maskormenace | Fourth Princess (Video) (tw for discussion of violence, racism, genocide)

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Fourth Princess (Video) (tw for discussion of violence, racism, genocide)

[She doesn't want to do this, but she has to. It's been long enough.

Euphie visibly composes herself before facing the camera.] ...hello, everyone. My name is Euphemia li Britannia.

Last month, I... seem to have lost control of myself and my own actions. I became violent, I am told, and attacked anyone who seemed to have been of Japanese descent. I only know what I've been told, for I have no memory of the week in which this occurred.

Regardless, my actions are mine and I was-- I am appalled by them. I do not know how I can possibly apologize for them, let alone offer recompense for whatever pain or injury I have caused, but I am sorry. [Her voice breaks, slightly, before she catches herself.] I am woefully and terribly sorry for... for everything.

I don't know why it happened. I would have never-- it would have been unthinkable for me to act like that. I'm looking for help, for someone who can help me figure out why I acted in such a manner.

If you are someone who may be able to help me, or if you know someone, please contact me. Otherwise, I hope you can accept my apology, but I understand if you do not.

...thank you. Goodbye.

((ooc: There may be more frank and explicit discussion about her actions in the comments, so the TW applies there, as well.))

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Last month... was that when there was the attack and a bunch of people's powers got out of control?

Yes, that's correct.

But... it doesn't seem like anyone else was affected like I was.

[He's just going to preemptively private this.

This hits on quite a few major buttons for Gregor, fears of his own, but this sounds entirely supernatural in origin. He has a worried frown on as he speaks.] Euphie... That sounds horrific. I'm sorry you went through that. [There is a quiet, aching sincerity to his voice, someone who is afraid every day that he might snap and show some sign of madness.]

You really have no idea what caused it?

Thank you, Gregor.

I... I really don't know. At the time, many people had their powers swapped with one another. So it was someone else's power that caused it, I think. [She doesn't sound so sure.] It must be, right?

I heard someone mention the... power swap. I really wouldn't know what's possible with that, but nothing else makes sense. I hope no one's holding you responsible, though I-- [A brief hesitation. Then, quietly,] I understand the impulse to hold yourself to it.

I don't see how they could not. [She swallows, glancing away from the screen.] The hand holding the gun and pulling the trigger was my own. The voice saying those terrible things was mine.

I am responsible, no matter the cause.

[His voice gains a gentle quality.]

I do understand. But surely it counts for something that you'd never have done it in your right, thinking mind. Even courts accept that as a defense; it's not an excuse. Responsible, yes, but at fault, no.

[He's a huge hypocrite saying this, because if that had happened to Gregor it'd have played on some very old, pernicious fears, and he'd absolutely be holding himself accountable all the live long day. But that doesn't mean he thinks Euphie should.]

I'm... I'm not sure.

[She takes a deep breath, pausing for quite a while before she continues.] Back home, the nation of Japan is under the control of the Holy Britannian Empire, renamed as Area Eleven. My sister Cornelia is its viceroy. I had hoped to offer some autonomy to the citizens by establishing a special autonomous zone in which they could govern themselves to an extent and refer to themselves as Japanese, rather than Elevens as is customary for a numbered region.

I-- to then seek out Japanese people, and only Japanese people... to try and kill them...

Does it have something to do with that? With my actions? I'd-- I'd only ever wanted to help.

[Not surprising, really, to learn that she must be as high up as he'd thought, but Gregor doesn't let that distract him. This sounds incredibly similar to Barrayaran politics, in tone if not in content, and if he was sober before he's downright grave now.

His entire immediate family is dead due to them. Gregor knows the weight of politics very well. He thinks of the Greek minority on Barrayar, and in that comparison is able to understand this well enough.]

... It sounds like a very personal, targeted attack, Euphie. Do you think this could have its origins at home? Surely if you attacked a Japanese yourself it would dismantle the whole effort. Someone must benefit from that, and I don't think it would be anyone here.

[She takes a breath, and by the look on her face, by the dismay but utter lack of surprise at his suggestion, it seems clear that she has, in fact, started to wonder about just that.] That may be the case.

[Another breath. It feels wrong to reveal such personal information to someone she's only just met, but Gregor has been so kind to her thus far, and before she knows it the words are spilling out.] I don't-- I don't remember any of it. I don't have a single memory from that week, where I did those awful things.

That's not the first time there's been such a gap in my memories. Back home, it was the morning before the dedication and opening of the SAZ. And after that, it's all a blank. [Until she gets shot.] W-what if... if such a thing happened then...?

[It's morbidly reassuring that Barrayar isn't the only planetary government to have to deal with vicious, complicated infighting, if Euphie recognizes the suggestion and is unsurprised by it.

It's true this is only their second conversation, but Gregor can recognize the pressure of built up worries and how they all come spilling out really speaks to how much they must have been plaguing her. That he understands very well, too, and listens somberly.] I don't know what the possibilities are on your home planet, but if it were mine, I'd think you were drugged, deliberately and maliciously. If it were here, I'd think it was some impossible ability I'd never heard of, worked on you.

That you feel so much horror at the thought tells me it's unlikely it was something you did on your own. [He says that gently, so gently, speaking to his own fears that he would one day snap and go mad and hurt others.]

[She was drugged. Or maybe it was some strange ability?] I'd agree with that, but-- but how can it have been the same thing in both places? How can a drug back home and a power here have the same effect? Isn't that far too coincidental?

If I behaved similarly back home, at the SAZ dedication... Gregor, what would have happened? [It's a rhetorical question, of course. It's obvious that it would have been a disaster.

Which is something she's starting to wonder about.]

Some chemicals are able to stay in your system, dormant, until later. Like a delayed release, or it needs a certain trigger... I'm sorry, I wouldn't know.

I don't know the political circumstances of your Earth, but-- if I were to make a guess, I'd assume it'd create a nightmare. Especially if something were to happen to you. The only thing worse than an official attacking a minority is a minority attacking an official. [He sounds very grim.]

It seems what you should be wondering is who would benefit from that.

...I do know who would benefit from it. [She says softly.]

If I'm to be completely honest... back home, I'm dead. Everything before it is a blank, but I remember getting shot, and then a hospital room.

But I don't know why my brother would have ever...

[Her brother. God. This really does feel like Barrayaran politics.

Gregor can see no good in implicating a man she clearly cares for, and-- it's still hitting him, slowly, what she'd said. She's dead?]

I... I'd heard that happened, that people who are dead arrive here, but... [A long exhale. His features are cast with sadness for her, a twinge of long-familiar grief. He's very familiar with people dying, he's just never spoken to one before.] I'm sorry, Euphie, [he says quietly.

Then tries to move back to the real topic.] It needn't have been your brother necessarily. If he had a man-- or woman-- loyal to him, who thought he'd never do it but should do it... Or it could be someone else, knowing he'd be the obvious suspect and trying to implicate him. It gets very twisty.

He was wearing a mask, of course, but I was certain it was Lelouch. But it is possible.

[She exhales.] I'm sorry, you're only getting half the story; I can imagine it must be very difficult to try to comfort me when I'm only telling you bits and pieces.

To be honest, I'm still... trying to sort it all out myself. But as long as what Suzaku-- my... ah, my knight-- told me is true, that the opening had been a success, I'll try to take comfort in that. [But had it? Suzaku would never lie to her, she can't imagine it. But how can it both be a success and end in her death?]

It's hard for me to resist trying to puzzle out the politics, [he says apologetically.] It's so very like Barrayar. But knowing why doesn't actually... make it easier to swallow, in my experience, though it seems like it should.

That's really all you can do. Unless someone from home shows up here, there's no way to get confirmation. I don't blame you for finding that hard to live with, especially if it's followed you here.

I understand. [A ghost of a smile into the camera.] I will tell you all about my world's politics someday, but... perhaps now is not the time, emotionally speaking. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it in such depth yet.

Whatever my fate at home, I have a second chance here, don't I?

No, I understand. If it helps you, we can make it an even trade. Barrayar is... equally as vicious.

Yes, [he says, quiet.] You don't have to be dead for that. I feel the same way.

Perhaps it will help both of us, then.

[A tiny smile.] It was nice to meet you, Gregor.

[He nods, accepting the cue.] It was nice to meet you as well, [he says sincerely.]

[ Kid sees the post, but rather than respond that way, he would rather do it in person. When she doesn't show up for dinner however, he'll go to her door and knock. ]

Euphemia?

[Her voice comes from within, but after a moment's pause.] Yes, Kid?

[ Kid keeps his tone casual and unassuming. ]

I've brought dinner up for you. May I come in?

[There's another pause.] Ah... thank you, that's very kind.

I'm not very hungry right now, unfortunately...

You didn't eat breakfast either.

[ Because if you don't think Kid knows exactly how many eggs are in the fridge and how many slices of bread are in the bag on the cupboard... ]

And I thought perhaps you could use someone to talk to.

I haven't had much of an appetite recently, it seems. [He's not wrong.

She's silent for a few more moments.] You can come in, if you'd like.

[ Kid enters, closing the door behind him and balancing a tray on one arm. On it are laid out plates, cups and cutlery, all arranged with micro-precision to be exactly the same distance from each edge of the tray. A perfectly symmetrical meal, after all, absolutely tasted better. He sets it down on the table for her to have at later, if she wants. ]

I saw the broadcast you made.

[She glances up at him, a tired half-smile on her lips, and then looks away.] I had thought that might be the case.

It's... difficult to come to terms with.

[ Kid takes a seat, not too near that she'll be uncomfortable, but close enough that she won't feel as though he's uncomfortable either. ]

My concern is that you might be trying to come to terms with the wrong thing, Euphemia.

[She glances up at him, confusion on her face.] I'm not sure what you mean.

Isn't it just the one thing...?

I believe... that you're not treating it with the understanding that intent and action do not have to be the same. That there are things which happen in this world which are far outside our normal behaviors.

Intent, I feel, matters much less than actions.

Bullets fired cannot be unfired. Hurt caused cannot be undone.

Then consider the reverse: if someone intends to hurt someone, or many someones, and is stopped before it can come to pass... does that make them innocent of the attempt? Are they blameless?

They're guilty of the attempt, of course, but not of the actual acts.

Isn't that why legal systems try attempted murder and murder as separate crimes? They'd be guilty of the attempt, but you couldn't rightly punish them for doing the harm.

... You took good care of my cat, when everyone was bespelled. I suppose I should thank you.

I... that was your cat?

I had your powers?

Apparently so. That's what he told me, anyway.

Then-- then please, tell me! [She says, nearly desperately.] Do your powers have an effect? Is it something that might cause you to lose your mind-- is it anything like that?

What? [ he actually recoils a bit, not expecting such an intense response. ] No, of course not! You had some of my magicks and shared a temporary bond with my cat, he may be a nag sometimes, but hardly enough to drive one to insanity!

I... I see. [And to match her desperation before, she sounds dejected as well at the answer.] Thank... you for telling me that, I suppose.

...really? There's nothing at all you can think of?

Nothing. If you went mad, my powers had nothing to do with it.

I see... thank you for being candid with me.

[You can just hear the disappointment in your voice.]

You, ah... can talk to your cat?

[ Sorry Euphie, he don'curr ]

Of course! I don't know whether or not he spoke to you, but he's usually better company than most people. It's part of our bond.

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Fourth Princess (Video) (tw for discussion of violence, racism, genocide)

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