Day 2 | Voice; Forward-dated to 2/14, afternoon

[exceptfebruary]

Sunday, February 14th, 2016.

I had hoped to help you all celebrate today. But unfortunately, I'm a bit tied up at the moment. [ Literally, thanks to a couple of bat and spider-themed interfering do-gooders. But he can still use the network mentally. ] This will have to do.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
How do you cope,
When your loved ones aren't here with you?

[ Calendar Man's tone is cool but vicious. He's completely taking out his anger on the Network. So he's going to dig in deep and aim for the heart. ]

I wonder, how many of you are missing your sweethearts? After all, the Porter is usually disinclined to bring your Valentine with you. Perhaps she did. Perhaps she will. But who knows how long that's going to last?

Or maybe you found someone to be your Valentine here. How lucky for those of you who did. If it is lucky. If they are from your world, you won't remember the relationship when you return. And if they are not, it's almost inevitable you'll be torn apart by a machine you cannot control. Separated by universes.

Today is reserved for love. Find yours. Spend the day with them. Remember to tell them you love them while you still have the chance.

Unless you don't have anyone, of course. Are you better off alone, unloved? You might not have a Valentine today, but at least you won't get hurt.

Happy Valentine's Day, imPorts.

Comments

[voice]

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind considers if he has any loved ones. ...Well, the Librarian goes for drinks with him sometimes. Not exactly a loved one, but a friend, surely?

...But then again, the Librarian is also literally an orangutan. Hm.]

Why is today such a day for love, exactly? Seems just like every other day of the year to me. I mean I get it's a holiday, but usually that means something different is supposed to happen, right? People are usually always finding reasons to, er, kiss each other, so I don't get what makes this day so special.

Permavoice;

[exceptfebruary]

[ And now an opportunity for Calendar Man to be his second-favourite thing, beyond a supervillain: a know-it-all. ]

Valentine's Day has a long and varied history. It is named after a Christian Saint, but which Saint is unclear. There are three options, all martyrs. But though the stories vary, the consensus is that the Saint who named the holiday died for love. Even before that, it had roots in a fertility festival, on the ides.

Since then, the holiday has been tied to love, romance and the heart. The usual gestures take on special meaning today. A push to be more romantic than mere kissing.

[wizzardly]

Oh, that makes more sense. Fertility festivals I understand. [not the sort of thing he ever participated in, as it generally involved druids and mass orgies in the woods and wizards have no truck with either of those.]

Well, I suppose as long as participation isn't mandatory. ...Thank you for that, the explanation.

[exceptfebruary]

You're welcome. [ Though he'd make it mandatory if he could. He lets it slide. He likes being appreciated.

And now he's curious. ] You come from a world that doesn't celebrate it, yes? But it must have its own holidays. Traditions. Celebrations.

[wizzardly]

Oh sure. 400 days in a year - well, according to the University calendar, anyhow - it would be odder if we didn't. Hogswatch is the biggest holiday of course, at least on our side of the Circle Sea, but there are smaller ones too. The Eve and Day of Small Gods, for example, and Soul Cake Tuesday, Crueltide... but I don't know a whole lot about the celebrations past Ankh-Morpork, unfortunately. I'm rather better with learning languages than traditions.

[exceptfebruary]

Exactly 400 days? [ That's so even. There's a scratching sound of a pencil as he starts taking notes. This world sounds so different from his own, and yet some definite similarities as well. ]

Fascinating. I would love to hear more. Are the Small Gods part of a pantheon? [ Plural gods would imply such, and Pantheons mean so many different festivals. ] Why is... was it Hogswatch? Why is it a major holiday?

[wizzardly]

Well according to the University Calendar, as I mentioned. That's the one most people use, but the full celestial year is actually tracked by the Ankh-Morpork Calendar, which has 800 days. So a common year is actually only half the actual, celestial year.

Of course, there are thousands of gods, at least according to the theologians. Oh, and Hogswatch is a sort of... winter solstice. Starts the new year, the 32nd of December becoming the first day of Ick, and all. The story is that the Hogfather supposedly rides in his boar-pulled sleigh at night and gives gifts to children. ...I think in the old days it was something about the good ones getting sausages and the bad ones getting bags of bones, but I'm not sure.

[he pauses.]

...Do you actually find this interesting?

belatedly realizes he can't take notes; he's tied up /retcons that away

[exceptfebruary]

[ There's so much information here to unpack and analyze, but he answers the question first. ]

Of course. I am an expert on the calendar. Dates. Holidays. Festivals. Seasons. Zodiacs. Even other other calendars, worldwide. This world has many, though the Gregorian is the one most common. 365 days a year, except on years like this where it is 366.

But many imports come from different worlds, different places that have calendars, holidays, and special dates of their own. Like yours. I'm not an expert on those, so I must learn.

they're uh mental notes he was scribbling with his *brain*

[wizzardly]

Seems an odd thing to be an expert on. Are you a historian?

Only 365? ...Is it something to do with this world being round, is that why it's so short? [that particular spherical revelation detail was quite the awakening for the wizard at the time.]

sounds legit

[exceptfebruary]

Not quite, no. I'm the Calendar Man. [ Said, as always, as if saying that actually explained anything. ]

The Gregorian calendar is a solar calendar. The Earth takes 365.2425 days [ yes, he did just list out the decimals from memory ] to orbit around the sun. So 365 days, with leap years adding an extra day to account for the drift.

[ Beat. Hold on. ] Did you say this world is round? As in, your own isn't?

[wizzardly]

[...Must be some sort of job they have here. Maybe he makes calendars? Rincewind supposes someone has to do it.]

Oh. [this is rather out of his wheelhouse, but he feigns some interest.]

Flat as a pancake. We call it the Disc for a reason. Lucky for us, too - the elephants would have a hard time holding it up if it wasn't. Honestly I'm a little confused how your own world stands up on its own, with nothing carrying it. Just... hanging there in space.

[exceptfebruary]

Gravitational pull -- [ Beat. ] I'm sorry, did you say elephants?

[wizzardly]

Right, the four elephants who hold the Disc up. They ride on the back of a giant turtle, the Great A'Tuin. He - or, well, maybe she - is the one actually moving through space.

Gravitational pull, though? ...I suppose that makes sense.

[exceptfebruary]

[ This man... Julian is starting to feel like he is less someone from an entirely different world, and more like some of the people he knew back in Arkham. (Not that he has any room to judge, and he doesn't.) Then again, he has spoken to people from very strange worlds.

So rather than surprise, his voice slides into a careful neutrality as he asks his questions. ]

How is the length of the year determined if your world is on a turtle? Do you have a moon? What determines the "celestial year"?

[wizzardly]

It's the time it takes for the Disc to make a complete rotation on the elephants' backs. And we've got a moon, of course, and a sun. It's just they have a fixed orbit around the Disc, instead of the Disc orbiting them, like you say your world does.

[he sounds a little bored - he never did find astronomy an interested subject.]

Anyway, you ought to go back to this holiday. Do you have one? A "valentine"?

[exceptfebruary]

[ Julian, of course, could talk about this forever. But refocusing it back on Valentine's, especially on the day itself, was a good way to change the subject. ]

Today my love is reserved for the day itself. [ Pause. ] And I can't say that I'm normally the romantic type. And yourself?

[wizzardly]

Oh no. Wizards aren't allowed to truck with all that. Can't say as I would be the type anyhow, even if it were allowed.

Why bring up the day if you aren't going to participate in it though?

[exceptfebruary]

No forbidden love for you? [ He sounds amused. But he isn't that invested. ]

I have to bring up the day. It's what I do. Holidays fall under the jurisdiction of the calendar, and the calendar is under my purview.

[wizzardly]

Not as much, no.

You really do take this job seriously, don't you? [Rincewind somewhat admires the man's dedication, in the same way one admirers a triathlon runner while privately grateful to not be one.] ...Is it only holidays from this world you keep track of? Are there very many?

[exceptfebruary]

There are hundreds. Not all of them are widely celebrated or remembered. Fewer are considered major holidays. But I do try to keep track of them all. That is why I'm here.

As for holidays from this world, yes, that is my specialty. But I'm very curious about holidays from other worlds. I do wonder how many imports continue to celebrate their own traditions.

[wizzardly]

Must keep you rather busy. No holidays for the man who tracks the holidays, hm?

[exceptfebruary]

No. You are correct. I am always working.

But then again, there are only a few days I may truly work.

[wizzardly]

I don't follow.

[exceptfebruary]

Like a lover who never stops thinking of their sweetheart, but only has rare opportunity to woo them. My love is for the calendar, but I've so far missed the opportunity to express that love in this world.

[wizzardly]

...You've a lot more passion that I'd normally expect from a calendar maker.

And I suppose expressing that would be difficult; a calendar that's all about calendars would get rather redundant.


[Rincewind and The Point are currently in opposite hemispheres]