maskormenace | ♻ 005

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♻ 005 | audio

Okay, I got a question - why's there so many kids here? You can't turn a corner without running into an imPort kid.

[This... may be a slight exaggeration. It almost does feel that way to Tiffany, though; she came through the Porter from a totally kid-less environment. She'd seen child visitors to the prison in passing, but hadn't interacted with one in years until coming here - and that's not even touching on her own vague Kid Issues, which are currently heightened after her conversation with Jesse about her past.]

I mean, it just seems kinda cruel, you know? Porting in a bunch of kids without anyone to look after 'em. I mean, unless the people here are meant to look after 'em, but come on. How many of us are the type? And I know I would've missed my mama something fierce if I was taken to a whole new world when I was little; some weird fucking stranger wouldn't've cut it.

... Hell, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong; I could be wrong. Never really knew what to do with kids myself, so it ain't like I know how they think - how y'all think.

So never mind, maybe.

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I... Did tell you where I came from, right?

I'm pretty sure we laid down the law together pretty fast, with how shitty our first conversation was.

Well, yeah. You told me. But just 'cause your world's fucked up don't mean you're fucked up.

Or maybe you are; hell, I don't know.

[ Ellie starts to get quiet. It's not exactly easy opening up to people. It's getting easier, sort of... She's come to realize that not everyone has an ulterior motive. But old habits die hard. ]

Based off of what I see with the natives here and even some of the imPorts?

I kinda am. I'm not going to blow smoke up my own ass and pretend that I'm a perfectly put together little girl. I've done a lot of bad things...

[Ughhhh feelings. Tiffany knows how that is. She's having pangs of sympathy for Ellie, and she has no idea what to do with that for a whole host of reasons.]

But... you're here, right. As a hero. You got a fresh start and everything.

[At least, that's what she's trying to believe for herself.]

[ While Tiffany can't see it, Ellie manages to nod at that statement. ]

I guess you have a point. I don't feel like a hero, though. At least not yet.

Everyone keeps telling me I can finally be a normal kid and do normal kid things. I'm still waiting for that to actually happen.

Do you wanna be a normal kid and do normal kid things?

[ That's easy. And she answers fast. ]

More than anything.

Maybe you just gotta fake it. Fake it 'till you make it, right? I always thought that was good advice.

... Or maybe don't take advice from me, 'cause I ain't doing such a good job of being normal here either.

What's it like? In prison, I mean.

[She fiddles with the settings on her phone, making extra sure that this is private.]

I was in minimum security, so I guess it weren't too terrible. It sucked, but I been to max prisons - to visit - and it weren't like that.

But it was hard and cold and lonely. You had nothing that was just for you - not even the stuff in your own head. The guards looked down on you. A lot of the other ladies were real bitches. I didn't let myself hate it too much 'cause it weren't like I had a choice about being there, but now that I'm out I don't ever wanna go back.

Oh.

[ Sort of like military school. Ellie is sure prison is considered a pretty bad thing in her world, given that it's not over with and plagued by infection. In comparison, it doesn't seem terrible at all. But Ellie's learned to try and think if she was in that other person's shoes. Lonely? That she can understand. ]

[ As a courtesy, Ellie double checks the privacy settings on her phone too, even checks the door of her room to make sure it's closed. ]

You told me that you shot someone. I'm guessing that's why you were locked up.

... Why did you do that? Did that person come after you?

No. She--

-- There's the real reason I shot her, and the reason everybody thinks I shot her. Everybody at home, I mean.

But the real reason is the only reason that matters, right?

[ Lord knows she's shot a ton of people. All for the same reason, and all were a source of major regret and still are. But it's what she had to do. ]

Too much to ask what that real reason is?

I don't know. It was-- I guess it was a pretty fucking bad reason, and it means I'm real messed up, and that's kinda scary. I don't like to think about it because I know it means I'm a bad person.

[But after a moment of hesitation, she barrels on.]

She said something that hurt me a lot. So I shot her. I don't know if it's 'cause I was messed up with pregnancy hormones or on drugs or just 'cause of my temper or what. Maybe all those things. I work at a drug rehab place now, and I been learning about how much they can screw with your head. The one I was on makes people violent sometimes.

But I know that ain't an excuse, and it ain't gonna save me from damnation or bring that lady back to life.

Holy shit...

[ Ellie has to take a second there. In her entire time here, she hasn't heard much about what lives people have had outside of her own. At least not anything that didn't seem so minor compared to the life she's lead this whole time. ]

I mean, hey, you're doing all you can to make up for it. That's more than what a lot of assholes can say for themselves. Trust me.

If I could take back the people I've killed? I wouldn't. Because they would've gotten me first. Hunters are what they're called... And they don't feel any regret.

I mean, I guess you could argue that they're just trying to survive, too but...

What I'm trying to say is that it's really fucking admirable that you're doing what you're doing now.

[It doesn't show in her voice, but when Ellie says that, Tiffany feels tears stinging her eyes and threatening to fall.]

Nobody has ever called me admirable in my whole life.

[And hearing it now means a lot to her, especially since it's coming from Ellie - someone who, she's sure, isn't the type to bullshit and lie just to make someone feel better.]

I'm sorry I was a dick to you when I first got here.

[ Ellie hears the emotion in her voice, and it sort of hits her in an odd way. She feels happy, happy that she could make someone's day after they just dropped something heavy. The smile on her face reflects in her voice. ]

We've all done things we're not proud of.

And hey, I was a total dick too. It's behind us, I've already forgotten about it.

Okay. I'll forget about it, too.

It's just weird, that I'm a hero here even though I'm a criminal at home. I mean, I love it. It makes me feel like I'm worth something. I go outside sometimes hoping somebody's gonna want to get my autograph and take a picture with me, and I go to the bars in Maurtia Falls most nights 'cause I get a lot of attention there. But I know nobody would like me if they knew what I did.

[And, really, the more she meets people who she feels she has genuine friendships and connections with - Raina, Toro, Dr. Chilton, Jesse - the more she realizes the difference between that feeling and the feeling she gets from being saluted by strangers on the street or sleeping with random guys she meets in clubs. One is a quick rush that ultimately doesn't mean very much, but the other is deeper and longer-lasting.

Her fan club back home falls into the former category. A lot of things from home do.]

... I guess that's the part you said you don't like. Crowds, attention.

[ Ellie laughs. ]

Uh, yeah. I can totally get how someone might like that. But it's definitely not for me.

And with the static the natives have been giving some of the imPorts lately? I'm just trying to lay low. I don't go out much anyway.

What kinda static do you mean? You mean people glaring and stuff?

[Tiffany is... pretty much oblivious to most of the political issues that go on. She figures that they're for Other People to deal with.]

Something like that. Apparently, natives in certain places are starting to think that we're not as good as they've made us out to be before. I don't know.

It's not so bad in Heropa? But I've gotten some glaring and...

A few weeks ago, a guy got on my case for bumping into him.

[ And then she panicked and whipped her gun out at him, but she'll just casually leave that out. ]

You sure it's about us being imPorts? 'Cause I know assholes like that at home.

Well, the term "You imPorts" was used, so yeah it's a special kind of asshole.

Oh.

Shit.

What'd you do?

Honestly?

I didn't take it too well.

boooooo ;3;

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cw: drug use mention

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Sorry for the late reply-- I'm at work lol

fff an hour or two isn't late; you're fine

|D

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