one - fresh meat | video

[abduxel]

[The fellow on screen is a new face. There's a small waver in his voice if you listen closely, but only at first. He sounds almost American in an old-timey way, but has a faint accent impossible to identify. He appears to be a normal guy in his mid-20s, perhaps a little pale. He's well-dressed, sort of; he's wearing a full, all-black suit, but it looks a little over-worn. There's glamour magic hiding the two demon horns on his forehead, and so instead most people will just see two small bumps. He seems a little bit exasperated. His ID reads "Matthew Lin."]

So, [clears throat] seems I'm in Virginia. Not exactly according to plan, but then it never is, am I right? Doesn't seem to be the case for most of you guys, either. One hu - person - leaking from her face, just, water, all over the place. I asked why she was doing that, and if she would show me Snapchat, and the look she gave me nearly banished me on the spot. Really, give a guy a break, it was just a question. People's attitudes these days! Unbelievable.

In any case, if anyone a little more well adjusted would like to discuss some things, I've apparently got all the time in the world right now and I'm feeling a bit ... disoriented. I'm finding my normal communication wires have been cut, so to speak, which, by the way, I don't terribly appreciate. Also, the job I've been assigned! Who do I talk to if a job description conflicts with my, er, religious beliefs?

You won't believe the week I've had.

Anyway, what is this thing? [The video jostles around like in a 'found footage' movie. He's hitting the communicator lightly, which comes across as loud booms in the audio, and turning it every direction to look at it.] Is this an iPhone?

Comments

[abduxel]

Now I feel ripped-off. I didn't get anything new. Did you?

[brushoff]

Just one: object dating. I can tell how old things are just by touching them—a curator's wet dream.

[abduxel]

Does that work on people, too?

Did you get to choose?

[brushoff]

It doesn't and I didn't. I wish I did, though.

[abduxel]

You won't be able to tell my age, then, good. A lady never tells.

[brushoff]

But when you say that, it only makes me want to ask you it.

[abduxel]

I'm probably too old for you.

[brushoff]

Funny, I was about to say the same thing.

[abduxel]

[Teasingly,] Really? You don't look a day over 95.

[brushoff]

You're too kind. God knows I'm pushing at least fifty years more.

[abduxel]

Fifty years more? I take it back, maybe you do have me beat, old man. I'm... what is it... 125, now, I guess. Should be due for wrinkles soon.

[brushoff]

Around 150, myself. I think that earns me the right to call you kiddo.

[abduxel]

[HAH!] Kiddo? Oh, Hell. Well, you're not a vampire, assuming you're telling the truth. But I don't think you're what I am. I'll figure it out, if we ever cross paths, I promise; looking at this tiny screen does me no favours.

[...With a laugh as he realizes...] You know, I suppose that makes you my parents' age.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian makes a yeeesh noise ] When you put it like that, it makes me sound so...so old!

[abduxel]

I don't get to meet too many "older men."

[brushoff]

Oh please tell me I'm your first.

[abduxel]

First? Well, first here, I guess. There's plenty of old folk back home.

[brushoff]

Now that's interesting. Because where I'm from, I was one of the oldest.

[abduxel]

Oh yeah? The oldest of your kind, or in general?

The oldest of my kind is celebrating his 2100th birthday soon.

[brushoff]

I'm the only one of my kind. So, I would assume, the oldest in general. The only man who I thought could be older is dead.

[abduxel]

You're the only one? Now that is interesting. The man you thought was older - what was he?

[brushoff]

A vampire.