maskormenace | (no subject)

[ Trying to process the memories of a different life was difficult enough. She figured seeking out the people she'd lost there, one way or another, would help anchor her to the present, the truth of who she really was.

Instead, she's here on the network, face drawn and voice flat. She's years younger than her counterpart, and her hair is longer, but the look in her eyes right now isn't that different. ]

Cassandra Wayne and Stephanie Brown have gone home.

[ It's easier to say than disappeared, even if it's all much the same, at least for her. Cass is going back to a world where she's alone, drowning in grief and trauma and guilt. Stephanie, at least, has a version of Barbara who's there for her.

But when she's pulled back home herself, she'll forget that. She'll just believe that Stephanie died because she hadn't been looking. ]

If you were close with them, then - let me know what you need. Stephanie was - is - a friend. A protege. [ Family, but she can't explain that without giving away too much - for Stephanie's sake, if nothing else. Her own identity has been pretty badly compromised by whatever the hell that trip really was.

She takes a steadying breath. She needs to say this, needs to get it out. She can't let herself bury it, like that other Barbara did. ]

When I first met Cassandra, she didn't have a name. She didn't have anything, really, aside from a drive to help people. [ And in that other world, that drive was poisoned and warped. She was a weapon again.

Out of sight,, her fists clench, and it takes her a moment to shove down desperate rage. Whether it was just an illusion or another life they'd inhabited for a while, there's nothing she can do about it right now. ]

I gave her a first name. Bruce gave her a second. He's very much her father, but she's also...

[ Her voice catches, and her eyes sting. She hasn't really said it, not in so many words, not when she was herself. ]

She's my daughter.

And she's gone.

[ She ends the transmission. ]

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I'm sorry.

[ Just those two words, but his expression shows just how much the loss of the Batgirls means, and how sorry he is to hear they've left a world where they could just be themselves. ]

[ She musters something like a smile, wearily grateful. ]

Thanks.

Are you - how much do you remember?

[ He ducks his head, looking away. ]

Enough. [ All of it. ] Not all the memories are bad.

No. But that doesn't make it easier.

You were... [ She shakes her head, and her fists are clenching again until she forces them open. ] I hate that you were put into that position in the first place. [ That she just accepted it because it was useful. ] But you made it invaluable. You helped - and saved - a lot of people.

I chose to stay. It wasn't like there weren't ways...

[ How could he explain that he'd known he could do what was needed, that they'd keep overlooking him? ]

Did Tim ever tell you about the version of him that became Batman we ran into? My future self managed to spy on him, so I thought if I could do even half as well as that version...

It was worth it. Because I could help get some of the people out. Even if I had to choose sometimes.

I know you did. And I let you.

[ She could have at least tried to convince him to find another way, to help him with other opportunities.

She grimaces, but doesn't nod. ] He never talked to me about it, but I knew about it. That future doesn't seem so different than what we saw there. [ Which is depressing, frankly. ]

...Having to make those decisions changes a person, Bart.

You had your own responsibilities. And I knew what I was signing up for.

[ For a moment, he thinks about it, then decides to go forward and tell her. ]

I think Max was the only one who knew about the first time I made that call. Barely anyone has much to remember about Extant and the threat he posed. At least in that world, there were sometimes second chances, or other ways to nudge things that didn't leave me exposed.

[ The weight of experience he's had in his life is hard to explain, because of how often things no longer happened the way he first remembers them. But he's buried plenty of people, and lost battles. ]

They both had one thing in common. Hope. There were plenty of people who refused to give up or give in, no matter what it cost.

[ Her eyes widen, as the realisation settles like lead in her chest.

How old was he, then? How long has he been carrying that? And with Max gone - ]

If you ever want to talk about it - any of it - I can listen, and I won't judge you. I won't lecture you. [ There's a thread of helpless anger in her voice, but it's not directed at him. ]

...I'd forgotten how important hope was, I think. Over there.

If I'm around people who don't know, or don't think about it, it's easier to just let myself not think about those things. I mean, I know exactly what I did and what the consequences were, and it sucked to make those calls, or hand the information over to others knowing what would likely come of it.

I also know that there's no real thing as a justifiable sacrifice. I had file of all the metas I'd known about that I couldn't save, too.

[ He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. ]

I saw that in a lot of people. That they'd lost the belief that their actions would really change things over there. And I did what I could. Dr. Foster said once that if I could be out there making a complete fool of myself most days, it at least gave her something to smile about.

[ But this is a depressing topic, and he's not really interested in staying on it. ]

Kon and I got a house together to fix up. The kitchen's still hideous, but we got the basics sorted. You should stop by sometime.

Just try to remember that there's someone who does know, and who understands. [ And she leaves it there, for now. Lets herself smile as she pictures Kon and Bart debating interior decorating. ]

Sounds like fun. ...Do you two know how to use a kitchen?

I can cook! [ He's almost defensive about it. ]

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