Video; during the famine event

[dogsled]

[ This is a Mountie. The Mountie. Maybe you've seen him before, maybe not, but he is well and truly out of his tree thanks to famine. If there's anything in the world short of, you know, being uncomfortable and following all the orders, that can be refrained from on a daily basis, then Fraser has done it. Decades of abstinence in some cases, or in this case a lifetime.

Because the Mountie who never drinks is completely trashed.

Which is why he is standing on the stage at a karaoke bar belting out Alice Cooper's 'Poison'. Not bad, considering the music playing isn't Alice Cooper at all. Stuck in the 1950s America doesn't have Alice Cooper. But well, even considering that issue, he's really not doing a bad job of it. He's clearly gotten very into the act because there is foot-tapping involved, and exaggerated movement, seizing of the microphone stand and everything. The collar of his tunic has been pulled open as far as it will go without stripping out of his belts and things.

Considering the last time he got on stage the best he could do is sway--

But someone is filming him from below, and Fraser jumps down, thumps his chest and goes into the chorus again: ]

I wanna love you but I'd better not touch - don't touch - I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop - I wanna kiss you but I want it too much - too much - I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poisonnn~

[ Just hear him out, and then he'll take his device back and flop panting onto his barstool to a round of applause, and fresh drinks. ]

Thank you kindly. [ He'll just fumble his device as he takes the shot, downs it, and breaks into a triumphant cheer with the rest of the bar at once. Nothing strange here, nope. ]  To hell with it, pour me another.

[ Nothing at all. ]

Comments

[cuff]

[ Gaping. Just. So much gaping. ] What the fucking fuck, Fraser?

I turn around for two seconds and what- someone drags you off and slips you one? [ Not that he'd have any idea what they'd even slip him or anything, but he's trying to ignore his weird rampant jealousy, like somehow he was the only one not invited to this party. The Mountie party. His Mountie. It's bullshit, basically. But he'll sulk about it later so he can be pissy right now. ]

Bet you don't even have the slightest clue where the hell you are.

[dogsled]

Nobody slipped me anything, Ray. Well... Mmm... Not yet, anyway. [ Could that be a mischeivous glimmer in his eyes, as he brings up the camera toward him. He is red faced, his eyes are shot, his hair is...well, it's chaos, damp with sweat to the ends, the curls loose, sticking to his forehead awkwardly. Totally blattered. ] That can always change. ~You never know.~

[ And then he giggles a hiccup, and covers his mouth with his free hand. ]

I happen to know exactly where I am. It's. It's... Funky town. Oh, won't you take me to. Funky town.

[ Will the torture never end? ]

[cuff]

[ Wow Fraser, way to make things infinitely worse. Not to mention strike fear into Ray's heart because uhhhhhh nobody there better be slipping you anything of that nature or else someone's going to get stomped into the beer coated floor. ]

Better not be changing anytime soon, or we're all gonna have some problems. And me and all your pals are gonna have a chat. [ Problems. So many problems!! ]

And there is no way there's a bar called Funky Town, you're fulla shit. [ That shit hopefully not being cheap tequila, dear god. ] Or does that go with the funky music theme.

[dogsled]

Look, that's what it said over the door. Funky Town Karaoke and Bar. I don't forget a name.

[ No matter how drunk he is, apparently. Just like he managed to remember the lyrics to Poison years later after only hearing it half a dozen times from a particularly rude (American, obviously) light plane pilot. Fraser had suspected at the time that he had marital problems...

But that was years ago.

Fraser sniffed pointedly. ] You didn't tell me that whiskey came in all these different varieties, Ray. They all taste just a little bit different too. I think with enough practice I can maybe work out what brand of alcohol someone was drinking just from the taste of their mouth?

[ text ]

[bestversion]

do you need any help? your hetero life mate seems to be having. a problem. a problem I'm not old enough to talk about.

[ text ]

[cuff]

[ Oh hey! HEY! IT'S YOU! And yeah, ahahahaha hetero life mate, he doesn't know what to do with that. But oh boy here we go, he will text for you; very badly. ]

coulld use a map to the bar. + the er. hes nevr had booze b4. ever.

Re: [ text ]

[bestversion]

wooow. okay, I think I've got it on my gps. I'll screencap the map and send it to you.

video;

[cleptes]

[Guess who else is starved for something because of Famine. She's eyeing him appreciatively.]

If you really wanted me that badly Fraser, all you had to do is ask.

video;

[dogsled]

That doesn't seem right. [ These words are definitely slurred. ] No. No, you see, you're a woman, and women make you jump through all kinds of hoops. They want you to steal diamonds, or track down their bail jumping ex husband, or they turn out to be your sister. I mean, really. How are you supposed to even...

And then there's the fact that you have a British accent. I mean, you're beautiful and you have a British accent. I'm the hero, I'd be dead in like-- [ He clicks his fingers. ] Statistically...um. Speaking.

video;

[cleptes]

[WOW.]

I don't think you should make such sweeping generalizations about women, darling. It doesn't give off a very good impression- just a word of advice.

[ She wonders how much of the nonsense he spouted was true to his real life. ]

What makes you think you'll be dead in this scenario? This isn't a movie plot. [ Didn't mean she wasn't dangerous though. ] Tell me more about how beautiful I am. I like the way you talk, Fraser.

[ Massage that ego of hers. ]

video;

[dogsled]

[ He jams his finger awkwardly into the video...which really only means that his hand goes out of sight as it gets too close in under the camera. ] That's exactly what the evil villainess would say!

Still I... I think I like your hair. [ A dreadful sigh. ] I do like long, curly hair.

[ text ]

[bestversion]

I think you have a problem.

[ text ]

[dogsled]

I donot. I had one (1) drinkk.
And then... Some more. I forgt how many.

[ So much for Queen's English. ]

Re: [ text ]

[bestversion]

so a lot of drinks.

[ text ]

[dogsled]

I think so. Probably. Wht constitutues as a lot, anywayy?

action

[ferrisbuellean]

[Jeff might not be quite as far gone as the Mountie, but he's definitely feeling the warm embrace of one too many whiskies and shots. But he's decided it's his civic duty to teach the previously alcohol free Canadian all the wonders of brands, drinking tips and taste variations. Well, that's how it might have begun, now he just wants to drink whatever.

So of course he's there the second Fraser's asking for another, sliding forth a shot of tequila with a light whoop of encouragement.]

To crappy karaoke bars! May they one day fill their selection with some songs we've actually heard of. [Raising his glass then immediately knocking back the contents.]

action

[dogsled]

[ Well Jeff, Fraser is very drunk, and honestly at this point he doesn't know what's in the glasses that come his way any more. Someone could give him plain water and he'd just be baffled and then drink it anyway.

But he can definitely appreciate tequila, and the people handing it to him, and he raised his glass back toward Jeff. ]

To karaoke bars. And to--letting one's hair down. Figuratively speaking.

[ And down goes the drink. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

[That really is one drunk dude, which is currently nothing but entertaining to a fairly drunk Jeff who has recently hit the point of slight slurs and slow blinks.]

Y'know you're actually a pretty good singer, man. Like. You should have an album. I'm serious. Get an album!

[Beat. Blink. Processing why that doesn't sound quite right and then:] I mean like record your own, not jussst get any album.

[dogsled]

[ A drunk dude who is still very good at doing more than one thing at once, chatting to attractive women, chatting to Ray--he'll get back to that in a second. First he listens to Jeff, looking thoughtful. ]

I should definitely record an album. [ He makes a happy little noise, because he hadn't thought of that before. ] I mean. I do like music very much. [ He's peering at his phone, like a long slow stare just for a moment. ] I could record a cover of Santa Drives a Pickup. I bet they'd love that here.

[ Just wait for this Christmas. ]

Ray, I'm not going to be dead when you get here. It's um...I'm just the tiniest bit inaebree... inebrie... Inebriated.

[video]

[tucky]

[Tiffany is cheering and clapping far, far louder than is actually necessary.]

Oh shit, what-- what bar is that? That looks awesome!

[video]

[dogsled]

[ Fraser is smiling behind his hand, because he has just the tiniest bit of modesty left. The glee and drunken excitement in his eyes is hard to mistake, though. ]

It's called 'Funky Town'. It's in De Chima and it issss funky. Much better than the dive bars Ray used to take me to.

[video]

[tucky]

Hey.

I like dive bars. Practically live in dive bars sometimes.

video.

[standardization]

—Would you like some help? [Ignoring the lyrics, ignoring anything, this definitely doesn't strike her as the polite man she met a few weeks ago over the network. And now ...]

If you do, I'll be there as quickly as possible.

video.

[dogsled]

Help? No, no, I don't need help. I'm not really poisoned.

[ He is still very red faced, not blushing, just...out of control of the simplest faculties. So except for the alcohol poisoning. ]

Besides, I have...a guardian. A teacher.

video.

[standardization]

No, I assumed ... [that it was a song, albeit one that she doesn't recognize. But frankly, most of the music in this world is bizarre to her, so that's nothing new.]

Who's your guardian? Are they really there with you?