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[mortalweapon]

[ If you recognize the setting of this video post, you're probably either a cop or you've been in trouble with cops, because this is the Maurtia Falls police department. More specifically, it's a holding cell — whose occupants are a tall blue robot, a small nervous Darkov, and the evening’s host of troublemakers, which includes a hot dog mascot passed out on the floor and a man in nothing but a feather boa and his boxers. ]

I am aware that Martin Darkov has multiple ImPort guardians.
At least one of which is a police officer with the Maurtia Falls Police Department.
So perhaps it would be beneficial for one or all of these individuals to come down to the station promptly.

[ For her part, Danger is as calm and cool as she ever is. ]

I explained to the officers on site that, given the circumstances, I caused strategically minimal damage to “Freddie’s Fear Farm.”
And I did, in fact, warn the zombie pony.

Comments

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[knaval]

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHAT DID U DO

[mortalweapon]

The phrasing of that question suggests that this is my fault.
I can objectively assure you: It is not.

[killtime]

Do not encourage her, Riptide.

permavid 1/3

[killtime]

What the fuck.

2/3

[killtime]

What the actual fuck, Danger!

3/3

[killtime]

Explain to me why every fucking time I see you with Martin, you're both in some kind of trouble?

[darkov]

[oh no that is definitely Andy's distorted shouting through Danger's speakers.

he scoots over a little to peek in the corner of the screen:]

I-it wasn't her fault, Andy...!

video;

[grandtheftequine]

How much damage is "strategically minimal"?

[mortalweapon]

There may or may not be a hole of my approximate height and width in one of the walls.

It was, to be fair, a very flimsy wall.

video;

[kanyounot]

Is Martin okay?

[darkov]

[slightly off-speaker:]

I'm not hurt...

[mortalweapon]

He is anxious.
The evening has, perhaps, been something of an ordeal for him.

[killtime]

See? This is why the kid needs self-defense lessons. Shit like this happens.

voice

[queenofseers]

What the absolute fuck is going on?

[ Ohhh, Cassandra doesn't need this right now. She really, truly does not need this right now. Her voice sounds strained- she sounds like she's been yelling. She has been. And this is yet another thing to yell about. ]

You know, it doesn't surprise me that Martin being alone with a robot who thinks a congrats on being undead cake is a good idea turned out badly. [ She saw that cake! She noticed! Sorry, Danger, she's in a bad place right now. ] Let me talk to him.

[mortalweapon]

Please clarify:
Are you yelling because you are upset about the cake or about this situation?

audio;

[dragony]

Sounds like he'll be taken care of, once everyone gets the yelling out of their systems.

[ There's a sort of bland fatigue to her voice — the tone of, ugh, people, — but it's clearly not directed at either Danger or Martin. ]

What about you, Danger? Have you gotten your release arranged, yet?

[mortalweapon]

Not explicitly, no.
Although technically, I could make an exit for myself whenever I wish.
I am simply playing along to keep the officers at ease.
How are you, Ruka?

text

[fehus]

i bet freddie's gonna think again before trying to farm your fear.

[mortalweapon]

Yes, that was a miscalculation on Freddie's part.

[ The undercurrent of annoyance in the matter-of-fact tone she's been using with mostly everyone else so far shifts noticeably. ]

Hello, Magnus.

video

[girlybruiser]

[ MARTY...?? Haru is concerned!! ]

Oh, dear! Are you both alright? Is someone coming?

[mortalweapon]

We are intact, thank you.
And I suspect that multiple individuals will be arriving presently.

I assume based on your expression that you are personal acquainted with Martin?

[shotgunsolutions]

I fully understand and appreciate wanting to start them off young, but even for that sort of thing, it's still frowned on to do whatever it is that got you into jail before they're 17.

[He is, actually, a little worried by this. The boy clearly had no ability to handle himself alone and the so-called protector had gotten them both in the lock up? Did this world not have a Child Services branch?]

And why is he even behind bars? If, from what I've gathered of your other conversations, you are the one that did the damage? That's terrible policy on the MFPD's part. To jail a minor for the actions of their guardian.

[mortalweapon]

I refused to be separated from him.
The humans quickly realized it was in their best interest to earn my cooperation by allowing him to stay with me.

Regardless, the building was so poorly constructed, it was almost inevitable that it would have collapsed on itself even without my interference.

[video]

[cigarbribery]

Do you guys have a lawyer? Please tell me at least one of those guardians is a lawyer.

[mortalweapon]

I cannot tell you that.
Unless you would like me to lie with the purpose of reassuring you.

video;

[minorgod]

"Strategically minimal", that's a good one, I should use that.

The kid okay?

[ Yato assumes there would be more urgency if they were not the case, but he's going to check anyway. ]

[mortalweapon]

Physically, yes.
He is unharmed.

video;

[baetiful]

[ Baelish isn't going to ask what happened. Most people have covered that. So instead he goes for a more concerning question. ]

Is everyone still alive?

[mortalweapon]

Finally, a novel question.

Yes, everyone is still alive.
I am hardly so careless as to allow unnecessary casualties.
I even spared the zombie pony.

[ video ] »

[violetnce]

You know, I like being invited along when "strategically minimal" damage is involved.

[ That's only like 5% teasing. ]

You guys okay otherwise?

[mortalweapon]

We are intact, yes.
Thank you for your inquiry, Psylocke.

Do you also like haunted houses?
If so, next time, I will remember to recruit you.

late af

[d33tached]

What's happened to Martin Darkov?

[mortalweapon]

A number of things.
But he is physically unharmed.
Are you one of his guardians?

ARRIVES FIFTEEN MINS LATE W SBUX

[ct_7567]

[ HEY, WHAT THE FUCK. ]

Three questions. One, is Martin all right? Two, which precinct are you located at? And three, who the kriff are you?

I expect further explanation at some point, but that can wait.

[mortalweapon]

[ She responds promptly to each question without missing a beat: ]

Physically yes.
We are, apparently, at your precinct; Andy is en route.
And my name is Danger.