10 ⚜ Audio

[restingstitchface]

[Anyone who's familiar with Crane will recognize his compulsive need to study fear. But what's the curious thing, here? His approach. His voice is as soft and calm as it had been upon his arrival. It gives an impression of frailty that's deliberately misleading. There was nothing about him that sounded like the Scarecrow. And that's the frightening thing.]

Machiavelli once said, "And here comes in the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both; but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."

I put his question to you all; is it better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved?

[He likes the idea of letting the piddling powers in this place believe he's behaving himself; listening to that silly therapist he'd encountered recently. Maybe his audience all be dishonest in their answers. Frightened. Scared. He indulges in a smile. He will have to confirm all of their opinions with an experiment, of course.]

Comments

[restingstitchface]

Yes I do. But I feel it would help everyone if you share your experience with the group.

[kanadian]

This isn't group therapy. If someone would like to hear my story, they're more than welcome to talk to me about it. Just not here. With you.

[restingstitchface]

Aw, scared I'll listen? I can sit in the corner and keep mum. Promise.

[kanadian]

I'm not afraid of you, or that you'd listen.

I just don't think now is the time or the place.

[restingstitchface]

Now is as good a time as any, so the saying goes.

Why do you believe otherwise?

[kanadian]

Because pressuring someone to talk about their private past on the network when they're not comfortable with it isn't exactly good practice.

I seem to remember asking you to share, and you refused. And that was the end of it. Sounds pretty hypocritical to push it now.

[restingstitchface]

Only to you. Our the situations were entirely different.

I was left with no choice. You have yours. Notice how I've spilled none of your past. Can you understand why that is?

[It's his own little secret.]

[kanadian]

Hey, you had a choice, and you chose not to share. It's the same for me, and I appreciate your... Discretion. For what it's worth.

[ But he doesn't buy it for a second. This is crane, after all. ]

Besides, I think it's pretty simple -- being feared is like... Being dehumanized. You're not a person when people fear you.

[restingstitchface]

[It's a secret. It's their secret. And now he can enjoy dangling the fear of the unknown over Kaidan's head; will he spill the details in public? Perhaps he might. Perhaps he might not. It's terrifying to be uncertain, isn't it?]

No you're not. A man whom people fear becomes more than a person. He becomes a symbol. [His voice trails off as he thinks of Batman and himself. One eating the other's tail. A cycle of fear. Ouroboros is such a fitting motif.] I'm certain you understand at least that.

[kanadian]

Or he becomes the face of an entire people.

[ A pause. Thankfully, that never happened for biotics. ]

And then you have man against man, and... chaos. The kind of thing we don't want in civilized society. [ Pointedly. ]

[restingstitchface]

[Speak for yourself, please.]

Yes, well, chaos isn't the thing you wish to see, yet it keeps occuring no matter the culture. Speaking with you, it seems humanity's indulgence transcends time, species and space, even. It is the kind of thing that will always occur in civilized society. Sometimes earlier than we can handle, true, but it shall always be.

[kanadian]

But we work through it. We get better. We come together, and stand up against things that nobody would have thought we could. It's amazing, what we can do, to overcome our failings, with a little self-control.

[restingstitchface]

Your self-control is an illusion.

[There's a slight inflection on the first word. A deliberate reference to Kaidan's loss of it when he'd been a child. He, too, had killed someone at an early age - but he'd known what he was planning. What he would be doing...]

But keep lying to yourself, if it helps you sleep at night.

[kanadian]

[ There's a tightening in his jaw. Something to fight back -- even in a small way. Because Kaidan knew that an outburst, fighting it, would prove Crane right, and he wasn't right. He'd worked so hard at controlling himself -- he was wrong. ]

I don't have to lie, to myself or anyone else, to sleep at night.

[restingstitchface]

You know, Kaidan, I don't have to lie to myself or anyone else to fall asleep, either. It seems you're in good company.

[A calm, level voice that's... gently implying Kaidan's a murderer just like him. Yeah. You have fun with that, space marine.]

[kanadian]

Yeah, I'm sure you don't.

[ Said with just enough spite, because he knows. He can tell what he's trying to do. Trying to bring him down to his level, because Kaidan's heard it before. That's what Vyrnnus did. ]

Somehow, I think it's different, the way you don't let it bother you.

[restingstitchface]

[Spite. Crane pulls back his shoulders and inhales. Air expands his chest. His heart begins pounding in his ribcage. He can feel blood rushing to his cheeks. It's Kaidan's natural response to being afraid, and it's glorious.]

Oh, it's that I don't let it bother me. It's that I accept it into my heart.

I do have one, you know. Contrary to common rumor.

[kanadian]

Contrary to all the evidence saying otherwise?

[ He doesn't buy it. ]

You're ignoring something, that's for sure.

[restingstitchface]

[His past, perhaps. That's dead and buried except it really, really isn't.]

Ignoring what? Be specific, Mr. Alenko. The onus is on you, here.

[Hey. He could say he's ignoring the redundancy of this conversation, but that would be unprofessional.]

[kanadian]

[ He's still so polite to Kaidan even now! ]

Your...heart?

I can't imagine anyone's being so... willing to do what you've done.

[restingstitchface]

[You're giving him what he wants and that means he's in a good mood. Such as Crane experiences happiness, that is.]

History proves you wrong.

There have been plenty willing to confront their fears to further themselves. Perhaps you should shorten your argument to anyone here.

[kanadian]

There's nothing wrong with confronting your fears.

There's something wrong with how you make people do it. It's the method, like you're turning something that's supposed to be good and twisting it, and making it...wrong.

[restingstitchface]

Making it wrong? I'm making it honest.

The fact you cannot see that, nor accept it? That's not my problem.

[kanadian]

You ever hear about what it means, when everyone is wrong except you?

[restingstitchface]

Yes, but I feel you're going to enlighten me to such drivel anyway.