video;

[helpline]

[ The video clicks on and it's the Doctor, grinning like a madman. He's wearing a pair of sunglasses that...kind of make him look stupid, but if that's the case, he doesn't recognize it. Instead, he gives the camera a little wave. ]

Hello there! Doctor Disco here, back from a brief vacation, glad to see that everybody got the forest thing sorted out. [ he's keeping his tone light and cheerful, probably to hide the fact that his brief vacation back home was SLIGHTLY SOUL CRUSHING and that his getting brainwashed in Peter Pan's forest was ALSO KIND OF SOUL CRUSHING. ]

Anyway, two things! First! Remember that bit a month or so ago where a lot of people swapped powers? Well, during the storming of the castle, I managed to poke around in the computer files and picked up some lovely info on the people who made that mess in the first place. They're the Cain Cabal and, surprising no one, they want immortality. [ the Doctor can't help but roll his eyes. When he speaks next, it's with the authority of someone who kind of messed up a lot of things by making someone immortal. ] Rule of thumb, any one who wants immortality doesn't deserve it. Rule of thumb two, just don't give people immortality to begin with, it never ends up well. Anyway, there's a lot more boring stuff about nanotech and the Porter so I'll just attach that in a different link.

Second! Clairvoyant! Hello there, me again, you were right about birds by the way, top marks! I wish you could have added in a little bit about the Fisher King but well, nobody's perfect.

Third! [ didn't he just say there were two things ] Mabel! Mabel, Mabel, Mabel. Remember how we were talking about the sonic screwdriver? Well, popped back home for a little bit, don't have it anymore, but I have the next best thing. [ And here, he taps the edges of his sunglasses with both hands, giving the camera a big, toothy ridiculous grin. ] Wearable tech. It's cutting edge, new technology, goes great with every outfit. Just watch...

[ The sunglasses make a little sonicy noise and the video turns off. Attached to this post, is a more Doctory write-up of this information from the power swap plot in December, complete with editorial comments from the Doctor, mostly along the lines of being sarcastic at the soldiers. ]

Comments

[helpline]

Heropa was a jungle a few days before I left, it's only sensible to check!

[ The Doctor's out in the front yard, just waiting. When he spots Hazel, he can't help but offer her a weak smile. ]

I'm truly sorry, you know.

[deadtective]

[she slows when she spots him, coming to a halt at the far corner of the yard. it's instinctive, the way her shoulders hitch up, like she's preparing for a blow. muscle memory that she never even felt in the first place.]

Don't worry about it. It's nothing new.

[helpline]

[ He can't help but frown a little bit. He sees her shoulders hitching up, he sees her tense up, he knows why this happened. ]

Of course I'm going to worry about it. I...well, I attacked you.

[deadtective]

So? People do that all the fucking time, I don't have the energy to get mad over and over.

[she reaches to flip her bangs up, trying for a wry grin. it'll all be fine if she can play this off like nothing's an issue and just move on with things. just ignore it like everything else.]

Look, it's already healed up and everything. You don't have to keep dragging it around with you.

[helpline]

I hit you upside the head with a rock, [ said as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Of course, he hit her upside the head with a rock and she didn't bleed, but he's not going to talk about that part right now, no sirree, that'll come later. ]

That's a little bit different than Josuke biting you during Mario Kart.

[deadtective]

[her smile becomes visibly brittle as she drops her bangs back down into place. there's no way the Doctor can know, of course, but that wasn't exactly the best example to bring up while they were on this topic.]

Yeah, well, you weren't the only one getting in on the fun this week. [that's about as direct as she can be about this.] It's all the same for me.

[helpline]

[ TOTALLY IGNORANT that Josuke was drinking the crazy juice as well. Though based on how sad she is...huh. Something else had to have happened besides him trying to attack her.

He doesn't like sad-Hazel. It's...a bit unsettling. ]

In that case, we need to have this week surpass that week in every way possible so that when you think about last week, you'll automatically think of this week afterwards. [ hey, makes sense to him. ] Do you have time for a round of Mario Kart?

[deadtective]

[it's unsettling even to herself, but that realization only serves to further fuel her current flareup of self-loathing. none of the things she's lost recently were anything that she really had a claim to - it was even more selfish to feel loss like this, like she was owed friendship and positivity. what a piece of trash.]

I'm already kind of mentally skipping over last week, honestly. [not for any good reasons, though.] And I do actually have shit to do...

[well, to an extent. what she mostly means is that she wants to run back to Nonah 5 and hide there again as she continues putting all her energy into helping Tetsuo rather than herself.

but the Doctor was trying so hard to patch things up, as hard as that was to believe. she doesn't deserve it, nor does she really understand it, but it feels cruel to both of them to not allow him a chance.]

But I've probably got time for, like, one race.

[helpline]

[ He is going to mend things and make things happy and make Hazel happy if it fucking kills him. ]

One race is enough for me to crush you.

[ come on Hazel, smack talk him back, slip back into that obnoxious Hazel he knows and loves. ]

[deadtective]

[please don't do that, Grandpa, she's dealt with enough corpses for the time being.]

You didn't hit me that hard.

[well, there's a little bit of the sass. it's kind of half-hearted and lacking its usual energy, but she's started moving towards the house again. that must count for something.]

[helpline]

[ Time Lord yo, he'll just get better and regenerate into whoever comes after Peter Capaldi. ]

You're underestimating me! I went home, for all you know I might have come back an expert at Super Mario Kart.

[deadtective]

[yes, but will number thirteen be what is apparently Hazel's long-lost relative as much as this one. :c]

The most expert thing you can do is not challenge me, so...no, not buying it.

[helpline]

[ he'll certainly be weird enough, that's a Doctor tradition ]

What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of you going to lose.

[deadtective]

Preeeetty sure I've hit my loss quota for the month already, sorry.

[HA HA...oh, that's not funny.]

[helpline]

[ that......is not funny ]

You say that but I lost all memories of my best friend, I'm overdue a win and it's going to be against you.

[ smack talk about trauma, somebody please get these two some hugs. besides, he needed to tell Hazel this anyway and there's no way the two of them could actually have a serious sit-down conversation. breaking the news of what happened at home via smack talk. ]

[deadtective]

[hugs, therapists, a good slap upside the head...any one of those would be pretty useful for these two morons right now. Hazel's lips almost twitch into a frown, but she manages to keep herself tenuously balanced in this not-really-hilarious-at-all exchange.]

What, that Clara chick? [she assumes it must be her - there's been no one else the Doctor had asked Hazel for a favor over.] If she's your best friend then I don't think you not knowing jack shit about her anymore's gonna slow her down much.

[this is reaching new heights of stupidity as they not only Don't Talk Seriously but also Don't Comfort Seriously. someone please chaperone they need one desperately.]

So since you're actually getting someone back anyway, that means I get the win. Sorry!

[helpline]

[ The Doctor can't help but perk up with Hazel mentions Clara because she knows her? She knows Clara! Good, she can tell him about Clara later, he will bug her about Clara.

also yes, plus one to actual chaperone, these children really need one ]

Excuse you Susan, me just bashing you upside the head with a rock isn't enough to win the Pity Party! Points go to Grandad.

[deadtective]

[prepare for complete and utter disappointment, because somehow the two very sassy young ladies in the Doctor's life have managed to completely miss meeting each other at every given opportunity. you want anything more than the conversation she can show you and Hazel's gonna have to lie through her teeth.]

Who said you were the only problem in that dumbass jungle? I'm just trying to save your feelings and keep it from being too big of a sweep.

[helpline]

[ this is his lot in life, isn't it. ]

Oh don't tell me somebody else tried to bash you upside the head with a rock. That's hardly sporting of them.

[ note to Doctor later: find out who tried to bash Hazel upside the head with a rock ]

[deadtective]

You were the only one using a rock, Grandpa. Everybody else was actually fucking prepared for that shit.

[you're gonna have a pretty good clue when you settle back into the house and notice the total and complete absence of Josuke, so at least you've got that going for you.]

[helpline]

I can't help it! I'm more H.G. Wells than J.M. Barrie. I was out of my element.

[ plus, you know, just a total loser to begin with. ]

[deadtective]

More like out of fucking excuses at this point.

[helpline]

That was a perfectly good excuse!

[deadtective]

It was not, he wrote that entire shitty book about a jungle! You're grasping.

[helpline]

You're thinking about Rudyard Kipling. H.G. Wells didn't write any books about jungles! He wrote The Time Machine.