And he wants to ask. What she's noticed. Which tells he's slipped and given away, even as he knows how horrifically obvious it feels too. As if she couldn't tell from the turtlenecks, the gloves, the heavy layers, the dreamstuff that brought him his old body just as her dreamstuff brought her a Claire, of sorts—
But that thought isn't all that prominent either; when Luther thinks over it, he realises he doesn't feel bitter that she hadn't realised. He's relieved, mostly. Relieved that he managed at least some semblance of hiding it.
"I didn't want you to know," he says. And then a moment later, realising how that might sound wrong, like a kind of rejection: "I didn't want anyone to know. I'm not supposed to... I'm supposed to be Number One, Allison, for god's sake. Impervious."
Another breath. The only way this is easier, doable at all, is because it had already come up a little with Jane, hot on the heels of the City.
Leaders are supposed to have faith in themselves. What a shitty one I am.
"But I haven't felt like him in a long time. Even before... before finding out about my mission."
(Even now, a whole year later, he can't quite bring himself to say those words and name it for what it is. Finding out about the moon. What Dad did. The sham of his life. The waste of his life.)
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But that thought isn't all that prominent either; when Luther thinks over it, he realises he doesn't feel bitter that she hadn't realised. He's relieved, mostly. Relieved that he managed at least some semblance of hiding it.
"I didn't want you to know," he says. And then a moment later, realising how that might sound wrong, like a kind of rejection: "I didn't want anyone to know. I'm not supposed to... I'm supposed to be Number One, Allison, for god's sake. Impervious."
Another breath. The only way this is easier, doable at all, is because it had already come up a little with Jane, hot on the heels of the City.
"But I haven't felt like him in a long time. Even before... before finding out about my mission."
(Even now, a whole year later, he can't quite bring himself to say those words and name it for what it is. Finding out about the moon. What Dad did. The sham of his life. The waste of his life.)