maskormenace

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Hey. Has uh anyone heard from Kanan? Like today. Or yesterday. Recentlyish.

[He sighs, not quite sure why he's doing this. He must seem like he's overreacting, but-]

He missed our lesson today which has literally never happened.

[Here, at least. Here for Ezra right now happens to be NeoJedha in Maurtia Falls. He's about to end the message when he realizes this is technically the first time he's posted on his own while not pretending to be Palpatine's nephew or something like that.]

I'm Ezra, by the way. I know it lists my name, but I feel like I should say it anyways? I don't know. If you know something, let me know. Thanks.

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[ He frowns, wetting his lips. ]

I don't really know how Jedi are supposed to do anything, but.

Force knows I still haven't managed to get used to it. I don't think anyone can really get used to something like that.

Sure, it's how things are, but it's...

I mean, it's still going to hurt, right? Every time. There's no point pretending it won't.

I know he dies when I go back. So maybe now is a good time for me to try letting go.

[ ... Ah.

Poe is not a man of hidden depths. His emotions don't require the Force to read, generally speaking, and right now they parade across his face as he tries to decide what to say. Apprehension, Sympathy, Worry... ]

Give him a week.

[ He settles on a firm sort of hope. ]

Most people, if they're coming back, they come back within a week. That's the most common turn around. Then 2 to three weeks.

After a month...

That's when it starts to get to be a better idea to try to make your goodbyes.

But you're not going to - [ He cuts off, remembering their last conversation. Wanting to change the galaxy. ] - You're probably not going to remember this, when you go back. So that's... that's a peace you're going to have to make with yourself there regardless.

Got it.

[At this point, he's not even going to argue about changing the future.]

But I still need to get over it here. And now he's gone so... makes sense.

[ There's a slight pause, and then: ]

So the Jedi have a way of just - letting go of people? [ It's not a snide question, he's honestly curious, if wary. ]

How?

You just... do it. Accept it. Move on?

[you know, the very healthy Jedi way of dealing with emotions. Which technically isn't what Kanan taught him, but eh]

In the past, Jedi weren't even supposed to have attachments at all.

Well that sounds totally simple and easy. [ It's hard to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. He doesn't manage to. ]

And what, seriously? No attachments at all? That sounds--

[ Impossible? ]

-- hard.

And really lonely, if I'm honest about it.

Obviously Kanan and I don't follow that rule completely, and I've never had to think about it much. But I know letting go's still a thing, accepting what you can't- ... what you can't change. That's what everyone wants me to do, right?

[ He lets out a breath. ]

Look. Everyone's going to tell you what they think you should do. But its your life and your head, Ezra. You gotta go with what your gut tells you is right.

Just because they don't think its possible or worth it doesn't mean they're right. [ Since he's pretty sure that's what they're actually talking about. ]

You'll figure out the truth for yourself, regardless of how any of us feel about it.

Thanks. I think.

[Honestly, he's not sure what to say to all of that, but this feels close enough. And he is thankful for any time someone's not outright telling him he can't change the future.]

[ He opens his mouth to say “Just please don’t hang out with Kylo Ren”, but for once in his life catches his own hypocrisy and shuts his mouth with a small ‘nnn’ sound. He remembers being Ezra’s age. If someone had said “don’t hang out with that guy”, he would have just done it more out of spite. So. Different route.

So, a second’s pause, and then a shrug. ]

I’ve never let go of my mom. And I won’t. So I don’t think there’s only one way to deal with this kind of thing. Plus, we’re in a unique position anyway.

You're not a Jedi.

[Sorry Poe.]

[ He rolls his shoulders in a shrug. ]

No, I’m definitely not.

I grew up with the one of the last two blue glowing Force trees, though, so that’s gotta count for something right? [ His tone is clearly joking. ]

I know a Jedi, though.

You met Rey, yet? Maybe she can help.

[Poe doesn't need to know that he has no idea what a Force tree is and as curious as he is, that's not the point!]

I don't think so. How would she help? Is she from the old Jedi Order?

[While he feels like he's seen the name Rey around the network, he hasn't heard of any Jedi arriving other than Master Kenobi.]

No.

[ And the pause is strangely solemn, as Poe frowns. ]

The last from the new one. She’s from my time.

No offense, but how would she help?

[Saying no offense... doesn't make that any better.]

What I mean is, whoever trained her has the same training as me, maybe less.

[ The hard edge doesn’t leave Poe’s expression. ]

Because she lost her master, too.

[ It takes everything in him to stop himself from saying “to your friend Kylo Ren”. It’s actually almost visible, the way he bites down on the words. ]

Or what, you don’t think experience teaches anyone anything either? No one else knows shit unless they’re a better Jedi than you, right?

I didn't- that's not what I meant! I've lost people before. I lost my parents twice. If she knows something about stuff like this and the Force, then fine. But I don't need to sit down and just talk about my feelings because my master's gone.

So, ask her.

Don't just assume she knows less than you.

She's literally the most powerful person I know, and has faced down the darkest people I know and came out of it with the brightest spirit I can imagine.

If you wanna go and make assumptions about people you know nothing about before you even meet them, you're gonna cut a lot of good people out of your life pretty damn fast.

[ And if he sounds annoyed it's because he can't help but think about the fight he had with Kanan about clones. He really, really hopes that particular lesson wasn't something passed to Ezra. ]

She's here, she's a Jedi, she's going through the same thing as you. What's the harm in asking?

Fine. I'll message her. Are you happy?

[ He lets out a breath as he taps out something on his comm. A second later, Ezra receives a text with Rey's contact info. ]

Sure. I'm happy for getting snapped at for trying to help the guy who asked the network for help. [ He sounds more wry than annoyed, at the moment. ]

Hope she does a better job than me.

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