text; un:kyouken

[justbeingknife]

Do you like the holidays? Have you ever dreamed of five (extra) minutes of fame?

Then guess what? In two weeks, you'll get your chance! Send me your ugliest fuckin' Christmas sweater, and come deadline, I'll pick the most heinous crime against humanity and wear it when I win the men's free skating program at this year's Four Corners Invitational for Small Orphans.

I'll hold up your picture if ya send one, and give ya a shoutout in the bargain. Plus, you'll have a little extra room in your closet. It's win-win!

Comments

un: c.corey

[thepattern]

Two things:

One, you seem pretty confident that you'll be taking home that medal. Are you just that good a skater, or is there some kind of prize fixing going on behind the scenes that we should know about?

And two, you'll have to explain this "ugly Christmas sweater" phenomenon to me. I'm afraid that wasn't exactly a thing where I was before I got here.

[ Neither Amber, nor 1970's Shadow Earth have the concept of an ugly Christmas sweater contest. ]

[justbeingknife]

I'm just that good, man.

And all I know is what I was told. For years, Americans lived an uneasy coexistence with the Christmas sweater. They'd get one as a gift, and grudgingly wear it a day or two a year for grandma before stashin' it under their old pants from ten years ago.

Then, the realization. Why not go full ham? If they were going to wear an ugly sweater, why not the UGLIEST SWEATER? Why not be the reignin' monarch of terrible holiday knitwear?

[ truly an explanation of dubious accuracy ]

[thepattern]

Olympic level?

I see. I guess I'm familiar with the kind of sweater you mean, but just doing a cursory internet search tells me they really have gone whole hog with the ridiculous factor these days.

In that case, I would pay money to see you wear this one on national television:

attachment.jpg

It doesn't do the unicorn justice, but it's a good first salvo.

[justbeingknife]

Honestly? Yeah, I think I could. Of course, I know jack shit about what hoops I gotta jump through, and there's the whole question of international competitions and whether to register.

But hey, one day at a time. That sweater's goddamn regal. Also, the only entry so far. I'm likin' those chances!

Even if I don't know what the hell unicorns have to do with Christmas.

[thepattern]

They seemed pretty adamant that I should register, when I got here last week. Are there any reasons why I shouldn't? Things I ought to know? I feel like I'm playing catch-up here.

And what a unicorn has to do with Christmas? Not a damn thing, if it's anything like the unicorn I'm familiar with. There was another one I found that had Santa Claus riding a unicorn, using a gigantic candy cane as a lance, in space, surrounded by UFO. I thought that one was just a bit too over the top.

[justbeingknife]

It's mostly a matter of principle on my part. I understand they don't want superpowered whosits hopping in and out of the country, but I actually take swearin' loyalty as a serious kinda deal.

Maybe Santa Claus is an alien. That'd make a lot more sense than some pudgy old-timer dolin' out gifts and coal.

[thepattern]

Same goes for me. Thus why I gave them a rain check. Told them I would consider their offer, and get back to them once I'd made a decision.

You know, there could be something to that. The speed it would take to deliver presents to every child on Earth in one night is superhuman.

text; @Ultra_Magnus

[legalcy]

Why?

What is the purpose of display bad fashion?

[justbeingknife]

How much do you know about figure skatin'?

[legalcy]

I know that it's an artistic and athletic display of skill popular during the cold seasons.

[justbeingknife]

I see. Then ya may be familiar with an important aspect of that display:

Goofy costumes.

[legalcy]

I never read that the outfits are meant to be ridiculous.

[justbeingknife]

What?! If you're not wearin' flashy shit, why even show up on the ice?

Of course, I am takin' an extra step here. Peelin' back the veneer, if ya will.

[adamantlyardent]

You really weren't kidding about not caring about other people's opinions, were you?

[justbeingknife]

It was a long, hard road to get here.

That said, I am kinda capitalizin' on audience reaction here. But it's for charity!

[adamantlyardent]

Someone will have to ask for donations for all the damaged vision you might cause if you purposefully dance about dressed like an atrocity -- the cycle will never end!

[justbeingknife]

Good thing there's plenty of charity for everyone! All in the holiday spirit.

Speakin' of which, you got any plans?

[adamantlyardent]

Aside from the customary exchange of gifts to those I know who yet remain here, I don't really participate in the customs this world has for the season.
Even so, I was told a botanical garden near where I reside is to be decorating with those stringed lights so popular at this time of year; I think I may pay it a visit.

[justbeingknife]

A botanical garden? That sounds pretty nice, actually.

I suppose there won't be many flowers around, but how's their collection of evergreens?

[text] un: cremation

[self_immolate]

Don't drop an offer like that and not leave a delivery address.

[justbeingknife]

I would never. Here's the P.O. box!

[self_immolate]

Appreciate the public service. Been some real eye sores I'd like to hand off.

[justbeingknife]

No prob. Of course, I ain't sure what I'll do yet with the sweaters that ain't quite as ugly.

Maybe I'll donate 'em.

[self_immolate]

Sure, a few drops of good karma can't hurt in a competition.

[justbeingknife]

And if no one wants 'em, I bet there's some cats out there that'd love to destroy them.