I'm not sure about the details but apparently some people were given godlike powers and ended up causing... quite a lot of havoc. Maurtia Falls suffered from floods and riots, for example.

video

[cigarbribery]

[Foggy heaves a sigh heavenward.]

Riots again? Jesus. [He drops his face into his hand, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Who thought it would be such a good idea to give a bunch of people godlike superpowers? That’s just asking for multiple lawsuits headed your way, and probably their way, too.

[sonofgold]

Yeah, Maurtia Falls seems to get hit hard with this kind of thing, doesn't it?

I agree. I'll leave the details about that to someone who's more informed; I'm not sure who was responsible or exactly how it happened. I've been focused on helping flood victims.

[cigarbribery]

Happens all the time. I’m just glad my office didn’t get flooded or burned down while I was out.

[He should look into that, actually, just in case. Maurtia Falls is way too prone to crazy shit going down.]

You need help with that? I can try to ease the way for getting supplies in, and if you need a handyman I picked some stuff up from watching the rest of my family work.

[sonofgold]

Glad to hear it.

I'm fine, but thank you. My powers let me repair things in a snap, though I've been overextending myself lately. It's hard to pace myself in situations like this.

[cigarbribery]

Don't overextend yourself, all right? If you're getting tired, give me a call, I'll swing by. I might not have powers that help me repair shit in a couple of seconds, but I can do a passable job.

[sonofgold]

I'll keep that in mind, thank you. It's hard to unlearn old habits- Brother and I went out of our way to help people whenever we could while we were traveling, but I had some health problems that make me tired more easily now.

[cigarbribery]

Helping people's great, I like helping people. It's why I got into law—that and the money in it. [He's joking, his voice is light and faintly teasing when he speaks of the money, and there's a little upward twitch to the corner of his mouth that gives him away. Anyway, much of his caseload's pro bono.] I just don't want you to hurt yourself doing it. Can't do a lot of helping if you're sick.

[Cough, Matt, cough.]

What kind of problems?

[sonofgold]

"Alchemist, be thou for the people". It's a saying we tried to live by back home- that and so many people helped me and Brother, we want to put that good back into the world as thanks. [Al grins.] I'll be careful.

[He then pauses, considering how to answer that. He knows it's hard to just... dodge around the whole "I spent several years as a suit of armor" thing, and he doesn't have to elaborate on why.]

Would you believe me if I said my soul spent some time separated from my body?

[cigarbribery]

It's not a bad saying. A lot of people could use it, I think, even if they aren't alchemists. [Resting his chin in his hand.] You better.

[There's a moment after Al says "my soul spent some separated from my body" where Foggy's clearly debating with himself over whether he's telling the truth or not. Then he lets out a slow breath.]

Last year, I would've said no. [Last year his life hadn't been completely upended by Matthew Goddamn Murdock.] But then last year I wasn't here, and I've seen some crazy shit since I got here, so. [A shrug.] Okay, fine, I've seen way weirder than that.

...still really weird, though. How'd it happen? If—it's okay to ask about, you can just not answer if it's not.

[sonofgold]

I agree. We came up with the philosophy of giving back what we were given, then adding one to it, so we put a net gain of good feelings into the world. Still, I can't help anybody if I'm too sick to do anything.

Well, the basis of alchemy in my world is "equivalent exchange". You can't gain something unless you give something. If you try a transmutation above your level, it can... backfire. There was an accident when Brother and I were little, and I ended up losing my body. It was still alive, but inaccessible to me. So when I reunited with it, it was weak and starved, and it's taken a long time to recover from that.

[cigarbribery]

I'm guessing you're still dealing with the aftereffects of all that time. [He drums his fingers on his desk, and seemingly abruptly:] You know, I think I actually still have some leftover pie here? Not a month old, I guarantee you, but it's definitely taking up a lot more space in the minifridge than it should.

[sonofgold]

I'm stronger than I was, but there are good days and bad days, it's true.

[Al smiles.]

I'll gladly take some- pie is one of my favorite things.

[shadowglitter]

You're gonna be inundated with a flood of people telling you all about the horrible, terrible things that went down while you were away.
The nightmares, the horrors. The problems, the consequences.
But that's not me. That's not the kind of man I am.
I'm a positive influence on your life. A shining star. A beacon. Here to make you feel better! So.

Things are great! Everything's fine.
I'm ordering pizza and having it delivered to your house RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

[cigarbribery]

If you weren’t already dating someone I would propose to you right now, screw the ethical consequences.

I don’t want to know what kind of shit went down, actually, since we’re being honest here. But there’s going to be a lot of fallout, so can I just get a summary of what kind of horrors happened? I don’t need details.

[shadowglitter]

Oh, man. He was probably threatened by you even before you said that.

Um, okay. So, okay.
There was a disaster - again. This fractured, rainbow light appeared around De Chima and spread through the city. It... changed people's... bodies. I guess. It's kind of rough, the images and the videos that are out there. I don't think it's something you should go into on your first day back.
I got out okay, but I know a couple of people took it pretty hard. I think Lucina's been... recovering.
Six hundred natives died.
Then, uh.
Gods... were dramatic. There was some flooding? Some light flooding? Some light flooding. Light floods.

Maybe we could skip over recapping all of that and just focus on the pizza and the... making you feel at home again... side of things?

[cigarbribery]

Let him know I'm not a homewrecker! I only said that because there's no other way to express how much I appreciate you and you sending me pizza for a welcome-back present.

[There's a long moment before the next message appears. Foggy reads and rereads the summary a few times, and buries his face in his hands, lets out a long, muffled groan.]

You know what, that sounds like the best plan I've heard in a while. I'm at my office right now, we can eat pizza and blueberry pie there and ignore the hell out of everything else.

[shadowglitter]

Okay, I will, but he won't believe me. He's read the fanfic I wrote.

But yeah! Yes. Okay. Cool.
I'll come over. I've been trying this thing where I channel all my hallowed, umbral energy into being considerate and empathetic rather than pushy and demanding, so if you decide you want some space after a while and kick me out so you can chill on your own, that's totally okay, too. Getting back after being gone a month must be a lot to adjust to.
But. But. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
Clear all the wretched, hard to understand Law Papers off of your powerful, sturdy desk. That's where the pizza lives now. Brb!!!!!!!!!

[cigarbribery]

I'm flattered you write fan fiction about me. I really am.

[Also, a little freaked out, but hey, as long as Odin doesn't ask him to read it, it's probably fine.]

They're already off, I've just been fixing the place up after being gone a month. And you probably don't need to worry about being kicked out, I really need something that's not related to casework right now.

I'll be waiting with bated breath. And pies.

[shadowglitter]

[ If he'd been a smart enough dude to remember this conversation before he was halfway out the door, Odin would have bundled up notebook after notebook of fanfiction to bring over to Foggy's office that they could read together - but instead he just picks up a couple of pizzas from where Peter sorta still works and swings by. He does his usual entrance, kicking Foggy's office door open with a loud BAM and slinking past reception with a distracted excitement because he's too polite to not say hi but too hype to see Foggy to stick around.

He drops the pizza on Foggy's desk and slumps into the opposite chair, putting his feet up without asking if that's okay but purposefully making sure he's not resting on any super important paperwork. He gets up with a start after he's comfortable, because he forgot to give Foggy a hug, and heck, that takes precedence. He crawls over the desk and hUGS FOGGY TIGHT. ]

Hnnnggghhhhhh.

[cigarbribery]

[Foggy will be forever thankful Odin did not actually do that, but anyway. Reception does not say anything, because at the moment reception is empty—Foggy's given all his employees the day off even after coming back, mostly because he just wants to clean the office up himself, try and get his feet back under him. Foggy himself is at his desk, having cleared away all paperwork and put pies and cakes and various other foodstuffs on top instead.

Time to ignore the shit out of real life!

And then Odin hugs him, as tight as possible, and Foggy huffs out a quiet, tired laugh. He's a little worn-down, right now, having stepped off the streets of New York with the outside of a crime scene still fresh in his mind and back onto the floor of Cape Canaveral with memories slamming in like a truck. Doesn't stop him from hugging back after a moment, patting Odin on the back.]

Hey, man. Would've missed you too if I knew this place existed. [He's grown pretty fond of his asshole friends, here.] Everyone still here?

Video: private;

[setmatch]

In regards to the people with Godlike powers.

Well.

How likely would it be to craft a “not criminally liable due to temporary mental defect or impairment via mind control” defense for two counts of domestic terrorism?

Video: private;

[cigarbribery]

...what the hell did you do?

Perma Video: private;

[setmatch]

[ The response is tired, dry. ]

Read the news lately? The Gazette has a lovely article with a police sketch of me and everything.

I wasn’t.... I wasn’t in my right mind. Woden cast some sort of enchantment over me, made me think that I was Apep, a god of pure chaos and darkness.

[cigarbribery]

I just got back, I've just been skimming the network. I haven't checked the Gazette yet—you have a police sketch? Oh, god.

[You're supposed to be a lawyer! A sane lawyer! What the hell, man.]

Woden—that's the guy from the Pantheon with the helmet? Okay, what the hell. [There's a groan, and Foggy's head just thunks into his desk.] Okay. Goddammit. Okay. Come over to my office at the soonest opportunity you have, tell me everything you know, I'll put together a defense.

But you better pay for all my drinks for a month after this. I just got back.

[setmatch]

I'll add you to the list.

[ There's a slight pause, and he sighs. ]

Mr. Nelson, I'm sure you can appreciate my need not to be seen in public until I'm ready to turn myself in. Could you meet me at Maurtia Falls 006?

[cigarbribery]

There's a list? I'm so honored to be a part of it.

[There's a bite to his voice that says he's not very happy about this, but he's helping out anyway despite his own misgivings, so.]

Yeah, I can do that. When do you want me there? Because I'm not going to do anything today that looks vaguely like casework.

[setmatch]

Earliest convenience.

I'm conferring with Mr. Anderson in the meantime.

[ And getting information about the man responsible for this, Woden, from one Urdr. ]

[cigarbribery]

All right. Is tomorrow okay with you? I'll come by and we can hash out the details then.

[A sigh. He hates to ask this, but:] I heard gods, plural, from a friend of mine. You weren't the only one this guy hit, were you?

[setmatch]

Tomorrow sounds perfect.

[ There’s a pause, a sigh. ]

There were twelve of us. I’m trying to gather names, but I know at least two of them. Possibly a third.

[cigarbribery]

Jesus. [He pinches the bridge of his nose, and shakes his head.] Send them my way too, if they ask for legal aid. I can't promise miracles, I can't even promise I'll take them on, but I'll see what I can do.

[setmatch]

I've gathered a few more names.

Adachi Tohru and Haru Okumura. Izanami and Pachimama. That's half the pantheon.

... I'll be turning myself in to Officer Rex at this month's swear-in. Better to do this without prolonging the search. I have nothing to hide.

[cigarbribery]

So Tohru and Okumura were Izanami and Patchy-mama? [He's not great at Japanese, shut up. He only learned Punjabi in college.] Okay, that's not bad. I'll keep an eye out for either of them.

Yeah, that's a good plan. I've heard of the guy, he sounds like a good one. [A tired breath.] Don't get yourself in even more trouble in the meantime, okay? God, I was sure you wouldn't be trouble.

text;

[sanguinespell]

everything went to shit but it calmed down already
not the worst time to come back. [a beat, as the little typing dots bounce.]

you feeling okay?

text;

[cigarbribery]

I was walking away from a pretty bad crime scene when I got back here, but other than that, I'm fine.

What about you? Things didn't go completely to hell in a handbasket for you, right?

text;

[sanguinespell]

nah. people i know got caught up in some shit, but
i'm good.

[wait, so if foggy went home--]

was it castle?

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[cigarbribery]

Okay, good. Do they need any legal help?

Did he shoot up a bar filled with the Irish mob from what you remember?

[sanguinespell]

one of them might? she was mixed up in that fake gods shit. we're not that close though

and i don't know for sure? i'm not into true crime, but it sounds like him. vigilante who loves murder and hates the mob

[cigarbribery]

Send her my way anyway, I'll see what I can do.

Probably? From what I saw it looked like a whole assault team had shot up the place. I'm having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the concept of it just being one very determined and violent vigilante.