★ 001 | Video

[unbreaker]

[When the broadcast begins, the young man onscreen (sporting a perfect pompadour with not a single strand of hair out of place) tucks away a comb and reclines upon the front step of one of the government houses, presumably the one he's been assigned. He seems to consider for half a second more what he's going to say, one eyebrow cocking upwards, a strong indication that there's a question brewing, while his lips pucker in a vague showing of frustration.]

Alright...

[Here we go.]

So, I'm digging all the free stuff that people seem to wanna hand out in exchange for photographs with us and whatever, and the hoverboards are really, really awesome. That said, I might actually like these new phones even better, though? They're pretty great! Slim, stylish, lightweight...pocket size. Anyway, all that's nice, but something's been bothering me and I've gotta ask...

What the actual fuck is up with these glow-in-the-dark tattoos?

[His jaw sets stubbornly, blue eyes fixating on something that lies out of view of the camera. Probably the tattoo in question.]

I mean I know what they're for, or what we're being told they're for, but like...

Shit, is this even legal?

[Actually, he's a hell of a lot more concerned with the fact that he wasn't even asked if something could be done to his body, especially as he can't fix it. Talk about invasive. Makes a guy wonder what else was done without his knowing.]

And on that note...I'm kind of curious about this whole registration deal! Anyone got a solid argument for it or against it? 'Cause right now I'm right in the middle and uh...from what I hear, that means my roommates can put me out?

What kind of asshole would do that, though?

Anyway, that's it. That's all I gotta say!

[He reaches forward as if to turn the device off but stops.]

Oh, and the name's Josuke! [Best to get it out now so he's not repeating it a hundred times later.] Josuke Higashikata!

[Click!]

Comments

[deadtective]

The cash is mostly digital here, though, isn't it?

[unbreaker]

I was actually thinking more along the lines of their clothes.

[...this is so public these two are idiots.]

[deadtective]

[no it's the perfect strategy now no one will suspect them of committing Ocean's Eleven caliber heists]

But they're always going to have one set on them, right? So all you end up doing is making some charity really happy. That's not much of a revenge.

[unbreaker]

I don't know about you, but I sure don't shower fully clothed...

[deadtective]

No, but you're never going to get all of them showering at once.

[unbreaker]

...well, you never know with some people, but it's probably better I don't hold my breath waiting for that one.

Anyway, I'm starting to think no matter how hard I plan ahead, nothin'll top what I come up with in the moment.

[deadtective]

That good at improv, huh?

[unbreaker]

Pretty good, yeah. Not to boast, but I've always thought better on the fly.

[deadtective]

You better be careful; if you keep talking like that I might have to test you.

[unbreaker]

Oh yeah? I'm game if you are.

[deadtective]

Ok, you asked for it!

[hmmmm, give her a minute to think up an appropriately weird situation...]

So. You go buy a box of donuts and come out to a bunch of cops swarming your car. They tell you that there's a dead body in it! Which is bullshit - until they open the trunk and, whoops, there it is.

Also, they're jostling you hard enough to bruise the donuts. Make your escape!

[Hazel, how much of this are you drawing from your personal life...]

[unbreaker]

You can bruise a donut?

[SO not the issue here.]

And how'd they even know it was my car if I came out and they were already there?

[ALSO not the issue.]

I guess the important thing here is that I can get new donuts, but I can only do that if I get the hell out of that situation, right? Oh, and figuring out how somebody stashed a body in the trunk without me knowing is also a thing. Can't do that locked up, so the cops're gonna wear the donuts while I get in the car, lock the doors, and get the fuck out of there. It'll take them at least ten or twenty seconds to get back in their vehicles and chase me, and that gives me a good enough head start to get out of sight.

[Honestly, though...he's not even sure if that's what he would do because again, posing a scenario isn't really the same thing. He still has to think, whereas if he was actually in the moment and he didn't have to care whether or not he was saying shit about his powers, he could do a heck of a lot more than he's giving himself credit for right now.]

[deadtective]

They hoverbooted the car, so you just locked yourself in a giant paperweight. The cops are pretty upset they can't eat your Boston Cremes now, so they're demanding you come out with your hands up or they turn the windshield into swiss cheese.

[shhhh don't tell her that, she's having way too much fun coming up with these situations]

[unbreaker]

Fuck, it's probably not even my car anyway! I probably just borrowed it [and by "borrowed" he means "stole" let's be honest] from somebody real fast.

[Dragging a hand over his face again, rocking back against the step as he thinks...and then stops, because wow, defeating the purpose of this game much?]

Okay, okay! I mean, I think you shoulda told me it was booted first, otherwise I wouldn't have said I'd get into the stupid thing, but whatever. They wanna play dirty? Fine by me, I'll just knock the boot off with...never mind. I'll...get out of the car first. Better they don't open fire while I'm in it. And then I'm gonna roll over the hood and put it between me and them so I can get the hell out of there. That donut shop's not far, I can squeeze in and then out the back exit!

[deadtective]

It's not your fault, they put it on the far side of the car. You wouldn't have been able to see it anyway.

[how magnanimous of you, Hazel]

Besides, you've got bigger things to worry about! The donut shop's got an awful lot of people, and they're not all that keen about a wanted guy sprinting in! How're you ever going to get to the back exit like this?

[unbreaker]

I'm a pretty big guy...I don't think anybody's gonna try and stop me running at full speed, and if they do, I'm also pretty athletic. Wouldn't be hard to move around them.

Besides, that's my best bet. Lots of people mean the cops can't fire.

[deadtective]

Very true! But they were in the middle of unloading a shipment when you burst through, so the alleyway the exit opens out onto is blocked by a giant donut truck. With the ramp down.

It smells delicious, though.

[unbreaker]

Well, that's not much of a roadblock. If the truck's that big, then the alleyway can't be too tight or the truck wouldn't be able to get in. Which means there's gonna be room around the sides to squeeze out, and if there isn't, there's always going under. Those ramps aren't heavy! And if somebody's on it, I'll use them to springboard off so I can go over the truck. Simple!

[unbreaker]

...is there time to stop and grab a donut? Also, this is kinda making me hungry.

[deadtective]

Maybe you should make time to stop and grab a donut in the real world instead, then.

[you obviously can't see it because text, but Hazel's laughing. it's something so simple and so stupid that she can't help herself.]

[unbreaker]

Not a bad idea. Know of any good shops around? I'll be sure not to drive so no bodies get stuffed into my trunk.

[deadtective]

I haven't tried any yet, but there's one sort of nearby that's got a cute little donut guy as their mascot.

[wait. what is she, twelve? who appreciates that kind of thing QUICK MAKE A SAVE]

Not that that's any quality indicator, but. It's a start, I guess.

[unbreaker]

Cute little donut guy, huh? [ugh he's smirking like a little shit] Well, I mean if it's the closest, it's worth taking a look, but unlike some people, I'll only be checking out the baked goods.

[deadtective]

[YOU WATCH YOURSELF JOSUKE SHE'S AT THE RIGHT HEIGHT LEVEL TO TAKE OUT YOUR KNEECAPS]

You better pay attention or you might choke on them. That'd be pretty shitty on your first day.

[unbreaker]

You know I was just teasing, right? I don't really care if you think a donut mascot's hot or anything.