☂ [Video]

[shotgunsolutions]

[Oswald has earned enough doing actual legitimate work (plus one lucrative murder) to buy himself a second, well appointed suit. He's wearing it now and adjusting his cufflinks, then his cravat in the mirror before he turns to the phone and smiles politely.]

Hello again, everyone. I'm in need of the services of a reputable assassin. If you are one or know one, please contact me.

[A pause and then an 'oops forgot to mention, how silly of me' look.]

Right, this isn't Gotham. I should be specific. My needs are all above board, I assure you. No actual killing involved.

[Today, anyway.]

Comments

Text

[drivesadesk]

...you're from a place where you can just post online requesting an assassin?

Wouldn't want to live where you live. I already have enough of a problem with assassins in my world, and at least in my world you have to try and be subtle.

Re: Text

[shotgunsolutions]

Oh, no. Not at all. We don't have the convenience of these little devices to send mass postings. We have to inquire at the appropriate businesses for such things. Or know someone who knows someone.

As I am new and don't know anyone or if such appropriate venues even exist. I am taking the simpler way.

But you are right about one thing. You don't really need to be subtle in Gotham.

Text

[drivesadesk]

So like...you have assassin stores? Where you go to hire assassins?

Weird.

I haven't seen any here.

[ video ]

[nightmarist]

What the fuck?

[ video ]

[shotgunsolutions]

[Oswald's face lit up with genuine interest. He'd liked the boy the first time they'd spoken.]

Mr. Lynch! Hello! How are you this fine day? What do you think of my new suit?

[nightmarist]

It's a suit.

[Ronan doesn't care for suits.]

What do you need an assassin for?

video;

[setmatch]

Bullshit.

video;

[shotgunsolutions]

[Oswald's smile disappeared behind a murderous glare.]

I believe, Mr. Klein, you intended to file a restraining order against me. Shouldn't that preclude you from contacting me in any way as well? Or have you not processed the paperwork, yet?

[See. He can be... decent. When he wants to. The sarcasm dripping from David's name notwithstanding.]

video;

[setmatch]

Perhaps I have rescinded the order since I would prefer you not knowing my address or place of business.

Is this assassin for me or for in general?

[exceptionalthief]

Perhaps you should check the Yellow Pages.

[shotgunsolutions]

I did. Nothing.

[Said straight faced with a touch of disappointment like he might actually have expected to find something in the phone book.]

And the only exterminators listed are one for bug infestations or rats. Not the sort I'm in need of.

[Private Video]

[cadbane]

This seems very suspicious, you realize.

Either you're blatantly trying to make somebody fall into a trap. Or you're making a very unfunny joke.

Re: [Private Video]

[shotgunsolutions]

[Ooo... a private communique. How nice.]

Is it? I didn't realize.

[Of course it was suspicious. Suspicious grabbed people's attention.]

But my intentions are neither of those. I want a consultation with someone who truly understands how to exploit the holes in a security plan. Assassins really are the only choice.

permavid.

[mortalweapon]

[ The person on the other end of the feed is very clearly a big blue robot, complete with the crisp mechanical voice and all: ]

I am curious why you would require an assassin, if not to perform an assassination.
Are assassins often used for other purposes where you come from?

permavid.

[shotgunsolutions]

[Well, aren't you interesting. He's already seen semi-humanoid, but very blocky robots. A more human one in shape is a new novelty.]

Security consultation my good... are you a woman? You're shaped like a human one, but I wouldn't want to assume.

text; private

[myownprice]

[Boba counts himself as a bounty hunter rather than an assassin. That said, he’s killed people for money before. That’s close enough.]

What’s the job?

text; private

[shotgunsolutions]

At the moment? Security consultation. In the future? It depends on how well the consultation goes.

video; (no mask obv but expression fitting)

[aboveand]

[It's taking Terry everything he's got not to facepalm.]

Harold, you've gotta be kidding me.

video;

[shotgunsolutions]

It's Oswald.

[He glared at the mirror before turning to look at the newest person to respond. Who the hell thought his name was Harold? He'd been very clear about-

Oswald's expression changed from angry to confusion to a bright grin.]

Terry! My friend! How are you? What do you think?

[He took a moment to turn in place, showing the suit off at better angles.]

I found an excellent tailor, wouldn't you say?

video; id: cassandra wayne

[cassassin]

Really.

[baby penguin you can't be serious with this shit.]

video; id: cassandra wayne

[shotgunsolutions]

[baby penguin has done a lot of crazy shit. he will mellow - some - with age.]

Yes, really. What's the problem Ms...

[Oswald squinted at the ID, frowning.]

Wayne.

[An eyebrow raise as he looked at the screen. There might have been some resemblance, but he'd only ever seen young Bruce in passing, newspapers, and television.]

Are you... This might seem a silly question, but are you from Gotham?

text;

[kidsmenu]

I might know a man.

What specific skills, if not killing, would meet qualifications?

text;

[shotgunsolutions]

They do need to know how to kill. It's just that this job doesn't specifically require a death to happen. I'm looking to improve my security and assassins are notorious for being able to get around security measures.

[Private | Audio]

[batburgers]

[There's a soft chuckle there.]

I'll give you points for taking the direct approach, but being that open isn't always a good thing. It can be bad for business if everyone knows what you're up to.

[Private | Audio]

[shotgunsolutions]

I hardly think being open about having a security consultation is bad for business.

[Oswald gives the same line - which is true, just not conventional in approach once you got to the finer details and hopefully only involves attempted murder and not actual death - he has given to everyone else.]

If you want to stop a thief from getting your valuables, the best person to ask for is another thief. Retired and gone straight is always preferable, but in this case, I don't think it'll matter one way or the other.