Video; open

[exceptionalthief]

[The video opens with what appears to be a largish African Grey parrot having a battle with an errant roomba, where he's perched on top of it and squawking loudly in German while the vacuum erratically jerks around. Using his sharp beak, he manages to pry open the robot's shell and subsequently pulls out its wiring in a small crackling of sparks; the roomba letting out a last whir of defiance before expiring.

The camera then turns to show Hans, who has a brief message.] Problem solved. Angry Bird disposal services available for a fee.

Comments

[shotgunsolutions]

Such a waste.

[Oswald has a second knife duct taped to his roomba, which the video is focused on as he follows it around his bedroom while it happily and dangerously does it's work. The two blades form something of a 'tail' for it.]

I'm thinking a cleaver for the third one.

[exceptionalthief]

Ah, so it can chop off your toes in addition to stabbing you in the ankles?

[shotgunsolutions]

Someone's anyway. Maybe one of my roommates if they get too close.

[He's very pleased with himself.]

I'm naming it Zsasz. After a friend.

Oh! That reminds me. Two and oh in my favor. And I found out some interesting things about my umbrella.

[exceptionalthief]

Well they are revolting against their human overlords, of which you are one, so have a care they don't turn on you.

Congratulations again. Oh? Such as?

[shotgunsolutions]

I believe we have an understanding. As friends. It picked out the two knives already there, you know. I gave it options and now it seems to trust my judgement. It's very polite when you treat it with kindness and respect.

[The camera shifts to show Oswald's face, revealing that he's kneeling on the bed before it gets to where it needs to be.]

What I found out deserves to be shown in person. It's really quite a treat. Are you busy at the moment? Now that your pet has effectively displayed it's dominance of the house.

[exceptionalthief]

[Skeptically-] I'm sure.

[Lower limbs safely out of the way though, he sees.]

As it happens, I am. Did you wish to meet somewhere?

[shotgunsolutions]

[He's confident, not stupid. Accidents still happen.]

The old theater district of Nonah. There's a studio on Dove Street. Rents practice space by the hour. It's not far from government housing. I can meet you there.

[exceptionalthief]

I believe I can find it. Say, fifteen minutes?

Video -> Action

[shotgunsolutions]

I'll meet you there!

[The feed turned off just after titling to show Oswalds' legs again as he started to stand up. A happy 'Zsasz! I'm going out!' muffled as it went black.

True to his word, Oswald was standing outside the studio just about fifteen minutes later. His face split into a wide grin at the sight of Hans.]

My friend! Hello! I've already arranged for the practice space. I called ahead.

[exceptionalthief]

Very efficient of you, I'm sure.

[Hans isn't entirely certain why they even need a practice space as opposed to just demonstrating whatever it is in the open, but perhaps it's rather attention-drawing, or Oswald simply doesn't want any witnesses. Hopefully there won't be any attempted murder involved in this instance.]

Shall we go inside?

[shotgunsolutions]

Yes. Lets.

[Oswald led the way, umbrella lifted to rest on his shoulder as he pushed the door open and went to speak quietly with the receptionist. Once money was exchanged and they were taken to a large room to be left alone, Os started looking up at the ceiling.

He stopped when he found what he wanted and waved at Hans to come join him at his side as he popped his umbrella open and lifted it overhead.]

Come join me, my friend. You won't want to be over there for this.

[exceptionalthief]

[Hans is fairly patient with Oswald's apparent need to stage a show, wordlessly waiting off to the side while arrangements were completed, then following along as they were led to the room. Once there however, he lifts an eyebrow at the ceiling examination, unable to ascertain whether Oswald is expecting something to fall from it, or looking for a weak point, perhaps?

...apparently the former, given his directive. Well, this should be fun. He has to stoop a little to get beneath it, but he manages.] And what is 'this,' exactly?

[shotgunsolutions]

[Oswald hefts the umbrella a little higher. He had been the umbrella boy of an underboss for quite some time before he took his first steps toward the throne of Gotham's underworld. He was well practiced.

Once Hans was under and he felt the two of them would be mostly safe, he pointed upward at the canopy, which was now just translucent enough to see through.

Oswald's smile was smug as a bug in a rug.]

Flamethrower.

[He squeezed a spot on the handle and a gout of fire spewed forth from the tip of the umbrella. Right into the smoke dectector.

A second later the alarm went off and water rained down on the room.

But the two were safe. Under the umbrella.]

[exceptionalthief]

[Well then, that was a little unexpected, despite the split second warning. Definitely not the sort of thing one would imagine an ordinary-looking umbrella could do.]

Impressive.

[Yes, he can see now why Oswald wouldn't have wanted to demonstrate it outside, or in one of their apartments.]

Did you discover this accidentally?

[shotgunsolutions]

I did.

[He shuffled a bit, turning in place to watch the door for when someone inevitably came through to make sure everyone was out. It would probably take a few minutes, though.]

That Grievous person, the one with the four arms, was offering weapons training. I took him up on it in the hopes that perhaps he might know something. Or at least have some new ideas for how to use my umbrella effectively as a weapon outside of bludgeoning things to death. He really had none. No experience whatsoever with something that far out of the ordinary. But... we did make a few discoveries about the capabilities of this ingenious little thing this world has given me.

I'm much happier with it now.

[exceptionalthief]

I've always gotten the impression that General Grievous is an individual with limited imagination. Which is not to say he's unskilled with certain weapons; he did best Count Dooku after all, although from what I heard, he had an unfair advantage.

[Not that Hans cares too much about fairness as a rule, only that it was a factor in that instance.]

Are we finished?

[Not having any desire to spend an extended period of time in a fake rainstorm.]

[shotgunsolutions]

[Oswald glanced around and nodded, before indicating that Hans could start walking if he wished. He'd keep up well enough to keep them both dry.]

Yes. Thank you for coming out here.

And he... seems to be limited in scope on certain things. But he is a fine tutor in the art of weaponry. I'm rather skilled with specific sorts, which have served me well enough so far. I think, though, I'd like to learn some more. Things I might be able to do with this lovely umbrella of mine if I put my mind to it.

[exceptionalthief]

I'm glad I did. It was a very interesting demonstration to be sure.

[Outside once more, Hans steps out from under the umbrella's cover, brushing any stray water droplets from his sleeves.]

If you don't mind some advice, be careful with him; he's extremely touchy and vindictive if he feels he's been slighted.