[video] obligatory psa about pumpkin spice season

[slapfight]

So, apparently some outside force decided that since I've already saved my Earth, I should take the time to save a different Earth. [Grumbled] As if I didn't have a lot of clean-up to do.

[Don't adjust your network device. This is a small green person with kamina glasses and a gem on her forehead.] But since I wasn't given a choice, I'll just have to sort out whatever problems this Earth has as soon as possible so I can get back to my own Earth.

[She's saying this like she's honestly bored. Ugh! Saving planets is so easy now that she's liberated the universe from oppressive tyranny alongside Steven and the Crystal Gems.]

But! All of that goes without saying. My primary reason for this broadcast is more pressing. I seem to have been transported to this Earth during the "Fall" season. As I understand it, on Earth, it's traditional for humans and various other organics to partake in confections made with pumpkins.

[She lifts what appears to be a pumpkin if a pumpkin were alive and behaved like a dog. In fact, the little pumpkin dog even barks and waves its little feets in midair as it stares into the communicator. The fact that Peridot is using both hands to hold the pumpkin and doesn't seem to be holding her communicator is interesting... Maybe it's propped up on a table.] This is Pumpkin. She takes exception to the consumption and disembowelment of her kind.

[The pumpkin dog growls to back her up.] I would request that you be respectful of her in this difficult time and consume less pumpkin. Perhaps consider alternate harvest vegetables in your various fall confections and projects- like corn.

Comments

video;

[golisolation]

[Hey sweet shades, Guzma likewise has some sweet shades of his own, but on his head, and not on his face. Sweet Shades Solidarity.

Anyway, he's focusing on the important shit, and it's that very almost Pokémon-like creature, and not at all the pumpkin consumption concerns. He's pretty sure it's not a Pokémon, but he's still gotta ask:]

Yo, I ain't from Earth, and we sure ain't got people who look like you—[Well, maybe some Pokémon are arguably similarly strange looking, but she's clearly not a Pokémon,]—but that pet of yours, that ain't some variant of a Pokémon, is it?

[Look, if Earth has multiples, maybe one of them has Pokémon, thus a possible variant on Pumpkaboo. After all, there's so many weird people and things from "Earth", even if they're not from this Earth.

Endless possibilities, right?]

[slapfight]

She's a pumpkin. [Peridot slowblinks at him like she's not entirely sure what the hell he's talking about. Didn't she just say the word "pumpkin" five times???]

I don't know what a Pokemon is. Are they also vegetables? [Also please note her complete bastardization of the pronunciation of the word "Pokemon."]

[hatestrashcans]

Has she considered a blindfold or getting the hell over it?

[slapfight]

[GASP] How would you feel if every time you walked down the street you could smell people cooking your own kind?!

[Video]

[pinetreehimself]

[Enter Dipper, who couldn't help but notice the repeated mentions of 'Earth', coupled with Peri being both little and green, and starting to get very intrigued...and a little starey, too. Keep it cool, man, keep it cool.]

...Hi, um...sorry if this is a...personal question, but you...wouldn't happen to be, like...an alien, would you?

[slapfight]

I'm a gem. [Like this explains everything.] However, by the standard Earth definition of the word alien, yes. I am. But it's such an oversimplification.

video

[made_up_names]

... That thing is adorable. Your - uh, pet I mean.

[slapfight]

Thank you! She is, isn't she? [She's like a proud dog mom over here.] Say hi to the nice human, Pumpkin.

[Pumpkin barks and swishes the weird leafy vine extending from her stem like it's a tail.]

permavid

[lesterzeppelin]

[ You know, this isn't even close to the strangest thing Apollo's seen all month, so he just nods along. When life gives you talking pumpkins... ]

Good thing those lattes aren't actually made from pumpkins, huh?

[slapfight]

They're not?

[Wow this definitely is going to change her assault on all the Karens and Beckys of Heropa.] What about the pies? And the donuts? And the other pumpkin confections?

Video

[perfectlyhuman]

[ Whoa. An alien? She looks like an alien. But, also, pumpkin dog? Whoa! ]

Are you an alien? [ A pause. ] Nice sunglasses.

[ Off camera, there's a few muffled boofs from what sounds like a small dog. Someone heard barking. ]

[slapfight]

Technically, yes. I suppose you could call me that. I prefer Gem. It's way less broad and ridiculous.

[She adjusts her visor.] Thank you. When I last reformed, I decided to have my visor take a similar shape to Garnet's to denote my position as- Pumpkin!

[Pumpkin has started barking back. DOG CALL AND RESPONSE. Darn it, girl, you're messing up her bragging!!]

Video

[lootsnshoots]

Alright, how did you do that? Some kinda dark magics? 'Coz last time I exposed a veggie to arcane rituals it just started glowing ominously. You tellin' me I coulda gotten a cool dog out of it?

[slapfight]

There's a simple explanation for that. You don't have the powers of Pink Diamond. [Said like he's supposed to know what that means. It's okay. She doesn't know what an arcane ritual is either.] Of course nothing you used work. That's the only thing that can bring plant-based organic matter to life.

text;

[threeisapattern]

1. pumpkin spice is actually the spice mix used for pumpkins not the pumpkins themselves

2. WHERE DID YOU GET A SENTIENT PUMPKIN

[slapfight]

1. So I've been told. I'm still making a big push to make people consider corn-based pies.

2. Steven made her. She was brought here with me.

[patchricide]

You know, I have so many questions about how you're capable of communicating with the produce...

But you're asking so much of us! Pumpkin pastries are an important and delicious part of human culture, and they aren't so easily replaced! Have you tried them before?

[Despite her accusations, she seems more amused than offended.]

[slapfight]

[The pumpkin is sad. Sad Pumpkin.] Never! I'd never hurt the feelings of such an adorable vegetable.

[Also... ALSO..] ...And I don't eat.

[honeybadgered]

Wow. I love her already and I want only good things for her.

[Gabby grins into the camera, then picks up her own actual wolverine.]

This is Jonathan. We haven't run into anyone eating wolverines, but if we did, we'd definitely wanna fight them. What happened to your earth?

[slapfight]

Thank you! That's exactly what she deserves, even if some of the clods around here are so hung up on pumpkin-based food products. And I must say, your... wolverine seems very fierce.

[SHE SQUINTS. Look she's never seen a wolverine before, but it looks like a dog or a tiny bear. She's also never seen a bear before, except on Camp Pining Hearts. Maybe they're smaller in real life. And called "wolverines."]

Ahem. [anyway.] Absolutely nothing now that the Diamonds aren't trying to destroy it. You're welcome.

Video

[moonlitpath]

Oh! She looks really cute and happy with you.

[Here, have a beaming 12 year old who gives Pumpkin a small wave.] Is she an animal native to your world?

[slapfight]

Of course she is! She loves me. [Peridot preens like it's so amazing to be loved by something unconditionally, while Pumpkin just... pants.] She's a vegetable native to Earth. Steven brought her to life to console Lapis and I about our vegetable garden not producing servants the way gem kindergartens do. At first it felt a little condescending, but it's hard not to appreciate this face and this utter loyalty.

[VIDEO]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

But...But I love pumpkin pie...

Please don't tell me you know any sentient apples. I can live without pumpkin pie but I'm pretty sure I'd give up on life without apple pie.

[slapfight]

[THE PUMPKIN HISSES and Peridot shifts her tiny body so she's kind of shielding her from Darin's gaze like she expects him to FIND HER DELICIOUS LOOKING.] No, it's just Pumpkin. Apples are a fine alternative, and won't hurt her feelings. Or provoke her into attacking you.

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[notafraidofyou]

[S T A R I N G. That's sure... a thing.]

I have a couple of questions.

First: is she friendly? [The last time he saw plants moving by themselves they were decidedly not friendly.]

Second: is sweet potato an acceptable alternative to pumpkin for those of us who like the spice combination, but don't like corn?

Third, and this is just a matter of curiosity, really, but do you happen to go by 'Poison Ivy' ever?

[slapfight]

[She answers the questions in the order they were given, like a Professional.]

As long as you don't eat pumpkin-based foods in her presence.

Sweet potato will suffice. Pumpkin doesn't feel strongly about any other vegetables but her own kind.

[The last question makes her pause.] ...Why would I go by that? Isn't that an Earth plant that causes humans to scratch themselves uncontrollably?

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[a_good]

[There are...a number of things to process here. Like that person being green. And the barking pumpkin.]

Where did she come from?

[slapfight]

From a garden. Only inferior produce comes from stands. You have to get it directly from the source.

voice;

[plentystrong]

Solve this world's problems? Well, good luck with that one. Settle in, you're gonna be a while.

[slapfight]

I helped solve a millenniums-long problem in a matter of years. This shouldn't be too difficult.

[Famous last words.]