VOICE | ID READS: THE MATCHMAKER

[nihilisticnarration]

[ The voice on the network - ostensibly belonging to The Matchmaker - may be familiar to those who have had run-ins with the Narrator in the past, but only just so. His voice, while as resonant as before, with as crisp a British accent as ever, is lighter, more whimsical, as though someone is having a rather nice time and only wants everyone else to join him.

It could be the Narrator, of course. But it's not as though there aren't several British people out there, right? ]

Ah, Valentines Day. A day that is, no doubt, filled with missed opportunities - of failed expectations, of hopeful grand gestures, of love, no matter how disappointing that whole business seems to be. Everywhere I look, I see disappointment. Where's the heart? The passion? The soul?

Down the tubes, no doubt, commodified and cheapened beyond recognition. Not for me, though. Oh, no. I want something more. I say we take on this season of love and really give it what-for! We deserve better, don't you think? We deserve love. Grandeur. That moment where sparks fly, where the foot pops, where all you Harries out there discover that you've known your Sallies all your life. Even the most hardened, even the most cynical amongst you must look out to what could be and feel a certain... yearning. I know it. I can feel it. Can't you feel it too?

Oh, but you must be tired of the sound of my voice already. I want to hear from you. What of your lives, my friends? Your loves? What romance is it that you yearn for?

Comments

[Voice]

[generalgrievous]

I would be grateful, at the minimum, to have at least one of my wives here.

[Voice]

[nihilisticnarration]

Well aren't you special. All of these lonely, depressed souls roaming the world, and you've got wives aplenty. What's stopping you from getting one more?

[Voice]

[generalgrievous]

It has not been something I have considered here. It was not of critical importance.

I suppose it could be a possibility, however there is a lack of true choice. The majority here are human.

[Voice]

[nihilisticnarration]

Ah, but true love can blossom underneath any situation! Even that of a cross-species affair. What is it that they say?

Don't knock it until you try it.

voice

[choosetruth]

The only romance this holiday inspires is that beautiful relationship between corporations and the wallets of saps. Frankly, I'll pass.

[Georgia Mason does not have a single romantic bone in her body.]

voice

[nihilisticnarration]

Let me guess. You're a high-powered career woman with no time for silly things like romance.

voice

[choosetruth]

Cause that's the only reason I could possibly be opposed to this ridiculous farce?

[It's close in some ways and completely off base in others. She doesn't need to explain herself, though. She never does.]

voice

[nihilisticnarration]

Am I wrong?

voice

[choosetruth]

I'm a high-powered journalist with no time for silly things like gossiping about my personal life. Last I checked, it's not your goddamn business.

voice

[nihilisticnarration]

Ah, so I was right? She doth protest too much!

voice

[choosetruth]

[She dothn't, but it's usually easier to let people assume what they want. Georgia loves the truth, but that doesn't mean she has to air out every single detail of her life. Some things are just for her.]

I stand by my point.

audio;

[dragony]

Oh, I already hate this.

audio;

[nihilisticnarration]

Not one for romance, are you?

[dragony]

Not one for the meddlers and peddlers of it, no.

Can't you just get hyper-invested in soap operas? There's so many of them you could choose from. Much better put-together than any of our answers, I'm sure.

[nihilisticnarration]

Soap operas? No, no. They're so clumsily written. So pat. So dreary.

And they never have an end.

[dragony]

Well, isn't that a good thing? Or are you the type who prefers your romances to end in funerals?

[nihilisticnarration]

No. It leaves too much to chance. Actors and actresses leave and marriages break up.

At the end, when they get together, they should stay together.

[dragony]

Boring.

[nihilisticnarration]

Spoken like a true single woman.

[dragony]

And yet, you're still not my type.

[nihilisticnarration]

Oh, I'm not doing this for myself. I'm far more interested in all of you.

[dragony]

Yep. Still hate it.

[nihilisticnarration]

That's quite all right. I have a funny feeling that I may be able to change your mind.

[justlittle]

[ Bean doesn't respond. Just spends his afternoon hacking to try to pinpoint the source of "The Matchmaker"'s feed. This sounds too curious not to investigate further. ]