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[The video starts with Eddie sitting at home with a notepad in his hand.]

Have you heard about this fanport thing? We've gotta be careful with this shit, in case it turns crazy like swear-ins. Be prepared! [He pauses for emphasis.]

I'm still gonna go. Wanna know why? I'll tell ya. I got an invite to run a panel. (like every other import) I'm gonna tell all these import fans about health and safety, all the important stuff, especially how to deal with the fucked up shit that happens here. [He holds up the notepad.] I'm making a list of all the stuff I'm gonna put in my panel, so if you got ideas for it - let me know. If you know about health and safety, you can be in the panel with me.

[He's about to end the video when another thought occurs to him.]

Oh, and please don't dress as clown or a leper for Halloween. Thank you.

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You mean crazy like when we had to fight all those robots? That was rad!

Yeah, crazy shit like fighting robots and hearts getting stolen and drinks being poisoned and attacking people with allergens and spas trying to kill us and all that shit. Being safe is rad.

Wow. That is a lot of crazy junk.

Now I definitely want to go!

Yeah, you should! I'm gonna give a lot of good information.

About safety and junk, right?

[ Don't mind him, he only hears about one word in three most of the time. ]

I know tons about keeping people safe.

Do you really know how to deal with all that happens here...? [ because if there is a magical formula, kaneki would love to have it ]

Not all of it. That's why I'm asking people for ideas. I've got a lot of good long lists though. [He lowers his voice] Some people around here don't have any common sense. They gotta know the basics.

Aha [ he smiles a bit, amused ] It's good you are willing to share.

I don't think I can help, but I will go to your panel.

Yeah, people gotta know this shit.

Okay. Cool. I need all the rational people there I can get.

I'm sure there will be plenty interested. [ or at least natives will, because they like to listen to what imPorts have to share]

Oh- I just remembered. Do you celebrate Halloween?

Yeah, I hope so. People don't listen to the important shit though.

Yes! It'll be better this year 'cause my mom's not here to tell me not to eat candy.

Most want to believe things are simple, I suppose...

[ Kaneki smiles wider ] Can you tell me a bit about it - what is the best candy and such. I would like to celebrate it, but I never did before.

Yeah or they wanna pretend there's no bad stuff.

Any Reese's is good candy, like Reese's pieces. I only had those here 'cause I thought I was allergic to peanuts back home. Skittles are really good and sweet [Eddie grins.] Oh the best is when someone gives you a full sized chocolate bar instead of a mini one.

You should get a costume. You're too old for trick or treat, you can go to parties. Be something cool like batman, or Indiana Jones, or a Ghostbuster or Rambo or anyone from Star Wars! The original three star wars. [That's a very important distinction for a kid from the eighties.]

Be anything that isn't a clown or a leper.

Decorate your house if you're gonna give out candy and turn the lights on so kids know you're home.

[ Kaneki will make note of all of this, he wants to participate and make kids happy after all.]

Oh, I was thinking something simple like a mage. Or a witch, I guess.

I live in an apartment, so I'm not sure if it will work... But I can decorate my windows, I guess.

Oh that's cool. Like in dungeons and dragons? I don't play it but I know what mages are. Witches are cool too. Or you could be a wizard.

Are you allowed to put stuff on your door? So kids in the hallway can see it and knock? Like a sign that says Happy Halloween. Or a picture of a jack-o-lantern.

Something like that. I admit it just sounded easy to make - a black cape, robes, a hat and a wand. Right?

And that's a good idea. I will do that, thank you.

Right! Costumes can be easy and cool. I dressed as a doctor last year, back home. Just a white coat and a stethoscope.

That's a good costume too. [ and it fits him well, after speaking a couple of times with Eddie ]

What are you dressing as this year?

A skeleton. I have a cool costume. It glows in the dark for spookiness and safety.

That sounds really cool. [ kids have much better ideas for this in the end, don't they?]

I will give you some candy if I see you around.

Yeah and I got a good deal cause I work at a costume shop.

[Eddie grins.[ Okay! Thanks!

Why not clowns?

'Cause they're scary as fuck. An evil clown tried to kill me and my friends.

[ what!!!!! ]

Wait, did that happen here?!

No, it happened back home. I still don't wanna see any clowns around here though. Clowns suck.

Geee, that's terrible. I'd hate clowns too, if that happened.

Why did a clown try to hurt you?

It was an evil alien monster that ate kids! It wanted to scare us first, 'cause scared kids taste better. So It looked like a clown to get close to kids and scare'em. It could look like other things to, real scary shit, like a leper that's covered in germs.

[ THERE IS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE ]

... why kids? Why not adults? [ wouldn't adults... have more meat? Not that Rimuru is defending eating of anyone!!! But still - ]

'Cause kids are easier to scare. And 'cause Pennywise was a real asshole. [Eddie pauses and then remembers to add.] That was It's name, Pennywise the dancing clown.

What happened? Did someone defeat it?

Yeah, me and my friends killed It. ~~I think.~~

I know FanPort. It doesn't typically have the huge "Oh my god, we're all going to die" events that the Swear-Ins attract. Any issues tend to be an individual causing problems and are handled quickly. The most you have to deal with is crazy fanboys and fangirls being creepy.

That's good! They should put that in the advertising. This event wouldn't try to kill you but look out for creepy assholes. How creepy do that get? Should I bring a weapon?

Last time I went weapons weren't allowed and I didn't feel like I needed one. Words were enough to fend most people off and if you have a power that can be used to get people to back off just threatening to use it on the persistent ones usually worked.

The biggest issue I ran into was some dude who shipped me with one of my teammates who was here at the time and his inability to back the hell off. Green scared him off when she dropped her camouflage and roared at him though. [ She shrugged. ]

Fair warning though; the part of the hall that hosts fanartists does include porn of anyone and everyone and they're only too happy to try to sell it to the imPorts depicted.

My powers aren't really good for threatening. I can always make a weapon if I need to. I did it back home, and here a couple of times.

Shipped? Oh, I know what that is. It's messed up. People should just let everyone decide who they wanna date or fuck for themselves. They gotta mind their own business. I can't roar, but I can yell real loud if anyone bugs me about that shit.

Porn of everyone? Gross. I don't wanna see that. Why would anyone wanna buy art of themselves like that?...Maybe Richie cause he'd turn it into a joke....I'll definitely skip the fanartists. Maybe I can work that into my talk. How to avoid seeing creepy shit!

Not all of them are like that! Most of it was really cool depictions of fights and shit we'd been in, but you'd be super into the great fight scene they'd depicted and turn the page of the portfolio and BAM! porn.

Keith and Lance used to buy up all the porn art of them together and use it for kindling. Which I know, gives the artists validation by you buying it and I told them that, but they didn't want anyone else getting a hold of it and both of them are stubborn as a balmera so it was impossible to change their minds.

[ Anyways... ]

But yeah, it was a fun time even with all that.

Like a nasty ass lottery? I don't wanna take the chance of being the winner. [He frowns.] I don't reminders of the fights I've been in, even without the risk of porn. I mean, me and my friends are cool as fuck. The stuff we've fought's not cool at all.

Yeah, I think that's a bad idea too, 'cause if they're buying it, the guys are still getting money. So they're gonna make more shit.

[He thinks for a moment.] Maybe I should find ways to make my talk fun. Fun and informative.

Yeah same. We're cool as fuck but we've fought some creepy fucking shit both here and at home.

Making safety instructions fun does help keep people interested. What were you thinking?

You did? Any alien clown monsters that ate kids?

Maybe I could find ways to make games with the information. Or have a trivia contest at the end. I might ask Richie. He's fun.

Ummm, no????? [ Pidge's face and expression very obviously convey the 'what the fuck?' that's running through her head. ]

We had a ten thousand year old sorta undead space dictator trying to gain control over super powerful, semi sentient robots with his ten thousand year sorta undead wife and their crazy ass son. Who honestly would probably have been less batshit insane if his parents had been like, half way decent. [ Damn it, Lotor. She'd liked him until it was clear he was crazy. ]

[Eddie looks equally confused.] Sorta undead like a ghost or a vampire or a zombie? Or like the people here that used to be dead before they were imports? Sounds like an asshole either way. Semi-sentient means the robots were kinda like people, right?

[He nods.] Yeah, shitty parents suck. My friend's Bev's dad was a real asshole. Bev was cool though, one of my best friends. I miss her. She was one of ones that fought Pennywise with me. Pennywise was the name of the alien clown monster.

I think more zombie like? They were corrupted by an energy in our world called Quintessence and it either raised them from the dead or prevented them from fully dying and locked them in a weird stasis where they didn't age or anything.

And yeah, in my world they're giant space ships shaped like lions - and no, I don't know why lions - that can choose their pilots and form bonds with them. The stronger the bond the more they can do with their pilot and without. But here, [ She turns the camera to show a green robot lion lying on its back in a beam of sunlight with all four paws in the air. It appears to be fast asleep. ] she's basically like having an overgrown pet cat who can use any technology I make.

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